Damn had a bad morning... I had a good sleep last night!! But I was awaken by all the drilling at 9.15am... When I should wake up at 9.30am... i know it's just 15mins... But it makes a difference!!!! But well, I extended my sleeping time to 9.45... But the stupid drilling didn't stop!!!

It's only when I got out of the house then I saw the light to all this drilling... It was some renovation of the shop downstairs... I was crusing and swearing when I saw it... Stupid people!! Ruin my beauty sleep...

I woke up with puffy eyes... Don't know why... I didn't cry... Probably I drank too much water the night before... Or rather I didn't have enough sleep... I selpt at 3+... Studying for ECM...

I took a bus to school!!! Finally no cab!!! hehe... Reached school at 10.50... not bad quite punctual!! Then went to apply for LOA for 1 sep and the past 2 days...

Took quite awhile...

I just want this to be over soon... Just 3 more days... All this would be over...

So close...

I'm glad that Nei called...Make me see things that I can't see at that moment... I'm not alone and God has not foresaken me... He's always there... Feel so much better after Nei prayed for me... My heart is comfort by God... No longer feel the hurt...

Went to church this morning... Feel so happy... To feel the warmth of God and He's love... It seems like a long time even though I just didn't go last week... After Service head down to PS with Pastor Lee, Nei, Andy, Meiying and Mei Chan...

Nei wanted to give Andy and I a treat... Coz both of our birthday fall on this month... His is tml and mine is in 2 weeks time... Since Andy is the birthday boy I let him decide where we should makan... But that guy took such a long time to think... He went from head to tail then back to head again... So fickle minded... One moment Thai food, the other moment indo-food... Thai Express, he said he had a bad impression... Swenses don't like... Can't stand him... So in the end I decided for him... Swenses...

Reached PS then... Still couldn't make up his mind when he saw the menu for Thai Express... Feel like bashing him up!!! ARGH!!! End up! Decided to have lunch at Thai Express then Ice-cream at Swenses... hehe...

I had "Fire Noodle".... Super spicy... For once I eat till I cried... Guess I did the wrong thing by eating spicy food with cold water... No wonder it makes it worse... So full!! Straight after that we went over to Swenses to have Ice-cream... Shared "Earthquake" with Nei, Pastor Lee and Andy... Then after that we discuss about the Sunday church outing... Everything's out now... So glad....

Simply couldn't walk after that... Went to Carrefour to get some tidbits.... Ohya... Met Jackson and Bee Cheng... Hmm... Wonder why they are together? Well... Nvm...

HURRAY!!! PS is having some bra sales!! haha... Saw a few which I like... Going to get them on Wednesday... Intended to go with my sis, Mei Chan... But I guess can forget abt it... After what had happen...

Head down to Orchard point OG... Bought 2 skirts... hehe... at $32... Well, quite cheap.... took a long time to try and walk around somemore...

Separated with Nei and pastor lee after we came out from OG... Decided to go home... But both of us had the sudden crave for "Mango Tango"... SO headed down to Bugis just to drink... hehe... Stupid right... But well... Who cares! I had my cup of drink! Then from Bugis took a cab home...

Everything seriously went well... But everything was screwed up when we reached home....

I'm so upset... why is my closet people only seems to be close to me physically but not mentally and emotionally... Ain't we supposed to share everything since we are a family...

Mei Chan came home with a big present... And I asked her who gave her that... she said her fren... I asked her if the guy likes her she said she don't know... But I think God had it all planned... To let me the fool to get out from darkness... A card dropped out from the bed, I picked it up and I told her the card dropped... I opened up the card and see... Guess what I saw... They've been together for a month... Why is is that she had to lie to me? I bet Meiying knew about this coz the guy is her friend...

I really feel like a fool... why?! I was angry at first but I was sad after that... Ain't we supposed to be close?! Don't tell me all this while, it's just pretending... I told them everything in my life... I share with them everything... Ain't they supposed to tell me their life? I thought we should share... Probably I'm too naive... I really so cheated... I think they don't treat me as an elder sister... Probably i'm not their biological sister...

I wanted to change the Jocelyn I am now... I want to change into a sacaristic, snob, hack care, irritating bitch.... Whoever talk to me... I won't bother about them... I won't give any advice or do what i do now... I want the good part of me to vanish and the bad in front of everybody... But God knew what I was thinking... Nei called and told me somethings about the skirt... Then she asked whether is Meiying home or not? She told me to give her a call and I told her I don't want and that I can't be bothered about them... before I couldn't finished my sentence I cried...

I told her everything and she consoled me... Her words really make those hatred go away... She said that sometimes what I do to people... They may not do the same thing... My sisters may feel that It's their privacy or probably she's afraid that we may scold them... If we know that these people are like that... Don't put all your heart and soul into this matter coz what I could get back is disappointment... She knock some sense into me...

I put all my heart and soul into them, even though I said I wouldn't care... But all I get was the pierce in my heart...

I think I shouldn't put all my heart and soul into other people's matters anymore... Except for my own work, interest and church... Coz I will end up hurting myself....

Nei called Meichan to lecture her... Think instead of feeling gulity (coz she didn't bother to apologize), she hates me to the core now... She's now downstairs with her friends... She's crying to her friends telling them what I did to make my aunt scold her and how she cried... And I become the bad guy in front of all her friends... But well, be it...

I'm going to try to guide them when they need to... But no longer with all my heart and soul anymore...

The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz

Just reached home... Went to see the doctor... Everything went well... He said that I had good recovery and I need not depend on medication... Since I have not taken medicine for 3 months and there was no outburst... So happy! At least everything is under control already!

No worries people~! I'm talking about my skin! Not any sickness...

I can say good-bye to my acne face already! But he gave me a gel to apply every night... To prevent outburst again... Coz there's no cure for acne... Just got to learn how to take care of my skin... I guess I know how to take proper care already...

After that went to Circuit Road hawker centre to have dinner with my mum and sisters... Lina was there and Uncle Robert... We had steamboat!! Yummy!! Missed those vegetables and fishballs!! hehe... Coz when I eat steamboat I only go for fishball, vegetables and the japanese mushroom... Don't really like to eat meat... Anyway wonderful "vegeterian" dinner...

I haven't study my ECM yet... Got to start later... It's 0n wednesday...

The holidays are going to be over soon... So sian... I feel so laid back... Can't get anything done... Still got projects!!

I've been blogging like 2 to 3 times a day... coz I want to write every moment down... Every moment to be remembered.... Coz I'm very scatterbrain... I don't want any moment to be slipped away from my hand...

I feel so sticky... Going to bath... Then rest!! Got church tomorrow!!!! Hurray!!! Didn't go to church last week... Felt so uneasy... And it seems like a long week... Love going to church... It makes me forget all my tireness and worries... Even the morning sickness would just go away once I enter the church... Feel so light-hearted there... :P

I"m so sleepy and tired... Feel like sleeping but going out with my mum later to see doctor and go for dinner...

Must be all those perspiration in the band room just now... Went for sectionals in the morning... Then the freaking band room air con is not on... In fact it can't be on... Coz of the 5 day work week... so sat can't have any cca... Stupid~! Perspire like hell!!

Went through all the IBM pieces except for "October"... Luckily we didn't go through that or else I'll start to sleep... Well, need lots of practice... I still can't play my parts for "Merry Widow"...

After sectionals, stayed in the band room to practice merry widow... Kept practicing the running notes... Didn't stop and rest... My arm went numb just now... But well my efforts paid off... I could play now except for a few wrong notes now and then... I'm left with the last 3 bars of running notes... Couldn't go on with it coz too tired... My arm is still aching now... Must relax more when play...

Come to think of it... where were the rest of the percussionists? There were only a few of us only... Pathetic...

Practice till about 3... Then went to Clementi for lunch with Raf, Charlton and Jermaine... Then headed home...

But Jermaine and I went to Tiong Bahru to walk for awhile 'cos we were looking for specs... Intend to buy a specs with plastic frame... well see about it first coz i'm not used to it...

Hehe... My hamsters are here... So adorable!! my god!! I was blogging half way then my aunt told me to get ready for it... hehe... Well hane not thought of names for them yet.. Probably on the way out...

Finally finished everything with music... Pick the song "Love in any language"... One of my all time favourites... Also added some words to keep myself going whenever I "drop by" my blog... To keep myself going whenever I'm tired or feel like giving up...

My bed is calling me... Off to sleep! *yAwNz*

hehe... I changed my blog skin!! Finally got it done... encounter with some problems just now... But well everything is solved!

Like the background... Strawberries! and more strawberries! The sight of it makes me feel like eating my blog up... hehe...

Plus the fact it's my favourite colour and fruit!!

Wanted to study just now... But when I finished bathing I felt so refreshed so I sat down to watch tv... then surf for more blogskins... Had my dinner and went to teach...

My aunt whom I called Nei, called me just now... Told me that Sunday we will be going to get tidbits for the outing next sunday... She said something that really made me jump! She told me that the OG at orchard point is having sales... And skirts that are used to be sold at $90+... Is now only 15+... MY GOD!! What kind of sale is this man!! I was so happy! But well not sure if those skirts are of my liking or not... But i'll definitely go down and take a look!! I won't want to miss this chance!

Haha... I'm not broke anymore!! My mum gave me money!! I think I'm so blessed!! Everytime when I'm near to broke, my mum would just leave the money on my table! She's always my rescuser! hehe... She totally understand me!

Just like the camp... Before I left for camp she gave me $100... But when I came back home on saturday... She left $25 on my table on sunday morning and $15 on monday morning... Altogether $140... And you know what... I was left with nothing after that! I don't know how I spent all that money... Guess is cab and the food i bought... really need someone to take care of my finance...

My hamsters are coming tomorrow!! Haha... Can't wait to recieve them with open arms... My aunt janet is giving them to me... Winter white... Wanted this breed all the while! finally got them... can't wait to see how tiny they are coz they just came to this world like a few weeks.... hehe... :P

Having sectionals tomorrow morning... Last sectionals before IBM... then it's exam period! Don't plan to go anywhere after that! Got to come home to prepare the cage for my hamsters... Talking about them... What should I name them?! Still thinking about it...

What do u guys reckon?!

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hmm... let's see...

I woke up at 11+... lying on the bed for while before i got up to brush my teeth and have a nice cup of Golden tomato juice to help aid in my digestive system...

Snack abit and all i did was just slack on my bed and watch tv... Then my mum brought lunch back for me... Wah! Missed her wanton noodles so much!! Finally had it today!

After that... slack on my bed again!! After awhile, I fell asleep!! Woke up.... then had a cup of apple juice and snack again... Then finally on my com to blog...

the whole day is just slacking, snacking and sleeping! I can feel the fats growing on me... But it's been a long time since i had the time to do this... Finally a day for myself together with the things that i like to do...

I just remember that I need to study for test... totally forgot abt it... Gonna teach later...

For now, i'm gonna take a bath and buried myself in my notes, reading and some writing...

And some soul-searching, before my noisy sisters come back...

I'm feeling rather down nowadays... Even though when I'm with my friends... I go crazy... But when I come home and hide myself under my blanket I'm no longer the Jocelyn that everyone sees in the day...

Sufen said that I'm acting rather strangely... I'm mean speaking strangely... she was so freak out I guess... When I told her about that thing yesterday...

Haiz... I guess I'm too tired... I need some space and rest...

Or else my feelings is going to control over me again... sometimes I wonder why must God create us with this thing called feelings... But if we are not filled with feelings... Our life would just be a straight line... No more interesting events!

Went out with zai, venassa, rebecca, Qiao ling, muru to have lunch at rice table at cuppage there... Well, Had a full lunch... the food was not bad but i guess is not much of liking to me today...

After lunch, head down to Bugis... Went to the arcade... alan joined us... Played some lame games... Then sat down at Rockery to chat for awhile... then Raf came to join us... went to TCC... well, me and zai didn't want to sit down so we went for window shopping... By the time we were back... they had already finished their drinks... Then we head to this halal coffee shop which sells fishball noodles, wanton noodles etc...

Intended to eat desserts but couldn't find the place... so gave up... Instead we went to Breeko! Chilli out an chat!! Ohya... Raf was analsying our characteristic by our handwriting!! Guess what!! Nobody will ever thought of this man!! You know what did Raf analyse from muru's handwriting!! he have high sex drive!! haha... The moment we heard this... WE, 3 girls can't stop laughing!! My god!! Zai kept making fun of him... haha!!! Sorry brother!! It's just too unbelievable!!

But know what!! Raf is really very accurate!! He was like 99.99999% right!! My god!! Probably one day, you guys can give me your handwriting then i'll pass it to him to analyse... It's free!

Wanted to go home... But Zai suddenly suggested to go "Actors"... WAh!!! Wonderful place man!!! Alan! Muru!! U guys missed lots of fun lor!!!

"Actors" is a pub... but is not those pub where u dance like crazy or watever... it's a place to chilli out... Zai, Venassa, Raf and I had so much fun!!

After reaching the place for abt 30 mins... there was a live band!! Shiok man!! The songs they played were superb!!! We played tai-tee... But after awhile, Venassa and me started to dance to the music... it was so romantic... But when they played "Can't take my eyes off you"... All of us went haywire!! We started singing loudly!! But well there was only 4 of us there! Coz the night is still young!

So they told us to go down and sing but we refused!! We simply went high!! I was super high!! Plus I was having terrible headache!! I did not need alcohol to make turn red!! My face was super red when I came out...

Anyway the bus came shortly after i reached the bus-stop... Was like dead when i was sitting in the bus...

Having terrible headache... and it's making my eyes red...

The concert went well... Even though there were breakdown in between...

I screwed up the drumline... but managed to get back... But well... Everybody enjoyed... The audience were so entertained by us...

After concert, we had band camp straight away... We went for AGM... Horrible tiime... All the time the topic revolves around the key issue... And the percussionists were all starving... And I guess this issue makes it worse... It's all because some of them are against someone... Politics!

After AGM, we went to the area near the sports hall to have our "dinner"... the time was already 1+... All of us had a talk till about 5+... all of it was about the concert...

Only managed to sleep at 6+... We were all dead beat...

Went home on saturday... Coz i thought I had test on wednesday... But when I reached home I realized the test was next week... hehe... sorry alan!!

Guess what! I slept from 6+ till next morning 6am... Open my eyes and went back to sleep again... hehe... Don't start saying I'm a pig!! I'm over tired... Put yourself into my shoes... guess you will be like me...

Had section competition on Monday night... We had already planned to celebrate the success of our concert... Be it if we win or not for the competition...

WELL, we didn't win... But we recieve the loudest applauses!! The most important thing is that everybody enjoyed and we, the percussionists, enjoyed too!! I guess we lost because of the IBM quiz... But never mind it's ok... Alan was quite sad about it... But I guess he somehow got over it after that...

We played badminton, volley ball and captain's ball... Haha... I finally paired up with Jermaine!! After 4 years!! Even though it was not a real game but we put in our best... And we lost to 7-6... Not that bad right! We were the only girls' team that played the longest!! ANd we make good partners!! hehe...

Slept at abt 6+... Woke up at 8+... Then had full band with Mr Tan from 9-12... Then head for home!! hehe... Home Sweet Home!!

Went to do project with my friends just now... Managed to get things done... Came home to have my beauty sleep before going out with my sis to K-ster...

Been thinking of someone recently... Never thought he would be in my mind once again... Thinking of the time we spent together in the past... Guess i'm just too tired that's y...

Off to sleep... Meeting up with the section for lunch tml...

DE AVANGANDA PERCUSSIANS 1!! Is in 19 hours time~! Man!! I'm so nervous!! Just hope it's gonna be a good concert~!!

Got camp after that~! Haven pack my bag yet!! tot of packing it tml.... But guess I can forget abt it!!

Better start packing now~!

hahah!!! I'm feeling so high now!! So happy!!! Can't stop grinning!!

My friends who are not interested in any band thingy... They had preview of our concert just now... Guess what they say... Wei bin said, "Thinks it's gonna be a good concert tml, seems real good!"

haha... Man!! Plus ruben might be getting another ticket from me... Makes my day even better!! Something good before a good night sleep!!!

Guess it's a good sign to us for the concert tml!! hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahaah!!! :P

I'm pissed!! So pissed! I'm so angry!! Ah.... I hate you!!!

I cried to sleep last night... I cried for 1 whole hour!!! Is it going to be the same again tonight?!!

Or am I going to be burn with flame within me!!

Saturday
Went to school for sectionals... Then after that went out with Venassa, Jermaine,Muru & Charlton... Had a tiring day... And I was very pissed... So too bad... Muru and Charlton saw a sight of me that they were so shock... I ate alot... Went to IMM... Had fishball noodle, yam cake and Chui kueh... share it with jer and Ven... Then Went to Daiso to get some concert stuff... Haha... It was like a playground for the few of us... Then head down to Orchard, think to look for hat... Took 105... Tot that it will go to PS but forgot it doesn't... So alighted at Far east.... On our way we bought the $1 ice-cream... Straight after that Venassa,jermaine and me had bubble tea... Then head down to center point to look for the hat but too bad the shop closed already... So decided to chilli out at Coffee Bean... Guess what... We pasta and oreo cheese cake! Hehe... After that head for home...

Sunday
As usual, went to church in the morning... Super tired... After church went for lunch with my aunt and church members... After that head down to Chinatown with my pastor, aunt and Vivian... Coz I need their help in helping me get cloth... Feel so guilty that they have to run with me the whole of Chinatown to look for the hat... Appreciate it so much... But manage to find the hat but not black so decide to head down to Bugis to take a look... My aunt and pastor left after Chinatown... So Vivian and I head down to Bugis... To contiune to search... But the shop closed down already... By that time I was really drained already... I really feel so bad to make Vivian run with me everywhere... Lucky she was there to help me think of places or else I don't know what to do...

Decided to stop the search after walking from 2+ to 6+... Non-stop... Went to suntec for dinner.... Goodness gracious me!! I really can't stand myself... I took 1 hr to decide what I want to eat... But Vivian was very patient with me... Waiting for me to decide... So end up decide to eat Vietnam food... Had a fulling dinner... A big bowl of beef noodle and fries... it was kid's meal...

Meet up with Adeline for awhile... It's been a long time since i last saw her... Missed her so much... Hope she can go for my concert... Hope her shift would stay the same... Nurse = Irregular hour!

Monday

I missed my first lesson... RWPS!! I couldn't wake up! And I just realized that Friday is the percussion concert and I have RWPS presentation!! OH NO!! HOW!! Must go look for my teacher already... Went for FA tutorial with all the stuff I bought on Saturday and Sunday... School ended at 2+... Then meet up with Venassa and Jermaine to go around SB to promote our concert!! But hang on!! We went around the whole of SP!! To promote... And I was so tired and excited about the promoting... That when I saw my friend I shouted... I don't for what bloody hell reason why I did that... I just know that I have to push ticket sales... I don't give a damn about other think about me... Go ahead with your thinking!! It's not my concern!!

Had dinner at FC2... Ate lot too... But I everything is burn off already... Had sectionals... We did the combine stomp thingy... Finally we had completed the thing... Just have to practice more!! After the band prac... Mr Tan did Canon In D with us... Terrible man!!

I finshed studying for my test tomorrow... Tried to sleep but I can't get to sleep... I'm wide awake... I feel numb... I don't know whether I'm tired or worried... I feel like crying but tears just can't come out...

But this few days have been sad for me...

Why is it that I care?! And this is what I get in return... Is this what i get for my concern... I put in so much... But the more i put in... I get more disappointed and it's more tiring... I'm so sick and tired...

I shouldn't have put in so much in the first place.... I think I'm like a fool... I know I should give more than I receive... BUT I'M STILL A HUMAN!!!

I really hope this can be over soon... God please give me the strength to carry on...

Had sectionals with Mr Tan just now... He helped us in our percussion concert pieces... Weel not too bad... But I'm disappointed in something... Having a terrible headache now...

Going off to rest... Will be going out with some of the section people tml to buy costume! Hope we have ideas... God please give us inspiration!

I'm bored! Very bored... Woke up late today... Came to school at 1... I'm now doing my report for RWPS... It's on some bubble tea issue... Suddenly I remember Chris asking us to do a survey on this... Guess those data tally sheet are from them....

Can't believe I'm getting to work... Usually I'll slack for this lesson... But I'm doing my work now... Anyway the percussion will be having sectionals with Mr Tan... Hope it goes well...