Just a chance to chilli out for a moment before starting on BLAW and ECM... And to talk to her...
Well, at least I have someone to talk face-to-face now... Going off to "Hans" at Bukit merah...
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Cia and Ivan gave me different comments... when they knew about it...
Cia told me to find the right 'remedy' and to 'rectify' the situation... she told me not to give up... She told me to work double hard to help her... Teach her... I know it's hard to been the eldest... getting blame for not setting a good example... It's the sisterly bond that keeps everything going...
Ivan told me.... That they just have to learn their lesson... God has a plan for them...
I've cried for them too many times... Too many... I scolded and yelled at them before... I even cried before them and begged them but they don't appreciate... After awhile they are back to the same old self again... They pretend that nothing happen... Why!
I guess when I decided to gave up on them this year... I didn't really meant give up... I still care but I had to pretend that I don't... Not exactly pretend... I had to control... Nei was right... Not to put all my heart and soul... but if I'm going to step in again... The same old thing will happen again...
I felt so much better not putting in so much... But now?
Haiz.... face all this after my exams... just got to concentrate on my last 2 papers...
I have to be strong to face the pressure coming from everywhere... But I'm not sure if I'm strong enough...
I'm so sad... so helpless...
I'm supposed to be happy... BFI is over! It's finally over! When I went in to take the paper... I started laughing when I saw the paper... And I've got my ECM tips... It's making my studying so much...
BUT I'm not the least happy... I'm NOT!!
The night just sucks!!
My sister, Meiying got back her report book already... She drop to normal... I really don't know how to react... I just know that I feel so numb... She cried! But tears just can't come out from my eyes... But I'm tearing inside me... I feel so helpless and useless... As a sister... I felt that I didn't fulfil what I'm ought to do...
If I haven't tried to let go that time... And be stricter to them... These wouldn't happen? I don't know what to do... My head is bursting soon... I can't think or do anything now... I thought she was joking but when I open the report book... I closed it...
Why?! I told you since the start of year... But why?! you feel sorry towards me... you feel that you let me down... But I feel the same way too... I feel that I shouldn't have let go... I'm feeling regretful... Why am I always doing things that I regret... Never once that I didn't regret!
I don't know how to face my aunties and uncles... how... Am I to blame?! They are so going to scold her... I can't even bring myself to think about the scenario... tears and scolding flying everywhere...
I need someone... I need someone to talk to me... need someone to give me a hug...
Can someone help me?
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Can't take it anymore!
Met Edwin and Hanyong just now... Manage to finish the last topic dragfully... Took a long time... Got some tips from Ivan that SGX and CPF will confirm come out... for essay questions...
Haiz... OK! I went to watch "Cellular"! My exams are tml and I went to watch movie!!! WTH!! I didn't have a choice!!! Edwin and Hanyong went to see movie listing and they just came back with 3 tickets....
They just bought the tickets... Without asking me!
*pHeW*
BUT WELL!! It's fantastic!! 2 TUMBS UP!! IF I HAVE ENOUGH TIME I WILL GIVE 5 TUMBS UP!! GOOD SHOW!! Should watch!
My instinct was so right... I had the feeling that today we won't be able to study much.. true enough... Lucky I finished most of them yesterday night... Or else I'll still be mugging like hell now... and on the verge of crying...
Now the problem is that I can't absorb anymore... Should I sleep first then wake up and study later? Just study first, see how it goes....
And I was so stressed up 5 hours ago... Wondering how am I going to finished up 12 topics within 2 days... Planned to finish 8 topics tonight... BUT!! I finished 10 topics!! I'm so proud of myself! I never thought I could do that...
10 topics within few hours.... Not bad!
I'm thinking whether I should go on or not... Cause my body is asking me to take a rest, which I don't want to... I want to finish up the last 2 topics... Insurance and Singapore Exchange...
Meeting up with Edwin and Hanyong later to study... I have this feeling it will be difficult study... hmm.... And I want to leave tml for tutorial and past year paper...
Well, shall study on my bed... Since I'm only left with 2 topics... Think I should relax abit and not get too uptight... I'm so drained now... The words are just by-passing me...
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
I'M SO STRESSED UP~!
I couldn't concentrate just now while giving tuition! My whole mind is BFI! Then my student's maths questions!! HEADACHE!
But well! I'm not going to let those tears come out so easily anymore!
Had a good hot bath just now and ate a bowl of hot noodles!! Hmm.... Feeling better! Thanx Meiying! Your call came so right!!
Finished 2 topics of BFI... Still got 10 more to go...
I'm aiming to finished up 6 topics today... Just hope I can make it... NO TV!!
Just my winamp!!
OK! I'm ready for BFI!
What do guys/girls want?
WHAT DO GIRLS WANT ???
When I was a fresh-woman, all I wanted was a guy with big muscles.
So I dated a muscular guy. He was as strong as Arnold Schwarzenegger 2, but
he beat up any other guy who would stare at me. I was afraid he would hit me too. So I dumped him when he was in jail.
So I decided to date a romantic guy. He was so sweet : he sent me flowers every Fri to my office just to ask me out; one time he packed himself into a box as my birthday gift..... But he was also romantic to other girls....... until I found out in a florist that he ordered 5 dozens roses each Fri...it was too late...... he already dumped me.
So I decided to date a stable guy. He was a good man. He had a Ph.D from MIT, and he was a Christian. But all he talked with me was Networking. I had to dump him because when one day I said I was going to Banana Republic, he said you don't need to go to Manhattan to buy bananas.
There's a Mama shop across the street.
So I decided to date an interesting guy. He was so funny. He was like Jack Neo in TV. He made me laugh all time. But later, I couldn't laugh anymore. He didn't have a job, nor did he plan to find one. All he did was playing Mahjong and Sony playstation, I dumped him.
WHAT DO GUYS WANT ???
When I was in Secondary School, all I wanted was a girl with big boobs. In poly, I dated a girl with big boobs, but there was no passion.
So I decided I needed a passionate girl. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time.
So I decided I needed a girl with some stability. I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything.
So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement. I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless.
So I decided to find a girl with some ambition. After University, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.
So what do you want?
At many times, people just go after what they want their ideal partner to be. And they neglect what that person has. Chasing after what u want is never ending and may not come to a good end.
So cherish what u have and appreciate what they are!!!
30 real feelings of girls...
1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's crying in her heart.
2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her sometime to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.
3. A girl can't find anything to hate about theguy she loves (which is why it is so hard forher to 'get over him' after the relationship'sover.)
4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be onher mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.
5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will melt.
6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually is not sure how to react to them.
7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stare ok?
8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, breakit to her gently.
9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you stilltreat her as a friend, talk to her.
10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel.Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).
11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.
12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.
13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act uninterested duringthe call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy andimmediately start telephoning her friends to spread the news.
14. A smile means a lot to a girl.
15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you.
16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, leave.
17. But if she still calls you or expect a call fromyou, stay.
18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.
19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a greatreassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.
20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'llwonder why she never noticed him before.
21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl,read romance stories.
22. When class pictures come out, a girl wouldfirst check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.
23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.
24. Girls love having fun!
25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.
26. A girl's best friends usually know best whatshe is feeling and going through.
27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.
28. Love means devotion, caring and happinessto a girl, in that order.
29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care for them.
30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.
Well, I don't know why I fail so down and terrible after the FA paper... Actually I can do the paper... But I don't know why... Probably everybody is talking about it...
Haiz... I'm seriously worried... After the paper went to boat quay with meimei! THANX MEIMEI!! THANX FOR ACCOMPANYING ME THERE! THANX FOR CRAPPING WITH ME!! THANX!
I'm feeling better after that... But better now after the jog!
THANX EDWIN FOR THAT MESSAGE!! THANX FOR THE CONCERN!
I won't do anything silly k! Don't worry!
Ok after the bath going to mug on BFI! I only have 3 days to study 12 FREAKING TOPICS!! COME ON! JOCELYN U CAN DO IT!
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
FA STARTING SOON!
FA paper is just 3 and 1/2 hr away.... And as time near, I'm getting more scared...
I'm spending my last few hours mugging... Recap on things that I'm not sure with...
Woke up at 1... But I've woken up lots of time in between... Coz I kept receiving message... From Zai, Nat and Andy... There's a few more but can't remember...
It's all connected to exams... Zai asked when my exams are over, Nat said that she will lend me her calculator and Andy, the sweetest of all!! haha... Gave me a morning greeting and wish me all the best for my exams! This is what it says... Morning! all the best for your exams! Keeping me in prayer! And get your A's! Something like that coz I read it when I'm half awake! But anyway! Thanx!!
Off to mug again... Can't wait for FA to be over! In fact all the exams!!! I want to shop and relax!!
My paper is at 6 in the evening tml... Still kind of worried... My mind seems to be quite messy probably because I'm scared... Not confident enough! But well, I'm going to pray and I know God is there to help me!
Going to read up the theory part of analysis of financial statement... memorise the statement! Coz that's definitely coming out!!!
Haiz... Went to watch movie with Edwin and Hanyong just now... "Manuchurian Candidate"! I paid $6.50 to go in and sleep!! Boring show... ok probably I don't like it...
I know! I know! FA is on tuesday and I'm outside watching movie on monday... But well, I'm quite prepared so just went out for some breathe-taking...
Met up with Sufen today for awhile only!! And stupid Edwin played a trick on me!! He called me and asked me if I bought the tickets for the show yet?! I said yes and he said they can't come cause James met with an accident! WTH! What were be your first reaction if you heard that one of your classmates met with a mishap! Worried right!
Come on guys! I was super worried and scared lor! Why take such things and joke around?! I don't think it's the least funny lor!! It's such a serious matter! I was really pissed off! Why do you guys always make me look like a fool!
haiz....
Ok! one more thing!! STOP ASKING ME TO SEE A DOCTOR~~! My mum is asking me to see a doctor! My sisters! my friends!! Ok I've been having diarrhoea for the past few weeks... I've been running to the toilet everyday... Everything that comes out is watery... Whether I've eaten or not... my stomache still hurts! *oUcH*
And it's affecting my appetite! It's getting worse! I can take one meal! And it's not a proper meal! This moment I'm hungry the next moment when the food comes... eat a few mouth and I'm full! It can go on the whole day!
Probably because of the stomache... I'm afraid of eating...
Probably it's stress.... But I don't feel the stress at all! Even before the study week I was already like that! And I was super slack during that period of time!
OK DON'T ASK ME TO SEE A DOCTOR!! COZ I WON'T!!! Unless one person tells me too.......
And that's my aunt!
Off to lay on my cosy bed! not to sleep but to study for my FA theory!!
Can't wait for exams to be over....
Ok! Just remembered this... Kind of worried for Edwin... Coz he doesn't know much of his FA... Quite worried for him!! haiz... EDWIN PLS STUDY!! OR ELSE I GOT NO PONTANG KAKI NEXT SEM!!!
Monday, October 25, 2004
Just realise that my dark circles is getting darker!!! AH~! Haiz... Late night sleeps...
Slacking for awhile before I get started with my FA again... Sian-sation...
Listening to "You needed me" by Olivia Newton John.... A nice song to hear in the morning... Very soothing and kind of romantic.... haha... Never knew I had this song in my winamp...
Off to mug for FA!
Went to church in the morning....After that met edwin and Hanyong to study... Manage to do one of the past year paper...
Had the urge to watch movie... But well ended up at Esplande slcaking for while... Both of them left at about 10+... But I stayed there to slack for awhile... Talk to Sufen on the phone... And so I realise it was already 11.15pm... intended to take a cab!
WTH! I waited for like 1/2 hr... No cab in sight! So I walked all the way to city hall to try my luck! Sufen asked me to call cab... But didn't want to... Waste money!
haha.... I was so LUCKY! Reached there then saw 195... So end up took the bus! Save my cab fare!! hehe...
Reached home at about 12.10 am.... Bought dinner to eat... Didn't manage to finished my food... didn't have the appetite to eat... almost vomitted....
I feel that my health is getting worse... I've been having stomache for the past few weeks... Didn't take any food... I will still need to run to the toilet... So kind of scare of eating... Coz I'm afraid of running to the toilet... :P
Well, got to mug tonight and tml morning... coz the guys have plans to go watch movie! after a stressful night and morning! haha... let's hope so!
Sunday, October 24, 2004
WOMEN NOW!
Who says women can't handle money?
Our sisters in Britian show that, not only are we good at money matters, we do it much better than men. According to an investment website digitalLook.com, British women have outdone the men as share investors.
The average woman's portfolio grew by more than 10 per cent in the last 12 months, next to 6 per cent for men.
Women's investments caused a 7 per cent rise in the value of UK shares as a whole, compared to a 6 per cent rise in the average value of men's portfolio.
There are about as many women as men who are members of investments clubs.
What we want in a man
6 out of 10 want their partners to be as smart or even smarter then them.
4 in 10 prefer their partner to have a stable job. Only 2 in 10 want him to share the same interest.
THE BIGGEST COMPLAINT women have about men - they're too bad tempered.
7 in 10 feel Singapore guys are not romantic.
Half feel Singapore men are good fathers but lousy lovers.
7 in 10 feel that a woman can live without a man but a man can't live without a woman!
At the end of the magazine it put such a sentence....
We say, leave the magazine open on this page and see if he makes a mad rush for the flower shop.
Well! No offence! It's just a magazine! But not all guys are like that!
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Went to give tuition just now... Quite pissed off with Nini! Coz she's not putting any effort for her studies! And it's really irritating me!! Did scold her abit... Haiz... Her exams are coming! Hope she can co-operate with me... *pRaYiNg HaRd*
Head down to church for song prac... Took about 2 hours to get things done... Coz of figuring out the rythmns for keyboard... Andy was there to help too! Idiot!
After that headed home... Ok! I was taking the bus! And I realize that people are looking at me in a weird manner! Why sia?! Do I not look a human?! Someone from outer space?! hmm....
Well, who cares! After all it's their own business...
Finally washed my hamsters' cage!! It really stinks man!! Didn't have time to wash last week... It really stinks the whole hall so gotta wash!! Now they are clean!! haha... Ok! Stop yucking first! I'm the only one in the family washing the cage lor! My sisters exmas are over! And for god sake! They will never help me!!
Went to the coffee shop downstairs to have dinner wth my mum... had a good dinner! Except for my mum! She said the fishball noodles sucks!! haha... Suddenly missed my mum's wanton noodles!! Have not eaten... erm... seems to be a long time... can't remember...
Let's see what's my plan for the rest of the time tonight... Ohya... study FA first... left with only 3 days.... and I have not touch the past year paper... Going study with Edwin and hanyong tml... Have this feeling nothing would be done so better do now! Sorry Edwin! Don't mean anything! But I guess you can see it yourself right?! After a few session of studying!
OHYA!! BTW!! Can u stop being so LAME!! Messaging me in the middle of the night... When i'm about to fall asleep! Just to look for people to distrub!! Why not use the time to study for FA!!
Remember!! Learn how to resist temptation and concentrate! Remember what you said last night! The most sensible thing you've ever said! After knowing you for 2-3 months! :P You are a person that keep your promise rite!
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