I'm getting tired.

Need a break.

Dear God, What should I do?

I can't help but think abt it when mei mentioned the word "polaroid".

Reminds me of my hk trip, when my sister, meiying, came to look for me from dongguan. And how I just got angry with her for nothing. Really nothing and to think that she was away from home for about 3mths for her china internship. To see me was supposed to be the happiest moment for her. But turns out she was so scared. Apologised after that, 'cause I really felt very bad and guilty.

Anyways it's over, just that the thought came to me. Gotta get her something from here to make up for it.

After 10 days with wen min here, I realised that I need to change a camera! I need a new camera!! Canon's specs are quite gd. Thought of getting a semi-pro since I wanna change!

Should I? hmmm... I shall go back and tempt the bf about it. 'Cause he wants to get one as well! =)

Finally my last 5 nights here in Belgium, feelings are really at 2 extreme side of each end. I don't wanna leave this relaxing place and nice weather but on the other hand I'm excited to head home! But I guess it's back to reality. you enjoy enough, it's time to work hard.

Having a terrible headache now. Feel like heading back to the hotel for some panadol and sleep since I'm doing nothing.

Unsuccessful trip

It's 12.47am here in Belgium and I just finished showering. It's the first time am back in the hotel so late ever since I came here. But I've got company.

Was supposed to tour around Antwerp but our Paris hotel was declined as it's fully book. So we've gotta start sourcing for other hotel if not we'll just end up on the streets with our LV and long champ buys. Managed to get a hotel for 95euros. Not that fantastic looking but well it's just one night and we're on the train back to Antwerp.

So we got the hotel booked and got ready to head out for dinner. After looking through the map, we decided for Moroccan Seafood located slightly further away from Chinatown. Got some directions from the recep and with a 15mins walk mindset we stepped out of the hotel lobby. Was fine initially but as we got deeper in. Everywhere was closed and it doesn't look safe. We were contemplating if we should go forward or just turn back. Considering the fact that we still have to walk back and it was late. We gave up the idea and turn back. A wise decision made. I would say.

We walked and walked. Finally settled down at a nice looking, modern Japanese restaurant. I had chilli beef ramen with lots of uncooked beansprouts and red onions. I finished everything but not the beansprouts and red onion. Not a fan for uncooked vegetables when it's supposed to be cooked.Wen min had some curry with tempura vegetables and salad.

Nice and warm dinner.With a satisfied stomach, we paid for the bill and asked "when are we ever gonna watch a movie here?".

Bought the tickets for "Sex and the city 2" at 9.45pm for 4.90euros each and off we go to the cinemas! It's free seating! We get to choose our seats! Now I bet if we had the freedom to choose our seats back in Singapore, you'll have queues outside of EVERY theater. Watching a show will be so tiring, just like queuing up to pay for GSS.

The idea of watching a movie here strike me when most of my friends back in Singapore were posting about how awesome "Sex and the City 2" were. And I thought I shouldn't give it a miss! It turns out not to be as good that I thought it would be. Was kind of bored in between. But overall It's probably a 3/5.

It's getting late! Time to sleep! Ciao!

It's 10.48pm here in Belgium. I'm showered and nicely tuck under the blankie.

We had just finished dinner at this crappy restaurant. I had Scampis lookroom for dinner. Not sure if I got it right. But anyways it's actually prawns with garlic cream sauce. Prawns were fresh and I added fries which I couldn't finished.

Everything comes with fries or bread here. I'm almost afraid of seeing bread now. And the same old breakfast everyday. And I can start my conversation by comparing which hotel serves better scramble eggs! That would be Le Meriden Brussels. Not forgetting better service.

Feeling sleepy already. Planning to head down to Paris this weekend. So! We'll have to check and book a hotel there. Have not done any research on where to go. We'll be taking the super early train on Sat morning. 6am and reached Paris at 10am. Thanks to the 1 hour wait in between, if not it would have been 9am.

Seesh... can't wait to go Paris! Can you imagine me going crazy there?

Changes

It's Monday once again. Back to the nothing to do again. I've been sitting here all morning not knowing what to do. Almost dozing off at every stage.Came in late, had long lunch and planning to go off early.

All the taboos in office, I've done it all here. Feel like a total slacker and waste of my time. I would rather be out walking with Wen min then sit here though it's a very rare opportunity to be so slack.

Oh yea... Did I mention I'm left with 50euros for the next 2 weeks. Gosh! This is so disgusting. What have I been spending on! goodness gracious me. And too much shopping. No good for me! Not forgetting that I still have credit card bills to pay when I get back to SG. My HK trip as well. I'm starting to think if I would need to declare bankrupt soon. I think I better stop. Oh maybe after a few more items. Yet to buy chocs for the office and others. I need CASH! Better get the reimbursement of my meals back soon!

Somehow I still don't really like this trip despite it being paid for. I wanna be back home.

Anyways I was reading through Emilie's blog and it reminded me of something.

A little change to my life when I'm back in Singapore. Gonna start jamming with Emilie and her friend, Edwin. It's for fun as of now 'cause she's taking pop piano and having a band to practice with will be better. But  it's also good for me cause I always wanted to sing in a band, work with others and discover things as a band. And how to improve myself from others' suggestions. I'm looking forward to this addition activity in my life. The colours that it'll be adding to my life besides the monday-friday, work and home routine.

The list of songs can be found on Emilie's blog and thankfully she post it on her blog 'cause I left the list back in Singapore. I could practice during my free time especially those new songs.

Not sure how it's gonna turn out to be but very eager to work with the both of them. What's the future of this band? I don't know but at least it's a good start. Things can always be work out on the way. We've started picking out songs that we wanna try and see which is the best for us. Or rather we can choose songs and customized it to suit us. Don't expect Mariah Carey's kind of voice for me 'cause I ain't those kind. My voice is just a voice that produces out a sound that might coincidentally be in tune with the note that's playing out from the keyboard or guitar.

So the first task is to exercise diligently to firm up and train up those diaphragm. It really helps alot and makes alot of difference. Well at the same time, I could work out and lose weight. The best of both worlds. Or maybe I can start at the gym though I don't have proper exercise gear. But I guess shorts, t-shirts and sneakers are good enough.

Sorry for the lack of updates in photos, I'm just too lazy to do so. I'll find the time.

Can't wait to be back in Singapore. Not that I don't like it here. I enjoy the weather and laid back life. I'm probably the luckiest person in the back office that could be sent from so far to actually help out. God has heard my prayers and given this opportunity. But still, this is not home. I don't get my favourite food here. Food are horribly expensive and if you thought Singapore is expensive you might really consider eating grass here. What I don't really like is that I've gotta move here and there. It gets quite irritating actually. I'm checking out from Antwerp's hotel on the 17th June. I'm still thinking if I wanna move to Brussels for one night. But my luggage is heavy. Then on the 18th I'll be spending 1 night in Amsterdam, I'll have to move again. Head to Amsterdam Hilton on myself by cab and then fly from Amsterdam airport. I really don't like the travelling thru and flow esp. with my heavy luggage.

I miss the bf alot. One month of separation might not be long but it's not too short either. It's great to know that we both miss each other as much. And looking forward to the day of my return back to Singapore. !2 more days till the final countdown! I'm out of these place and back to the land that's filled of love for me. =)

Amsterdam

Weekends in Amsterdam was amazing!

Had so much fun and eye opening experience! The red light district, apartment with very narrow staircase, canal boat ride and nice ice cream. Red light district area was totally eye opener and it was just like entering sin city. Kind of too much man. But good to experience it. heee...

My Amsterdam colleague was nice enough to host us and giving us a roof. Nice and simple apartment with doors all spoiled. But he's a man leaving alone so what can we expect. Funny thing is he didn't change fresh new bedsheets for us. haaa... amazing but well we still slept on it. Need to sleep.

Anyways am not thinking straight anymore. Need to get some slp, gotta head to work.

More updates! Laterz!

Lobo

I've been sitting here the whole morning doing nothing else except for chatting on msn, commenting on friend's post in Facebook, reading blogs and sending emails to friends in SG. Not just today but almost everyday since I'm here.

Good life eh. I won't comment much on that. At least some work is better than no work. But it doesn't seem to look as wrong here compared to Singapore. I just settle into the culture. when they have nothing much to do, they surf net here. And how do I know. 'Cause I'm sitting right at the corner of the room.

If only work was like that back home. I was just looking through the HK mailbox and  wonder to myself. "Can I picked up the fast paced work when I'm back." Or maybe the question should be this instead. "Do I want or not." I'm getting so lazy. I still can't make myself commit to here anymore.

The fire is dying. I can't get it burning again. I need some motivation.

But anyways on a happy note. Wen Min has finally arrived Antwerp! Finally! I'm gonna enjoy these 10days with her so much!! And probably get better sleep tonight. I was jumping on the streets when I saw her. Literally. It's fate I guess. We've got the same luggage bag as well!

We'll be heading down to Amsterdam later in the evening by train. Staying over at a colleague's house. Glad that we can actually save up the hotel money and spend in Paris. Can't wait to explore with her, Heard Amsterdam is damn fun!

Lunchtime soon. Gonna head back to the hotel to look for her and off we go for some walk! Good weather today! Not oo cold and the sun is up!

16 more days...

16 more days to the end of my misery here.




I feel like a fool here. It's my 2nd week here in Belgium and I've yet to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Should I sit here and wait for them to tell me what to do or take initiative?

Back in SG, our culture is to take initiative. Which I did. I did as told but seems like it's pointless if something else is not completely done. I, as a tester, whom they requested all the way from SG has totally no information or updates about the delay of the DU testings. And how am I supposed to know. Even the lady guiding me is so inexperienced and get stressed up over little things which can't be comparable to our working env't in SG. I mean of cause I can't compare it's different culture. Do it! You have done it before! Like "HELLO! I have not done it before! I know it better than you, confused mouse!"



I know I'm being mean here. But feel my frustration. It's the situation of a blind mouse leading another one. And she's sort of raising her voice at me. I'm here to help her, not her assistant! She don't even have good payment knowledge. Ugh... nvm. Just that too many things happen and I just have to beware of my back. 16 more days and there are 10days Wen min is here. I thank God for that.

Well it's another 1 hr 10mins more for lunch. I'm looking forward to it.

Have a great day ahead pple!

Starting all over again

Checking out from Le Meriden Brussels in another hour and gonna hop on the train with all my heavy luggage to Antwerp.

Yes I'll be spending the rest of the week in Antwerp.

It feels like starting all over again. Trying to adapt to be alone somewhere else again. Survived through the 2nd weekends. I've 20 more days and 2 more weekends before home comes near. That's why Wen Min's arrival next friday is gonna be such a bonus! At least there's someone to spend 2 weekends with me! Gonna head down to Amsterdam and Paris! Woohooo!!! =)

2nd wkend in Brussels

Time is starting to pass faster now.

Just last wk I was wondering how to pass each day till 19June. But now I'm enjoying. The relax and laid back life ass compared to the bustling and stressful Singapore. It's been stress-free days since I was here. Strangely I have this feeling that on the day I'm leaving, I might not wanna leave.

But I still miss home. Wanna be back for my laksa, fishball noodle and chilli! Miss those food. I still do think that they're fattening but I've been away for 1mth. So I'll put that aside and enjoy food from where I call home.

It's gonna be my last night in Brussels, heading down to Antwerp tmr and I'll be there for the rest of the weeks till I head home. The mention of the word "home" just gets me so excited!! But there's something else making me even more exciting and that is Wen min's arrival to Belgium next friday!!! Finally someone to accompany me, we have plans to visit Paris and Amsterdam! But she had a little problem with her confirmation email, just hope everything is alright.

It's almost 12pm now... Heading out for a walk soon and do some shopping. And come back early to pack my luggage. I had a hard time squeezing things into my luggage when I came. I bought somethings as well. Just hope I'll be able to close it!

Ciaoz peeps! Have a great evening!

Day 5 in Brussels

It's the most sunny day since I came here.

Hop on the city tour bus to a few places. I'm kind of burn having standing under the sun waiting for the bus for almost 30mins.

Visited the Atomium and a few other places. Hoping that the bf were here to actually enjoy all these beautiful scenery with me. Frankly speaking I have not taken that much photos of a place away from Singapore. Each vacation destination is just for one purpose. Shopping!!

Walking around with my camera and exploring Brussels, I came to realised how much I've neglected the beautiful sights that I might have missed on my travels. But I just can't help it.

The thing about here is that the shops closes early everyday. It's like maybe 7+ or 8pm. I would be back in my hotel room at 9+ and probably sleeping by 10+. But it's 4am in SG so my body clock is still trying to adjust to it.

I was out at this park just now and so many of them will lying on the grass. Chatting away and enjoying the sun. And I thought to myself. "hey when I'm back in SG, I would love to do that with the bf as well." Spending quality time together. And how we just love each other company.

During my walk here, I barely see any chinese or yellow skin people here. So each time when I see some chinese here, I feel warmth. You know that kind of feeling. All alone in a foreign land.

I still have 25 days more. Hope the clock ticks faster....

Dinner time soon... Ciaoz!

Missing Home

So here I am, all alone in Brussels. It's the fourth day and I'm still trying to get used to it.

The jet lag is just making me crazy and the air-con in my room is spoiled. I have been sleeping and waking up in perspiration. Hate that.

Wanna get some good sleep tonight. They'll be changing a room for me later and upgrade to a deluxe room. Much bigger room. Hope I get a better sleep tonight.

4 days in Brussels and I've lost 1 kg. Appetite has not been too good. It was only yesterday that I actually went out to look for dinner. Room service was just 1 button away for the past 2 nights.

I used to hope that I could get out of Singapore and maybe try a new life outside. Always wanting to try it out. I love traveling but traveling alone and with the bf is so different. I remember heading to HK alone last year, it wasn't as fun as compared to the trip that we both went together last week.

I guess that's what they meant by home is where the heart truly is. With him around, everything seem so colourful and bright. Reminds me of the time when I came down too harsh on him and the quarrels that I started. But again... it's only when you really love someone that you'll miss him so much. Every beautiful sight or happy things, you just wanna share with him. Was out walking alone y'day, how I wished he was around to see how different the culture is from Singapore. Things will be different if we're exploring this place together. All the fun and laughter, I can imagine.

Well it's another long day which I don't know how to get by. Probably I'll stay in the hotel room. But I think I'll probably go out for a walk and take some photos. Will join the city tour tml.

Till then. Take care folks!

26 more days to be back home!

First day in Belgium

Hello from Belgium folks!!!

Alright I don't really sound as excited as I am actually.

It's my first day here in Belgium and I'm feeling kind of crappy. I feel so dumped right here. That's not what I was expecting. I thought someone here will bring me around. But apparently, I'll more or less have to be on my own. Don't really like that idea, since I'm not familiar with here. And plus I'll need to be here for 1 week. What's this. Seriously. Guess I'll call back tml and see what can be arranged. I don't really know why I'm here. Their system is much more advanced than us. I spoke to the lady in-charge of the testing project. Guess what. She didn't want me to come all over from SG. She has a point there. We're both thinking the SAME! But whatever...

Am just having my dinner right now. Seasonal vegetable cream soup. Not really in the mood to eat sth solid. Just wanna keep the stomach full and head to bed early. Time now in Belgium is abt 8.45pm but it still looks like 4-5pm.

On a happy note, since it's a business trip. Everything is paid for. So might as well use the internet and the room service here. Since there's no one to bring me around there's nth much I can do either.

And first time on SQ business class. Awesome experience. Air stewardess taking your orders one by one and addressing you by "Miss Lee". Seats are comfy. Better headphones and much more peaceful. No wonder the price for business class.

First day and I'm already missing SG 'cause of the situation I'm in. Wish there were other SG colleague with me. Now I'm all alone. Miss the bf alot. If only air tics to Europe were not that ex.

Will update more... till then folks!

Ciaoz!

Final Endurance, I hope.

Endurance is really tough especially when it comes to something that you don't like. Each day seems like hell and you can't stop blaming time for passing so slowly.

But I hope this is my final endurance here. And probably move on to another stage of my life with a career change. I'm excited about it and looking forward to it.

Back in the office on a sunday for standby in Dubai processing just in case there's anything. I'm just making full use of the internet services given to us. I'm wondering if I should do my masters in Marketing. The bf is gonna start his studies soon in May and Ivy is gonna do her Masters in Mkting communications as well. It's influencing me to wanna study again. I'll give it a good thought first.

It's another hr before the cut-off time for client's instruction to be fax to us. Hope I can get out after that.

Anyways enjoy the last bit of weekend!

Making God's word the final authority in life

Just finish battling with many issues for the day. Waiting for the bf to pick me up.

Sometimes I just wonder is it worthwhile to put in so much effort at all. People don't appreciate or even remember. It's quite discouraging.

But again I forgot. God never change. I'm doing it for the glory of God and not for anybody else. They don't remember or appreciate. God will remember and reward accordingly. The world's order of things are unsure and indefinite. Each day before I step into office, I pray for strength from God in everything I do. And things will change for better.

And now though there are many issues but I've settled it all and it's time to head home to the nest.

"I am the Lord, I change not." Malachi 3:6.

Happy CNY and V-day, my dear friends!

Nothing really special for this occassion, except for the long holidays and red packets. But it's not really a long holiday 'cause am back today on the 2nd day of CNY to support the dubai market. It's awful feeling.

And so the spring cleaning should be done way before CNY and just enjoy the new year. But I've been so busy at work, working late for the whole of last week. I rarely could spare any time for spring cleaning. Cleared some of my shoes on CNY eve though. Threw quite a few pairs away but it didn't make much of a difference. 'Cause I've already got a few new pairs to fill up the space! So it just looks like how it was before.

Yet to clear my clothes and bags, I'm sure it's gonna be a disaster. I just can't stop buying. The old ones are not going but new old ones just keep coming in at a uber crazy flow! I'm trying to cut-down a little. It's tough! Made a promise to the bf. For this spring cleaning, I'll have to listen to him. Those that need to go, will have to go. There was a little disagreement to the shoes that day 'cause I'm not the kind that keep to my promise when it comes to clearing my old stuff that I treasure so much and actually listening to the man telling me what to do. Ego. That's me.

Plan is to pack tml. Don't think I'll have enough time to do so. I'll always stone mid-way through the packing cause I don't know what to do with the overflowing stuff I've got or even where to keep them. For some reason, I'll just blank out.

Anyways am just waiting for confirmation from another team, in order to make my payment out. But the system is down, this whole processing for dubai is pissing me off. I hope I can leave at 10pm. Or before 11pm. Pissed with my boss as well, it's her week for dubai shift. We are nice to take turns for her. She left at 4.30 ytd. Just felt that she should be the one coming back today, not us covering for her. It's not fair and she just kept quiet abt it. It's fine to come back to work if you enjoy the work you're doing but it really sucks when it's not.

You know, I've been giving a good thought of my future here. I can't give up the benefits and the pay but I'm sacrificing my happiness which is not worth it. Decided to leave some time this year and move on to something new. Probably no more banking line. Wanna try out marketing communications kind of job. Am 24, still young for a career switch and I don't intend to settle down so fast. It's never too late. Everything is just getting draggy here. Looking at my work and all the investigationgs and recon one person has to do. There's only 1 word that starts highlighting itself in my head. Hate. So I guess it's time to move on. To something new and fresh.

Sunday's sermon was good. It was about faith.

And Heb 11:1 mention.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, being convinced of what we do not see."

Entrust your life to Him. And it is mention in Heb11:40

"For God had provided something better for us, so that they would be made perfect together with us."

I've always been afraid of quitting my job. Many questions will start popping in my head.

Can I get a job? A job that pays as well as this? Would I be once again jobless for many months?

All these uncertainties are driving me insane. And each time when I make a decision to leave. I'll be held bad. This is when the good times are here.

But it's short-lived. Bad times come quick. I'll be filled with frustration again.

I guess my students made me realised something. I've always been telling them. Do what you like, then you'll be happy. They did. One of them got into Integrated resort event mgmt and the other mass comm.

If I could tell them that then what am I still doing here. I used to put in a 120% for my work but now it's just 100%. I'm tired of this place.

I'm gonna try out marketing. I know it's tough. Long hours. But who knows I might be just happy with it. I'm still young. I still have time to change my career.

The fear and questions are no longer in mind. God will provide for me. Like what Heb11:1 said. We do not know. BUT! He knows!

Good and bad times

it's the 12th day of 2010 and within this 12 days I've learnt quite abit.

A new beginning and a new kind of life. Starting my day with daily devotion and a simple prayer for victory in all things that I do everyday. And sure, it does help. God answers prayers. A little incident at work happen last week, though the amount is small but it still will have an impact on client.

But there was a voice telling me, you have to check. And we manage to send the money on time. Praise God!

I was feeling rather down and irritated the first few days of 2010. I felt lost at work. I didn't wanna go to work. I took out a book which my Pastor gave to me for X'mas present. "From faith to faith".

"Look up... because in times like these, your very life may depend on it."

Hebrews 12:3
"Consider (Jesus) that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be worried and faint in your minds."

It reminded me. Trust in Him. I've gotten weary recently. And immediately when I lift my eyes, raise my head instead of looking down. I felt so much better. I felt comforted.

But somehow I've make my decision to leave this year. I've no motivation to wake up for work. Or even try to put my best effort for my work anymore. And the thing is that my pay is not the sustaining factor anymore. I've no reason to stay on. But I'm praying for strength to hold on a little longer. Save a little and take that step.

I need a break. And then probably move on to marketing. After all, I do have a degree in marketing. Why waste it. Give it a shot. It might give me more job satisfaction.

I'll have to pray for guidance ans wisdom to make decision. For the time being, prayer for strength and peace is what I need.

What a waste of my time I would say.

I could be spending my time on more meaningful things.

Am back in the office for sytem testing. And the system is not responding. Here I am sitting here doing nothing. Just surfing net. I could do that back at home in the comfort of my bed. Not here. And I have to be back with the worst colleague ever. No one to talk to.

Bf's and his mum purchased tics for "New moon". Bought mine as well. Now they are watching it. Show started at 3.50. It's 4:41pm now. I think the tic is gonna go wasted. Damn it.

Anyways it's Dec. Finally! Can't wait for X'mas to be here! Simply heart X'mas. But hate the part whereby I have to crack my mind thinking what pressie to get for friends. But I just love the joy. 2009 is ending 26 more days. Gotta come up with a list to Thank God for the year. It may not have been smooth sailing but He gave strength.

Just like this job. Since Oct, it's been crazy. Everything at work was piling up. Everything went wrong with the separation and new a/cs set up. And it definitely had a direct impact on my team. Many of the discrepancy in recon was the "wonderful" work of ours. Working till 1-2am, no matter if I start work at 9am or 1pm.

It could be avoided. But it wasn't well planned. Having bad management was bad enough. A lousy direct boss makes it worse. And sometimes co-workers in HK have to drag you down into hell. I'm running out of energy and maybe passion to make things work out well. I no longer wanna give a 100% for this job anymore. I make dislike my job in the past but I'll give my all and put it all the effort even if it takes to stay a little later. I can only conclude. ENOUGH is ENOUGH!

Waiting for the end of year review first. See how it goes. I think I need a break from work for the time being. Have gotta start saving from now on.

BUT! Am so in the mood for the best therapy in the world! Shopping!

De-stress is the word.

Hope this crap end really soon. Don't wanna be stuck here anymore.

I black out again.

But this time round it's different. I feared. I was afraid. I actually cried when i regain consciousness.

Just glad am fine.

Am on 4 days sick leave. Gonna have ample rest before heading back to work next week.