Finally I'm photo blogging again! I have not done it for ages!! Cause I'm simply too lazy!! And these were taken during the chalet! And it was time for revenge after waiting for about 2 years!! And it's specially plan for you my dear jermaine!

Prepartion for the big time!! The thing below the blanket is a big box! It's her present! We are sort of decorating it!

A big baby?

I think more like a big crook! =D

Look at her!

Look what we did to Jerm? And I look retarded here!

You look gorgeous! haha...

In the end we were drenched and flouredtoo! But not as bad as her!

And look at her expression! Told ya she will love it!

Photos are always deceiving!

And I was defending myself!! I don't lie! Though I look evil here...

We had the fun and laughter. We stil had to clear it... Look at Mar n Jerm and you see how clean I am!

Hiding from us?!

Finally clean! It took us quite awhile to get clean! We had to wash hair for each other!

Signing off with wibowo's butt! Which I promise to make famous! =)

I didn't take the photo! ruiming send it to me from his cam!

Finally the sleepy me had just enough rest after the chalet and my pimples are "going away" soon! That's the thing which I like best! Turned in rather early yesterday cause I'm simply too tired... Fell asleep while watching tv.

And I had a good sleep till morning and the best thing is that it was raining heavily outside.

chalet was rather ok... Good to catch up with some of them... Though I was quite unhappy with somethings but still I guess I had more fun.

07/04
It was check-in day. I woke up at about 10+ to pack my bag, then buy stuffs like charcoal, thongs and etc. and then had to marinate the chicken and stingray. Then it was packing and packing. Waited for marilyn and kenneth to help out. Was shocked that kenneth actually came to offer help. But still it was good to have him around to help cause there were too many things for us to carry.

Well, I had worse experience before! So it's nothing far worse than the other time.

We were suppose to check in before 2.30pm but we were late... Finally got the keys but the work didn't end there! Had to unpack, make ice and preapare water bombs!! haha...

And you know what, from 3+ to 7+ there were only ken, mar and me at the chalet! How terrible is that man! So pathetic! And we were like 3 hungry cats waiting for people and thinking of food. And we had to keep checking with Jerm what time she were be reaching!! Finally we walked out to downtown east to get dinner!!

oh ya!! Jerm you know how difficult it was to plan this celebration for you! Plan so nicely then last min she said her talk is cancelled!!I freaked out man! Now everything has to change. buy cake and delay her from coming too early! Woah... It was so exciting! haha...

And when the time came! We got all so wet and dirty!! Flour everywhere and we were like some fools running around with everybody from other chalets looking at us. And there was this little boy there! He and his sister kept making so much noise that we really couldn't stand him but he was so cute!

But after the fun, we had to clean up the place! It took us a long time to clear up the place. We finally washed up and it was time to cut the cake and give Jerm her present!

Hope you like it!! Though it's quite stupid! But it's practical!

And we slept after that! Can u imagine! We slept!! We didn't even go for night cycling! Everybody was tired!

08/04
Just BBQ night, had a little fun but also a little complain from myself. But since it's over, don't wanna mention about it. Some of us went for a little walk at Pasir ris park, and ya the same old me is the timid me. And jerm,halim,karheng and I slept at the lobby... While ruben and weichiang did some man talking!! haha...

09/04
we left super duper early like 7+ cause we simply couldn't take it... we were all so sleepy! So I left the checking-out responsibility to ken! oh right! they just can't stop saying booking-out! is that pre-army signs?!

It's CHECKING-OUT!! NOT BOOKING-OUT!! FOR GOD SAKE!

I came home and sleep, didn't even go to church cause I was tired and not feeling well. Sleep, woke up and eat then sleep. Then wake up, bath, eat then sleep again! It's just basically this few things!!

10/04
And here comes the important day! It was my english proficiency test!! Reached there at 9.15am.... And waited to like 12 then I finally took my oral! I didn't know I had the patience man! so some of them fell asleep while waiting at the auditorium! Thank God I brought a book! Oral was easy, the question was "compare when you were in school, are children less discipline now?"

Then at 2 it was the written paper. Quite manageable... Now I have to wait for one month for the results! Long wait but well I hope everything goes on well.

Oh ruben recommended a job to me! at sentosa... But I'm not sure if I wanna do it or not... but I guess I can't do it... The pay is $5.40 per hour! oh man! goodness gracious! It's worse than me giving tuition!

But I need the money badly!! For sweden!!! haiz... money matters! Forever a headache!

and I have not pack my bag since I got back from chalet! But i've already taken out all my dirty clothes to wash when I came back on sunday!! I'm not that dirty k!!!!!

okies man... That's all to blog!

That's it for a day... 24 hours is soon gonna passed just like that. It's gonna be friday again tml. And what did I do the whole day??

I woke up had my breakfast and then started to rot till like late noon... Headed to NTUC to buy the bbq food. And it was freaking hell raining! Bought lots of food for them. Thank God there was mailina who offer to help me or else I would not have manage it alone. It was like darn heavy la!

Well I spent like a total of almost 300 bucks for this chalet!! it's gonna be over that amount after tml... cause there are still other things to buy!! Haiz... so many things to do man!

I still have to wake up super early to buy the stuff and marinate the chicken... ugh! I just don't wanna hear any complains... I hope not man... I'm not in the mood for such things.

The chalet is tml already and I'm not looking forward to it for some reasons...

I really wonder sometimes how do old people know that their time are gonna be up soon. And I recall one incident about my grandma. There was this once when Jess's mum stay over at my house when she came back from perth. There was this afternoon she went out and came back shortly after that. And on that very night, something happen to my grandma. Her blood pressure was too low and she couldn't react. After awhile she recovered and she said she knew something would happen when my aunt went out and came home after that.

That was the period of time when she went in and out of hosipital...

It's just so sad to know that you are gonna leave your loved ones soon. I know she will be home but sometimes I still miss her lots...

Ok I forgot to blog about this incident which I saw yesterday when I accompanied jerm to see a doc. And it makes me realise that I can't be a nurse and definitely not a doctor.

We were chatting happily on the bench and then we saw a lady's knee and leg bleeding... now that's not the point. The point is that she fell down and she's PREGNANT! 9 MONTHS PREGNANT!! Ok I overheard the conversation between her and the clinlic nurse!!

We stood up and offer our seats to her and after awhile I realise my legs turned wobbly! It wasn't the blood... It was the thought of a pregnant lady faling down... I couldn't take a 3rd look again. I just had to look away.

Pregnant ladies please do take care of yourself!!

For some reasons i'm feeling stressed up... I'm having a headache despite the more than sufficient... I've so many things running through my mind.

For whatever reasons, don't guess... That would be it.

Anyways I accompanied my dear jermaine to a doctor just now... she got involved in a minor Car accident... No blood all over the face or body, just some bruises.

WARNING! Even if the driver is a safe driver, always have your seat belts on!! Caue you never know what's gonna happen! Just put the damn seat belts on won't kill right! Or used up too much of your energy!

Thank God it's just a really small and minor accident. I won't want to lose a listening ear, a pillar of strength and a friend of a lifetime! =D

Chalets is in like 2 days time but i'm not sure about me being in the right condition to be present for it. But I have to be there no matter how. I've got to keep those reluctance into my pockets and sew it up for the time being.

I know I'm gonna miss lots of fun if i don't go... But I really am not in the mood to be with crowds, to socialise around. I just wanna be alone.

Sometimes I wonder, does people really think i'm capable of doing the job or it's because it's a shitty job. That's why they throw it to me.

And I don't really understand why does everybody says that everybody listens to me. Marilyn says so... anton and ruiming said so... Am I that fierce?

Oh no... anton say they respect me. ruiming says I'm respectable.

Well it's not too bad to be respectable but it sounds abit old. but................ I think it's not that bad.

hmm... respectable. Do i hold such a position in people's eyes?

I often thought to myself and look back to my life. I never felt that I did something fulfilling in my whole damn life. Or at least things that I'm proud of.

oh well if taking the courage to take part in bandedge and sing in front of so many people is one... then it would be one.

What does your name means?

= The Alphabet = :;
A : YOUR A HOTTIE
B : you are loved by alot of ppl
C : you're wild and crazy
D : You have trouble trusting people
E : You are always fun when it comes to meeting
F:People totally adore you
G : You are very friendly and undestanding
H : You have very good personality and looks
I : Love is something you deeply believe in
J : Everyone loves you
K : You like to try new things
L : You always make other people smile when you
smile
M : You are beautiful, and sexy
N : your sex is unforgetable
O : You love foreplay
P : You are very friendly and understanding
Q : You are a hypocrite
R: Someone loves you
S : People think you are so sexy
T : You are one of the best in bed
U : You are really chill
V : You are not judgemental
W : You are very broad minded
X : You never let people tell you what to do
Y : you make every experience great
Z : You're Super coolL

it's simple look for the alphabets of your name

J : Everyone loves you
O : You love foreplay
C : you're wild and crazy
E : You are always fun when it comes to meeting
L : You always make other people smile when you smile
Y : you make every experience great
N : your sex is unforgetable

Currently it's "13 going on 30" on HBO... And I've just finished my breakfast! wrap with lettuce, cheese and ham... And a wonderful cup of grapefruit juice which my family members think that it's bitter... hmm... it's nice...

Yup breakfast at this hour... But I just managed to get my butt out of bed after I finished watching my hong kong series on channel 55...

And when is my pimple gonna go off man?! It's so horribly horrible. That explains why I'm trying to sleep so early nowadays... The max 2am, that's it. And the pimple is going down so slowly! ugh. I just hope it goes off before the chalet!!! It can't get any worse cause it's gonna be sleepless nights again.

ugh. whatever it is. it's just pimple pimple GO AWAY!

Let's see what's for today. It's STAY HOME DAY!!!

And now I'm craving for more food.

Oh right. Is my handphone number too common to some other number or is it that the number is cursed! I've been receiving calls from numbers that I've never seen before! And I receive prank calls! Holy shit! why man!

I just got a missed call and when I called back they asked if I have a child at block 73 sth... I'm not even 20 yet! And unattached! Maybe I should consider changing my number.

let's see... 1...2...3... hmm... 3 days... I have not blog for 3 days... I'm just totally too tired to come online to do anything. But to just sleep. Good sleep!

I realise that I've been screwing up my life. Sleeping too late... totally so not good for health! Therefore i decided to change my life! Sleep early wake up earlier than before! I woke up at 11 today k!! That's a new record! for the recent weeks...

And I'm feeling so much better now. Ok... for now updates about my life.

Hollaback crew semi-finals were last sat. Well we didn't get in but I guess we are quite ok. Took it quite well. I'm quite ok. We were try again next year.

But it's cool. Good experience for most of us.

It was a long day man!! Really long day. Totally exhausted and I slept the earliest ever since exams period till now! I slept at 9+...

So well for the rest of the days, it's just normal. Sunday was church and then home to sleep... It's just basically sleep this few days! cause I'm really tired.

If anyone of you had tried to contact me on sunday and you can't I'm really sorry... I wasn't in the mood to answer any calls or reply any msg.

I'm just not in the mood to entertain anyone for the moment, letting alone knowing new people.

For those who I have lost my temper too. I'm just really sorry.

Well you guys know me. written on my face and expressed by my voice! I'm such a person.

Perharps I'll blog more tml. I'm tired...

ok I'm not trying to boast or whatever. But I just think I'm so capable!!

Now, now... Listen to my explanation first~

I'm supposed to organise a chalet for my secondary school class. And so I've got ruben to help me. To check the availability of the chalets and see if we could get it cheaper!

And in between lots of things screw up!! Our chalet is planned next week and it's not even booked yet!! Wonderful!! He got back to me this afternoon!

"joyce, call me when u are free can? problem here..."

Oh boy! It must be the chalet I thought to myself! well true enough it was...

Double storeys are fully booked and no discount for weekends! Great! Wonderful!! Thought of having a better environment for them, so that they can relax and stop complaining but I guess my ears can't be spare!!

And I couldn't go online cause I was in school for the hollaback crew thingy! How I wish I could just go online and settle it myself!!

I got him to check everything... And Ruben was confused by what he see!!! If I was beside him, I would have whack him already! ugh.

NOW!! I know why MOST of the high rank position in a company are held by WOMAN!!

In the end, I still have to do it myself. Gotta call them tml... blah blah blah...

And when everything is settled I've gotta buy the bbq food!

I seriosuly think that everything would screw up if I wasn't there to organise and do everything. I wanted to get rid of the responsibility of organising chalet! Now! I guess it's with me for the rest of my life!!

But well! It's not ruben's fault! He's not too bad... Just a little more practice would do!!

Anyways I'm feeling so stressed up now! Very!! The chalet! Hollaback crew!! Money!! Oh god!! I need some rest!!

Oh bloody shit!! I fell down just now when I was walking down the stairs in school!! And I was on the phone with my mum!! Thank God my phone was alright!!! But just that my butt was so painful that I couldn't get up until awhile later.

And now it still hurts!! Ouch!!

Hollaback crew is THIS SAT!!! It's just so fast!!! and auds, jo and I went attire hunting just now! Was not really a success but ah... We already got an idea of what to wear.

Btw!! THe hollaback crew is this sat, 1 apr at the padang!! Starting at 3pm!! so peeps! If you are free! Go down and support Pussymao k!! Can catch other fantastic groups too!!

I just hope we can get into the finals!!! Which is at the Indoor stadium!!!

till then folks!!

A thinker

Suddenly I thought, what am I doing to my life?

It's already 3.26am and I'm still bloody hell awake!! My biological clock has totally turned upside down. And everyday without fail. Sleep at 4-5+ and wake up like 2+ in the afternoon. That's the kind of like I'm leading now. But I would stay home for as long as I can so as to prevent myself from spending. And it is proving effective.

Cause when I went out with my sisters and Mailina today. I bought 4 pairs of earring, a bottle of perfume, an umbrella and undies! yup... Now you know why I have to stay home in order to curb my horrible spending habit. It just goes way out of hand too often!

Ever wonder why I wanna stop myself from shopping?

To date I have not been buying clothes. And I'm still trying to stop myself from being too obsessed with shopping.

"crazy","why"...

Are these the words that you are thinking or saying out now?

Ya. In fact shopping is fun! It's good! Why torture yourself and be a shopaholic! It's so stupid doing this.

But never a moment did I thought it was a stupid choice. Throughout the years, the number of clothes I have are just totally increasing though I tried to clear away some clothes but it never seems to decrease. I bought necessary stuff... unnecessary stuff.... You won't want to know. Just take today for example... I've already got 2 umbrellas and I got one today.

But lately it suddenly occured to me that money is just way to important in this cruel world that you and I live in. Everything is about money. And only by saving, it then would give a sense of security. I'm trying to save up for my sweden trip, so my mum don't have to pay...

It doesn't mean that I won't go shopping anymore. I would still go but try to spend less. It's something so difficult to achieve. And for a matter of fact, I think it is gonna fail. I won't start making promises like give you guys a treat if I failed. I know it's nice to know that. But it was only for a period of time.

So maybe I'll just work this out alone together with God.

Tml is just gonna be brain racking day for the hollaback crew. Preparation for it is still way too far from almost done. In fact almost done is still not done yet. Always remind me of Mr Tan's "Almost there yet, but not there yet."

I was just going through some of my friends' friendster. It's just amazing how all of us has change. What would it be like if all of us be back at the old school sitting down for a chat. It's difficult to keep in contact with some people. And the few that you keep in contact with are the ones that you would cherish for the rest of your life.

The connections of people in life are just to amazing to describe.

Currently, I'm just thinking of food! Cause I'm hungry!!! But it's turning in soon.

So I'll just sleep my hunger away.

okies and so today was the live interview on 98.7fm...

I woke up super duper early like 6.30am!! To bath and get ready! Hell big time man!! The last time I woke up at 6+ was during my itp period! But well... it was ok la... Not really a hell of a time. I'm just complaining.

And despite waking up early to get ready we were still late... why? Cause I couldn't hail a cab! We waited for like 20mins!! Like hello?! Where are all the cabbies!!! And when we finally got a cab!! The uncle was pissed to find out that I would be going to 5 places?! But why?!! Ain't it good?! He has business you know!! You should have see his face man!! It's already so dark!! Now it's black like charcoal!! All the pick-up points were on the way what... Don't know what's wrong with him. Probably it's just the usual morning mood swings? Or maybe it's PMS!

Hey guys get them too k! Just not too often as compared to we ladies!!

We reached mediacorp radio at like 8+ when we were supposed to be on standby by 745am! Ugh. so sorry man! Justin and Vernon!

But both of them were kind or rather good enough. And we finally reached the station. And we got through this small pathway and by pass the first room! And it was Class 95fm morning Djs... Glenn and Flying dutchman! Then next it was 98.7fm... We greeted Justin and Vernon with a big hello and sorry!!

And we had to do this impromptu thingy... And I made a mistake!! haha... ah! but who cares!! The interview lasted for like 10 mins or so... And we were off!! Auds and the rest was expecting to see Shan wee and Jamie Yeo. But it seems like they went home disappointed!! But no worries!! We'll get to see him soon again!!

That's it!! 10+ interview and we took a cab from home and back home! I was back home like 9+... while people are going for work. Had my breakfast and watch some vcd... And I'm off to sleep again!! =)

yaya.. call me a big for all you want... I slept till like 4+! If I could I would have slept more but I couldn't cause I had to attend my sister's teachers and parents interaction session! haha... weird right.

Anyways I took as an opportunity to go and visit some teachers. Saw Ms Lio, Mr Lee and Darren Chong. And you bet Mr Lee look so much older...

But my top priority there was definitely not this, it was for my sister's results and horible attitude in school. But what can I say man! She has gotta straighten out things herself since she's already 17... I've heard the same old thing from her since I went to see her teachers when she was in sec 2!

Oh!! I had already register with HSS as relief teacher. I was thinking since that's my sec school... Might as well just go. After all that's the place that gave me most of my beautiful memories...

So I'll just have to wait for their call... And I really hope I can start soon! Cause I need to save up for Sweden!!!

Currently sitting on the bed while watching tv... And the discussion is on crazy ktv-ing!

But well topic is not gonna be about that. Cause I'm totally blank brain-ed.

Anyways my cousin is back from the first 3 weeks of BMT. Besides turning darker, he didn't seem to loss much weight. It's always that people would loss lots of weight when they enter NS. But not him. And finally I found out why? He took 3 days MC. But still it won't make much of a diff right.

Anyways I've been staying home the whole day! And I quite of like it! NO! in fact I love it!!

haha... ok I think this entry is not getting anywhere! Cause I can't think of what to write! And my 2 freaking sisters are making a DIN in the room!! They just can't stop talking!!! It doesn't matter if they talk but they can't talk softly!!

Damn!

And so results was released this morning at 8.30am when I was still sound asleep. I woke up at 10.45am only to remember that I had to wake up to catch my show!! =D

And it was until like mid-way through the show then I recalled about my results. funny huh!

Well passed all! Not gonna step into SP to study anymore!!! yeah!! That's life man!! That's the best thing that can ever happen!

It wasn't really good results but I've got an A for maths! ya kill me if I get a "B". The rest was just C's! So it's still bad!! But who cares if I'm never gonna get back to SP to study! so... It's a good thing... goody good!

Oh yeah. I had a really long and hilarious conversation with mar-bitch yesterday!! hahha... I really meant funny. From msn to the phone. Which just can't stop getting us laughing. We are just ful of shit!! And I was high from olive oil and deprivation of sleep.

"Content to the conversation is not convinent for disclosure. And are subject to changes. Better changes."

haha... *evil grinx*

I just can't wait for that day man. Girls' night!! Lots of talking, lots of crapping and LOTS OF BITCHING!!! Just gotta confirm with sufen!!

And oh ya! we came out with a proper name for rojak gang! We shall be called the cute-retard-bitches!! it's a bit too long. But it's not offical till the other members are agreeable to it! probably cu-tard bitches!! hahaha...

Ok I shall stop here... Gotta get ready for tuition soon.

Right now my eyes are just barely opening... I'm tired ever since last weekends and I can't seemed to be able to get a really good sleep.

And the worse of all, I'm feeling fat! Cause I'm feeling so bloated!!

Anyways i've been out since morning!! yes morning! I reached school at 9.05am!! But it didn't really started till like 10+... And for a 2 min show on Channel U, we took from morning till 5+ just now. Including an hour of lunch!

The things you have to do. And I was tired. Not tired from filming too much! It's tired from waiting! We waited and waited and waited!!

The hard work behind filming is just something you can't imagine! It's just exactly like preparing for a performance. It's like the chinese saying: "Tai xia shi nian gong, tai shang shi fen zhong"

And despite the whole day of "hard work", we still had to go down for rehearsal or rather discussion for the hollaback crew thingy. But by then we were all brain dead. I was talking for the first hour, but after that it was total silence. Cause nothing was coming out and I was tired and pissed already. And just at this time, people are not focusing. That's the biggest prob that we had to solve if we need to get things done.

Anyways gonna go mediacorp studio for a live recording on friday morning!! 8am!! can u imagine!! There goes my sleep!! But for pussy mao! For 30k!! I'm doing anything that it's still acceptable to me!

I just hope we can get into the finals man!! It's at Indoor stadium!!! But reality is always cruel!! one group has gotta be out from each catergory! But it's rather lame. 12 groups entered semi-finals. 6 from under 17 cat and 6 from over 17 cat. and semi-finals they are just eliminating 1 group each. how funny is that. it's just weird...

ok at this moment, I almost blog about something that I should not! And Thank God there's still a little clearness in my tired mind! if not too many peoplewould find out. And I've to do all the explaining! Seesh.

And finally after giving me her blog add for weeks, I finally went to read sufen's blog. And I'm just so glad that you feels comfortable confiding in me. Cause almost everything I say, she feels it's right!! =D *grinx*

I'm so proud of myself!! haha... But I'm just so glad I could make a difference to someone's life! Or rather all my bitches life!!

OH!! I though of a new name for rojak gang! Bitchy bitches? or Bitchy rojak? or retard-bitchy? Aiya.... I don't know man!! We'lll discuss it one night!!

We will!!

Come to think of it! I just find it so funny! My dear mar-bitch has been reading my blog for a long time! And she NEVER! tags!! She either tell me face to face or ask me on msn! Just how cute is that! Perharps it's normal! But I'm just trying to tell you guys SHE'S CUTE!!!

okies it's 11:58am and I'm tired. So I'm just getting abit high with what I say. Probably high with olive oil! =0)

But it's cool! Cause sometimes it doesn't makes any sense!

And now it's still not making any sense, cause it has no link to the above thing I had just said abt mar-bitch!

I miss fen-bitch! And Jerm-bitch! too! oh! Might as well just call ourselves roj-bitches!! Jo-bitch!! ahahha....

Jo-bitch is just so smart!!!

Ah crap! But I still think it sounds nice!! =p

hehe... you guys agree with me? probably after reading this entry and mar happen to see me online. She will answer me on msn! =D

That's all folks! Ciaoz!

ok finally picked what I'm gonna wear tml...

And you know what! I actually find that I have nothing much to wear! funny huh! haha...

Anyways the reason for choosing my attire tml is because I have filming tml and my character is a femining girl.

so i'm SUPPOSED to wear pink top and skirt.

I don't know how I'm gonna look feminie with what I've choosen. Seesh.

It's just another busy day tml....

"dead"

okies! I'm so dead!! I'm so tired! Worn out!! Wat a weekend man!! Deprive of sleeps!! A

And for all you know! I get serious mood swings when I don't get enough sleep! I laughed easily but i get pissed off even faster!

And despite being tired, I had a whole of plans for the whole day!! And I really mean whole day! From morning to night.

It was church in the morning. And DISNEY ON ICE in the afternoon!!! It's darn good man!! If you had missed it this year, better go this year!! And I know somewhere out there, someone is so DARN jealoues of me!! haha.. =D so jealous. you know who you are!! haha... STUDY HARD!!! =P

It was touching!! And my tutee's parents paid for it! why? cause I had to bring their daughter to go watch. But nah I'm not the kind of person. I'll pay them back but not directly cause they actually called and asked me not to give nini any money! so probably I'll just buy a gift! =D

See, I'm so nice!! hah...

okies. so anyways, I met up with Ruben, halim and Kar heng for dinner! And this group of guys just can't stop making me laugh!!

And you know! I had free dinner!! We went to Ramanten, which I think the food totally sucks!!
Oh well but tat's not the point. the point is that halim dared me to drink the concentrated wasabi with soya sauce... And I just drank it!! I don't know why, but probably it's because I'm just too tired. But anyways I got my treat! Thanx boy! haha...

And it was swenses's ice cream after that!

Holy shit man!! I'm gonna put on tonnes of weight man!! I've gotta exercise!!

But before that it's good rest!! But now i'm stilling chatting on the phone with 2 arses!!

Oh!! the 3 guys went sentosa today! And caught 9 sea snails! actually I don't know what you call them but it's just that!! And I don't know how I they gonna survive without food man!! May God bless them!!

"A life of generousity brings abundant rewards."

as my blog add goes....

emotional-biatch.blogspot.com..... Like how it goes, it was a day filled with lots of emotions...

laziness,stress,anxiety,laughter,overwhelming joy(yes noticed the word "overwhelming"),sian-ness,anger,fear,emptiness and tears.

yup wow~!

so I will just explain what happen today.

Got up super early like 730 to bath and consider the fact that I slept at 4+...ya so as usual I was lazing on my bed. Had to reach school at 9 to rehearse through the hollaback crew thingy! Cause we, the percussionist, had not had a single rehearsal together.

And ya our group name is pussymaos.

Headed down to the Arts House at 11+ to register... And ya we didn't even rehearse as a whole group before!! We had only had our one and only rehearse in the audition room, which we screwed up, and that's all. We gotta get our arse out of there.

We were super stressed cause we only did this thing in 3 days! the chances of getting through it's like one tiny winy little percent.

And so it was our turn! Not really nervous. or rather I should say I'm quite used to such to such things already. Just go there played and enjoyed. Everything went well. The dancers were feeling the beat as compared to the previous time. Rappers doing well. Screwed up a couple of parts! Within few mins, everything ended.

OH OH!! And Shan wee was the host for the audition!! He's so darn cute!! OH god! But well guys like him are meant for fantasizing only. He's just too good to be true for people like me.

So we played a little game while waiting for the judges to consolidate the marks!

And it was time for RESULTS!!

It was really a heart at the throat experience man!! We were really scared! And they announced the last group.

PUSSYMAOS!!!!!!

YES!!! SCREAMSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE GOT THRU TO THE SEMI-FINALS!!!

we were like flying man!! Some of the girls cried!! haha... 3 days of work!! We got through!! Holy crap. Can you believe this?!!

The semi-finals is held at the Padang on the 1st apr!! Yes I know it's April's fool day!! But it's NOT!! I hope not! haha...

OK!! I'm not saying for the fun of just sharing!! I'm telling you guys!! TO GO SUPPORT PUSSYMAOS!!!!!!

and after the screams and shouting, it was back to work. Jerm,Jo,Auds and I had to carry the instruments back to the band room. And it was lunch time!! At staff centre, which I think the food is improving!! Finally!! Probably there were lots of complains! So they sacked the previous chef. =)

And it was church. But by then I was totally exhausted already. And after church, headed to Bethel Assembly of God for another service. It's part of a conference, Synerg!z. The night service was free. so since we didn't had time for the workshops, at least the worship!! It's fantastic!

And that's where the fears and tears come from. I couldn't stop crying. I just felt so unworthy but yet He loves me so. The things he did. I had never cried like tat ever since that incident.

Okies. I can't go on anymore.Cause I'm really dead beat already. I need sleep! Gotta wake up at 8 tml!

It's sunday! yes it's sunday and I wanna rest at home!! But I have a day full of activities.

My student's parents are treating me to watch Disney on Ice! =D

Ciaoz!

at this moment of time, i'm using my laptop. why?

Cause my com is screwed up, it restarts by itself all of a sudden. And to a dummy like me I don't know how to deal with it. I'm just so glad I bought this laptop.

well, have not been blogging for a couple of days. I'm just plain lazy.

oh btw I had my interview with MOE for my course already. And I think I screwed up BIG TIME! Didn't fare well. Tat's what i feel. But well since I have already left it to God. I will just trust my God with all my heart. SO ya. BY FAITH! That's the word!

Though I'm still thinking of it and thinking how I should have answer. But what's done is already done.

And you know what! All... oh all maybe most of the interviewees yesterday were from SP!!! Totally can't believe it! But I knew none of them!!

now it's just by faith.

So besides sleep, dinner, and lunch... I've been going back to school quite often. Cause we are taking part in the Hollaback crew thingy organise by fm98.7!!

4 Percussionist, 4 dancers from DMC and 2 rappers. Well the dancers were quite good. Seen their moves today. They are just so adorable. screaming and shouting when they got in beat! Rappers well equally good.

It would just be a whole new experience for most of us. And the thing is this sat at the Arts house. Heard that this year, the standard is better! well, we just have to go there and do our best! That is already half the battle won!

Will be down again tml, to help out... I don't know how. maybe by providing the music and watch. ya and I think it's most of the time.

And God it's a busy day tml! Gotta be down at school then watch a stage drama at NUS. Hope it's goood. Cause the person who invited us to watch,ruiming, actually told us that it's boring and it would be ok that we don't go. But being the nice me! haha... Since I promised him, I will keep my word!! well what to do. I'm a woman of my word! =P

And afer that, it's the rojak gang gathering!!! finally!! Oh man!! I missed my bitches!! I miss you like crazy!! I miss you, miss you, miss you!! haha...

Oh well mar bitch is studying hard for her exams right now. gave a call just now and she sound so tired and dead. it just pains me to see you like tat you know. haha... anyways!! Work hard k!!! It's gonna be over soon!! I will pray for ya k!!!

I JUST CAN'T WAIT BITCHING WITH YOU GUYS!!!

hmm... I've been having so many dinners and lunch recently. Probably it's just time to repay back my friends the time i owe them when I was in poly. But I would love that!

and omg I'm super hungry now~~!! Shit man! I've really gotta stop this habit of mine! If I don't eat, I totally don't eat. If I eat, I eat like a stupid mad cow!! What's wrong man!!

argh. heck.

And I'm missing some of my classmates like mei and shunli!! I have not gone out with them for ages!! AGES!! I've better gotta meet up with them next week.

And I've got class chalet next week. And I'm not sure to go or not. Still deciding. Proabably not. Or rather i can't make it.

OK i'm off to watch tv till morning!! I just love SCV!! with all the repeated shows!

On this dark and lonely cold night, at one part of the earth there is still someone wide awake. Lying on her bed, tossing and turning.

She's just thinking. Thinking and thinking. She can never seem to stop and just get to sleep. She thinks then she laugh. she thinks then she gets angry. and finally she thinks and cry.

And that night, she cried. She though of the aftermath of the incident. The fear that she had.

she put herself into a situation when someone tells her that he likes her.

she was taken aback. But later on, tears came rolling down her cheeks.

It wasn't tears of joy. It was tears of fear. The fear that these 3 words were out to hurt and harm her. And she couldn't stop crying and she just keep questioning.

She stil could not trust.

And the person happens to be me.

When I start writing this entry, I had only knew what to write the part above. I have totally no idea what's gonna be continued from here. probably somehow.

Despite having all these fears, all those things that happen. I'm still so blessed. Blessed with God's grace.

I look back at the things that happen this week, and compare with how I felt the past few nights.

Depression,lost,hatred,jealousy and blaming my stupidity. I blame myself so much for always screwing up things. And no doubt! I always am. And I hate myself for that. I blame myself for losing some opportunities that I can actually grab it right in front with both my hands. But still i missed it.

But besides love, the thing that always screwed up for me, everything else was fine. I had a wonderful group of friends. Ok I know I've mention it like a zillion times. But it just goes showing that my friends are so lovely that! I can't stop talking about them!

The knowledge from God to teach my students and the patience that I have. And for goodness sake. you have to know that I'm a kind of impatient person when it comes to somethings.

And what can be better than this. The future that seems so blur, is getting more clear. I have received a letter from MOE to go for an interview for the course I've applied, which is Bachelor of Arts/ science (education) course.

With my grades, who would have expected it. I hated my poly life. And I didn't like my course of study. But throughout 3 years, I survived every obstacles. Even the worse ones.

Then why am I still crying and pondering over trival matters?

God loves me so much. But I don't seem to able to love myself. I find it hard.

Probably God wants me to learn how to love myself more. Cause you can't love others unless you learn to love yourself.

I didn't know what was the real meaning of loving myself more. I thought by buying lots of things for myself and thinking about myself instead of others would be loving myself. and in fact this point makes me think that I love myself too much that I'm too selfish.

But loving myself means more than that. It's not just the physical thing. There is a level higher than that. A level that is so high above almost so impossible for me to reach.

It's all of a sudden that I realise I don't love myself enough. But I just can't seem to find out where's the problem. I'm still finding. Still searching.

Therefore I think being single is a blessing to me and also to others. Staying single is definitely a blessing. I'm not even ready for such things to happen to me. I'm worried. I know, I know. you can leave this to worry later on.

But that's not the case. if the mindset of not being able to commit is there, it's a no-way to enter into a relationship that you are not even sure if you can keep it going or not.

"I kissed dating goodbye" had left a deep impact to my life, that I choose to guard my heart. But i still waver at times.

Think back. I had waver more than one time. But in the end I still stand firm in guarding this heart of mine.

I don't know how you would see this decision of mine. Probably closing up all the possible opportunities that is coming my way. It's silly, it's stupid.

But the reason behind it, is far more worth it.

I may look and act strong. but in front of my Lord, I'm just a vulnerable little girl of his. I build my faith on this rock. Put my fears on this rock.

I'm more than blessed.

And it's more than a blessing to know that you are being missed by someone. =D

Life is just like a book. There are different chapters.

And it so happen that my chapter in SP has finally come to an end. I'm waiting to start a new chapter and definitely ready to.

A fruitful day

Indeed it was a fruitful day!! After slacking at home for a couple of days! and not spending money!! I went out the whole day today!! Almost 12 hours!! I met up with 3 groups of people today!!

And I miss them so!! But among this 3 groups none of them were my rojak gang!!

Cause well, Marilyn is having exams soon! ugh. Drag right!!

Strive for the best k! my dear BITCH!!

I'm waiting for that whole load of conversationt to happen man!!

We just simply laugh our arse off during the conversation man!! I can't imagine man!!

Sufen is going to taiwan soon!! HAVE A SAFE TRIP THERE!! AND RMB TO GET THINGS BACK FOR US!! I know you were!! oh u better be!!

anyways, met up with my bd mates and cia's bd mates to give our bd lecturer a treat!! At crystal jade!! The food is not very nice!! But you must know what to eat!! The wanton noodle is nice!! Try that!! But it's abit too salty!! had an enjoyable lunch!!

2 hours plus of lunch with all kinds of conversation related to business!! haha... but still we enjoyed!!

Met up with sulian and gang... and we had high tea!! It was fantastic man!! the brownie!! I wanna have more!!

Went walking around to look for their grad ball shoes and stuff! I'm so thankful that I'm not going! imagine the money I have to spend!! goodness gracious me!

And we were chatting, oh well... it's the same old conversation!! I mean what can graduates talk about!

It's just so funny. 3 years of poly life has alrady ended! We are talking about jobs and waiting for uni. UNI?! I'm turning 20 soon!! 20!! So bloody fast!!

Ok well... after that met up with some arses who I have not met for a long long time! But still they are forever so crappy!!

"School is so bored. but nvm I still have band!"

"Cause there's Jermaine and Jocelyn to make fun of."

They never ever fail to stop making fun of both of us!!!

HEY!!! I'm still EARNING MORE THAN YOU GUYS K!!! haha...

They were laughed at!! I just simply think tuition is easy money man!! Maybe i'll go get one more student! =D

And i'll end up earning more than LJ!! haha...

Dinner was good too! So practically I HAVE BEEN EATING THE WHOLE DAY!! SO THE 12 LAPS OF SWIM YTD IS GONE!!

Oh GOD! Pls spare me from this damn shit again?! It can't be happening again!!

Why? why? why? ugh.

I can't get to sleep! I simply can't!! But I'm tired!!

I have to stop having penny of thoughts in my mind!!!

Or else I will just die if this continues!!

Boredom

I'm particularly bored to death!! Bored about what? i don't know... I chose to stay at home! so...

I'm just too lazy to go out, I just wanna slack at home, watch tv and do whatever I want to. And for some reason! i'm bloody hell enjoying it!

Sometimes i think I'll die if there wasn't Starhub cable tv at home. That would be what I call BOREDOM!!!

Finally after 2-3 days of rest, I'm going out tml! Will be meeting up with my BD mates and Mr boey for lunch and it would be outing with Lj, Chris and Muru!! It has been ages!! AGES MAN!!

And even if it takes to lose some money! I'm still definitely gonna go! So you guys have gotta be touched k!!

But the damn thing now is that, I'm poor! i've got no bucks man!! Yes I do. my allowance!! And my pay would only be coming next wk!

I have my insurance and also the sweden trip to save up for! See how tight up for money I am. That's the reason why I wanna take up more jobs so that I can earn more!

I'm just feeling so deseparate now! =)

Anyways... I went for a swim! And I feeling oh-so-good baby! =D

Getting abit sleepy now.

andrew t. says:
just read ur blog

andrew t. says:
i guess...

andrew t. says:
i have to show u this too

ok well he gave me a blog add. but it's not meant for anyone and at this instant i forgot the blog add.

andrew t. says:
go to march the 4th

andrew t. says:
and dont ag

andrew t. says:
tag

andrew t. says:
its suppose to be for her eyes only

andrew t. says:
i gtg

andrew t. says:
pls dont tag

andrew t. says:
hahah

andrew t. says:
its meant only for her and me.. so if possble... u know. just read tt entry and forget abt blog add

andrew t. says:
tk care man

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
haha
^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
haha

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
okok

andrew t. says:
read ONLY MARCH 4Th ah!

andrew t. says:
i'm trusting you!~

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
thanx!

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
ok!!

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
yes

andrew t. says:
heh

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
i'm closing it k!

andrew t. says:
hahaha

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
ok done

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
though i had the temptation to scroll down

andrew t. says:
haha

andrew t. says:
so...

andrew t. says:
i guess what cs lewis' trying to say is tt..

andrew t. says:
u know

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
i scrolled down

andrew t. says:
God gave his heart to us
andrew t. says:
and all..

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
andrew!

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
i just said i scrolled down!

andrew t. says:
so u find a guy..

andrew t. says:
the guy u feel is worth all tt nonsense

andrew t. says:
worth the risk

andrew t. says:
then u give ur hear to him

andrew t. says:
and u BLOODY SCROLLED DOWN?!!!

andrew t. says:
GHOW CAN!!

andrew t. says:
hahahaha

andrew t. says:
okay

andrew t. says:
now forget abt tt blog altog k

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
then i close the window alr

andrew t. says:
hahaha

andrew t. says:
oaky okay..

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
i didn't read it

andrew t. says:
dont ever go there! ever!!!! hahah...

andrew t. says:
i gtg man

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
u can surely TRUST ME!

andrew t. says:
see you arnd

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
ok fine

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
ok thanx
^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
cya

andrew t. says:
and... love urself more. u ainttt bad u knw?

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
okies

^NyLeCoJ^ :: - I'm an emotional biatch[i'm a stupid damn bitch.] says:
thanx

I don't know why I'm feeling like that. But I'm feeling rather sad now for certain reasons. I'm quite sure about the reason. But I fail to admit it. I'm not sure people can see it through my eyes.

The window to my soul. who's to know? to know how I really feel?

I don't know how to talk about this here. It's my blog but there are still certain things which I somehow don't want people to see.

The weak me that not many have really seen. The really sensitive me that not many has seen.

Or maybe I'm just someone that everybody knows what I'm thinking. It doesn't take much of an effort.

But still I'm just gonna say. I've kept this in me for probably a year.

After that incident, the wound has heal. but the scar remains. the memories remain. And I'm left with fear. The kind of fear that probably friends don't even know about it.

There might be others far worse than me. But that incident was the worse that ever happen to me. I'm not comparing my incident to others. But it's the kind of pain that it has brought to me. probably nobody understands what I'm feeling. I've already had a friend that is like that. He's case is far worse! But he just don't understand what I'm trying to say.

As kelly clarkson songs goes, " because of you, I've learnt how to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt", "Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me." And "because of you, I am afraid."

yes. I play on the safe side. I guard my heart. So hard cause I don't wanna get hurt.

I told them about the incident. they all thought the same as others. Jerk ass. Asshole. you name it, they have it. And this happens to be guys too.

"there are better guys out there."

suddenly that night I thought.

Love and relationship are like fire to me! Once you burnt your fingers, you never wanna get near it anymore. And this is the case for me. Simply cause I don't trust anyone anymore. you can say I'm a love sick freak or some desperate girl. The feeling is overwhelming. I long for it, but I'm afraid. It's all because of fearful of being in love.

I don't think anyone would fall for me, a girl like me.

Lj once said, "Jocelyn, you need to love yourself more."

And only till date, did I realise that I don't love myself enough.

But how am I gonna trust someone? how do you expect me to?

To fall for something so dangerous. so hurtful. So sweet but bitter at the same time.

How can I learn to trust once again?

I keep thinking that people around me are out to cheat me. No one is truthful to me. No one.

I really am envious of my friends. YOU HEARD THAT BITCHES!! I have never told you guys how I really feel.

I'm someone who falls in love easily. And I hate that. I totally hate that. Don't be nice to me! But not too nasty too!

But where and who can I find this trust back from?

Got this from andrew's blog.

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. if you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal.
-C.S. Lewis

So ain't I just doing the right thing?

ever felt the feeling of having a burden off your shoulder?

Feeling just so light?

I'm sure you did. And that's exactly what I'm feeling at the moment.

Finally burn the project to cd and ready to bring it for printing and binding! =D

One year of hardwork. I can't imagine this... Unofficially GRADUATED!!! haha...

HOw long have I waited for this day?! hmm.... Let me think!

Probably a long long time that I can't even remember when... Oh maybe ever since year 2?

Whatever it is... My poly life have come to a full stop. starting a new chapter, new journey. But not sure what would be my first sentence of the new chapter? Looking forward.

Anyways it's already 3 of march... Besides being free from my therapy it's been a great mind in Feburary though exams and projects had to screw it up. I won't say it's a bad thing, it's just something that I know would be coming my way. Not unexpected. So it's still kind of cool.

I've gotta get going soon. Gotta bath then to bras barash and then to band room!! The school is finally renovating the band room!! Got to help out to move the percussion instruments to MLT 2!!

Ciaoz!

I just simply don't understand some humans! Especially those from the circus! The things that they can do to animals!! Whip them and ill-treat them! Make them jump over some circle of fire for show!! If not whip them!!

Oh come on!! Think of the fact if you were the one there! Whipping you!

I mean don't these people get it! They attack us out out of self-defence! We don't touch them, they'll leave us alone! Though they are animals! They remember!!!

Elephants who see its parents die under the hands of humans!! Attack people when they can't take it!!

Ain't these people just stupid!!

is it over?

finally MY VERY LAST PAPER IN SP IS OVER!!! well shan't comment on how's the paper... I lost 20 marks already... I'm just done for... So it's no point now... I just hope for a pass...

But nevertheless!! The smell of freedom is SO MUCH BETTER than hte aroma of my bowl of noodle right in front of me now!!

But too bad it's not gonna be over yet...

I've got a final report compliation to do for BD! ugh. drag...

it's just horrible to know that there's still a burden on your shoulder... And I'm too tired to do anything besides!! SLACK AND WATCH TV!! Hey that's something too!! =D

Been feeding on instant noodles for the few days! i'm just craving for it... So i don't care if i die of cancer! To be able to eat is happiness!!

Now that paper is over... I'm not sure what to do... some of my friends are slacking for a month first... so am I to do relief teaching start away or rest for one week! Yes I just said for a week! Not too long! I will get even lazier as i'm already VERY LAZY!! I just want a school near my house! Probably Radin Mas primary would be good! Or should I go back to my sec sch? hmmm...

OH BTW IT'S ALREADY 2 OF MARCH!! Remember my therapy?!!! It's working out so well!!!! I have not bought anything since the day I made the promise!! and I did go for window shopping! And though I saw things that I like! I have yet to buy it!!

Oh man!! Ain't you guys proud of me?!!! haha... The power of JOCELYN!!! =D

Seriously I can't believe it myself too!!

so 3 cheers for me!!!!

ok this is supposingly my last paper... Listen up last paper tml!!

But I've been more stress than ever!! I'm totally stress up!! I know!! I had that nightmare again! Where I couldn't wake up from bed and was late for paper... When i woke up paper was over! Gesh!!

I cried in my dream! I remembered and I woke up feeling as if I have just finished a war... My heart racing and almost breathless...

ho... just can't wait for this to end... OH! not yet!! there's still BD!

DEAD! it's just the word to describe how I feel.

YOU SEE THAT!!

Relief Teacher Online Checking of Status

Your application for registration as a relief teacher is successful. Please bring along all your original educational certificates, transcripts and necessary identification documentation to your first appointing school for the purpose of verification if any school has not appointed you. Schools will not be allowed to employ you if your particulars are not verified. Please note that your registration as a relief teacher will expire on 31 Dec 2006 . You are required to renew your application for year 2006 within 2 weeks from 31 Dec 2006 . You may call 6872 2220 or access the 'Renewal' in the relief teaching web site to renew your registration.

ok i'm dying from insomia!! I have not been sleeping well for the past two nights! andI bloody hell don't know why!

I can't say it's stress from exams but I just can't sleep! And the funny thing is that I'm studying cause I can't sleep.

I slept at 6am on friday and on sat morning I woke up like every hour and finally I've gotta wake up at 12+... Think of the hours I 've slept!

I slept at 4+ on sat and woke up at 8+ this morning!!

Crap man!

ok stress is coming... I'm on the phone with my bd mates... PM, FM and BD!! totally stres!!

it's 4.32am and i'm still up... =)

Well all because of studying for pm... PM (Portfolio management) and FMRP are just like 2 days away man!! How am i going to study... PM has seven chapters!! but not forgetting the fact that it's rather heavy!! AND FMRP has 13 CHAPTERS!!!! No joke!! The one with the stupid 100 mcq!! Oh anyways I passed that test!! I've got 57...

Ok ya... anyways, I'm still quite wide awake! brain still working on fine! I think I can go on for an hour or so...

And I bloody hell have to start FMRP or else I'm just dead meat!

I simply can't wait for exams to be over. It's just so so horrible.

And I think i have to work out a expense budget...

I feel the pain in my heart, the unwillingness to treat you like that... The tears that came running down my cheeks with a guilty feeling.

But I'm still seeing red but I can't bring myself to quarrel with you or answer you back... With the door slightly open, you asked me to take dinner...

The scene and the feeling at that moment just makes me heart-broken... I can't bring myself to treat you like that but I'm still angry... I just don't understand why...

I've not spoken much to you since you came back, I really don't know what to do...

But I just wanna let you know...

I really love you. Mum.

Just who the hell am i...

sometimes I just wanna stop being the nice jocelyn and scream at those people that i don't like. Tell people that I don't like them for who they are. I hate the way they handle things! Overall I just wanna be straightforward to them!!

Why is it that I have to be nice to people?! By keeping quiet I think I've lost lots of things! People never notice the nice things that are done. And I often console myself by saying " it's ok. you don't need everybody to know that you have done something good". Sacrificing is good cause it makes people happy!

ugh. holy crap! Life's just a bitch!

It doesn't pays to be good! But what do you get to be evil?! Life is just a whole lot of contradicting stuff!! There's never being able to have both of the worlds!

I think I've kept quiet for so many issues already! But I think it takes a little initiative for the other party to do something! And stop sticking his/ her god damn arse on the chair thinking there's nothing wrong!

I just wanna yell at all these people right this instant!!! Shoot them down with my scream, shouts and scoldings!!! who the hell they think they are!! don't they have the word "shame" in their dictionary!! why are they born such an arse! ugh.

why do they have the right to play people out! ain't everyone human made of blood and flesh with feelings just like them?! yet they have the heart to play people out like a fool!! and change the whole damn story the other way round.

I just still don't get it!

and there are people who forced you to go do something you don't like and try to be nice and coax you!! Bloody bitch!! and the more persistent you are, they think you are heartless! Making people begging you! hey!! People have a choice!! own rights!!! I just don't understand!! The thought of it makes me feel like slapping that bitch!

ok if i'm gonna continue, it's never gonna end.

if you think i'm talking about you, you are thinking too much but well at least you have the word "shame" in your dictionary cause when I blog about this. it's definitely gotta do with people around me. but maybe thinking too much might be a good thing.

It's my blog! Jocelyn speaks!

*yAwNz*

Was practising my maths just now... Paper is on thursday! But i'm a sleepy head now! I'm not really concentrating but differentiation is still going easy on my brain. Just that I don't know whether to sleep or not?! I know I know I'm a weird person. Person that doze off while studying in front of the table, and wide awake while studying on her bed.

you must be thinking just go sleep la! the paper is on thursday! But you understand the GUILTY feeling! I bet all of you know it!!

Ok! My eyes are already signaling to me! my eyes are already so small! It's even smaller now! How terrible can I look!

I'm totally shut!

this is weird

I had a stomache so I had to go to the toilet.. Did my usual thing by bringing a mag in...

So I was reading through this section: Fantasy VS Fetish. thought it was quite interesting.

An I've learned names for unusual fetishes! And I really meant unusual!

Axillism : Fetish for using armpit for sex.
Androminetophilia : A woman who's sexually aroused by umpersonating a man.
Dasyproctic : Fetish for hairy buttocks.
Idrophrodisia : Arousal from perspiration.
Mysophilia : Sexual arousal by dirt and filth
Nanophilia : Fetish for kissing, sucking, touching or looking at another's nose.
Zelophilia : Arousal from jealousy.

Thought this is abit ridiculous already! wait till you hear this!!

Coprophilia : Arousal by Faeces!!!
can you imagine this!! Why the hell would you get arouse by faeces!! this is just weird!

cherish

how many times did you ever felt that you have made the wrong choice? And actually regret? and felt that you should have listen to the older generation advise and not go against?

when they tell you to go left, you just had to go right. and sometimes end up with bruises and tears.

still we reprimand them for not warning us? Or find them too naggy.

But how many 10 years do they have left?

Probably when they are gone, we would just miss all these. Miss the nags,scoldings or rather care, concern and love.

you might have the taste of it already or maybe not.

Just like me, I miss my grandma. Everything about her. Her nags, scoldings, beatings... it's just simply everything. And thinking that I might have took her existence for granted. and the worse thing was that she left without saying a word. do you know how that feels? she never woke up to speak to me again, I could only see her breathing everyday. And I never got to see her pair of gorgeous eyes anymore except in the photo.

if you have not taste it, don't try to. the feeling is just terrible cause the person is never gonna come back, so cherish what you have now. It's worth much more than gold or silver. and it's even better than shopping.

what you have now are blessings from God! Only once in a lifetime!

Watch this!!

I've shared this with a couple of people already! but i still think I shld share it wiht more! this guy is great! Beyond words!

Happy belated Valentine's day peeps!! Certainly hope you guys enjoy your time with your loved ones! Well I did! Though not with my dream guy but it was still wonderful!!

Love is in the air! well your valentine yesterday need not be with your gf/bf! it can be with friends or family! ya it's love... Not just towards gf/bf. but also love for family and friends!!

I had a whole lot of fun with darling cia though with sulian & bf disturbing our wonderful time!! but thought it was rather cute to see the both of them talk... we had dinner at yoshi at taka...

Then we went WINDOW SHOPPING!! These people are taking my life man!!! ugh! I'm dying from this whole shopping therapy!! I regret making those promises! i saw so many things I like!! But well I shall be determine!! It's just 15 MORE DAYS!! It's gonna be fast! just buried my arse at home will do the job! =)

Well TO test is on friday... so sad! I rather have more trading lessons to make up for the test!!

Okies... It's a darn hot weather!! Gonna take shower!!

Ciaoz!

ok I think I eat a little too much! I had a stomach upset!! =)

Oh man! I'm totally tired and drained after filling in those non-stop application forms for uni...

So many stuff to fill in! Totally irritating!!

ugh. I just hope I can get into the education course. Or else I'm gonna die cause I have NO back-up plan! Seesh.

Oh I called ntu to get my reference no. I just think those people are just so rude!! Screw them man! What kind of attitude is that! And can't they speak properly! stupid people.

Anyways had CSB test today, was ok.

ok. I'm blank now!

Relief Teacher Online Checking of Status

You have been given the provisional approval for your application to register as a relief teacher. Schools will be allowed to employ you during this interim period. Please bring along all your original education certificates, transcripts and necessary identification document to your first employing school for the purpose of verification. Schools will not be allowed to employ you if your particulars are not verified. For the final status of your application, you may access this option in one month's time to check. Thank you.

It's not finalised yet!

After a month, not bad! just in time.

Now what am I left with. Oh! the English Proficiency Test! Have that to apply! Gesh! Can I stop man! It's just so much hassle.

Ok I shall stop right here... A little rest before tuition starts!

Yes! ugh.

And oh ya! I've been eating like some hungry cow nowadays!! I get hungru easily! Talk about that I'm hungry now! I had breakfast at 10.30am. When CSB was over that was about 1+, I was already hungry! And I ate lots of lunch! A plate of honeydew, salad and long john silver! Then I shitted! Now I'm hungry!

The rate I'm eating scares people! ha...

Ok I forgot to blog about this god-damn-cool place i went the other day when I was out with Cia, sulian and Tramy.

Cia brought us to this really nice, quiet bar cum restaurant with spolit cd played and after that played music that is in a language that is totally stranger to us... But the ambience is good! Good place to slack and for lovers to cuddle together...

I can't remember what's the name of that bar but I thought of working there.

oh and I applied for relief teaching already and also uni... i just hope I'm able to get into uni and i have to register with MOE and also take EPT(English Proficiency test! And only people that score B3 and above are exempted from it! And I got a bloody B4!! Damn!! So the whole oral and language thing is coming again!

Ok so I'm graduating in like 3 weeks time! If I can get the relief teaching... That would be fantastic! And Tutoring plus the bar job! Oh my!! haha... should I go apply for that bar job waitress thingy?!

I know it would be hell tiring. But i don't know but I think I need the money... well not really... Not hard up for money!

Ugh. I don't know! I know it just sounds absurd and total madness! I'll consider but i'm serious!

new blogskin

ok I'm settling with this blogskin now...

Anyways I wanted to study but I'm dead tired. and I just realise I have not photo blog for a long long time! i'm just lazy la... that's why. Now... I've also forgot my username and password for photobucket... ha...

Password and username are never a thing for me... I keep forgetting them. STM.

For now...


I saw an old friend of ours today,
She asked about you,
I didn't quite know what to say;
Heard you've been makin' the rounds 'round here
While I've been tryin' to make tears disappear.

CHORUS:
Now I'm almost over you,
I've almost shook these blues;
So when you come back around
After paintin' the town
You'll see I'm almost over you.

You're such a sly one with your cold, cold heart,
Maybe leavin' came easy but it tore me apart;
Time heals all wounds they say and I should know
'Cause it seems like forever but I'm lettin' you go.

CHORUS:
Now I'm almost over you,
I've almost shook these blues;
So when you come back around
After paintin' the town
You'll see I'm almost over you.

I can forgive you and soon I'll forget
All my shattered dreams;
Although you left me with nothing to show
All of misery.

CHORUS:
Now I'm almost over you,
I've almost shook these blues;
So when you come back around
After paintin' the town
You'll see I'm almost over you.

When you come back around
After paintin' the town
You'll see I'm almost over you

finally it's the last day of school! Wohoho!! this is soso good! haha...

Went for PM tutorial! Surprisingly! But well I feel good!

Anyways went shopping yesterday, saw this black formal top from Espirit! I love it! ok! BUT!! I didn't buy it! I said I won't buy it would really mean I won't buy!!

So audrey! U will not get your treat! And it seems like you don't know me well! =)

Exams are coming and I saved the fastest and most during this period! So forget about the treat and be my witness to see how I succeed!

ok I'm tired! ciaoz...

ATTENTION!! GOOD NEWS!!

ATTENTION PEEPS!I've good news for u guys!!

Here's a chance for you to win a free lunch! Just simply do your job well! ;)

I need you guys to be my witness for my SELF-CONTROL CAMPAIGN!!! I've been shopping like mad and I'm running low on vitamin M!! This is sooooo bad!! It's so embrassing! won't talk about it!! Things are just getting outrageous!

BUT! I, Jocelynlee shang ying, promised that I won't shop from tomorrow the 9/2/2006 TO 2/3/2006!! And if I break my promise, I'll treat you peeps! And I'll promise to tell the truth! I won't lie! I'm the last person! So don't worry! Jocelyn is a honest and good girl!!

All you peeps should be my witness and help me out with this therapy!! So DON'T LURE ME INTO TRAP!! I'll SMACK YOUR HEAD!!

THANK YOU!!!

Oh god! I'm losing my patience studying for FM test tml! It's way lots of stuff and I'm not really getting it into my head but reading thru!

100mcq 100 mins! Ugh. It totally just drag man!

And I can't study till it's like late night! So i'm still thinking If I should go for CSB tml! It's just hell lots of crap la! Ridiculous man!

Wrong course!? I'm beginning to wonder! well! I've know it! That's the reason for not taking business when I enter uni! It just sucks! ugh.

I need a break!

well I had to settle with this blogskin... I can't find anything nicer! I like the bllack background! I found one but it screwed up so I'll just used this!

But I don't feel abandoned Or any of the kind of feeling like tat! I'm still going on fine!

Anyways sunday was rather ok the only bad thing was that I couldn't shit the whole day! but now it's alright already cause I just shitted!!

After churh, headed to cityhall for lunch! had a good lunch at magic wok! And so I was standing opposite Robinsons! And it says! "FINAL REDUCTION! 70%! ENDING SOON!"

so I guess you guys know being the usual me, what I did!

I walked in and was looking at bags! I saw this bag that I liked! And I walked around and went back! I didn't no whether to buy or not? Since when in doubt, just buy! That's my logic!

So the smart me came out with something.

I shall asked for a new piece, if there is I will buy! So I asked!

And I shamelessly took the new piece, paid for it at the counter and walked out of robinsons to take a bus home!

Why shamelessly!? cause i'm saving money for laptop! And I have to save $512 by thursday or the order would be cancelled automatically! Till date I have only $414!

Oh man! Wat a bitch!

That's no school tml!! Hurray! Tat means I can sleep more!! But I would need to start studying for PM! 100 mcqs, 100mins! how good can tat be!

we were good! simple as this line is but it sends people up to heaven! brighten up your day! and leave you smiling non-stop! =)

today was out final presentation for BD! Major one!! There were lots people in SB to assess us! and we told the wrong timing and ended up reaching 2 hours before our presenation! But well it gave us sufficient time to prepare! Rehearse through!

Nervousness was not with me at all! =)

And after the presentation, one of them said " I like this group!"

heard that! oh my! ok! i'm sorry! we are just happy!

I thought I was doing well! I was great! Yes I was confident! so? BC low was impressed cause I was always so quiet in his class!

And we won't bombarded with lots of questions! And it just ended in less than an hour! haha... can u imagine a year of work it ended just within an hour!

To think berbard was so worried for our group! well we were the slackest group! always taking our own sweet time! ha... good grave!

anyways! It's just a happy day today!

Ciaoz peeps!

ok so SB night was yesterday! how was it?

well there were more people at the food court as compared to the audience! =D

ya so all of us basically treat it as a rehearsal! Was rather nervous when the curtains open but after that it was ok... Sang "zombie" and "speedy gonzales"!! wasn't confident for love song! so I had to have last minute changes! =)

and guess what we had an encore!! but only one member represented EarLobe!!! haha... they played "That thing you do"! Jo and I was like screaming below the stage!!

"EARLOBE! EARLOBE!!!" WHOOO!!!! haha...

who cares who plays! So long as people remember EarLobe!! haha.. =D

I'm smelling something good!

Oh! oh!! There was this other cute guy from another band! He's quite fat! with the charisma! haha... And he plays the DRUMS!! Drummers are devoted pple! haha...

yaya... I'm going crazy over a guy I see for only 5 mins! He's only an eye candy! I won't get to see him much in SB la!

And moreover! My new year resolution is not just bullshitting! It's for real! haha...

Well! It's already feb! fast! So far Jan has been a good month for me! good start! and feb is gonna smell good too! cause GRADUATION is NEARING!!! =D

A new start soon! new adventure!

and ya! Valentine's day is COMING!! Hope all you peeps has already found your valentine!! ;D

Supposed to be preparing a speech for my FINAL presentation tml! But! I've been looking for blogskins and can't find nice ones! Wanna start soon but I'm a little sleepy now! So think I'll just go take a nap first!!

ugh! Holy crap! I'm sick again! down with flu!!! I have not fall sick so many times within less than 1/2 a year!! What's wrong man!!

And it started happening after I exercise!! Probably I must keep exercising and not stop! Once I stop I will fall sick! Crap!

Projects, tests and performance are just taking up my time!

I seriously need a god damn swim!

I don't wanna try so hard. but it seems like I don't even have to put in much effort to try hard at all. it's effortless. people just proves me right over and over again, so what else do you want me to believe in?

cut the crap and save those encouragement and advise! it's never gonna work for me anymore! Don't say too much to me! you are just wasting your time!

I would only once again believe if I see it! Prove me wrong! and I would believe! If not just save the time for other things! if not I would just be that disappointed biatch!

sometimes I really hate you! But sometimes I'm not sure if I should! what the hell la!

anyways happy chinese new year peeps! probably not very happy... but hope you guys got lots of ang baos!

Well since it's chinese new year... it's chinese new year entry...

New year eve was not that good. well save the bad! It's not very good! after reunion dinner mailina and we 3 sisters headed to chinatown to SQUEEZE with pple! Though it was crowded, it was fun! better than last year! I bought lots of stuff! Food! accessories! UGH! Crap! We were like darn tired man! Squeezing for 2-3 hrs! But fulfilling! So who cares!

First day of new year was a sunday so headed to church first before going to my uncle's place! Now here's the best part!! ANG BAOS!! That's what we look forward to!!
Kind of good to catch up with my aunts, uncles and cousins! Man! We have all grown up!! To think we were still kids that time playing games like hide-and-seek,catching and power rangers! haha... memories! my youngest cousin is already primary 3 or 4 i think! We crap lots and took pictures!

There was this really cute boy there... Called sean! I will upload his pic when I can cause my com has no service pack so nokia PC suite can't be install! Darn! He eats non-stop! peanuts! Kids are just cute! And I would even be more sure that I want to be a primary school teacher! =)

After my uncle's place we headed to my grandma's place! Which all of us drag ourselves there! I only get to see them like once a year?! that's cool! I mean I'm not even close to them and some things happen between my mum and grandma. So we went cause we had to la. Stayed there for only like 45 mins? and we are off to orchard! =)

Orchard was dead! for once! Real dead! No shops were open! I mean PS! Quiet!? It just didn't have the connection there! we headed mailina, my 2 sisters and I went to Swenses for dinner before catching "I not stupid too" and while waiting for my cousins to come! =)

and we had this whole conversation of guys, past experience and expectations of a guy! And they say I have high expectations! They said so! Well I think my expectation of a guy is just realistic.

He has to give me a very stable look with his outer appreance. Decent and smart looking, good sense of dressing, tall and good looking! I mean comfortable to my eyes! Now now... people has different definition of good looking and comfortable to eyes. So I can't explain how exactly good looking can be. For a matter of fact, he has to have a good career. And very financially stable! But I will have my own career to spend my own money and not his. Being financially stable gives me security and I know I can depend on him. He will have to know how to save cause I save fast but spend faster. Saves lots but not stingy! Knowing how to give is just beautiful.

Very motivated and devoted to things he does. He doesn't necessarily need to have a car but preferably. But sometimes mrt, bus and walk would be romantic too! He would have to know how to do household chores so he can share the load with me, able to cook so we can do it together.

And ya... I have finger fettish! I like only manly fingers. =) I know it sounds absurd but ya it's one of the expectation. I don't mind fat guys but you need to look good to be fat! get the idea? you need to be charming and have the charisma. There are fat guys with just that.

He has gotta be a devoted christian cause I'm not that holy after all. And now comes the necessary things. He has to be caring, loving and dote on me. He has got to like kids too. And be able to spend time with me despite his busy schedule. And he has gotta let me work! cause LADIES!! Don't live off your husband's money! Have your own money! I mean who knows what he will do to me one day!? But I hope not! And he better NOT!

And ya! He has to work out!! EXERCISE!! So i'll be motivated to do so!

Ok for now I think that's all. I can't think of anything else for now.

so first day of chinese new year was that. I not stupid too was quite ok. typically singaporeans. Everything about it is just so true! I'm not gonna be a parent like that. =)

Suposed to head home but well it's chinese new year! So headed to "Rive Hongbao" with my cousins, aunts and uncles! It was unplanned! But it was dead boring there! nth much! Probably everybody was tired.

And that was day one! Spent just like that.

We were all dead beat once we reached home! I slept through the night! It was good sleep man! I just slept and slept! So deeply and sound! it's been so long! So day two I woke up real late! Slack at home till 4+ before heading to town with the intention to shop but well all shops were closed! so mailina, meichan n I went to galilee & friends to chill! Superb place!! Since valentine's day is coming! Bring your date there! Good ambience! food not bad! Price is reasonabe too! Portion big! And we ended ktv-ing!

And now that was day two!! Fast huh! And it means! holidays is coming to an end soon! And soon exams! then graduate!! Woohoo!!!

anyways it's the third day of new year! and I'm staying home to do project!!

So i'm done with blogging everything I wanna say! And that's it for today!

ciaoz peeps!

4 years... time past just like that...

It's my grandma death anniversary today... Well paid my respect last week... I missed her badly... her presence seems to be still around! Ok not meant to be ghostly...

It might be my last year to be able to pay respect cause after that my uncle might decide to throw her ushes in the sea... and I don't want that!! It's so sad!! I wanna buy flowers! Different kind of flowers for her every year!

Nobody can go tell him what to do... I guess he has the final say...

finally after 5 hours of packing! Or rather spring cleaning!! The room is neat and tidy!! Dust-free!! The sense of satisfaction is cool! hehe...

Well my stuffs are packed just left with the clothes part! I need to wash all my new clothes! 3 bas full! shit man! I'm just gonna die!!

And i've got new bedsheet!! My bed is too colourful now!

hehe... but well it brightens my day up!!

Okies! I need to slp now!!

Ok this is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO irritating!! I've been trying to sleep the whole morning and I've been receiving calls! non-stop!! You know how much i loathe that!!

I dislike people disturbing my sleep man! And they just keep coming since morning 7+!! Oh drag! Why can't they just let me sleep peacefully?! Since u called my sister just confirm with them la!! Why must it always be me?! BASKET!!

And now I'm not having enough sleep! Damn it!!!

There are so many things to do today! Well at least for me cause it's so not organised!! UGH!! I hate my days to be not organised!!

The concert is tml already!! GOSH!!!

Thought that I would be free after tml?! Nah I doubt so! I thought so too! I had it planned out alr actually to start studying next week! But now EarLobe is performing for SB night!! COOL! haha... There are too many crappy bands! So they need good band!! Haha... WE ARE A GOOD BAND!! haha...

Ok!! Pardon me!

You know something... I think this whole bandedge thing has totally changed my life!It's a good change I would say! Interesting January for me! I think feb is gonna be as great too!! with EarLobe! =)

I know I'm supposed to be in school now... but well I couldn't wake up this morning plus the fact that I do not have an alarm clock to wait myself up! so ya... I slept through till my mum came back at 2.30pm... It's the time of the month so I'm just totally exhausted!

I'm still dead tired now but I've got band later! It's the last practice today!! OH MY GOD!! CAN U IMAGINE!!! SUNDAY IS MY LAST CONCERT ALREADY!! I have this feeling that it's gonna rain that night k! Oh shit!

it's always this kind of weather, this time of the month whereby I'm getting to feel emotional! And I'm missing the time whereby EarLobe stayed back in school till late nights to rehearse! though it was tired but the fun was there... I simply enjoyed myself! Not sure about the others but definitely for me!

Anyways went out with mum to buy new bed sheet for chinese new year!! haha... We decided like darn fast man! For the first time I decided so fast!! whaha... =)

I just love my new bedsheet just that the other set has no quilt cover! I'm gonna get a BRIGHT ORANGE quilt cover at Ikea! and that's if they have! I just think bedsheet sets should be in bright colours~!! it just brightens my day up!! hehe...

And I so like going out with my mum!! I've got myself a new bag!! wahha... Paid by mum!! haha... Should have stayed out a little longer ytd but! It rained so yeah.. we had to go home!

Finally bandedge is over!! The showcase was today and we were the first band to perform! Was rather or no! very nervous! I've never sang in front of so many people before! It's a big step for me man! But well I did it! I'm happy for myself! My 2006 resolution is fulfilled! I mean one of it! hehe...

We played "why can't I" by Liz phair, "Love song for a love song" by parking lot pimp, "zombie" by the cranberries and "speedy gonzales"!!

Good or bad?! we enjoyed! and I've got good comment from jo's friend that I was powerful! haha... "blushing"

You can never imagine the amount of time we spent just for today's showcase! We have been staying in the band room to rehearse almost to 11.40pm since monday... And I've not seen my parents for a couple of days! though it's like darn usual for that to happen! =)

SHUNLI, MEI and CIA!! Thanx for coming to support the bitch here!! haha... thank you so much! hope you guys enjoyed! and meimei! Thanx for the tag! hehe...

And also some band members who came! ya, thanx alot!

though I fumble at the front till zombie! haha...

But well it's a good experience! And EarLobe are not gonna disband! that's great! That means I have more opportunity of performing! And to say trufully I LOVE TO PERFORM! ;)

And I have fulfilled one of my resolution in 2006! To sing in front of others!

Just to look back for the past few days what I did...

Sat we stayed in school to prepare for river raft on sunday but we didn't sleep cause we jam through the night to sort out the chords for the songs! And guess what river raft was a bore! Not much of a fun this year though I screwed up my drumset big time!

Went for Ntu talk with cindy regarding the ntu teaching degree course! Rather cool! looking forward!

and it was shopping with my aunt at chinatown! but i hate it! cause there were too many pple there! irritating! Hate crowds man!

And next it was home and a hot bath! And I slept from 6+ to the next moring 12+... Bet that was a wonderful good sleep!

Monday skipped lecture and went for BD, and practice till 11+! Tues? after band prac it was still rehearsing for today!

That's why I'm so happy! And we performed twice!! haha.. that's cool!

Well overall I'm happy now!

and oh ya! I lost my phone! I'm not sad! ya y? I don't know! I'm just not sad! the only thing that I'm sad about is that my memory card is gone=all memories all gone!, my sally's head and my hp strap from hong kong!! Oh man! the thought of my sally's head being thrown into the dustbin PAINS MY HEART!!! *oUch*

Stab that person man!

But! I'm enjoying my phoneless days! CAUSE no phone = NO RESPONSIBILITIES!!

but my mum is darn eager to get a phone for me! And I'm not sure what phone to get! I wanna get W900i!! But it's damn ex la!! Probably I'll just get nokia 7370... it's nice too! then wait for w900i to drop then I'll trade in!!

probably I'll do just that! I'm just lazy to get a phone!

Now that bandedge is over! MD is coming!! Just 4 MORE DAYS!! OH MY GOD!! ISN'T THAT HORRIFYING!!! Esp! Ticket sales!!

hmm... well that's all for the moment i think! I waiting for my show!

Remember about the audition for the bandedge?

U bet we guys were like darn nervous! There were like so many PROS there! We were totally freak out but Thank God we were the second band! It was a nce exprience for all of us! Good exposure! Though we are buysing preparing for coming wednesday performance OUTSIDE THE SPORTS HALL!! YES WE ARE IN!!! HAHAHHA...

It was darn cool! We were totally shocked by the news! cause! ya! you know! First timer! pros?! it just didn't sounded right! Comments was we were tight, good sound, dynamics(duh! we are people from band! haha...) erm... can't rmb the last one! Oh but something we didn't have was showmanship! haha... we were too laid back! well! We though oh well just treat it as an experience cause too many good people there already! But well! we are gonna do our best for coming wednesday performance! We have to prepare a 20mins performance! and I'll be singing all the songs! man am i gonna die! I WANNS PLAY THE BASS!!! but well i can just sing alone... it's ok..

It's outside the sports hall!! Peeps! if you are my friend COME DOWN AND SUPPORT ME!! But if u deny so!! U STILL HAVE TO GO!! CAUSE YOU ARE READING THIS!! =P

finally it's thursday and tml is the audition... Nervous?! I don't know... probably tml! But hope not...

Well not been blogging... And I've been shopping! Bought too many stuff so I'll just keep it short! Shopping is my soul food!

And how time flies! There's only 4 more practices to concert!!

And thanx to all who are coming!! I think it will make your money wotrth! cause we are working very hard!!

ok finally decided on the song for the friday audition... Why can't I?

Just hope nervous breakdown doesn't rule me anymore....

I still can't believe this man! I can't believe I just want to the table pick up that piece of paper and without hesitation I wrote my name!

I can't god damn believe that I took part in SP band edge!! Oh god!!

Am I dreaming?

Okies I'm still looking for a second song! And I'm running out of songs!! Ya someone like me who sings alot have no songs in mind!

It's always the case! When you don't need to look for one, it just comes to your head! but when you need it, all of a sudden your mind is empty! blank!

Ok! peeps! I need suggestion!! Just tag!! I would appreciate it! Though no treats! NO REWARDS!! But BY HELPING YOU ARE DOING A GOOD DEED FOR THE DAY! I'M SURE GOD WILL KNOW!!

THANK YOU!!

This is totally insane...

I hurt my foot! And damn u bet it's swollen now!! The glock drop onto my feet and it turn blue-black INSTANTLY!! DAMN IT!! you bet it's darn god pain!! And I've been limping home! Shit man!

And I've yet to rub it cause I'm afraid of pain! AH! Just leave it!

Anyways first day of school yesterday was fantastic! 8am class I woke up at 840am... If not for mei's call I think I'll just sleep till noon and missed the whole day of class! =D

Typically me...

Just 7 more practices we are off to esplande for my LAST MD concert!! Oh yeah! baby!

Can't wait! and most of my friends are going this year! Especially my 2 darlings from the rojak gang! with their BF!! =D

haha... it's so gd to have friends that are attached! Ok! Not making use!!

I just love you guys man! I miss u guys! I wanna meet up with you guys!! ARGH! Seesh! I've lots to tell u peeps! But think I don't know hw to start... ah nvm abt tat part... just keep it to myself...

ok i'm really very scared and I feel like crying now...

I don't wanna say what is it about cause that's the thing I'm afraid of... Ugh! Shit man! what am I to do?!

Can't it just bloody hell leave me alone for a long time! I'm struggling so hard! And I really don't know who to talk to... I don't dare!

Ugh man! who do I turn to? Who can I talk to?

The first day of the year and the first group of friends I met are not my rojak gang! I met up with ruben, halim, kar heng and rasidah! To celebrate ruben's birthday! Well I'm just gonna save the effort of describing the process of waiting for them! But I waited for them for 2 hours plus!!

OMG!! Never in my whole life I waited for people for that long! that's like almost impossible!!! But thank God I had shopping!! haha...

Well, I bought a pair of white pumps!! =) never even fail to!

Headed to Siam Kitchen at Suntec for dinner! It was good! Not bad! If you love spicy food, here's the place to go! Dinner was fun! Had lots of fun and crap! And we dedicated a song to ruben at the fountain!! You bet he was touched!! That's what halim said so cause he never had that kind of look on his face before!! Just trying to hide! Oh come on! Just be touched! Cry if you want!! haha... nah i'm joking...

Anyways! I just came back from Mustafa centre!! haha... My dream came true!! nah... Just wanted to take a look there! It's just so good to have a friend who drives! But sad we could not stay out late cause ruben has to go home and study!

I bought a cap there and an addidas deodarant spray... and one for my sister!

Well that's it for the day! i'm tired! But thinking should I finished my CSB or leave it for tml!

Ok it's 18 mins past 2006!! Happy new year peeps!!

So what's your new year's resolution?

I have a couple!

First of all, I wanna remember all my friends' birthday! I'll try!

And I wanna do something that I never had the courage to do my whole entire life!! And I'm gonna do it! And since I have the confidence now! I'll just do it!

Well for the rest!I just want a smooth sailing 2006! Interesting and abit exciting! I don't mind! But I don't want anymore similar incidents in 2005 again!