Changes

It's Monday once again. Back to the nothing to do again. I've been sitting here all morning not knowing what to do. Almost dozing off at every stage.Came in late, had long lunch and planning to go off early.

All the taboos in office, I've done it all here. Feel like a total slacker and waste of my time. I would rather be out walking with Wen min then sit here though it's a very rare opportunity to be so slack.

Oh yea... Did I mention I'm left with 50euros for the next 2 weeks. Gosh! This is so disgusting. What have I been spending on! goodness gracious me. And too much shopping. No good for me! Not forgetting that I still have credit card bills to pay when I get back to SG. My HK trip as well. I'm starting to think if I would need to declare bankrupt soon. I think I better stop. Oh maybe after a few more items. Yet to buy chocs for the office and others. I need CASH! Better get the reimbursement of my meals back soon!

Somehow I still don't really like this trip despite it being paid for. I wanna be back home.

Anyways I was reading through Emilie's blog and it reminded me of something.

A little change to my life when I'm back in Singapore. Gonna start jamming with Emilie and her friend, Edwin. It's for fun as of now 'cause she's taking pop piano and having a band to practice with will be better. But  it's also good for me cause I always wanted to sing in a band, work with others and discover things as a band. And how to improve myself from others' suggestions. I'm looking forward to this addition activity in my life. The colours that it'll be adding to my life besides the monday-friday, work and home routine.

The list of songs can be found on Emilie's blog and thankfully she post it on her blog 'cause I left the list back in Singapore. I could practice during my free time especially those new songs.

Not sure how it's gonna turn out to be but very eager to work with the both of them. What's the future of this band? I don't know but at least it's a good start. Things can always be work out on the way. We've started picking out songs that we wanna try and see which is the best for us. Or rather we can choose songs and customized it to suit us. Don't expect Mariah Carey's kind of voice for me 'cause I ain't those kind. My voice is just a voice that produces out a sound that might coincidentally be in tune with the note that's playing out from the keyboard or guitar.

So the first task is to exercise diligently to firm up and train up those diaphragm. It really helps alot and makes alot of difference. Well at the same time, I could work out and lose weight. The best of both worlds. Or maybe I can start at the gym though I don't have proper exercise gear. But I guess shorts, t-shirts and sneakers are good enough.

Sorry for the lack of updates in photos, I'm just too lazy to do so. I'll find the time.

Can't wait to be back in Singapore. Not that I don't like it here. I enjoy the weather and laid back life. I'm probably the luckiest person in the back office that could be sent from so far to actually help out. God has heard my prayers and given this opportunity. But still, this is not home. I don't get my favourite food here. Food are horribly expensive and if you thought Singapore is expensive you might really consider eating grass here. What I don't really like is that I've gotta move here and there. It gets quite irritating actually. I'm checking out from Antwerp's hotel on the 17th June. I'm still thinking if I wanna move to Brussels for one night. But my luggage is heavy. Then on the 18th I'll be spending 1 night in Amsterdam, I'll have to move again. Head to Amsterdam Hilton on myself by cab and then fly from Amsterdam airport. I really don't like the travelling thru and flow esp. with my heavy luggage.

I miss the bf alot. One month of separation might not be long but it's not too short either. It's great to know that we both miss each other as much. And looking forward to the day of my return back to Singapore. !2 more days till the final countdown! I'm out of these place and back to the land that's filled of love for me. =)

Amsterdam

Weekends in Amsterdam was amazing!

Had so much fun and eye opening experience! The red light district, apartment with very narrow staircase, canal boat ride and nice ice cream. Red light district area was totally eye opener and it was just like entering sin city. Kind of too much man. But good to experience it. heee...

My Amsterdam colleague was nice enough to host us and giving us a roof. Nice and simple apartment with doors all spoiled. But he's a man leaving alone so what can we expect. Funny thing is he didn't change fresh new bedsheets for us. haaa... amazing but well we still slept on it. Need to sleep.

Anyways am not thinking straight anymore. Need to get some slp, gotta head to work.

More updates! Laterz!

Lobo

I've been sitting here the whole morning doing nothing else except for chatting on msn, commenting on friend's post in Facebook, reading blogs and sending emails to friends in SG. Not just today but almost everyday since I'm here.

Good life eh. I won't comment much on that. At least some work is better than no work. But it doesn't seem to look as wrong here compared to Singapore. I just settle into the culture. when they have nothing much to do, they surf net here. And how do I know. 'Cause I'm sitting right at the corner of the room.

If only work was like that back home. I was just looking through the HK mailbox and  wonder to myself. "Can I picked up the fast paced work when I'm back." Or maybe the question should be this instead. "Do I want or not." I'm getting so lazy. I still can't make myself commit to here anymore.

The fire is dying. I can't get it burning again. I need some motivation.

But anyways on a happy note. Wen Min has finally arrived Antwerp! Finally! I'm gonna enjoy these 10days with her so much!! And probably get better sleep tonight. I was jumping on the streets when I saw her. Literally. It's fate I guess. We've got the same luggage bag as well!

We'll be heading down to Amsterdam later in the evening by train. Staying over at a colleague's house. Glad that we can actually save up the hotel money and spend in Paris. Can't wait to explore with her, Heard Amsterdam is damn fun!

Lunchtime soon. Gonna head back to the hotel to look for her and off we go for some walk! Good weather today! Not oo cold and the sun is up!

16 more days...

16 more days to the end of my misery here.




I feel like a fool here. It's my 2nd week here in Belgium and I've yet to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Should I sit here and wait for them to tell me what to do or take initiative?

Back in SG, our culture is to take initiative. Which I did. I did as told but seems like it's pointless if something else is not completely done. I, as a tester, whom they requested all the way from SG has totally no information or updates about the delay of the DU testings. And how am I supposed to know. Even the lady guiding me is so inexperienced and get stressed up over little things which can't be comparable to our working env't in SG. I mean of cause I can't compare it's different culture. Do it! You have done it before! Like "HELLO! I have not done it before! I know it better than you, confused mouse!"



I know I'm being mean here. But feel my frustration. It's the situation of a blind mouse leading another one. And she's sort of raising her voice at me. I'm here to help her, not her assistant! She don't even have good payment knowledge. Ugh... nvm. Just that too many things happen and I just have to beware of my back. 16 more days and there are 10days Wen min is here. I thank God for that.

Well it's another 1 hr 10mins more for lunch. I'm looking forward to it.

Have a great day ahead pple!

Starting all over again

Checking out from Le Meriden Brussels in another hour and gonna hop on the train with all my heavy luggage to Antwerp.

Yes I'll be spending the rest of the week in Antwerp.

It feels like starting all over again. Trying to adapt to be alone somewhere else again. Survived through the 2nd weekends. I've 20 more days and 2 more weekends before home comes near. That's why Wen Min's arrival next friday is gonna be such a bonus! At least there's someone to spend 2 weekends with me! Gonna head down to Amsterdam and Paris! Woohooo!!! =)

2nd wkend in Brussels

Time is starting to pass faster now.

Just last wk I was wondering how to pass each day till 19June. But now I'm enjoying. The relax and laid back life ass compared to the bustling and stressful Singapore. It's been stress-free days since I was here. Strangely I have this feeling that on the day I'm leaving, I might not wanna leave.

But I still miss home. Wanna be back for my laksa, fishball noodle and chilli! Miss those food. I still do think that they're fattening but I've been away for 1mth. So I'll put that aside and enjoy food from where I call home.

It's gonna be my last night in Brussels, heading down to Antwerp tmr and I'll be there for the rest of the weeks till I head home. The mention of the word "home" just gets me so excited!! But there's something else making me even more exciting and that is Wen min's arrival to Belgium next friday!!! Finally someone to accompany me, we have plans to visit Paris and Amsterdam! But she had a little problem with her confirmation email, just hope everything is alright.

It's almost 12pm now... Heading out for a walk soon and do some shopping. And come back early to pack my luggage. I had a hard time squeezing things into my luggage when I came. I bought somethings as well. Just hope I'll be able to close it!

Ciaoz peeps! Have a great evening!

Day 5 in Brussels

It's the most sunny day since I came here.

Hop on the city tour bus to a few places. I'm kind of burn having standing under the sun waiting for the bus for almost 30mins.

Visited the Atomium and a few other places. Hoping that the bf were here to actually enjoy all these beautiful scenery with me. Frankly speaking I have not taken that much photos of a place away from Singapore. Each vacation destination is just for one purpose. Shopping!!

Walking around with my camera and exploring Brussels, I came to realised how much I've neglected the beautiful sights that I might have missed on my travels. But I just can't help it.

The thing about here is that the shops closes early everyday. It's like maybe 7+ or 8pm. I would be back in my hotel room at 9+ and probably sleeping by 10+. But it's 4am in SG so my body clock is still trying to adjust to it.

I was out at this park just now and so many of them will lying on the grass. Chatting away and enjoying the sun. And I thought to myself. "hey when I'm back in SG, I would love to do that with the bf as well." Spending quality time together. And how we just love each other company.

During my walk here, I barely see any chinese or yellow skin people here. So each time when I see some chinese here, I feel warmth. You know that kind of feeling. All alone in a foreign land.

I still have 25 days more. Hope the clock ticks faster....

Dinner time soon... Ciaoz!

Missing Home

So here I am, all alone in Brussels. It's the fourth day and I'm still trying to get used to it.

The jet lag is just making me crazy and the air-con in my room is spoiled. I have been sleeping and waking up in perspiration. Hate that.

Wanna get some good sleep tonight. They'll be changing a room for me later and upgrade to a deluxe room. Much bigger room. Hope I get a better sleep tonight.

4 days in Brussels and I've lost 1 kg. Appetite has not been too good. It was only yesterday that I actually went out to look for dinner. Room service was just 1 button away for the past 2 nights.

I used to hope that I could get out of Singapore and maybe try a new life outside. Always wanting to try it out. I love traveling but traveling alone and with the bf is so different. I remember heading to HK alone last year, it wasn't as fun as compared to the trip that we both went together last week.

I guess that's what they meant by home is where the heart truly is. With him around, everything seem so colourful and bright. Reminds me of the time when I came down too harsh on him and the quarrels that I started. But again... it's only when you really love someone that you'll miss him so much. Every beautiful sight or happy things, you just wanna share with him. Was out walking alone y'day, how I wished he was around to see how different the culture is from Singapore. Things will be different if we're exploring this place together. All the fun and laughter, I can imagine.

Well it's another long day which I don't know how to get by. Probably I'll stay in the hotel room. But I think I'll probably go out for a walk and take some photos. Will join the city tour tml.

Till then. Take care folks!

26 more days to be back home!

First day in Belgium

Hello from Belgium folks!!!

Alright I don't really sound as excited as I am actually.

It's my first day here in Belgium and I'm feeling kind of crappy. I feel so dumped right here. That's not what I was expecting. I thought someone here will bring me around. But apparently, I'll more or less have to be on my own. Don't really like that idea, since I'm not familiar with here. And plus I'll need to be here for 1 week. What's this. Seriously. Guess I'll call back tml and see what can be arranged. I don't really know why I'm here. Their system is much more advanced than us. I spoke to the lady in-charge of the testing project. Guess what. She didn't want me to come all over from SG. She has a point there. We're both thinking the SAME! But whatever...

Am just having my dinner right now. Seasonal vegetable cream soup. Not really in the mood to eat sth solid. Just wanna keep the stomach full and head to bed early. Time now in Belgium is abt 8.45pm but it still looks like 4-5pm.

On a happy note, since it's a business trip. Everything is paid for. So might as well use the internet and the room service here. Since there's no one to bring me around there's nth much I can do either.

And first time on SQ business class. Awesome experience. Air stewardess taking your orders one by one and addressing you by "Miss Lee". Seats are comfy. Better headphones and much more peaceful. No wonder the price for business class.

First day and I'm already missing SG 'cause of the situation I'm in. Wish there were other SG colleague with me. Now I'm all alone. Miss the bf alot. If only air tics to Europe were not that ex.

Will update more... till then folks!

Ciaoz!

Final Endurance, I hope.

Endurance is really tough especially when it comes to something that you don't like. Each day seems like hell and you can't stop blaming time for passing so slowly.

But I hope this is my final endurance here. And probably move on to another stage of my life with a career change. I'm excited about it and looking forward to it.

Back in the office on a sunday for standby in Dubai processing just in case there's anything. I'm just making full use of the internet services given to us. I'm wondering if I should do my masters in Marketing. The bf is gonna start his studies soon in May and Ivy is gonna do her Masters in Mkting communications as well. It's influencing me to wanna study again. I'll give it a good thought first.

It's another hr before the cut-off time for client's instruction to be fax to us. Hope I can get out after that.

Anyways enjoy the last bit of weekend!

Making God's word the final authority in life

Just finish battling with many issues for the day. Waiting for the bf to pick me up.

Sometimes I just wonder is it worthwhile to put in so much effort at all. People don't appreciate or even remember. It's quite discouraging.

But again I forgot. God never change. I'm doing it for the glory of God and not for anybody else. They don't remember or appreciate. God will remember and reward accordingly. The world's order of things are unsure and indefinite. Each day before I step into office, I pray for strength from God in everything I do. And things will change for better.

And now though there are many issues but I've settled it all and it's time to head home to the nest.

"I am the Lord, I change not." Malachi 3:6.

Happy CNY and V-day, my dear friends!

Nothing really special for this occassion, except for the long holidays and red packets. But it's not really a long holiday 'cause am back today on the 2nd day of CNY to support the dubai market. It's awful feeling.

And so the spring cleaning should be done way before CNY and just enjoy the new year. But I've been so busy at work, working late for the whole of last week. I rarely could spare any time for spring cleaning. Cleared some of my shoes on CNY eve though. Threw quite a few pairs away but it didn't make much of a difference. 'Cause I've already got a few new pairs to fill up the space! So it just looks like how it was before.

Yet to clear my clothes and bags, I'm sure it's gonna be a disaster. I just can't stop buying. The old ones are not going but new old ones just keep coming in at a uber crazy flow! I'm trying to cut-down a little. It's tough! Made a promise to the bf. For this spring cleaning, I'll have to listen to him. Those that need to go, will have to go. There was a little disagreement to the shoes that day 'cause I'm not the kind that keep to my promise when it comes to clearing my old stuff that I treasure so much and actually listening to the man telling me what to do. Ego. That's me.

Plan is to pack tml. Don't think I'll have enough time to do so. I'll always stone mid-way through the packing cause I don't know what to do with the overflowing stuff I've got or even where to keep them. For some reason, I'll just blank out.

Anyways am just waiting for confirmation from another team, in order to make my payment out. But the system is down, this whole processing for dubai is pissing me off. I hope I can leave at 10pm. Or before 11pm. Pissed with my boss as well, it's her week for dubai shift. We are nice to take turns for her. She left at 4.30 ytd. Just felt that she should be the one coming back today, not us covering for her. It's not fair and she just kept quiet abt it. It's fine to come back to work if you enjoy the work you're doing but it really sucks when it's not.

You know, I've been giving a good thought of my future here. I can't give up the benefits and the pay but I'm sacrificing my happiness which is not worth it. Decided to leave some time this year and move on to something new. Probably no more banking line. Wanna try out marketing communications kind of job. Am 24, still young for a career switch and I don't intend to settle down so fast. It's never too late. Everything is just getting draggy here. Looking at my work and all the investigationgs and recon one person has to do. There's only 1 word that starts highlighting itself in my head. Hate. So I guess it's time to move on. To something new and fresh.

Sunday's sermon was good. It was about faith.

And Heb 11:1 mention.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, being convinced of what we do not see."

Entrust your life to Him. And it is mention in Heb11:40

"For God had provided something better for us, so that they would be made perfect together with us."

I've always been afraid of quitting my job. Many questions will start popping in my head.

Can I get a job? A job that pays as well as this? Would I be once again jobless for many months?

All these uncertainties are driving me insane. And each time when I make a decision to leave. I'll be held bad. This is when the good times are here.

But it's short-lived. Bad times come quick. I'll be filled with frustration again.

I guess my students made me realised something. I've always been telling them. Do what you like, then you'll be happy. They did. One of them got into Integrated resort event mgmt and the other mass comm.

If I could tell them that then what am I still doing here. I used to put in a 120% for my work but now it's just 100%. I'm tired of this place.

I'm gonna try out marketing. I know it's tough. Long hours. But who knows I might be just happy with it. I'm still young. I still have time to change my career.

The fear and questions are no longer in mind. God will provide for me. Like what Heb11:1 said. We do not know. BUT! He knows!

Good and bad times

it's the 12th day of 2010 and within this 12 days I've learnt quite abit.

A new beginning and a new kind of life. Starting my day with daily devotion and a simple prayer for victory in all things that I do everyday. And sure, it does help. God answers prayers. A little incident at work happen last week, though the amount is small but it still will have an impact on client.

But there was a voice telling me, you have to check. And we manage to send the money on time. Praise God!

I was feeling rather down and irritated the first few days of 2010. I felt lost at work. I didn't wanna go to work. I took out a book which my Pastor gave to me for X'mas present. "From faith to faith".

"Look up... because in times like these, your very life may depend on it."

Hebrews 12:3
"Consider (Jesus) that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be worried and faint in your minds."

It reminded me. Trust in Him. I've gotten weary recently. And immediately when I lift my eyes, raise my head instead of looking down. I felt so much better. I felt comforted.

But somehow I've make my decision to leave this year. I've no motivation to wake up for work. Or even try to put my best effort for my work anymore. And the thing is that my pay is not the sustaining factor anymore. I've no reason to stay on. But I'm praying for strength to hold on a little longer. Save a little and take that step.

I need a break. And then probably move on to marketing. After all, I do have a degree in marketing. Why waste it. Give it a shot. It might give me more job satisfaction.

I'll have to pray for guidance ans wisdom to make decision. For the time being, prayer for strength and peace is what I need.

What a waste of my time I would say.

I could be spending my time on more meaningful things.

Am back in the office for sytem testing. And the system is not responding. Here I am sitting here doing nothing. Just surfing net. I could do that back at home in the comfort of my bed. Not here. And I have to be back with the worst colleague ever. No one to talk to.

Bf's and his mum purchased tics for "New moon". Bought mine as well. Now they are watching it. Show started at 3.50. It's 4:41pm now. I think the tic is gonna go wasted. Damn it.

Anyways it's Dec. Finally! Can't wait for X'mas to be here! Simply heart X'mas. But hate the part whereby I have to crack my mind thinking what pressie to get for friends. But I just love the joy. 2009 is ending 26 more days. Gotta come up with a list to Thank God for the year. It may not have been smooth sailing but He gave strength.

Just like this job. Since Oct, it's been crazy. Everything at work was piling up. Everything went wrong with the separation and new a/cs set up. And it definitely had a direct impact on my team. Many of the discrepancy in recon was the "wonderful" work of ours. Working till 1-2am, no matter if I start work at 9am or 1pm.

It could be avoided. But it wasn't well planned. Having bad management was bad enough. A lousy direct boss makes it worse. And sometimes co-workers in HK have to drag you down into hell. I'm running out of energy and maybe passion to make things work out well. I no longer wanna give a 100% for this job anymore. I make dislike my job in the past but I'll give my all and put it all the effort even if it takes to stay a little later. I can only conclude. ENOUGH is ENOUGH!

Waiting for the end of year review first. See how it goes. I think I need a break from work for the time being. Have gotta start saving from now on.

BUT! Am so in the mood for the best therapy in the world! Shopping!

De-stress is the word.

Hope this crap end really soon. Don't wanna be stuck here anymore.

I black out again.

But this time round it's different. I feared. I was afraid. I actually cried when i regain consciousness.

Just glad am fine.

Am on 4 days sick leave. Gonna have ample rest before heading back to work next week.

Are these worthwhile at all?

It's the question that pop in my head when I was taking my shower after 16hours of work. And previous day I spent 17hours in the office as well. But all my efforts worthwhile. Depsite trying my best and making sure things flow well. Despite that things are not within my control, it's still my fault.

Being blame for not sending out the payment. Not urging.

Did you see me making many calls? Did u hear me urging them? But there's nothing I could do. It's not my control.

And words are put into my mouth.

I'm wondering. I've tried my best and I'm satisfied. But why ask so much?

I just feel like swearing. I miss the bf. Wanna talk to him. Tell him all the problems I had for the day. He's sleeping at home now. Tml is his P.O.P. Finally after 3 months, I can talk and msg him anytime. And his comforting hug.

It's getting late. Time to sleep. Thank God am on 1/2 day tml.

17 hours

Just got back fro work not long ago. yea am not kidding. Left at 2am.

It's been a rough day. Super pissed with my colleague. Seriously so what it's her last day. I've never seen such irreponsible people. To think she's older than me. She still have the cheek to msg me to say she's sorry. Come on if it wasn't for her dilly-dally-ness. I won't have to leave so late and miss out my tuition session with my student for her Emaths O's tml.

Anyways she has left. No more working with her. I shld be glad.

Wanted to head to bed. But I'm so hungry and I definitely can't head to bed with a hungry stomach. It'll be tossing on the bed. Thank God mum cooked if not i'll be stuck with bread again. Breakfast-bread. Lunch-Sandwich. I'm gonna be so afraid of bread soon. It's not just today.

Gonna play some game before I head to bed. Gotta reach work early tml.

Work was like a nightmare this week! And I can only say... Thank God weekends are here! Was on dubai shift from 1pm till 10pm but without fail for the past 5 days I have been knocking off after 12 not to clear dubai stuff but HK stuff.

All the changes are affecting our work somehow or another. And for the past few days, I've become a help desk, query desk and hotline services. Many screw ups at work. Unexplainable and ridiculous shit happens. If I was the customer, I would have been pissed and lodge a complaint.

It's just scary how time just ticks away without my knowing. And before I know there's not much soul at Raffles place anymore. Just cabbies forming queues in hope for a customer to hop on.

It's tiring and draining. And I think I'm pretty stressed up. Or probably my brain had worked too much. There was 1 night I msg my boss to tell her that there's a mistake and she has to help me amend it in the morning. Msg was sent at 3am in the morning. It just came to me when I was about to fall asleep. Overload by work.

O's are coming soon. I'm worried. Have not been able to spend time with my student to clear their doubts. 6 years of tutor-student relationship or maybe I would prefer to call it friendship is gonna end soon. It was nice teaching this sweet little kids since I was 16. They have grown. I did as well. Physically and mindset.

It's 4:37am. Time to sleep. Gonna be a long day tml. Gotta collect my regalia and tickets for Convo. And I hope for a little shopping spree over the weekends! With the bf! =)

Coming back to work on a sunday is definitely not so pleasant.

When everybody else is getting ready to head off for shopping and enjoy the last bit of weekends before monday comes. I was preparing to come to work right after church.

Everything is just messy. Volume is low but there's so much problem to deal with esp. the system.

It's driving me crazy till I realise that I asked a stupid qns!

Gosh... it's another 1 hr more till knock off.

My sunday just went wasted like that.

I can't sleep tonight.

There's an unexplain excitement within me. The cause of it, I don't know.

Anyways we have started supporting dubai and it's been busy. Have to cover 2 persons job in the morning. Just so many things to do. And I wanna head to the gym. Have a good workout routine. Tone up more! Thought of signing up for PT.

My mind has suddenly gone blank. Heading to bed.

Night!

Just a few days ago i was pent up with immense frustation and bitterness. Everything just seem bad. I was not happy at all. Just felt like crying my heart out. Matter of fact. I hate it. I don't like to be crying cause it makes me feel weak. Esp. when I'm crying for no reason at all. Crying feels good though.

But these few days things got a little better. I'm happier. Even when I'm feeling tired and sleepy, I was happy. It was overwhelming. It's flooding within me. I guess things do really change when you see it from another point of view. When you start the day by leaving to the big Guy up there. He makes things more colourful though shit happens at work sometimes.

I'm sure God has his plans for me. And the things I have will be sufficient in my life.

Another colleague left ytd.

He came to bid goodbye last night. He took that leap of faith cause he's not happy here and some other factors. Quit without a job 'cause he believe God will provide a way.

But I heard otherwise this morning. Not sure what's the truth but if he's happier leaving then go ahead. I'm always happy when people leave this place. =)

He must be enjoying at home now. Especially with such a weather, lazing is the best.

Anyways when he bid goodbye ytd, he made a such comment while we were talking.

"Hi, i'm here to say goodbye, it's my last day. Though you look very stern most of the time but you're actually very nice. "

Do I?

I'm back I'm back!!

Changing my focus has brought happiness in my life.

I hate the me that cried so much the last few days. Feel so useless and vulnerable.

After that incident, crying was so tough until the bf came into my life. Though I still don't cry much, but i'll only allow tears to drop in front of him and no one else.

But anyhow spending time with God makes a big difference. I need to give more time to God. I'm losing that part out soon. So preoccupied with the things in my life, the busy work life, that I almost forgot my strength provider.

Verse of the day:

"Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near."
Isa 55:6

Short weekend

Weekend is coming to an end once again. It's the draggy monday soon. It's been a rather rough week for me. I'm experiencing roller-coaster emotions which I have not had in a long long time. Like I say. I just wanna hide for a while.

"Maybe we should not meet tonight. Let's see each other tml instead?"

Those were the words that I sms the bf on friday and I regretted it 'cause last min he had to stay in camp. We only got hold of each other for an hr when he came back for a little while to check on me. On Sat we only manage to saw each other from evening onwards. Had a mini mid-autumn celebration in church. Headed out for midnight movies with Andy and my sister, Meichan when the bf went home to pick up the car.

Choice of movie: Surrogates

"People are living their lives remotely from the safety of their own homes via robotic surrogates -- sexy, physically perfect mechanical representations of themselves. It's an ideal world where crime, pain, fear and consequences don't exist. When the first murder in years jolts this utopia, FBI agent Greer (Willis) discovers a vast conspiracy behind the surrogate phenomenon and must abandon his own surrogate, risking his life to unravel the mystery. Written by Touchstone Pictures"

Quite a good show. But somehow as I was watching it I just felt that technology might just get a little way too scary. People operating their surrogates from home and they can even choose how they look like. Which means the surrogates looked different from the real human and since this is possible, a man can have a sexy female surrogate. In the world of surrogacy, it's perfect. Man has the perfect wife, no one ages. But isn't it scary? How about the human touch? It's gone. People lose their identity, laziness sets in, the world is seen from the eyes of the surrogates. The real human love is gone.

I hope technology has not gone that far to make this happen. God's beautiful nature will be neglected.

Anyhow after the movie, spent the night at his place. It turned out to be a long night. The eyes got tired and we just slept holding hands. Without saying a word. I felt like crap when I woke up this morning. I was sleepy. But the night passed too fast. I was still thinking about what I said last night, I wished time could just go back.

Well on a happy note, my aunt brought my niece, Jemmima, to church today. She's such a dear. Seeing her just makes everybody smile. I wanted to hug and cuddle her so tightly when she ran all the way to me and said these words. "I love you!"

"Awwwww..." That was just so sweet. A very sincere "I love you". Tell me. How many times do you mean it when you say it?? I gave her a big hug and a "I love you too."

Through out the whole week, this afternoon was the only time that I really smile and forgot about the burden. The innocence of kids. Their world is just so simple. She made my day by giving me one last hug and goodbye kiss before we parted.

Less than 24 hours, I spent with the bf this weekend. Dinner was fast and he had to head back to camp already. It's hard to even say "see you" and "take care". The words just choked on me. Especially at this point of time. 26 more days to his P.O.P.

It'll passed fast enough.

I guess I've lost focus on where my strength should come from. I've been drifting apart. It's time to search back and look at the main focus.

Hebrews 12:1-3

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Nothing much.

Sick. Having gastric flu.

Period. Gonna rest.

The floodgates

Have I reached the limit?

Seriously I don't know. It's been tough going by each day this week. Since monday I was feeling down. Ain't I supposed to be happy after birthday celebration. But what's wrong? What's bringing me down. Down to the bottom of the valley. Suddenly I seemed to have dropped into a cave. So dark with no exit or a ray of light.

I just need to let it out but there's no way out. My job has become more than a burden to me.

Finally today I couldn't help it, the floodgates open. Everything is just not right from the time I woke up to shower. Work was not good. Made a mistake. AGAIN. That's it. I wanted so much to break down at that moment. Go to the toilet to cry. Pick up the phone to give the bf a ring. But I couldn't 'cause he was in camp. And I didn't allow myself to get off my seat to hide in the toilet to cry. 'Cause that's not the person I wanna be. I sat there and controlled the tears that was about to roll down. I fought it. To the end of the day.

now i'm feeling so restless. Am on leave tml. Need it. I need some time alone. Just wanna be all alone. Not sure of the plans tml. Either head out shopping alone or just hide under the blankie.

Tired. Ciaoz peeps!

I wonder if it's the sadness after the happiness. I was feeling shitty today. Woke up and realise it's one of those days that work is such a bitch. But you'll have to drag yourself to FACE it. I just wanted to hide myself, kept to myself. Don't wanna talk or say anything much to anyone if necessary. Even calls rec'd from HK was answered with not much enthusiasm. A voiceless day I would call it.

Wanted to be alone for lunch as well. Decided that instead of sitting in the pantry, I shall just head out for some fresh air and open a UOB a/c. So second half of the day was better, after a cup of hot choc and 1/2 size sandwich. Felt so much better.

Anyways weekends were great! Friday was a pampering day for myself. Finally no more OTs on birthdays after 3 years in this Co. Headed to gym and spa after that. Gathering with the SP percussionist was FAB! But the dinner was awful. We'll supposed to head to Astons for dinner but it was too packed and so settled for New York, New York. Had to make it up with a carrot cake and green tea frapp. @ starbucks. Got my capitaland vouchers from them! and jazz cd from LJ and Doreen.

And Saturday I was with the bf from day to night. Lovely. Miss those time. Woke up for breakfast with his mum and it was just slacking at home with the TV and lappy. Headed to Tanah Merah country club for my niece 3 years old birthday from 2-6pm. Boy! you bet there were lots of children. Kids kingdom eh. Re-lived your childhood once again. Photo of my cousins with the little birthday girl.


And of 'cause after her celebration it was my time to celebrate with the bf! We headed to ION Orchard so that I can use my vouchers. Saw a couple of things the other day but it didn't end up being mine. Figured that I might find nicer stuff around. Anyways it was not a two-some outing that day. Called Jerm along as well! It's been a long time since I last shopped with her. Though not much time was spent on shopping. We had dinner at 'The Imperial Kitchen' and spent a whole load of time chatting away and enjoying our food! I think I need to start learning how to speak Cantonese. Not sure how long we spent inside the restaurant but everywhere was almost closing when we finished. Did some last minute shopping before heading to No. 5 at Emerald hill. 1 for 1 martini. It was chatting time once again. We had so much to talk about but Jerm forgot to bring my camera and there was NO photos of that outing. damnit!

But anyhow thanks for the watch Jerm!

Bf got me a Braun Buffel key pouch. I know he wanted to give me a surprise by giving me something else. Thank you for putting in the effort to head to Haji lane to look for something nice though you couldn't find any. I remember Ligen saying. Luckily he bought you the key pouch, what if he had gotten something that doesn't suit you. My answer to him was.... "My bf always gets the right thing for me, he knows what suits me best and always have an eye for the best things given to me." =)

But weekends have to go by so quickly and it's only tuesday tml. Stepping into October soon. And shift work is starting soon. Work always makes things worse!

Bought another book by Tess Gerritsen, "The Mephisto Club". It's reading time.

Ciaoz!

Twenty-three

I'm turning 23 in another 27mins time. Hmmm... how does it feel??

Twenty-three. 11 alphabets, 3 syllabus. Few letters, short and sweet. But it's 23 years of bittersweet. What an interesting journey through out my 22. Wonder how's the 23 journey gonna be like.

Oh well not much feeling to it. Just 1 year wiser. The more pleasant way to say it. To be more frank and blant, it's just 1 year older. Maybe when the number in front turn "3", I'll probably see it differently.

Nothing special. Not much wishes. Just want a quiet and peaceful birthday. And NO MORE OTs! Am on 1/2 day tml. Gonna head to the gym after work, spa and then dinner with the percussionists. What a relaxing day huh. Enjoy life? I need that.

Must be wondering where does the bf fit in?

We will be heading to Amber Hill on Sat night. Will update more.

Time to sleep! Ciaoz! =)

Pissed

I really feel like screaming!! Someone is getting on my nerves! I'm settling this freaking not-a-problem issue tml! Jocelyn is not gonna be Ms Nice TML!!

First of all, Selemat Hari Raya to my malay friends. Though I don't have that many but still it's still ya day.

So how did you spend the long precious weekend? Hope it was good and fulfilling. Sleeping till the late afternoon and just simply do nothing but laze around. Hmm... remind me of someone. Tian Ligen. Hell of a slacker!

Probably when you were still sleeping soundly and in lala land, I was preparing to head back to work. yea... that's how I spent my monday. At work. HK wasn't having holiday so I had to go back. If not I would really love to spend some time with the bf. Just cuddly and snuggling together. Lazing around at his place. He is such a dear. Despite sleeping so late last night and being tired, he would rather give up his morning sleep to drive me to work. Picking up breakfast from the 24-hr drive thru Mac at Cecil St. All so that I could just sleep that extra 30mins. I allow him to do so in exchange that he promise he'll sleep once he got back. But instead he went for breakfast with his parents. There goes his sleep. BUT! I can feel your EXTRA TLC! =)

At work I couldn't help but keep thinking about the things I could have done with him, if I wasn't at work authorising payments. At the same time, I was praying hard that we will not end late, in order to have dinner with him before he book in to camp. Thank God I was done at 6.30 and 7 bucks cab was all worthwhile. Just to catch hold of some time tgt and a tight hug before we leave the house and couldn't even hold his finger when he's with his uniform on.

I'm glad we spent the whole sunday afternoon together. From lunch to window shopping at Suntec and ION then to burger king for dinner and finally "The ugly truth". I enjoyed every single moment together. It has been a long time since we spent time like that together. I'm just too busy all the time that I've neglected him but he just understands though he always say "please". And I would give him a stare that disappoints him. So I guess and I'm sure, he love the time spent yesterday.

You know it's just so comforting to know that someone understand you so much that before you take a breathe to speak he already know what you want. Someone who can take your busy schedule. Gives small little surprises that you would have already guess his intention even before it happen. haha...

I'm tired but am smiling just by the thought of it. Making me a 1/4 awake despite my tired mind. And that silly boy bought my birthday present 'cause he's afraid that I might get the key pouch to pamper myself on my birthday.

I finish at around 9 again. Gosh i'm feeling so tired. Need some time to relax.

Planning for sat's outing. Hope the turn up is good!

Can't think of what to blog. Just plain tired.

ciaoz!

Basically weekend was... nothing much. To be exact. Wasted.

Didn't mange to spend much time with the bf for his weekend book out. Probably less than 12 hours for the 2 days.

But we manage to make it for breakfast on saturday morning. Mac's breakfast. It's been a long time since we woke up early and catch the morning sun. The smell of the fresh air and freedom. It's different as the ones on weekdays. You know what I mean. Anyways we headed to Daiso to get some stuff and it was time to head home to change. I had to go back to office. yea... Had to do some system testing for the Dubai market.

Totally wasted. I was there from 2-8pm. I could have done lots of things with 6 hours. Anyhow I rushed for the bf's friend's grandma's birthday celebration right after that. Nothing interesting happen. Headed over to his place with his parents while he had his night out with Clintson. Men's talk. They need it sometimes.

Resting day it's what I would call Sunday. Was lazing at his house after church and waited for dinner to come before sending him back to camp. Again. The part I always hated. And he's ever so sweet. Your sweets help to survive me through a stressful day at work. Thank you!

Nothing much. Work just felt like that today. Seriously!

Sleepy. Turning in soon. Ciaoz.

What's going on?

I got a little too emotional just now.

Don't know why. Anger was overtaking my senses. And then I started crying to let it all out. I raised my voice at him but he was still talking to me in the most gentle voice. I felt bad but am glad that I manage to control it there.

We had a good talk, though it was just 15mins or so. But it's just so precious. I miss the bf. When I need a hug from him so badly and I know he wants to give me that hug too. It's comforting enough. Weekdays are hard to go by, friday is what I'm looking forward to every week.

And work is missing the satisfaction part. I don't know where I'm heading to. After much thought, I've given myself a dateline. It's still long but I have yet to settle some things. Now it's not the right time.

I was talking to Wan Chien this afternoon. I was telling her, we're the minorities that bear with the unhappiness of our job for our age. People our age would have just quit and not think so much. Only those in their 40s will think twice. We are complaining and grumbling everyday. We talk abt taking that leap of faith. BUT! We are still where we are!

Zonked

Beautiful and joyous friday is here to say hello!!

What a week it has been for me. Working till almost 10 everyday and came in 30mins earlier to try and do some stuff. But couldn't manage to. Crazy week with lots of problems. My overlook to a certain payment has cause some disagreement. Should have been more careful while checking inputter's work. But my confidence for her got the better of me. And trouble is here knocking on the door. Make phone calls from melbourne to Wellington to HK, it's insane due to the time difference trying to catch hold of the people there before they knock off.

Anyways it's over. A mistake done is a lesson learn for life! Move on. Life goes on. The earth is still moving.

Totally zonked out. Each day pass and I'm just so tired. But everything is cleared. A better week will come!

The sleeping bug seems to be in the office today. I thought I was the only one but turn out few of my other colleagues felt the same too. I guess it's the weather. Rainy days... and mondays always gets me down. Sorry can't help it. Carpenters. Lovely!

So it's 8pm and am still in the office. Well waiting for the bf to call so that we can head out for a sinful meal together! Mac! and "G-force" with Alex and Vony!

Peeps! Have a great evening ahead! Mind is gonna blank out soon! Ciaoz!

Chilling weather. Rainy season. Making me lazy and sleepy.

It makes working tougher. Especially when there's just so much to do and lots of patience and tolerance to some colleagues while working. Worked till 10 last night and headed to office early this morning.

Made a mistake at work, trying to get the case solve. It feels kind of crappy. Helpless. Somehow it's solved but it's not. It's weighing on me.

There's something I've been thinking the past few days. Since I've finish my degree, I should feel like a burden off the shoulder. But somehow I still feel like a stone on me. The feeling that I had when I was struggling to go through every assignment and paper. Is it time for a break?

It's been a long day at work. Totally consumed. Feeling crossed at the same time.

I felt my head busting with what seem to be many enquiries but the fact that there's only one burdensome and demanding case. Lots of phone call from HK asking me this and that. I felt the pressure. I felt like an octopus. But a handicapped one. And I allow myself for a slice of chocolate for the day. Usuall it happens 2-3 days for a slice of chocolate. But I had more than that which didn't really help. Probably I was too stressed and pissed off.

Strangely at one point of time, when chocolate has lost it's effect, sub-consciously I was craving for something else and it kept playing in my head. A fag.

yea a fag. It just came to me. Sounds funny coming from me? I think so too. 'Cause I can't stop wondering why. I start to think of those guys which I see in the every morning or lunchtime or even after work, standing downstairs the office building chatting and smoking away. SO! That's when the smoking habit starts to kick in for most smokers. The first time you probably accompany them for the after lunch "dessert" and that time you still wonder why they smoke. De-stress they would say. The second time you thought of what they say and try it out for fun. Your first puff and you start coughing away. Third time you got the hang of it and might as well be a social smoker. Before you even know it, it has become a habit. An excuse to de-stress the unhealthy way.

With that thought, I laugh it away and thought of heading to the gym for a 1-hr sweat it all out cardio session. But I didn't have the proper footwear and ended late.

Now I'm lying comfortable on the bed, waiting to call it a day. Need some good rest. Waiting for the bf to book out and welcome him back to the life for the next days before booking into camp again.

Ciaoz peeps! Gd night!

Damn! am still in the office at this hour.

This whole legal separation thing is driving me nuts. There are so many things that can't be done and yet have to be done. Once the special request is granted and we're able to access it again. It's hell 'cause I've stuff that are not cleared in the system since last friday. Goodness I don't even dare to think about it.

It's friday tml. Hope it's a better day!

Cheers!

Long lost friends!

Haaa... it's a disaster in the office now. Coz of the migration of system. The legal separation between 2 banks that used to be under the same family.

But I've found my long lost friends! Thanks to the separation! Ailing and I are ecstatic!

It was the first thing Ailing tried accessing ytd when we came back for the testing since it was last banned! Immediately she msg me the good news! Finally! Contact to the outside world through MSN! =D

movie night

Just got back from movie with the bf. Watched G.I.Joe. It's been a long time since I went for movies. And after so long, it was a show worthwhile! If you have not catch it, you should!

If you're looking for...

action packed,you have it.
a little humor,you have it.
hot babes? I only saw 2 ladies in the show.
hot and sizzling bodies?! oh yea! there's a few in there. though not as many compared to "300".

It's sure a movie of the good triumph over the evil. I would give a 3.5 out of 5. hmmm... maybe 4. It can't be that perfect. Just that I felt it's worth my $10.50.

Anyhow it's bedtime! Hope I'll be able to wake up for some work-out after those cheesy nachos! =)

Night peeps! ciaoz!

crappy goodbye msg

I was clearing my office mail in preparation for the migration from lotus notes to microsoft outlook and I came across this mail which one of my ex-colleague, Hannah sent back in 07. Here it goes...

IF YOU CANT SEE,YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO RIGHT?iF YOU DON'T,DONT ASK ME
Hey gal & gay,
Thank you so much for lunch & card!!!!!!!!!!i'm so touched!Almost into tears & knee...erm.... I mean tears...almost wet my ......also

Kinda of worried about Joc...AliSia,pls take care of her..& guys pls...be patient LIKE me,who always extend LOVE & PATIENT to people,ESPECIALLY to the NEEDY..Although at times s,O I mean ALL the times she is late but I know she don't really mean it.Right Joc?

Ligen,too bad I just get to know that you are a gay.You know I have so much "trick" to give you.Hence,we can always talk about it.I can't sms to you bcos you never give me you HP no!Even though I did asked,Weisan can be the witness.

Weisan,PLS,even thougth take it as I am begging you.DON"T FAINT ANYHOW.Why choose when people wants to chill out?Only chill out what...not that they are going for ROM.Remember,if you ever want to do it again,my hp is always OFF.yes,you did read correctly -OFF

Carlene,I don't know what to say about you bcos the look at you,always make one SPITLESS.
AliSia,continue to burning,I can see something coming out.....keep it out.

LiangDe,I always want to tell you this but I don't have the guts to do it...but after today,I realize you are a nice lady...so...UR NAME HOR..SOUND LIKE MAN's name.

ok ok .I don't want to say goodbye,we will still meet & MAKE SURE WE WILL!!!!!!! I really hate to leave here but I have no choice!

cheers!

Can't help but laugh. The meaniest goodbye msg from a ever irritating person. But always the person I can look for if every situation. Talking about that... I haven met her for a long long time.
Guess it's time since am already done with my studies!

Anyways! TGIF!

Nightmare

Think I had too much of Tess Gerritsen's books.

I had a nightmare last night. Dreamt that I was almost killed by someone.

More of like... gonna be be gruesomely killed. And woke up in a shock.

Thank God I woke up, if it continues... think I might just scream and wake his sister up. maybe the whole family.

Just finished work. Heading to gym! =)

Say goodbye to bluey tuesday!

It's 10.50pm now. But it feels later. Feels like a sunday though. A long weekend but I didn't really enjoy much. Time just past like that.

Friday: prayer meeting after work. And dinner was settled with crispy noodle.
Sat: Church,tuition and steamboat at night.
Sun: Church, his uncle's place for dinner and Daiso at IMM. Just love Daiso so much. It has practically everything. I never let my trip go wasted each time I'm there.

As for today, did nothing much. I was quite upset about that. We had a quarrel. It always happen before he book in and regrets would always fill me.His effort to humor me will always be reciprocate with my coldness. Feeling bad, I'll try to be the understanding gf again and not let the temporary separation leaving both of us feeling upset.

Anyways we bid goodbye unwillingly. As our gaze met, I just knew what we wanted but you were in your uniform. And each time it's replaced with a tap on my shoulder. For a hug.

Suddenly it seems like a long week for myself and once again the feeling of dragging myself to work is back.

I was dreaming again just now... it was a beautiful scene played in my head and I could feel the happiness.

1hr and 18mins ago, Singapore just celebrated it's 44th birthday. A nation wide celebration. Celebration for her success. Her recognition over the world.

44 years may not seem that long. But for a small country like us, a little dot on the world map, it didn't came easy and it was the hard work of the pioneer leaders that we are leaving in comfort today.

From little to many.
From seas and grass to land filled with many skyscrapers.
A once dirty river and land which has now turn to a clean country and amazingly acknowledged worldwide.
A place for the youth olympic games.
From nothing to something and even being one of the top centres of finance.
And what's more? With the integrated resort coming up what would Singapore turn to become.

It's been 44 blessed years for Singapore. Blessed with good leaders and their foresight. Blessed with harmony among races. And the riches and prosperity it was given.

Now the time has past and life is once again resume after the joyous celebration. And now we'll all have work towards a better 45 years.

12:34pm is arriving. And if you guys have already rec'd sms or email from friends, you would know what i'm talking abt. if not...

Do u know?

At 12hr 34 minutes 56 seconds on 7th august this year, the time and date will be

12:34:56 07/08/09

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 this will never happen in your life again!

Amaze your friends, be the first to tell them!

Anyways I would email some of my friends at work everyday. Just in case work gets abit crazy.

oh when I was typing this I rec'd another email. The chinese version from my friend in hk.

今天12点34分56秒是一个神奇的时刻, 它显示为12:34:56 07/08/09. 123456789在我们的有生之年再也不会出现 , 祝您一切顺利,身体健康 ,工作愉快^^

Back to sending emails during working hours.. and yea... Ligen happens to be one of them.

and here goes our conversation. we were talking about how busy I am and we were deciding for a date to head down wala.

Me:
hahha... tat's y my friends are always scolding me.
need to pre-book in advance... how abt make it on the 22/08. 15/08 i can't...

LG:
yah, maybe i should start scolding you as well. haha.
and you know whats the most irritating thing.
there was this once when we confirm the venue and date for wala, and when i ask you about it.
you said "HUH? whats happening on sat?" wah thats the ultimate man seriously.haha

Me:
oh shit man!!
serious! i can't rmb that... seeshh... u must have really been not that impt in my life... =)

LG:
oh well,
hey wala is not just you and me alright, it includes dean ws wm too.
oh well, at least i know i am significant to u, thats what matters!
wahahahahahahaha~

Me:
you meant insignificant? hahahah...

LG:
you know i'm significant.
stop deceiving yourself. you arent doing any justice to yourself you know. ;)

Me:
wonder who's the one that is deceiving himself...

LG:
who who who? where what when whom which? ;)

Me:
see u're doing it again... haiz...

As usual he went...

LG:
ohh shuddup~ haha!

Me: =)

See the reason why email is so impt now... Coz our co.... well not exactly our co., ban us from MSN. It's the only way to communicate with the outside world while working.

A little interest or laughter when work just sucks...

Blessed thurday!

A blessed thursday. A joyful day. Bless by the the big guy up there.

I passed my supp. paper! I was ecstatic when I saw the email. I just wanted to dance, shout and sing! The feelings were just filling within me. Overwhelming. But I can't do so in the office. So I was just dancing on my seat and within me. And letting joy to carry me away with the wind in my beautiful garden. Of cause in my imagination.

This verse best describe how I feel now. From the time when studying for exams just turn so tough all of a sudden. Worries that filled me when I was preparing for my supp. paper.

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

Psalm 30:11-12

It was a battle won after 1.5 years. Indeed it calls for a celebration.

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

Once again weekends just passed without a sound. Without a blast.

Time spent with him was short. And we did nothing much for the weekend except for having lots of fried food. I can hear the machines calling me in the gym. I drag going gym on mondays 'cause it's always fill with people due to the overeating during the weekends. But other days are occupied.

He's back in camp and probably sound asleep.

Picking a fight with him was so much easier in the past but now I'll have to think twice. Just the other day we had a little quarrel and it sort of worries me. Isn't that the time when relationship starts to change during enlistment? But a simple sorry makes everything loving again.

It's kind of a bitter-sweet day. It's our 2yr anniversary but he's back in camp. But none of us really mention anything about it or rather it slip our mind. Just like how we always did. The exact number of days doesn't really matter I guess.

Currently reading "The Sinner" by Tess Gerritsen. If you like thriller, this is a must read. I started reading the book on friday and am halfway through the book already. And I guess it's gonna be another late night with the book. =)

At the bf's house now.

Came over to wash Butsie's cage if not his sister will have to wash 3 cages.

Was the supp. paper today. I don't know what to say. Feel more at ease but hope that I can pass this paper. It's the last one already. Hope I don't have to re-module again. I'll need to pay 1.9k. It's insane.

Staying for dinner at his place. It's finally tues. Can't wait for friday to come. His booking out day. Miss him terribly the past couple of days. Didn't know that I would miss someone so much. Or even need someone so much before. It's just weird to not have him around me. But I'll slowly get used to it. oh well we'll have to.

But I don't really look forward to work tml, after taking a break for 16days. The thought of work just sucks but money... need me to say any further... Need to get the engine running again.

Gonna laze in his room before dinner... then it'll be time to head home and get ready for work tml... =(

Certainly hope I can wake up.

He left this morning at 8am to CMPB and they sent him to camp. Didn't slept well the whole night 'cause he was still not feeling well. Having diarrhea and chest pain which got me really worried. He was still having diarrhea when he reported to cmpb this morning.

I wonder how is he now. Resting or going through crazy trainings. Hope he's doing fine. Will keep him in prayer. Anyways some photo from KL & BKK.

"Garden" in KL.

Photos with his nephew.

The super long tissue prata at a super cheap price.

BKK.

Not much photo taken in BKK. 'Cause most of the time it was spent on shopping and walking! I'm so glad to have a bf that loves shopping!

There were some small arguments during the BKK trip which I really regret 'cause I was the unreasonable one. But it made me cherish him even more knowing that he's putting effort to be patient with me and trying to learn more about God.

I remember on monday night when little pudding die, I was crying like nobody's business and washing up her cage. which I rarely do it. Most of the time he'll do it though it's our pet. But he never ever complain that he's doing everything even for our guinea pig, Butsie. I thought he wasn't that upset after all. I kind of doubt it 'cause even the slightest abnormality of our pet drives him really crazy and worried, and the next sentence that comes out from his mouth would be "shall we take her to the vet?".

After praying for him to be ready for enlistment the next day, I saw tears coming down his cheek. Finally.... who wouldn't have miss the cute little pudding. With all her stupid and funny actions.

R.I.P pudding.

Got back from some crazy shopping in Bangkok with the bf on friday.

And we sure did paid a high price for this trip. Fall sick and still recovering.

My poor bf was down with fever the day before he was supposed to be enlist into police academy and was sent back home instead. Time just tick away and his 2 day mc is up tml. He's gotta report tml. Gonna miss him for 10days.

well... after some crazy shopping it's time to prepare for my supp. paper next tuesday. How sad. My block leave is gonna end in 4 more days. Isn't it a tragic!! Getting back to work after 10days of leave. It's like trying to get the engine started once again. Going back to the fast pace life.

Having your alarm waking you up from your beauty sleep, like it's screaming "it's time to work".

oohhh... that feeling. What a drag. oh well I'll just make good use of the last few days and enjoy it.

met up with mei,wan chien, ivan and james today...

Dinner at fish and co.

Dessert at Canele.

And we called it a day. Upload the photos soon mei!

It's the bf's driving test day.

I certainly hope he'll pass... 'cause it'll benefit me alot! =)

I'm already planning for late night outs without paying for cabs anymore!

SO it' the last sem. exams... I woke up at abt 10am and it's 3:44pm and I have read less than a 100 words related to my paper on monday.

I've been lazing on the bed since breakfast, doing everything except study. And now I'm blogging. The weather outside is killing and I wished to just stay in the cooling air-con room and do NOTHING. 12 chapters to finish for my retail paper and let's see how much time am left with....

Not too sure given the amount of time I'm lazing around. And still... I've plans to go Bishan. And I so wanna collect my clothes I bought online from Lyn! Talking about clothes. I've cut down my shopping expenses by more than 50%! Oh well... I'm surviving quite well for the moment.

BUT! Not gonna last long. In 3 weeks time, I'll be taking my block leave, taking a break from work for 10days. I wished it could longer or forever. Work is just getting shitty nowadays. It's not the work scope but rather it's the people. The head. Nothing can be worse off than being under a terrible leader. Anyhow back to my well deserved break.

Will be heading to KL and bangkok for holiday with the boyfriend. He has to visit his relatives in KL first 'cause once he's back he'll be going to NS. Old solider! He hates it whenever I call him that. =)

As for Bangkok, I don't have to say anything more.

I simply can't wait. I've been wanting to head to BKK since last year. And each attempt to go failed since I plan to go. But this time nothing's gonna stop me. Unless the H1N1 flu gets really bad. If not! It's time to go crazy and let loose!

Alright enough said. it's time to hit the books again....

Ciaoz!

Excited? ecstatic? happy?

I can't describe how I feel now... But one thing for sure. My shoulder feels lighter now. One by one, each burden is off. Portfolio and retail test is over. Portfolio assignment has already been submitted. For the past few weeks, it's been hard to breathe. The race went on week after week. Each week there was something to prepare for or to submit. Even the simulation group game, is left with the last round this week. It's the last 2 weeks before this sem. ends and it's time for exams.

Just checked my PM results... 77. It was such a relief. 'Cause this module has the highest failure rate. Looking back in April, getting this sem. started was something that I thought I couldn't do anymore despite the 4 sem. I went through. I was demoralised and discouraged. I didn't know how to survive through this period but eventually I did. And it's ending soon. I owe it to some of the people around. Their care, concern, encouragement and faith in me got me through.

Now it's left with one reflection paper report and final presentation for biz cap. Am still dilly dallying... =)

Another thing I can't believe is getting close with Lyn. Someone which I thought I couldn't click with since the very first sem. But damn... I was wrong. We're planning to go on a self declared graduation trip. I'm just glad that I knew her. =)

Alright... it's time for reflection paper. Gotta get it done before dinner!!

Ciaoz!

am supposed to be studying for my retail test tml. But I've been sitting in front of the com. doing everything else except for studying. So much for a long weekend... I have to worry for my test tml.

10 chapters... I'm not even done with chapter 1! I would need some good luck and good memory now.

Anyways I scored pretty ok for my individual simulation game. It was such a relief. I've got so many burdens on me, now slowly it's taken off one by one... exactly 1 more month lessons will end and my final exam will be here.... The smell of freedom is near! Though there's another supp. paper.

I was just reading through some email. And time really flies. It's been 4 years since that incident happen. I look back and i'm glad Jocelyn is standing strong. A much more stronger person today. =)

You know I've so much plans in my head for holidays and I can't wait. But once again BKK is gonna be out of the question. People stop rioting!! There are shoppers dying to go there! Anyhow if BKK is out of the question, it shall be HK. Again.

But what I really wanna do is to go back to Sabah again. To climb Mt KK. I need buddies! Still in the search of people who are interested.

Alright... time to study!

Have a long and nice weekend peeps!