Am still listening to "till the end"... It's been with me for many afternoons and nights... And I never get sick of hearing it...

It brings me different feelings each time my cursor hit the "play" button on the winamp...

Sometimes it's so relax, that I'm living in my own world... with all the happy memories that are spent... Leaving a smile on my face and a small pinch of happiness...

But sometimes it makes me heartbroken... I can feel that my jaws are numb, but tears ain't rolling down...

And sometimes I feel as if something pierce through my heart... Leaving me to bleed slowly and in pain...

Sometimes it leaves my mind in a whirl... Leaving my mind filled with all the whys which I really want to find out... Guessing and more guessing... Thinking and more thinking... Over and over again... But no matter how hard I guess and think, I still can't find the answer... And no one is willing to give me the answer... Coz no one can... What exactly went wrong?

I keep asking myself why that sometimes I'm beginning to feel that it's my fault... It's me that things turn out like that... My egoistic that destroyed everything... My pride that I refused to put aside... That cause me to lose something...

But I mean I have the right to know things don't I?! I just lose something without knowing the reason... And I'm left alone to guess the reason... I hate it... I tried not to think about it but it just keeps coming back... It's worse when night falls... Tears would start rolling down my cheek... Leaving my blanket and bed sheet wet...

At times I would cry to sleep... I've become so tired and numb that sometimes tears will just roll down without me knowing... It has become part of me...

I hide under the blanket to cry, you don't know and won't... My heart is aching... you still don't know... I'm calling out your name each time but again you still don't know... No matter how many times I shout out aloud or how much I do, you still won't hear me... And you are never gonna hear me anymore...

I'm never gonna see the same nick flashing on my computer screen again... Coz you might not even take a look at what I write... neither is my nick gonna appear flashing in your screen too... Coz I've lost all the courage, faith and cofidence that I've slowly built up... I have to struggle so hard even before I try... And even when I have the courage to do so already, the moment I try to click... I'm back to square one again...

I thought I was strong or could be... But I'm not...in my heart, I can no longer hold inside... It seems like I, myself don't even know the real Jocelyn... then how can my friends be?

In front of them, I look happy and sounded steady... Laughing away and back to my chirpy side... But how many knows my real thoughts? Probably all of them know, but they just don't wanna bring me back and see me sad again...

Jermaine don't even know till I told her... ya she knows that I definitely can't forget coz memories can't be erased... She thought that I was already recovering... But when I told her about the recent me... I guess she knew that I'm not recovering... the feeling inside is way beyond description...

Fendi didn't know to till I told him... And he said that I could be an actress... Coz I sounded so steady...

The laughter,smile and craps are just like my concealor... when the zits are covered, so are my pain and sadness... And people can only see the me that is hidden well enough... Hoping and praying hard that it would stay on...

I can only keep myself occupied with my busy schedule now... but nevertheless I know that the busy schedule is useless... Coz once again when I lie on my bed and turn in... All these would come back... And I would pray to God... Asking and crying out to Him to take it away, so I can rest...

I know it's gonna take time... I don't know how long and I probably don't want to... Probably I should let it be... It may take a long time to heal, probably a period of time that is gonna be very unexpected... But for now I'll try to work tomards my direction... Though my heart feels sore and in future when I think back tears will fill me but I'll pray that He's watching over you... It may sound silly but at least that's the little bit I can do silently for a friend...

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Your Scent is Rose Delicate, feminine, and soft Your personality is fresh and understated What Scent Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Your Passion is Red! You've got that spark - a good dose of intensity, power, and determination.You do whatever you want in life ... to hell with what anyone thinks!With so many interests and loves, you're always running around doing something new.You have fire in your eyes, and it shows. Bet you're even wearing something red! What Color is Your Passion? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

2 more days to the last paper... But I'm still so slack... Although I'm already at foreign exchange market 2... and 2 more chaps to go... But I doubt I can remember much... So I think I need to go through one more time to recap...

And the weird thing is that I can only concentrate in the wee hours and on my bed... I won't fall asleep... In fact, I can study faster and be more awake... when I'm on my bed...

I'm freaking sleepy... Feel like taking a nap but just can't get to sleep...

I slept at 5+ in the morning... Coz I was studying... Anyways I can't get to sleep, so might as well use the time...

Woke up at 11+ to meet cia to get the answers for foreign exchange market... Bought LJS for lunch then headed home... And just let that another day is going to end soon... I wasted almost one day just like that... But well will study later...

OK DARN! There's suppose to be music playing from my blog... But!! There isn't!!! Why?! Shall try figure it out again tml...

Jerm just called... Ok I don't know whether to say that I'm stupid or working too hard... She called to ask me if I could take another student... Coz auntie serene is looking for a tutor desperately for one month.. But Jerm was hoping that I can teach her English and Science till her PSLE is over... Was in a dilemna...

My ITP will be starting next week... And tues and fri there's band prac... another day for sectionals... And I have to give tuition every wed and thurs and sat... hmm...

Well despite my busy schedule, I agreed... Just hope I'm able to take it... yet to know the pay...

The thought of it stresses me out... I'm so afraid that I can't take it... NVM! Take it easy! When it comes, I'll try to handle it well...

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Finally manage to wake up with some sleep... But I turn in rather late... it was already 4+ in the morning when I finally felt tired and sleepy... And that was after a long talk on the phone with Jerm... A good long chat... Coz we rarely talk on the phone...

I'm beginning to be worried coz I'm not able to get to sleep early... If ITP starts, I'll be going to work feeling so restless the next day... I'm trying to sleep early but it's seems impossible... will try other ways then...

It's tuesday... 3 more days then exams is gonna end! Simply can't wait for ITP... Well as for me... Still trying hard to study.. manage to finish the few chapters... So I'm gonna make full use today... Hopefully *cRoSsInG fInGeRs*

I wanna get to sleep!!!

YES! I wanna sleep! I'm so tired!! I'm so sleepy... I just freaking hell wanna get to sleep early for once! But I can't get to sleep!!

No matter how long I close my eyes, I'm still very wary of my surroundings... I know that my lights are still on... I know that the freaking lizard, which has been in my room for days, is somewhere behind the computer table...

When everything is off except for the lights... The room is in total silence... I could hear myself breathing hardly... my sister snoring... and the voice within me trying hard to ask me to sleep and stop thinking... But it lost the battle to a "silent killer"... the things in my mind...

The quietness is killing me... it's making me not able to get my beauty sleep... My mind is still working hard... It's bringing me back... Bringing me back to a place where it might not even allow me to step foot on...

At this time, I'm supposed to be studying FMKT... But I can't get started, once I start reading... I know there's no space in my mind for all the bond market and stuff...

It's cold in the room and I wanna hide under my blanket... And fell asleep... With no dreams...

But now I even have problem falling asleep... don't talk about dreams... If that's the case, I rather dream!

I hate the nights when I have to try hard to make myself sleep... Is it only if it's a rainy day here then I will be able to get to sleep? Must it really rain? If that's the case then... PLEASE RAIN!

I'm sitting here right in front of the computer with the song "Cry me a river" playing on my winamp... with eyes that are closing soon... But I know that I won't be able to get to sleep once I lay on the bed...

with a freaking slow song, sounding so lazy... I'm having a picture in my head... just like those lazy afternoons or evenings, sitting by the river with a cup of tea or wine... A piece of cheese cake... a interesting book that I'm not able to put down once I start... Or probably just enjoying the scenery or the beautiful nature that God gave... reflecting the things that has happen in my life...

Ok I'm carried away... But it's a nice picture in my head though... It feels so real that I so want to do that now...

Till the end

All these precious moments,
with you by my side.
Must be a gift from heaven.
That's holding me all night.
I don't know how I found you,
I'm thankful that I have.
That I have a love so true
To hold, to keep, to share.

In my heart,
I can no longer hold inside.
All of the love I used to hide,
I'll always be with you until the very end.
In this world,
there is no place I rather be.
You are my life, my soul, my girl.
It's through it all,
I know you'll come to see that
You're the one till the end.

All my friends surround me,
say you'll be gone too soon.
Baby I'm gonna make them see
We've found our way back home.

Another down!!!

HAHAHA.... WAHAHHAAHA..... FF IS OVER!! OFFICIALLY OVER!!! Hope so!! Just hope that I don't have to re-take... *tOuChEdwOoD*

YEAH!! one more down... 8 more days to the next paper!! haha... What should I do today? hmm...

Ok let's talk about the paper today first... Well manageable paper... For once that a module that is quite similar to accounts is manageable to me! I always come out of the exam hall, feeling down after an account paper... But this time round is different!

As I was near Dover station, I was shivering with fear... I was nervous and scared! Over stress... It's always the problem when I sit for exams... I woke up this morning with abit of faith and confidence... And I must say prayer do work! haha.... During the 10 mins reading time... went through the paper... Hiak hiak... From qns 1 to 4... I know how to do... haha... But I realise a few blunders here and there... haha... Except for theory questions... As usual! Crap! Of coz something that is connected to FF! Throughout the paper, everything wsa going on smoothly... I did it really slowly and step by step... yup and this sentence came into my mind... "Do it slowly,step by step!"

A sentence from Andy... haha...

By 10.30 I was done with the calculation.... So struggled for the theory qns... Overall still ok! Hope I can pass well...

Anyways, today is gonna be a BREAK FOR ME!!! No studying! Just relaxing and slacking! I'm drained and tired already! My eyes are clonsing soon! *yAwnZ*

I can't wait for ITP!! Seriously can't wait!! 11 more days!!! Just 11 more days!! it's gonna be fast!! But I hope it's faster!!!!

Oh ya was watching Kenneth's production yesterday.... I think it's rather good... The way that they carry the message across... Really meaningful... and the message was....

"The things we want most are usually right beside us, but sometimes it's so close that we don't notice them..."

It's true huh! Peeps! Try to take a closer look... A closer look at people around you... Probably the one that you are waiting for or always wanted is just right there beside you... That person might have done alot to catch your attention but you fail to notice... It might not just be refering to BGR but I think it applies to friendship too... So peeps! Don't make that person suffer and make things difficult for yourself... Just a closer look will do! One easy step!

Good luck peeps!

Determination!

Yup still up mugging for FF paper... Trying hard to stay awake... Can't relax coz now I'm running after time... Not the other way round... Though I feel regretful but now it's not the time to regret! It's time to pull up my socks!!

It really drags studying for FF... So many calculation... and my throat hurts... Just taking a small break...

Anyway I'm determined to study! With good songs and music... It's what I need for the night to study FF... But not gonna study till too late... Or else I will sleep the whole day tml... Then there goes my time to study... I have less than a day to finished up FF!!!

Work hard!! To you peeps too!! WORK HARD!! It's gonna be over soon! Don't think of the tough journey!!

ONE DOWN!! Two more to go...

YEAH! TA is over already... One down... There's two more to go... And that's FF and FMKT...

I stil have lots of time for FMKT, it's next friday... I have 1 week to prepare after FF paper on coming thursday...

Don't ask me how was my TA paper... Coz I really don't know how I feel... All I know is that I'm happy that the paper is over... Just hope overall it's ok... Able to do the paper... But there are some parts that I don't know how to do... Anyway the paper is over already...

The next paper is FF and I only have tonight and tomorrow to prepare... Kind of rush... And there's lots to do for FF... I'm in deep shit now! But I still need a break first... My mind is tired after the 2 hour paper...

My face has been bloated for 2 days... Very swollen... And feeling abit giddy and naseuous at times... Guess it's low blood pressure... Face bloated I guess it's because of water retention... It feels really shitty.... Eyes swollen... I look horrible man!

After the paper, Of coz head home to rest... But I linger around Tiong Bahru first... went to Popular... And I bought 2 books... One is tittled "how to read and use body language" and "Daily word for Healing"...

the first book is interesting huh! Learning how to read people's body language! haha...

Well it's 6.24pm now... Gonna take a rest then study for FF!!

Work hard!! It's just 2 more paper and I can relax!! Oh yeah! I'm so looking forward to ITP!!! Why can't we just start ITP without exams!! It just drags!! It makes the week longer!! haiz...

Preparing for my TA paper tml... But I'm not exactly doing TA... i'm studying FF... Reason is because I'm almost done with TA... It's my second time going through it... Just left with the 2 past year paper...

I'm worried for my TA paper... Yup it's the fear of failing again... Coz I failed the test before... Though I jump 2 grades up for my second test, the fear is still there...

But what's in my mind is the memories that I had... Exams period will bring me back to the time that we spent together... That was the craziest time in my life... That period of time my life was seriously filled with laughter and experience that I've never had before... Thinking back I really think it's so funny and ridiculous... It's totally crazy man!

Was looking back my entry on friends... I mention that why did God let these people enter your life and screw them up... But I never thought that they screw my life up... For example the money issue well it's over now... what's inside me is the memories that we spent together, not about that incident... In fact they brought laughter into my life... Which will never leave me... ok just some thoughts...

off to study... WORK HARD PEEPS!!!

For a moment my mind is blank... I don't know what to block... i mean blog... My neck is freaking pain and I can hardly turn my head to the right... Shit I guess I didn't sleep in the right position yesterday night...

As usual went to church in the morning... It's a sunday so Church is definitely something NOT to be missed! After that headed to United Square to meet up with Prisca, Cia and Zhen Yi to study...

I'm almost done with TA... So kind of stressed up with FF coz I barely know anything... really need to start or else stress will be taking over me... Shall touch TA again tml...

It's gonna be a long night... With all the studying and thoughts in my mind...

Was msging fendi just now... he asked me if I'm sure that I'm happy... Well I didn't hestiate to reply him back... With someone still in my heart and mind it's impossible that I'll be happy but at least I'm sure that I'm happier than perviously... Well just because life is not going our way that's why it's sucky?! No I still think that life is still wonderful... If everything is going smoothly, how boring can that be? But again if everything goes wrong in your life, it's demoralising...

I might hide one or two things in my heart... And cry at night in bed once in awhile... But that's not gonna stop me from making my life more interesting...

Sometimes we meet up with rocky journey in our life but that's part and parcel of life... Just learn from it and improve... There's a reason why we meet up with some problems and people in life... Come on! Since when the way of testing and trial and sorrow is easy?? Since when it's sweet? We always got to work hard to achieve for something... Just like we have to burn midnight oil to score well for exams... I've to cry many of times everytime when we are preparing for a concert... But at the end of the day, the sense of satisfaction is the main thing isn't it? If you feel that you didn't do well enough, work hard the next time... But it is the way of God's love and in the end will be the best for us... I believe so...

"Few men and women can fulfil their hopes and plans without some interruption and disappointment aking the way."

What's life?

Am I crazy or what? Am I tired of living or what? Is my life too bored? Or is it that I can't think straight anymore?

I paid 35 bucks for an UNFORGETTABLE experience!! Yes I'm crazy... Nope I'm not tired of living... Nope my life is not too boring... I just wanna make it more interesting... And YES! when I agreed to doing it, I wasn't thinking straight at all! I didn't even hesitate when I agreed...

And I never regret it! Never! It's worth it man! 35 bucks for it... might be too expensive but well... I only live once! Life is seriously more than everything I'm doing now... It's more about studies! Mugging late at night for exams... Worrying about being debar for exams... Getting warning letters for the module! Worrying about participation marks... Worrying about my grades... Band... percussion concert... Tuition... And what's more about love?! Life is definitely more than all this... you work hard, cry hard.... So jolly well PLAY HARD!!!!

What's life man?!

One day if my grandchildren asked me what crazy things I've done in my life... I definitely not miss this out...

haha... Dear! I've seen Clarke Quay upside down before... I've seen Singapore river from a high view...

And yes... I took the bungee ride at clarke quay... Though I screamed like hell... But I enjoyed myself to the fullest! It was an experience... I have the vcd of me screaming like hell... Who cares if people laugh at the way I scream?! I'll just join in... At least I had the chance to scream like hell... do u? At least i had the chance to experience a whole new journey in my life...

I've been to Singapore River so many times... Seen it from the ground level... But it's not as beautiful as it is from above... WOAH!!

Peeps seriously! You only live once! Don't miss this out! I don't mean to ask you to take the ride... But don't miss out something good in life... Experience the things that you have never before... you work hard, you deserve to play hard too...

There's seriously more to life... It's not always about guys,shopping,exams,worries,money... It's about how you see life and living life to the fullest...

I had a wonderful time with Ven,Fendi and Kurma today... We went to the prata place to eat... Ven and I as usual order lots of stuff... Kurma was freaking shock the amount 2 girls can eat... After eating, we headed to Labrator Park... Nice place...

Oh yeah... What's with today? We are touching on the issues of life... Like what's happiness to you? What's life? marriage, relationship, even sex...

I mean there's one whole lot of summary above... But I feel that life would only be called life, when you have directions and when you know what you wanna do and achieve... It's more than achievement too... Treat every achievement as a way to improve yourself... And not be satisfy and complacent about what you have now...

Happiness to me now?? Hmm... Happiness to me now would be to see myself happier each day.... To achieve the 2 things that I wanna do now... I'm working towards it... Hopefully it would come true... I want it to be more than tuition, band and studies...

After my itp, I wanna go dive and do something else... So I kind of have 4 dreams to fulfil now... And yeah I need the money too... So i think I'll start saving up a little...

So am I happy now? Hmm... Not really... But I hope I'm getting happier each day... I'm not feeling the stress that I used to have for tests... I'm having stronger faith each day... I've have wonderful group of friends who is always there for me... I'm doing the things that I like now... Well definitely not exams! I'm not happy enough yet coz my life is yet to filled with unforgettable experience... Still ain't satisfy with what I've achieve in life... There's more!!!

Ven is enjoying every single moment of singlehood... And I agree with her... So fendi asked me... you agreed with her?! Ok I was between yes and no... So I'm not too sure either at this moment...

But there's lots of advantage being single... I can go out alone... and I'm enjoying every moment of it... I can make decision without having to affect the other party...

I've too many commitments that I don't even have time for my friends... I've neglect alot of my friends... The last time I really went out with Sufen was probably like 1 year ago... totally bad... there are people who neglect their friends coz of relationship... but me? coz of the many commitments I have... But I think is worthwhile...

So think really hard... What's your happiness? What's life to you?

Just another boring day... Stayed at home the whole day... Was lazy to go out... Supossed to study... Ok I did one chapter of TA... Drag man!!

Well had my quiet time today... Realise lots of things... hmm... Not exactly realise... The word used should be... assurance I guess from God...

When I feel that life is getting worse... But I'm given assurance again and again... Bringing light into my world...

I'm feeling tired and having a bad headache... And what's wrong with me... I feel that I'm deprived of sleep... no matter how much I sleep I just ain't sleeping enough... And exams are coming soon! Better do someting...

Everything was planned...

ok... I'm supposed to be studying for the coming exams next week... But I'm slacking at home the whole day... Shit man!

I can only study at night... late at night i meant... When everybody is sleeping... I'll be mugging to the wee hours... I always like that... :)

I'm not too sure about how I feel recently... But I'm freaking sure that I'm looking forward to ITP... I simply can't wait...

I feel that everything is planned... Definitely by God! He had everything planned for me... I was praying hard that I won't go to egg farm... ok I didn't get in... *pHeW*

Then I was praying hard that I won't go somewhere far like Bedok or Tampines or Jurong... And he gave me a place whereby it's only a 15 mins bus ride to the company... *pHeW*

Nvm that it's not the bank opposite my house... At least it's a 15 mins bus ride... Good enough already! Just hope there I will learn something... And not go there to rot...

But well when the time comes... I think I'll be hoping for more breaks... Coz I'll be freaking busy... Mon to Fri I've to work... And I have 2 major concerts in between... Which means more practices per week... and tuition too...

It's ok! Coz I know where my strength would come from when the time comes...

wanted to blog a song here but I forgot which song... Nvm will blog it when I remember...

Mission failed!!

Yup mission failed! Totally! Went out to study with Kenneth, weibin and sufen just now... Couldn't concentrate at all!! Well one thing is beause I didn't manage to get my beauty sleep after the stupid UCCD paper...

And my logic is that after every paper should rest!! Not study! Didn't even get to rest then went to study...

Was having headache and my heart was totally not there... Was thinking of so many things... My itp, what to do after exams... etc...

Ok am tired... Not gonna study... Just gonna slack my night away... Tml is another day... Gotta study!

Hope the saying is not true...

"What goes around, comes around." Is this saying true? I'm hope not... I really hope not... I don't wanna see the worse happening... I really pray hard...

I just took my UCCD test... Overall it's ok... But when I start doing the questions at the back... I'm already very tired... Then my answers are surface answers only...

Well the hint was right... Only topic 1 to 4 came out... Lucky I just read thru topic 6 and 7...

Slept at 2 last night... was still at topic 2 at abt 10+... And before 2am I finished almost everything except for topic 5... coz I decided to forgo that topic... Hmm... Think I should study on my bed more often... When I'm lying on my bed I can actually study faster... But my friends said that they would all fall asleep... Well I guess it's all in the mind...

I'm so sleepy now... Gonna catch some sleep before meeting ken n wb to study... and sufen too...

Haven taken my breakfast and lunch... waiting for my mum to call... oh yeah talking about food... OMG! I can't take it anymore! Everybody is watching over me... Making sure that I eat... Not a single moment I can runaway from it...

But well again it shows that my friends care for me... Appreciate it guys! Will try to eat k!

Just woke up from my nap... Oh I feel so refreshed! But got to study for UCCD tml... it totally sucks man! The test is in the morning... But I'm beginning to not feel exams tension... Coz I know God is there to help me! If not I wouldn't have passed MA... Though it's not flying colours I'm glad I did passed...

Told cia yesterday that if i passed with flying colours I would take the econs elective.... But do you know that the moment I had my ass on the seat and started taking the paper... I'm like! Hell no am I going to take that elective! Why would I wanna take something that I know I would freaking hell don't understand, and memorise and just manage to scrap through next year... Probably I will go look at other interesting elective first... Cia give me time to consider! It's my future you know! I don't wan my future to be ruined in the hands of econs anymore!! I'm so glad that my MA life ENDED OFFICALLY TODAY!! Let me enjoy first!

Am eating instant noodles at the same time... well haven had my breakfast and lunch... And soon it's gonna be dinner time! Yuck! Food! totally sucks! Just eating for the sake of eating...

ok off to study uccd... there are 7 topics... Topics 1 to 4 --> MAIN FOCUS!! Topic 5 they seldom come out with any qns... 6 and 7 they say read through... So am I to take the risk of just studying 1 to 4 and ignore the 3 behind... 1 to 4 is already enough to kill! It's already more than half the book! There only 4 questions... one question ont topic... sianz...

Happy Easter day!

Happy Easter day peeps!! A happy day indeed to be celebrated!

Well, a tiring day for me... I'm super tired and I'm glad that I've figured out MA... OK sort of! hopefully... But thanx to cia... If she haven't help me with it, I guess I'll be struggling now...

After church headed to Mount Vernon to visit my grandma's grave... hmm... it's been 3 years... But it seems like just yesterday! I still remember every single thing clearly... The moment that we spent together! The day that she went back to home with God... the place where she belongs...

Oh yeah talking about that! Stupid Andy bought flowers that have not blossom! Wat the hell!! It should be nice flowers k! Flowers that blossom! But anyway thanx!

I miss her... and probably when Mount Vernon is gone... My uncle's decision is to throw her ashes into the sea... I'm kind of sad I don't know why... Having her in my heart would be good... I just don't know why, there was a sudden sour feeling when Nei told me... there was a pinch! *oUcH*

Well the decision lies with my uncle (my mum's eldest brother)... A sudden saddness fills me...

Headed to Novena to meet cia, prisca and zhenyi to study MA... Cia helped me, explain... then after that we started crapping and we were on the topic of "ghost"... Creepy... anyways let's get out of it now...

Ok I'm sick of eating! Very sick of eating! I hate food when I see food!!

I've been eating the whole day yesterday... Ok I had my regular meals... Had mee pok in the morning then burger king salad and bubble tea...

Dinner was so full man!! Meiying, meichan, Mailina and I went to Lau Pa Sat... OK let me tell you what we ordered...

Popiah, carrot cake, guo tie, tom yam soup, sambal kangkong, stringray, bbq chicken wing with french fries and we had 3 bowls of rice... yup 4 girls... we spend about 50 bucks just on food... Luckily we were able to catch the last bus... So we saved on cab! :)

OK I'm off to study MA then sleep!

I'm so tired and sleepy...

Went to church in the morning today... Super early... Reached there about 9+ to practice the songs... Well suppose to be at 9 but Andy woke up late... But all thanx to him! That I could have breakfast with my parents!!

Was prepared to go out already then andy called me... So I slack at home then my mum came in to ask me if I wanna go breakfast with them... Being the me that rarely get to see them! Immediately said yes! Of coz I won't want to miss this chance... Just me and my parents... My sisters were still sleeping!

It maybe just a simple breakfast but to me it was a breakfast filled with LOVE! I felt so loved by them!! I had my noodles already but when their food came they would give me their bowl of food... They gave me all the vegetables...

Hiak hiak! No words could expressed how I felt! I love them!! Was on the cab when suddenly this sentence came to me... "Wah! heng jiu mei you gan dao ni le!"

well that's what my dad always says to me... It's been a long time since I see you... And everytime I could only answer him with a smile... I rarely get to see them... When I'm out they are not at home, when I'm home they are sleeping... Somehow I drag hearing this... But it's true...

Hope more of such holidays come... then I can have lots of breakfast filled with LOVE!


After church, had lunch then headed to buigs with meiying... Bought a new top and 3 new earrings and a new necklace... ;)

Okie! I'm sleepy! Nitez peeps!

Friends...

Ok before I start on today's issue... Let's take a peep into my life today...

Just finished taking my bath! Oh I smell good! haha... I feel good too... feeling so comfortable under my new pyjames... >.<

YEAH! TQM is over! Finished!! haha... Finally! I feel so relief... Another one is down! Can pass but it's the problem if I can pass with flying colours or not...

But this paper is hell crap!! I regretted studying so hard! I was really stressed up! Ok well i don't exactly regret... I'm glad that i've put in effort to study or else I won't be able to say this... I had enough time to study and go through it again... One of the few papers whereby stress isn't taking over...

It's a 50 min paper... 20 mcqs... and 20 marks worth of short questions! I really meant SHORT ANSWER QUESTIONS! Thinking back of the questions asked... Well better don't comment... haha...

After the paper walk around Tiong to kill time before giving tuition... I've got my pay! When the money landed on my hand, I'm already thinking of how to spend it! haha... But I do not have something in mind now...

Well it's good friday tml... Got church in the morning... after that... hmm... No plans at the moment.. ok well actually I do have... Shall see my mood tml...

Had a long talk with fendi just now... Told him about everything that happen recently... He's kind of shocked... But I'm on with my life...

Tonight's a break before I start studying for my test next week... uccd and MA...Lots to study... Got to start early before stress start taking over... Hate the feeling...

OK back to tonight's issue... Friends...

I won't say that I'm a good friend or a friend worth having... Well after all it's for people around me to judge... I'm in no right to say anything...

Each of us need friends... you... me... even the world's greatest asshole need friends... even my hamster need a another of it's half to be there... so what's more about we, humans?

I cherish friendship alot... Coz I feel that friends are gift from God! And that's what makes each of them so special to me...

But I dare to shout aloud that I've received the greatest gift from God! I've got a wonderful group of friends...

I've neglect some friends... straight away I thought of someone... Swee wah...Someone whom I feel sorry towards... Always trying his luck to ask me out and always suffer in the hands of my "Sorry, I'm not free", "Sorry,I can't make it", "Sorry, I've got something on the last minute". Despite that, he never fails to ask me out the next time even though he knows the answer before asking...

I've lost some friends, made new ones and those I'm close with? We are getting closer each day...

yes, sadly I've lost some friends... Friends which I never thought I would lose... I've done my part in trying to salvage the friendship but sadly I failed...

So who is to blame when the friendship is gone? me? you? Or God?

Probably we will blame God... Asking why did He let this people enter your life and later screw up yr life... But I don't blame God! In fact I thank Him! Thank Him for showing me the truth... Nevertheless, I've Thank Him that I know them...

But I rather that it ended with a reason... even that we quarrel I don't mind... At least there's a reason... But it just died off like that... till today I don't know why... And I agree with Ven that keeping quiet and leaving someone kills more painfully than telling someone off... Why did we had to go to this extent?

Well, I no longer asked for a reason any longer... Coz I know I won't get anything... It still bothers me alot and I'm still upset over it but well LIFE GOES ON!

But just as the saying goes... In times of difficulties you will know who are your real friends...

And I'm glad to say that all my friends are my real friends... They saw what I'm going through... And they were with me when I went through it... They gave me advise, held my hands when I was crying, gave me a hug and lend me a shoulder... If I will to come out with a lost of what they've done for me... Think I'll start writing a story...

In conclusion, my life is wonderful now... With a group of wonderful friends who never fail to be there for me... Thanx peeps!

You guys rock my world!

Just a 5 mins break...

Hmm... Got TQM test later... Am studying now... Not exactly studying.. refreshing my memory... If I'm still studying now, I'll be over stress!!!

I hate it when stress is overtaking me coz I will start to cry... So learnt my lesson... well it's best to have no tension... That works on me... I'm glad that I have the strength from God... He's here... Always...

Just taking a break... Too much of memorising kills!! Lots to remember...

Can't wait for the paper to be over... looking forward... Though I have tuition after that but well it's a time to relax my mind before I start studying for my test on monday and tuesday...

OK! My mind is full of TQM... Can't think of much to blog...

ok I just open microsoft word... went to the website... All ready to start doing MA report...

Thinking of how to read the whole load of shit... Started with the first word then I scroll down and see the rest...

JOC! STOP! was what cia asked me to do... She told me to stop doing coz there's no space for my part already!!

haha... you made my night man!! I can rest and slack now... SO sleepy! Now I can slack... study tml then... hehe...

Just a song to share...

Keith Urban - You'll Think of Me

I woke up early this morning around 4 a.m.
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been trying my best to get along
But that's okay there's nothing left to say but.

Chorus:
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me.

I went out driving, trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been.
So.

Chorus:
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me.

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life.

Chorus:
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don't need 'em
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me.

Chorus:
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me.

And you're gonna think of me
Oh, someday baby, someday...

well paper still ok... Crap all the way... Hopefully can pass...

After the paper, I was especially happy!! Don't know why... Just very happy! You know the kind of happiness that comes from the bottom of your heart! Yes that's the kind of smile that I had just now...

Headed to city hall with Cia after that... Wanted to go that to get somebody's number at Espirt but she's not there... So sad... Shall try my luck again some other day... hmm... Hopefully she works there again...

Headed to suntec food court for dinner with cia... Had fish bee hoon soup, cia had Nasi Lemak... besides that I ordered carrot cake and popiah... haha... :)

Well I had a few mouth carrot cake and only realise that the carrot cake was sour after cia ate it... haha... well I had flu so I can't taste anything... so we exchange for another popiah... Didn't finish my food...

After that we headed to the cafe at Citilink... Slack there for an hour or so then headed home...

I'm home now... Tired... Sleepy! I just wanna rest on my bed!!

I just turned my head!! MAN! My bed looks comfy!! I wanna sleep But gotta do MA report first... OK! COME ON! JOCELYN!! DO IT FAST! AND CAN REST ALREADY!

I am studying for the CRM test tml... Super sian...

Went to school for FMKT only... then went to Tiong Burger King to study for awhile... Well I know that if I come home early, I won't study... I've finished 4 chapters there... :)

Left about 7+... Coz I intended to come home early, bath and watch tv... and study at the same time... haha... Had my time planned properly...

My head is feeling so heavy... And it's feeling abit hot from my neck upwards...

*yawnz*

I'm feeling so sleepy... but I still have 7 more chapters... Hopefully I have enough time... Hopefully... I will still have time to read through it again... :)

Well no tension! Stress has yet to take over... But it will not!

out of the tomb...

Yup, I'm out of the tomb...

I've found my directions in life... I know what I want to do and what I'm after... I know you guys are happy for me... Saying something that you guys hope to hear me say for a long time... well I've say it already... And I meant it...

So much happen this whole week and last week... The things that are happening around me are slowly revealing things to me... I'm glad to know... Though it's disappointing but well not all things go smoothly all the time...

Went for a whole day conference today... At Downtown East... It's organise for AG churches... Reached there about 9+... We had worship first... Woah! The worship was good man! The presence of the Lord was so strong... Then we had sermon... The way the speaker spoke was really cute... James Singh... We had break then follow by a workshop... The workshop was kind of boring.. should have chose to go for the heart to heart talk with girls but anyway...

After the break we had another program "Engage in The Call"... Again the presence of Lord was there... Never felt like this before... So strong... Don't know how to describe the feeling but It just a satisfied feeling...

After that we headed to White Sands for dinner... haha... had Mac.. Yes I'm sick! Still having Mac now my throat hurts! But well I guess my diet is going to be back to normal... don't worry guys! I will eat! Sorry to make you guys worried! And end up with gastric...

Headed back to Downtown East for the concert with Planet Shakers!! WOAH!! They are really good! Super rock!! After the first half of worship had a sermon from one of them... Again! It was like something for me... I can say that it was an enlightenment for me...

And peeps! I'm here to tell you guys! I'm ok! I'm really ok! I'm back on my feet! Out from the tomb! I've found directions in my life! And it's burning in me!! A strong desire to achieve it! I've set my goals and I wanna achieve it! :)

I'm sort of gaining more confidence to do what I did not dare to do before...

A fruitful and wonderful day with God I would say... A sense of satisfaction and assurance that I have not been forsaken... ;)

Well going to sleep soon... got've church tml morning and meeting Cia to study after that!!


Nitez peeps!

I'm down with high fever! This is so so bad...

Today's MA presentation was not bad just a few blunder here and there... But it was terrible for me... Sick but yet went to school to present... Saw Brian on the way to class...

"You look awfully red" that's what he said... And I wasn't walking start that's what he said...

I'm feeling so weak and still in heels... After MA went start home to see a doctor again... When I told the doc that I had diarrhoea n vomitting for 2 weeks he just garle at me... :)

But quite a funny doc... I don't know what's my temperature but I bet it's high...

Had porridge but it taste awful!! I had only 2 small bowls... then told my medicine... But I had gastric... IT was so pain that I couldn't stand up...

Rested on my bed... Had a good sleep after 2 nights... Have not been slping well coz of my sickness... COugh, flu sore throat... GESH! Terrible!

Whole body is still aching!

Ohya... Anyway Ven!! Thanx for calling to check on me!! But sorry to shock you with the voice!! Will get well soon!! TO meet up with you guys!! :P I miss you so much!!

Went out with Mailina, meiying and Yena just now... Went to suntec! Well promised them that I would go... Though I still feel terrible but at least they are there... Thanx!! Bought lots of things! But stupid meiying bought so many tidbits!! Knowing that I can't eat still buy!! Stupid!!

OK!1 Off to sleep... Got a long day tml!!

I'm down with high fever! This is so so bad...

Today's MA presentation was not bad just a few blunder here and there... But it was terrible for me... Sick but yet went to school to present... Saw Brian on the way to class...

"You look awfully red" that's what he said... And I wasn't walking start that's what he said...

I'm feeling so weak and still in heels... After MA went start home to see a doctor again... When I told the doc that I had diarrhoea n vomitting for 2 weeks he just garle at me... :)

But quite a funny doc... I don't know what's my temperature but I bet it's high...

Had porridge but it taste awful!! I had only 2 small bowls... then told my medicine... But I had gastric... IT was so pain that I couldn't stand up...

Rested on my bed... Had a good sleep after 2 nights... Have not been slping well coz of my sickness... COugh, flu sore throat... GESH! Terrible!

Whole body is still aching!

Ohya... Anyway Ven!! Thanx for calling to check on me!! But sorry to shock you with the voice!! Will get well soon!! TO meet up with you guys!! :P I miss you so much!!

OK!1 Off to sleep... Got a long day tml!!

Sick but enlightenment came to me...

I am sick... Down with fever... sore throat... Felt so weak yesterday night.. came home after tuition was feeling hot and cold... After my bath, hid under three blankets but was still shivering... So terrible! I was in long pants too... Whole body was aching...

Woke up in the monring... My body was still aching and still having a terrible headache... I couldn't get out of my bed... I was feeling so weak! I didn't slept well the whole night too... I kept waking up with the pain in my body and my head... It's killing me...

Went to see a doctor just now... And I just found out I've got gastric... well can't blame anyone except for myself... have not been eating... not able to get back to my normal diet... swelling in my throat... totally sucky!

Went out with Cia yesterday to look for parking lot pimp cds but what a let down... we couldn't find anything... HMV doesn't have their cds... Think will go check it out at Borders... Hopefully they have... After all local bands are ain't that popular yet...

Hmm... I'm beginning to know what I want in my life... What I wanna do and my directions... After all our interest is why we are here!! haha... well it's important to know what you want in life if not don't live!

Got MA presentation tml... kind of worried... well it's always the only presentation that all of us will feel so tense up! Coz it's Ambrose! haha...

MAN!! LOCAL BAND ROCKS!!! TO THE EXTREME!!!! If you were at the "Mosiac Festival" yesterday at Esplande... Then good for you!! If not too bad!!!

"Parking Lot Pimp"!!!! ROCKS MAN!!! There is only one word to describe this band! FANTASTIC!!! They totally liven up the spirit there!! WOAH!!

Cia and I was simply HIGH!! yup that's the word I would use... They were simply good...

Wanted to go watch a movie myself... But cia called and she say she wanted to go Esplande... That's y we are there... But there was better things there then the windy weather and the river...

The both of us intend to go HMV later to search for their CD... Hopefully they have it...

haha.... Life is thinking about you... Now guys! Read it twice word by word!! It doesn't meant Life is thinking about you... It doesn't mean that life is thinking about that person... it's life itself is thinking of you... you don't wanna think about life, but life just keeps thinking about you... Interesting huh... It told me the second time before I realise it... :)

Simple Plan - "Perfect"

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time
Doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm all right
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Just a questions to ask...

Just a question to ponder...

What do you guys do when you are feeling blue?

Probably I can consider what some of you do... Coz I will go shopping alone... And worse now I'm enjoying every moment alone... Mailina said it's not good...

I feel like vomitting again... and i'm still having diarrhoea... gesh! when is it gonna stop... I basically can't eat anything... nvm...

Anyway I'm slowly gaining that confidence to do something that I didn't dare to... good.... It's all in the mind I guess...

Am now at home.... Got TQM presentation later.... Yet to iron my blouse and bath... So I guess I'll be on the cab again... Sigh...

Ok today is the last day to take cab! For th next few days! I must take bus!!! No matter how early!!

Anyway I wanna thank "Yr Fren" for being so direct... It hurts... it really does hurt! It's as if a nail pierced through my heart yesterday night when I read my tagboard... I wanted to cry but it didn't came out... But I was crying in my heart...

This is so sian! There will be no sectionals until exams are over!! WHY?!! My only get away... haiz... sian...

I feel like vomitting again... and i'm still having diarrhoea... gesh! when is it gonna stop... I basically can't eat anything... nvm...

Anyway I'm slowly gaining that confidence to do something that I didn't dare to... good.... It's all in the mind I guess...

Am now at home.... Got TQM presentation later.... Yet to iron my blouse and bath... So I guess I'll be on the cab again... Sigh...

Ok today is the last day to take cab! For th next few days! I must take bus!!! No matter how early!!

You are White Chocolate You have a strong feminine side with a good bit of innocence thrown in. Whether your girlish ways are an act or not, men like to take care of you. You are an understated beauty, and your power is often underestimated! What Kind of Chocolate Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Walking aimlessly...

My legs are tired but my mind ain't tired thought I can't stop thinking... It's there every single minute... The past and the present... solutions... I don't know...

Walking down Orchard aimlessly... with lots of thoughts running through my mind... Walked from Far East Plaza to Bugis.. YES! WALKING... I didn't sit down... except for dinner with mei n jeslyn... then I've been walking in heels... Didn't stop at all...

well Bought a number of things... Bought a blouse... a lip gloss... earrings... oh boy! you won't wanna know how many I bought...

SHIT! Wild Imaginations are coming back to me... I just can't get it off my mind...

I'm beginning to enjoy spending quality time alone... My loneliness ain't killing me... Wanted to go Esplande alone but well Mailina and my sisters asked me to join them at Holland V... Well promised them so went...

But it was super nosiy there... Can't talk much... Sian...

It's a sat tml... yes once again... the call will come back to me... everyday means something...

Finished packing moi stuff for tml... and have already prepare moi speech for tml's uccd... :)

Stomach is still aching... But who cares!

Finally it's a friday!! So stressed up at the start of the week... Glad that it's over... Tml is the last presentation for tml... YEAH!!

Already have plans for myself tml... :P

spend quality time...

gotta go prepare a proposal for our next percussion concert!

Am feeling bad.... Having Diarrhoea... can't stop vomitting... Vomitted last night, this morning and just now when I came home... Went to see a doc already... Give me some medicine for diarrhoea and for vomitting... Can't eat anything... Just ate a bun but feel like vomitting... It's coming out soon...

I'm tired, feel like sleeping... But have to get ready for tml's uccd presentation first...

This is terrible... Not just that... I'm feeling so so terrible... I found out something from someone which left me feeling so heavy hearted... Just manage to feel better this week...Don't know how... probably I'm too tired already... leaving it would be a better choice... though I feel like crying now...

Change what you cannot accept... Accept what you cannot change...

Am doing my UCCD presentation powerpoint slide... Just came home from giving tuition...

My student didn't really do well for her CA... It's all basically careless mistakes... Mistakes that are avoidable... She's taking PSLE this year... Only left with a few months to work...

well took my TA test today... I don't want to comment much coz I'm scared... I just hope I won't fail...

Went to look for Ms Hope today... Let her see the memo... DAMN! I have to change again... I printed a hell lot of time... Now I've got to change... Need to be done by tonight and alan can't send it... so I have to send it... I have the feeling that it won't work out... Alan has to sign it... I guess... Pray hard Ms Hope will take it!! Hope we can get the $760 back!!! Taking about this I'm really pissed! Really hate it when she says that it's impossible to get it back! She was the one that told us to do that, now she's saying another story...

typing the memo again! then gotta do FF tutorial... Sian am not feeling well at the moment... vomitted in the bathroom... OH! GROSS!! All the fruits and abit of my dinner... there goes my dinner... anywat I took abit only so make no diff... let it be...

Trying hard to study for TA but I'm so sleepy... I'm really worried... I failed the first test and I'm so afraid now... And there's lots to study... I'm not sure if I can cope or not...

well CRM presentation is over... If I were to grade myself... I think I did badly... Worse than the previous presentation... really bad... anyway it's over... TA comes first for now... I can't wait for tml to be over... Test the usual stress that takes over me...

Got back all my individual reports already... Not too bad for last minute work I guess... I've got 70% for UCCD... 76% for CRM --> am shocked! Coz didn't really put in much effort to do that project.... ok now this is the one that gave me a big surprise and made my day last friday! I've got 73% for MA! I don't know how... But Thank God! Thanx for blessing me with all this marks... Thanx cia for helping me! Countless time i thank you... :)

But for tests I didn't really do well... I failed my FF as expected... Coz I really didn't know how to do... Only got 52% for FMKT... So it's sort of pulling my confidence down for tml's TA test... esp. after the previous test...

Ok TA time...

Nervous

I'm feeling nervous... I don't know why.. is it because of the presentation later... Nervousness is taking over me right now... I can't breathe properly... Just finished preparing my speech for the CRM presentation...

I get nervous each time before the presentation... But when I'm up there it's gone... Not because I'm confident... But because prayer works... Each time before I do my presentation, I would pray... And confidence would just fill me, when I start talking...

I guess I'll be ok later... Off to prepare... lesson's at 1... and it's 12:14pm now...

Don't know why for some reason... I hope ITP starts quickly... Don't know why for some reason I wanna end my poly life... All these came together just today... I didn't feel like going to school... The moment I step out of home I wanted so much to go back! I didn't know why... I wanted to hide at home...

Opening up my organiser and flipping to this week schedule... I feel like crying... I could see alot of words... Projects, tests... so on... Hoping for the week to end was what I want... But it's only the start of the week... I feel so heavy...

Many thoughts are running through my mind... Problems that add on to my worries... I wanted so much to call my aunt but every time when I feel stress... Hearing her voice, I would cry out... I can't control it... I really hope she is here... Coz I know she's the one that can really help me through this tough time... I have to put on a brave front every week I see her. But I know that she can see through me, I know she knows sometime is wrong! "I'm just tired"... was my excuse everytime! I want to cry in her arms... I need her hug! I need it badly... My grandma is gone... my aunt has moved out... I can only hug on to my care bear and blanket to cry at night... I miss them!! I missed it! I want it back... I can't take it any longer! LET ME DIE!!

OK... I was kidding... I still have lots of things that I wanna do... My problems are ain't that serious till it makes me feel like dying... Coz I have no guts to jump off a building, slit my wrist, swallow pills or whatever shit... Though I did have the thought of not waking up to see the beautiful sun the next day... that's if I sleep to die... I'm fearful of that too... But well if it's time... Then God has the right to take it...

Felt like breaking down just now while having tuition... My heart felt so heavy... Projects, tests, presentation... my student's CA... I really feel like crying at that moment... She's practically making mistakes for every questions and she don't seems to be able to focus... I know it's 3 hour already! She's tired... I'm tired too... Probably it's me... I don't know... I really think it's me!

It's making me losing my appetite... I can't seem to eat... A few small bits of biscuits could stop my hunger and I can't don't eat... I've not eaten since morning... Stomach is calling but small bits of biscuits and I'm full... I don't know when I will faint but I ain't feeling good for a few days already... I just feel so giddy... But still I ain't eating... eating disorder...

God really knows my issues... When I was feeling that way, fendi send a message asking how am i...

I know you people are walking through this tough time with me and I appreciate it alot... But it's me... the question goes back to me again...

I don't know how to pull through this month... exams are coming... just hope I can concentrate.... Band is always the one that help me pull through this few weeks... music heals the mind... coz in music there's an order and a timing to follow... but now band has stop coz of exam break... and sectionals is only once a week... and there's no sectionals this week!! it means no get away from problems... I just have to look for the way myself... well I know what to do...

After this I have to prepare for crm speech tml... I'm worried as well as for the TA test on wednesday... I can't fail!! Again studies is another issue for me... After speaking to my uncle last week about the money issue for further studies after poly.... I wanna go Uni and I have to... my results are probably only average... or worse off... ARGH!! It just keeps coming back...

Wanting to take a further step to achieve my dream coz I'm slowly building up the guts... But I don't know how. I don't have the time to be spared... Too many commitments... too many personal issues that need to be considered!! I have supportive friends and 2 sisters... But I hope I have supportive family members too...

How contradicitng huh... my dreams and my studies... I can choose both can't I? probably I can... but again it's up to me...

yes yes... everything goes back to me once again!! ME, MYSELF AND I!!

Change a new blog skin... Peeps, don't freak out, pls! I know it looks scary... It's not me kind of blog... Even when I see it, it gives me a creep... But the more I see itI feel that it's ok... I don't know... I just wanted something gothic... and these is gothic enough!! Ok or rather too much...

Just had my hot and well deserved bath... after a long tiring day... finished my crm project... Nat I'm sorry if it's not good enough...

Penny of thoughts while I was bathing...

My real feelings for the week.... I'm sorry to those who I lied to... I had my reasons... I'm sick?! Bullshit! it's all crap...

it's my issues... it's ok if you don't know... Coz I know someone knows... and He has not forsaken me... today's worship was like an answer to me... the week that I've gone through... God knew after all... He revealed through the mouth of others...

it was tough for me... till now I'm still not ok... I know you guys don't want to hear that... but I'm seriously not ok... mind games are tough... my imagination are running wild every moment... the week was filled with tears... it was a terrible week... I didn't feel like going to school on monday... so I skipped I thought it would be ok the next day... but never did I thought it was otherwise... I went to school but I wasn't in any class!! I cried before TA starts I couldn't enter the classroom... So cia and mei spend the time with me at the FC, I cried till I was so sleepy and I slept... CRM was starting but I broke down again... this time worse... I hid at one corner outside the class... lecturers walking past saw it and asked...

At that moment I just wanted to stay at that corner... i felt so lost... so lonely... I couldn't control the tears that came rolling down... spend the whole of another 2 hours sitting outside the bench... Thinking, crying and in a daze... wanted to be alone but I had band... walking zombie could be found in the band room... I couldn't do anything, didn't feel like eating... I didn't eat the whole day... Band prac started everybody was warming up and I was sitted at the back at the percussion area... Dreaming... Muru came to asked and once again I couldn't control it again... came home, saw my sister squat beside her bed... and the tears came again... it was a teary tuesday... my eyes were all tired after the whole day of crying... fell asleep on the bed while crying...

I didn't eat from tuesday morning til wednesday night... I couldn't eat anything... it sounds crazy...

I lost the number of times I cried this week... wednesday went shopping... but it was only a short moment of happiness... thursday went walking around alone... cityhall, suntec, cineleisure, heeren, ps... I was basically walking the whole day...

Friday... broke down during UCCD break... called Ven to talk to her... Thanx Ven for coming down to check on me... Thanx for the diasy... it made my day...

Saturday was a great day... lots of flowers... but once again everything went back to square again...

tiring myself is the only option now... which I am now... really tired... Not been sleeping well for the past few nights... I'm suffering from insomia and eating disorder...

But thanx Jerm, Cia, mei, Ivan, Ven, Raf, Joanne... my sisters... you guys have beeen great...

A successful performance it would be... Though we didn't manage to get the 100 bucks but it's ok... coz we have achieve our main motive... that's to promote our next upcoming concert...

Ohya... and we had two groups approaching us to perform for 2 more events!! haha... GOOD!! Well more public performance outside school is what we are looking for... More experience and exposure...

For me it was really a good experience... Really performing public... outside school... I realise that I do not have stage fright anymore... I was cool and calm... It's as if I belong to the stage... I'm part of the stage... haha... Well after all the event is called "The stage is yours"....

Guess I'm already slowly overcoming my stage fright problem... GOODY!!

But it's a tiring day for me... Woke up early to iron the guys clothes... pracitce in school for awhile then headed to TBP... Some of us took the train and some took the cab... lack of manpower and some stuffs are too heavy to carry when taking the train...

Alan, I'm sorry for the outstanding outfit you have... haha... it was on purpose! Anyway Happy Birthday!! That look on your face was really a classic moment man! Should have taken the expression on your face!

I guess we all did enjoyed ourself on stage! Did we?

Thanx for those who came to support!! Thank you so much! Thanx for the flowers!! really... I have diasies, sunflower, rose and lily on my table now... Gotta get a vase before they all die... or rather vases! haha...

After the whole performance carried the instruments back to school then headed to Bugis for dinner... Ok people I'm eating... don't worry... I'll try to eat k! Though I didn't finished it... But I had chocolate cake... Sara Lee chocolate cake! Man!! Heaven!! Super good!! Chocolate!! Made my day.... haha....

It was Alan's birthday cake... really big candle... haha... can reuse it to I think 60 years old??!! haha...

Raf what can I say about you?! You know what I'm thinking of... And you always hit the bull eye... AH!!! But thanx for being there sweetie... Appreciate it...

lots of projects to do... And I have yet to start on my CRM... been really busy... start tml....

ok my vision is getting bad... It's so blur... it seems to have a layer of watever making me impossible to see properly... probably it's time that I stop... Or else I'll be blind...

well I'm so tired... This week has been tiring... projects, band and rehearsal for tml's performance... and 3 days of retail theraphy... it's killing me... but at least it helps...

ohya... Ven thanx for the flower... it made my day! Really! thanx! Love ya... I owe u a hug!!

off to pack my clothes then bed time!

OK! FOR ONCE!! MA MADE MY DAY!!! SERIOUS!! haha... I'm so happy!! I feel as if I'm flying... haha...

We've got 72.42 for our group presentation!! Which is almost like impossible!! We always get C or D... haha... well! All this goes to Cia!!! Thanx cia!!! Without you! We won't get our B... though it's a low "B"... but who cares! It's still a B!

well for my individual report!! haha.. needless to say... that's the one that made my day!! I've got 73!!! haha.. how can that be... Well again got to thank Cia, Jerm and meimei... Thanx for helping me with my MA report... especially cia! I owe u one and I'm serious!

Am typing the script for sat's performance now... and also typing a memo to the Finance department to get back our money for our previous concert... well shit happens sometimes...

Ms Hope told us that we could get back our money but we have to bank in all our money first then we can endorse... BUT! After banking in with the Finance department, Went to see Ms Hope... She said it's gonna be difficult to get back our money and it's impossible! Man!! The moment she told me that I feel like see-ing my five finger prints on her face! Bloody hell!! 760 BUCKS!!! You know how much is that and she tells us we can't get it back!! DARN YOU! So now we have to try to type a memo to the Director of Finance... HEY!! We said in our proposal that we will divide the money among ourself once the concert is over!! AND HELLO! YOU READ IT! AND APPROVE IT!! NOW I HAVE TO GO THROUGH SO MUCH TROUBLE!! YOU! MORON! SWINE! ARGH!! WHATEVER!!!

Just came back from rehearsal for the sat's performance... man! Tired! Well lots of gimmicks! Tiring... Not bad good exercise! SWEAT IT OUT!! Haha... But hope you guess enjoy! But I assure you guys that you are gonna enjoy!! Wahaha...

guess you guys can see that my previous entries are just some article and some stuff which I like to share... Am not blogging about what happen in my life this week... I don't have to say much, guess you guys know... so shall not waste my energy... pretty tired...

have been spending money as if there's no tml at all... Ytd i bought a new watch! Yes a new one... a bag... 2 skirts and t-shirts for the sat's performance... for the section...

Today lesson ended at 1... went shopping alone... went to cityhall and suntec... then took a train to somerset... Walked from cineleisure, heeren then PS... headed to Chinatown to meet Nei before going back to school for rehearsal... not bad! worked out today! Been walking the whole day.. even under the rain... feels good...

Blogging is something I would think twice now... probably writing a diary would be better... well I do... but if I happen to not see the sun tml... pls take it out and read it... anyway I'm dead so what am I afraid of?!

Was bathing just now... And this came to me... "What are my priority in my life?" well it goes to you too... Was thinking about it... hmm... my priorities... I have lots of commitments... I know my first priority which is God! But I'm not too sure what comes next... there's studies, family, friends, band, tuition...

There's only 7 days in a week... and 24 hours a day... How much time I spend with my family... i don't know... I think I spend more time with the mallets stick than I spend with my family and friends...

Feel a slight pain in my tummy... guess it's because I've not been eating... ok skip that part...

I'm tired... Gonna sleep... Take care peeps! Don't forget to come and watch us perform!! haha...

FREE PERFORMANCE!

SPBAND Percussion Section
Venue: Tiong Bahru Plaza, Open Concourse
Date: 5th March 2005
Time: 5:30pm to 7:00pm

It's free! So do come support!! THANX!!! It's also to promote for our next "De Avanganda Percussians"!! 3rd of June!

came across this article... "Tap those feelings"... Rather good... It goes like that...

Right. We know from science classes that our bodies are 70 per cent liquid, but our emotions seem equally fluid.

Phrases that are used to refer to the states of water are commonly used to describe the state of the heart too.

For instance, a loved one can ooze charm one minute, and make your blood boil the next.

A betrayed friend can fume when he is wronged, lashing out at you as hot rage flows through him.

On the other hand, when you win a football game, elation can course through your veins. Indeed, victory is sweet, and those who experience it can drink in their success.

When you get top marks for a test, relief and pride can flood your heart. But when the chips are down and an "F" is announced, sadness can well up at the sight of failure.

Best friends tend to pour out their feelings to each other, confiding their secrets. In fact, misery loves company, so there's no need to drown in sorrow, or wallow in it alone.

Thankfully, bad times don't last. The next big event you plan with your friend can stir up excitement, and that can bubble up to the surface as the day draws closer.

A reliable friend is someone you can count on. Sometimes his presence and presents can make your heart overflow with gratitude.

When your friend does well, it is as if his joy is yours too, and you might feel your heart swell with pride when he wins a national award for an excellent essay.

The thought of being away from good friends and missing them could even fill you with horror.

:)

just a sentence to share...

We can't live without skin... BUT! with skin life is complicated!

How true it is... it's for you to decide...

check this out too...

http://www.cartoline.it/pics/_zoom_flash.htm?immagine=scherzi_150404_01

Check these out!

http://comic.yam.com/class/3bow/swf/pili.swf

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/mariosplat.html

Once upon a time, there live a girl





































































































































And the story ends here....

It's my life now...

If you can understand you can if you can't then you can't...

If you are still burying yourself in some problems today and brooding over it... DAMN!! GET OUT FROM IT NOW AT THIS INSTANT AND CARRYING ON WITH LIFE!! Coz Life goes on...

It has been a tough week for me but I've pulled through... Finally straighten things out... I've been thinking too much and creating a problem or problems that doesn't exist! Thinking back I think I'm so dumb!! It's so dumb... Why did I ever do that... And end up with 3 sleepless nights... Man! 3 days!! Without sleep! I wonder how I did that... GESH!

I don't know why the sudden enlightenment.... I just know I feel good now... After all how long can we be upset for... It's tiring... Of coz my friends were there to help me to pull through... Fortuntately there was MA to keep me busying with... and band that stop me from thinking...

Oh yeah... Talking about band... Hmm... I've been dragging myself to band... It's been like that since... can't remember when... But I just feel so tired.... Wanna take a break... Feel so tired.... Band should be something I look forward to... but don't know why... But I'm always looking forward to sectionals... Coz can get to do marching season!! Love that piece!! can't get it off my head...

ok for today... I woke up late!! lesson was at 9 and i woke up at 8:52 when meimei msg me.. haha... And it's weird... my phone was on my left the previous night but this morning it was on my right... Probably when the alarm went off I just switch it off and went back... But serious I couldn't even remember doing that... Who cares!! Too tired already...

Rather long day today... I'm exhausted... Very... After lesson had band... whoa... Was watching basetball match... WAH!! NUS is GOOD MAN!! Not just that... The guys are pretty good-looking too!! haha... opps! :P

OH! OH!!! The coach is cute too!! haha...

Okie off to sleep already...

Finished my MA individual report already.... Well, went to school to finish it coz my com have got no excel and words... etc... so had to go to school... stayed at the biz library till about 3+...

Didn't go for FF and Fmkt today...These few days have been tough for me... Since Sunday... Feeling so heavy hearted... it was like fighting a war with my emotions.. I've not really slept for 3 nights... I hated to sleep, I hate to lie on the bed with many thoughts running through my mind... With tears filling in my eyes... Waking up suddenly when I manage to get some sleep... And those things just flash through my mind...

Starting MA was a tough job for me... i couldn't concentrate... My mind was simply in a whirl... But manage to get started with the help of Cia... telling me what to do... Helping me to survive through this time... Burying myself in work was the only time that I didn't think of anything... and when we had band... I couldn't even have a single second to let any other thoughts come to my mind... except for the rythmns and getting it right...

Those words just keep coming back to me... It's so scary... I don't know what to do... probably the best is to leave it as it is... probably when I don't talk about it... the problem won't emerge... I know it's not the best solution but that's the least I can do... Coz I really don't know what to do... I couldn't even keep eye contact with them... I'm really scared... Starting a conversation might be tough in future... And now I know clearly where I stand...

well... for the rest of the week I don't know what will happen... I don't know if tears is going to roll down my cheeks or not... probably it has already dry up ater 3 days...But I'm glad I have good friends... that support me and giving me encouragement... Jerm have been always there to listen to what I say, giving me encouragement... Hope I didn't give u a shock that night... Cia helping out in my MA and of coz those things that you said... and meimei too... thanx alot peeps!

For the moment projects and preparing for the coming tests...

Tired... Drained... But trying to keep the smile and laughter going... and the only time is in band with the percussion...

It's scary how things turn out to be.... Within a day... But it's like a lifetime that is flashing right in front of my eyes...

Humans are fake... That's why we get along sometimes... Even my smile and laughter are becoming fake...

A simple sentence that ends my day...

I'm so glad... I cried out... been surpressing it for a few days... didn't know how to release it out... shouting no use... nothing could help...

But now I'm feeling better... I just couldn't stop... Tot I was ok then went to brush my teeth... but when Lina spoke to me... I broke down again... this time worse...

Then my mum came in... Manage to stop... Seeing her just makes me laugh.... she still can crack a joke with me... "what happen to you?! your air-con not cold that's why u cry ar?!"

Haha... how can I possibly be sad after hearing this lame joke... :)

Well just half an hour more to Valentine's day... It means half an hour more to cry and put a full stop to today... :)

BE STRONG! COZ LIFE GOES ON!! Familiar huh, Jerm?!

Thanx meimei, ShunLi and Cia for the encouragement.... I'm ok... And I'm quite sure Shunli...

hmm.... tml is Valentine's day!!! So my dear friends!! How are you guys gonna spend your day? Studying for test? sleeping at home? Watching tv?

OK nvm about tml... what are you guys thinking of now?

Thinking hard how to ask the person you like out for a date... peeps! Do it! Have faith!!

If you don't have a date, it's ok!! Don't be sad! Keep smiling! Valentine's day doesn't means you have to spend with yr gf or bf... It means spending time with your loved ones... and yes! It doesn't only include yr gf or bf... It can be your family, friends, or someone that you have neglected... Watching tv, sleeping or studying for a test... it's ok... better than spending big bucks... :)

well... talking about test... kind of worried... Might not be going to school tml... Not sure yet, told my mum I'm not going... Will see how tml... I'm kind of tired... though I have a long nap just now...

Worried for MA project... need to submit this coming week... I have not started coz I don't know how to do... And I have tests coming up soon... Many projects!! MAN! I really don't have the motivation, determination and mood to do all these now... I hate tests and projects... But would rather do projects... I don't know... i always feel so stress up during exams...

well one at a time... just finished my dinner... feeling so sleepy...

Ok was pissed just now... Calm down already... tired... A day that is somehow good and bad... And kind of disappointed with my sister...

I guess most of the time is the people that are closed to you and matter to you most disappoint you...

Ok well I cleared the misunderstanding and I'm glad I did... Like what Ven said Sisters are out to make love, not war! just some miscommunication... I'm back to normal now... After blasting some music and not talking for about an hour I guess... Coz I know I'm just gonna shout at people if I did open my mouth to talk... And I don't want that to happen... So yeah! I'm cool now... I'm smiling already...

Thanx Ven and Zai! For offering help to calm me down... Sorry for the harsh words that I have used just now... U know... F*^K... Oh yeah... And Hanyong... Thanx for asking whether I'm ok or not... :)

Well let's see what I did today...

Went for tuition in the morning... Nini's sister is so DAMN CUTE!! I was carrying her and she kept smiling to me... acting very shy.. but she had her whole load of saliva on my arm... but well she's still cute!! MAN!! BABIES!!

Anyway, Nini's mum gave me a $50 hong bao... Thanx thanx!! Hmm... guess in total i got about 300+ I guess... Hehe...

AND YES SHIT!! I've spend too much this week!! DIE DIE!!! I spend so much money...

Went out with meimei... met her at Outram... went to Pearl Ctr to trade-in my phone... YEAH!! I bought my new phone!! Nokia 6670!! YEAH!! haha... the uselss phone is gone! But my pictures inside are gone too... haiz... couldn't find the cable to download into my com this morning... so just have to let go... when it's time to let go it's time... I'm so glad that I check with almost all the shops there... as I go to the shops behind they offer better price... But well got the phone for $268.... quite a reasonable price I tot... :D MEIMEI! Thanx for accompanying me to go there... Thanx! Thanx!

SHIT!! I spend about 200 bucks on tuesday... and today!! I bought a pair of striking green slippers at $5 and I bought a heels for $31.90 from VNC and a watch for $8... shit!! I bought too many pair of shoes, slippers and slip in!! DIE! And watches too... Meimei bought the same pair of slippers too... And she bought a pair of slip in from VNC too, for $13.90... It's pastel yellow colour... Looks good on her!

Not a good idea for a one week break huh... Glad that it's is starting next week... It means I have no time to shop... GD! At least I won't spend much... I hope so!!

After Far east we headed to Harbourfront... Coz wanted to get handphone pouch but couldn't find anything nice at Far east... Managed to get the handphone pouch and some handphone accessories.... Then went to Sakae for dinner... then headed home...

OK talking about that... I think my student, Nini.. is freaking mature! She knew who I like... yeah! I totally forgot till she asked me... it was like kind of wrong to tell her... She kept teasing me... But she said things that really surprised me... She said don't just stick to one guy... look around and try to know more people... i might find someone better... Shocked?! she's only 12... But hearing it from her it's like wah!! she make it sound so simple and somehow somewhere it just knock some sense into me... A 12 year old girl telling me that... I've lots more to learn when I'm handling with this area...

Anyway tat's it for a day...

My mind is tired... Not able to think... can't concentrate... my eyes are closing soon... But I'm trying hard to keep it open... funny huh?! I don't know why too... I've been in a daze the whole day...

Not been doing things right... Dropping every single thing that I'm holding on my hand... almost broke a bowl just now... spilled water on the table and floor when i was refilling my bottle... what else I dont know... Just too many times...

But thanx to Mr CUCKOO!! and his lame joke... As you guys can see the messages he tag... Anyway thanx pal!! It kept me smiling...

Tml is sat... What am I to do?

I've got tuition in the morning at 11 a.m.... Then after that is either I call meimei out or not... Have yet to msg her... Coz I can't decide myself...

I need time out alone... I need to be alone... Tat's how I'm feeling now... Probably it would be gone tml...

ok how was my day? if you were to ask... well I'm kind of tired... I was like in dreamland when I was out...

Didn't know whether to go Chinatown to check the price of my phone... But when the train was at Outram I didn't feel like getting down so sat all the way to Tiong Bahru...

Went to Watsons to get some stuff... And cheese hotdogs for my mum... Bank in money... GREAT! I have money in my bank now... When I meant "great"... It ain't filled with happiness or greatness... It's just the word "great" that has no emotions... well... that's what words are when it is itself... It's us that put in the feelings...

My face is getting better... At least my 90 bucks is not wasted... *phew*

Feeling kind of shitty... But better now after eating somethings... snacks as usual... no proper dinner... or lunch...

and I have a BLOODY BIG BLISTER! DAMN!! Super painful!! I'm feeling hungry but I don't know what to eat... Again I don't know what I want...

Was talking to my aunt just now, Nei. She said somethings to me... that left me feeling so.... shit?

But I think she's kind of right... She pointed out things that is nothing to me... Which I didn't realise myself too... It just left me so heavy hearted... In fact through out the train ride half of my mind was thinking about that issue...

Well just another person who is outside of the situation telling me things that I can't see myself... But still I'll follow my heart...

It's the second day of chinese new year... yeah... Guess I'm gonna rot at home... Not too sure either...

Anway had macdonald's for breakfast... Hotcakes!! Yummy!! A long long time...

Didn't count how much I collected... Kind of sian... Ok till here I suddenly forgot what I wanna blog... GESH!! What do I wanna blog...

Ok just let me say what I'm thinking at the moment... Getting a new phone... Oh! I feel like shitting... haha... My mind seems to be kind of blog... It's stuck at that moment... The moment that leaves me thinking and thinking...

Suddenly thought of Edwin... haha... I'm so proud of myself! "What counts is that the moment I saw you, you melt my heart. Whether my next day would be bored or not it doesn't matter, coz having you in my mind every min brings no boredom into my life!" haha... *PROUD* haha... Can't believe I could actually thought of this... Edwin you owe me one don't ya?! haha... just kidding... Btw did she reply?

And trust me!! You won't regret! *Crossing my fingers* hehe... no la kidding...

hahahahahaha.... lalalallalala..... lalalalalala.... hehehehe.hehe...... lalalallalalalalalalallalalalalalallalalalalalalalalalalallalalalala....yeahyeah yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeah....... hohohohohhohohohohoohohohohohohohohohohoohho.......hahaahahahahahaha.......

Ok guys I'm bored... bye! Off to shit! :P

Happy Chinese New Year peeps!!! Did you guys manage to get lots of clothes?! spend lots of money?! haha.... Well for me it's not bad... Quite good I guess... haven count yet... Went to my uncle's home in the morning... then to my grandma's home... stayed there for awhile only coz was not feeling well... having a tummyache... shit rite! on this day... reach home at about 5... Gonna rest... night's programme don't know yet... anyway just updates!!

Mon (7/2)
Did some packing... spring cleaning... then went for band in the evening... manage to surprise JERM!! haha... I didn't forget your birthday girl! HOW CAN I??!! I did that on purpose! And I'm so glad you feel SAD!! It shows how important I am to you... haha... Ok! sorry about that! Hope you like that simple celebration we had for you... And sorry... make the whole section don't wish you happy birthday... :P

After band went home... can't remember what I did after that... oh yeah... I can buy new phone soon!! haha... my mum gave me 300 bucks to buy phone... 100 bucks for me to spend... another 100 bucks for my facial products!! haha... :P

Tues (8/2)
New year eve!! A wonderful new year eve I can say... haha... Woke up at about 10+... then did some packing before meeting Jerm...

Met Jerm at 11.30... MAN!! WE had a great time shopping!! It was really a shopping spree!!! SHIOK MAN!! It's been a long time for me and her... a long time that we spend the time together to shop... as we are both very busy... and someone's attached huh!! haha... joking!! SERIOUSLY!! But hey! I realy envy you... serious! Glad you found someone...

Anyway.. I bought a set of facial product that cost 90 bucks... then 2 pair of slip in for $16... 2 necklaces, 2 bracelet and a ring for 52 bucks... yes wonder how people spend 50 over dollars just on accessories?! Let's go shopping with me and you'll know! hehe... then 2 tops... one from "Samuel and Kevin" $11.20 and one from "U2" $13... and a bottom for $23.90...

Really feel damn shiok sia!! it's been a long long time... Glad that I spend that money... haha...

feel satisfied headed home for reunion dinner....had steamboat... as usual... except something different... we had guests at our home... Justin and his dad came to join us... Justin is my cousin's friend from perth... Not too bad... Then contiune packing my clothes after dinner...

After packing met up with Hanyong to watch "Flight of the Phoenix... Not a bad show... though all the while they were in the desert... feel thirsty for them man... headed to Chinatown after the show... Saw fire works!! haha... super crowded at Chinatown... Don't even have to walk... you just get pushed around... Bought sweets for my mum then we headed to clarke quay...

Reached home about 2+... washed up packed then went into my dream land....

AHH!!! My acne is back I guess... So troubled by it.... DAMN TROUBLED!!

It recover after I have seen a doctor... But I don't wanna see the doc again... waste money...

How does acne develope? Acne is caused by overactive oil glands (sebaceous glands), stimulated by the hormone androgen, mixing with dead skin cells, which leads to plugged pores and outbreaks. This is particularly true during the teenage years when androgen production is at its highest.

Acne begins in the hair follicles. Sebaceous glands, which are attached to the hair follicle just below the skin's surface, produce an oil called sebum. Normally, sebum empties onto the skin's surface to lubricate the skin. But when cells that are shed from the follicle lining stick together, they form plugs that prevent the sebum from exiting the pore. This is especially common during adolescence, when cells from the follicle lining shed more rapidly. Rising hormone levels during puberty cause the sebaceous glands to get bigger and produce more oil. The mixture of oil and cells helps bacteria to grow, eventually breaking the walls of the follicles. That's when sebum, bacteria and shed skin cells collect under the skin, causing inflammation, pain, redness and pus, causing acne.

Ok I'm just being over upset about the acne on my face... So sian... feel like buying this product... "Proactiv"... seems good...

nvm... forget it... Just use what I'm using now... if it's not helping then I'll use that... get money from my mum... anyway she will be more then willing to pay coz it's my face... haha...

ok i finish cleaning the kitchen... kind of tired...

YEAH!! It's back! It's back to normal again!!! haha... My com is working again!! Yes finally!! All thanx to my cousin!! And of coz Malina's cd... Thanx for all the help peeps!!

Now I can't blog without being worried that my com will just auto-restart itself!! haha...

Well, yesterday was MA presentation... well he said that... our class has high B's and low C's... and there was a "D"... Kind of worried... very... But well... it's over... What's done cannot be undone...

Submitted my CRM individual project yesterday... yeah! After that my com "recover"... Haiz... Have to go to Jerm house to do my project... Feel so bad to disturb her... But thanx pal!! thanx thanx!!

Well it's a good thing that I submit early... It means I can slack during the weekend... and not rush my project... And Monday there's no school... Kind of troublesome to go back to school... So here I am... Slacking at home on a weekend... Or rather spring cleaning... yes! No one is at home... so I'm doing the spring cleaning... Sorry Ven! Had to do spring cleaning... Can't meet up with you... Hope you enjoy!!

Wanted to skip MA lecture and UCCD tutorial... But for that moment yesterday... I really didn't know what I want... I keep saying that I don't know what I want in my life!! For the moment! haha... BUt well end up mei n I went for both... but luckily we went... Coz we only can afford to skip once... So I skipped once already... *phew*...

Skipped UCCD and headed down to town... Wanted to go Far east... BUt end up went to Cafe Cartle to eat... Met up with Edwin and Hanyong... Saw Shun Li on the way so drag her there with us... haha... Was super tired... Not been sleeping well the past few days... But mei has Jap class at 6.30... so decided to walk to PS with her... Just treat it as an exercise after a meal... On the way both of us were quite quiet... Guess we were tired... Reached home... took a rest before going to give tuition...

Met up with Swee Wah... he passed me something... then we had a chat downstairs my house... from 9+ to 11+... Well, realised that I haven been catching with him... At my student's house I read an article that says how to survive on Valentine's Day... And there was this part which says... spend with someone that you feel you have neglected all this while... haha... he's was the first person I thought of... Feel so sorry towards him!! Sorry pal!! Can't meet up with you... I know you know the reason... I'm really busy... Even if I promise to meet up with him, last minute it might be cancelled.... hmm... think need to do some reflection...

So I asked him out on Valentine's Day... but he rejected... haha... He said if I really have nothing on then asked him... or else last minute cancel again... haha... give him too much hope... And I demanded a bouquet of flowers from him... haha... Just joking!! It's extremely expensive on that day...

Just had my dinner... And going to start spring cleaning... Gonna be a superwoman!! My parents are out! Sisters out too... YUP!! DOING IT ALONE!! HAIZ...

Went to bought new cups... cups are getting too old!! ok shall start with the kitchen... Must get it done before chinese new year!!

It's 1.30 AM now!! yes!! And I'm not at home... I'm at Jerm's house doing my CRM project... Well, I'm kind of done already... Just need to go school to print and bind it... The submission date is next monday... But it's my term break next week!! I don't wanna go back to school in the morning!! So think I'll submit tomorrow... That's why I'm mugging here...

I'm so tired... Still got MA presentation tomorrow morning... AT 9!!! Hope everything goes well... Hope Ambrose won't shoot us with difficult questions!! Pray hard!!

Well... lots of thoughts running through my mind now... But don't know what is it... I'm just too tired...

Ohya... went shopping with meimei today... a rather short one... I bought 2 new watches again! then a necklace... some daily products... moisturiser... wet tissues... and a facial massager... yup that's all...

ok people I don't know I'm talking... Need to rest... Mind's off!! Nitez peeps!