I'm sick... Down with a flu and my throat is feeling uncomfortable... Just feel so terrible... I'm sleepy and tired... But I have to study for CF... Darn... I just can't seems to concentrate... I need rest... Lotsa of it...

I'm starting to feel like a toy... And yes I'm a toy...

God! My brain is totally dead.. Can't really think well... Always hated morning lessons and today I've four hours of trading lessons... When you have to really think hard whether to buy or sell and if your own views are correct...

Wrong position... That's it... Make a lose... And there goes my credits for the lesson...

I'm beginning to be afraid of trading...I'm beginning not to trust my own judgement and views.... And that's totally sucky...

For FO we traded foreign currency... And let me tell ya... It totally suck!! Not exactly know what I'm doing but still made a profit of 31 only... really bad...

Man!! Trading it's so gonna be my nightmare... And so is my year 3... I just can't wait to graduate... But I don't wanna graduate coz of SP PERCUSSION!! That's MY LIFE!!

But I can't let music take up everything of my life coz my aunties and uncles won't never agree to it... Coz there's no prespect which is kind of true in our society... How much effort had the government tried to promote ARTS in Singapore... But look at the bloody repsonse! How many outdoor performance the DAP had... The audience are just so DEAD!! Lifeless!! You try to get them to anticipate but all they do is just give you that "huh" look or smile and sit down... WTH!! What's with these people!!!

We try our best on stage to bring joy to these freaking people but they are not helping us... :_(

Probably I'll just let it take half of my life... Just waiting for the holidays to come and get a taste of how the entertainment world is like... I don't mind giving up what I'm studying now... It's my family... Probably not my mum or dad... It's my aunts and uncles... And my interest is what I wanna be doing though I'll be poor...

Got back my CF retest... I passed! 69%... Seems like dreams are always the opposite... I dreamt that I failed again... But thank God! Despote of my busy and tiring schedule that day... I'm still able to concentrate... :)

Had 3 days of rest this week... Won't say it's a good rest but at least I got to rest... There's lots of things coming ahead and I've not start doing it...

I need to start studying and buck up the last year... :)

Not gonna let anything affect me... Though I envy them but I'm trying to control... I decided my road so I can't be envious... I've to stand FIRM!!

*sTrEtCh*, *yAwNz*!!!

I feel so good!!! Just woke up man!!! haha... Reached home in the morning at about 5+...

There was section outing yesterday... We went Marche!! haha... A good gathering... had fun with them... After that Audrey, Raf, Randy,Weiloong and I went to esplande and it happen that there was a concert there... And we count down there!! Met uy and kenneth there... It's been a long time that I last saw them...

Shared a cab home with uy and so the others came along to my area... And we talk all the way to 5+... Thank God!! I just leave upstairs or else I'll just sleep at the coffeeshop... not moving...

Anyways... HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!! We are 40!!!

BUT!!! THERE'S SCHOOL TML!!! NOT FAIR!!!! AH... WHATEVER!! I'm hungry and i'm eating papaya... =.="

I'm a happy fish!!!! haha... I don't know why fish but i'm just happy... I went for F.O.P... Finally!!! After friday...

Started queueing at 5.30p... MAN!!! It's so damn bloody hot and I was like melted chocolate man!! Sianz... But it was all worth it!!

Hillsongs rocks man!!!

Sigh... Wat did i say about August being bad... How true...

Had our performance at Marina south today... The freaking security was freaking tight man... We had problems trying to unload the instruments... Then while setting up on stage, I hurt my finger... Was setting up the snare and I cut my finger... It bleed before the performance... How nice man!! Just went ahead with the pain... And I seemed to get the ball rolling... Audrey hurt her finger too... Think she sprain... Follow by Joanne and it bled too... All of which happen on the stage... Is the stage crused or what!!

Finally headed back to school to put back the instruments... After which Audrey, Weiloong, Randy, Raf and I headed down to Orchard Cafe Cartel for a fulfiling dinner!!! Ate lots...

Now this is the next UNFORTUANTE INCIDENT!!!! Took a bus home, was concentrating msging and talking to Raf... And when I wanted to alight!! I realise I couldn't find my ex-link card... I LOST IT!!!! I couldn't find it in my pocket or bag!!! ARGH!! I'm just left with freaking few more months in SP!! And now this happens!! shit man... Just hope some kind soul can picked it up and return it... I doubt they ever will!! But why would they ever need it... AH!! Freak that asshole or bitch if they have did that!! SHAMELESS IDIOTS!!

Pardon me... I'm tired and it's really a bad day... Or rather month...

Tml's the last day of F.O.P!! Just hope that I can enter in... I really wanna go... Can't miss it this year....

August started out really bad!!! Really really bad!! And it's gonna suck through the whole month of August!! I don't know how, don't know why and don't know what... I just know it will be bad... Damn bad!! I don't expect good things to happen...

Probabaly nothing good will happen till I graduate from SP... I don't know...

It's a terrible day for me today... not gonna say why... It's just terrible... There are somethings that I realised that till today I'm still thinking about it... I just can't forget... And I begin to wonder how am I supposed to...

Probably I'll just live my life through out like that...

Finally!!! WEDNESDAY HAS OFFICALLY COME TO AN END!!!

It's been such a busy day today... And I was feeling dizzy coz I hadn't had a proper meal until just now... Instant noodles with lots of vegetables, one hotdog and egg... it sure taste good!!!

My mind is not working... And I'm having a headache and it's spinning inside my brain! Guess it's the lack of sleep since yesterday... And it's a tough day today...

Didn't mange to catch a proper sleep on monday night and on tuesday after school Joanne and I had to get the stuff for the flea market today... Seesh!!! Got our stuff and by the time I got home.. I'm already dead!! And I still have to study for CF re-test... Manage to get those bond, preferred shares into my head... And after that I had to do something to the accessories...

Slept at 2+ and woke up at 7... Rushed to school... Wasn't looking forward to today.... I dragged today... I had CF re-test, a stall at the flea market to tend and also ndoc performance... And we had sectionals with Mr tan just now...

Man!!! Imagine that my heart had to work so hard to pump blood to my brain to function (if I didn't get my facts wrongly)... Tried hard to concentrate... But sectionals was quite fun.... Though I don't have lots of pieces to play...

Ok till now I'm not sure what I'm saying.... I need SLEEP!!! S-L-E-E-P!!! YES! SLEEP!!!

Darnzz!!! There's trading lesson first thing in the morning...

It wasn't exactly a happy day... Though was excused from lessons due to the ndoc performance but the waiting part was horrible...

the freaking weather was so darn hot... I don't know what's the temperature BUT!! I'm definitely gonna get heat stroke if there wasn't any shelter there... Nv did I feel so dehyderated before... The walk from the sports complex to SB fc 6 was a chore to me... I could die man... I was out of breathe and thirsty that I could drink like a dog that had just finished it's run... we waited for like an hour plus before the STOOPID!! SAA people came and started to get things done!! We arrived at the sports complex at 1+ and FINALLY the full run through started 3+!!

Thank God we only bought the jazz set there or else i'll kill them!!

We actually needed the bass drum, timpani, crash & suspended cymbals, xylo & bellls but we only brought the jazz set!! haha... can't be bothered it's only a rehearsal... and we substitute the timpani rolling with the floor tom!! haha... for the national anthem... we could play every single parts for national anthem on the jazz set!!! ;)

but besides the horrible waiting part, there was something really funny... We had the SP kinderland kids doing dance for us... OH MY GOD!! They are so damn CUTE!! The way they dance with the poms poms and the song... S-I-N-G-A-P-O-R-E!! haha... it was so messy but that's the cute part... even the boys were like shaking their butts... That's daring!! I'm like so in love with them!! can't wait to see them on wednesday again.. this time round i'll take a video of them... :)

Suppose to be studying for TA now... But I'm so damn tired... And ya as expected I failed my CF... was mentally prepared... Gonna take the re-test...

ARGH!! I'm going nuts man!! Really... I seem to be jokin and laughing but deep down i'm really worried and tied up...

Tml I have TA test... after school I have to get the stuff for the flea market the next day... And I haev to rush home to study for CF... wed after the ndoc performance I have percussion ensemble with Mr tan... Thurs I have sectionals...

Saturday is the performance and I'm really worried... It's the first time we are doing a half an hour show... And we have yet to come out with the pieces... except for marching season, outdoor samba and jam...

It's not that I don't have faith in my section mates.. I don't have faith in myself... worried that I can't get things done... haiz... Guess I just have to let one day pass by itself and I'll see how...

OK! I don't give a FARKING DAMN ANYMORE!!! It's not my problem anymore!! Never it will... Heard it but not much of a feeling anymore... I wasn't pissed, wasn't sad... I did what I can in the past but you all just didn't think well of it in any way... Now things happen, both of you want me to do something about it... Don't you know that you two ask for it... When I was doing something both of you help them and when I'm don't give a fucking damn about them you want me to do something...

I said I washed my hands off this matter and I mean it... Their problem is never my problem anymore.. Anyways they won't listen so why waste my precious time when I can do so many things with all these time...

I'm sorry for being rude just now and shutting you up but I'm just being honest with this... She didn't feel that there's problem with her attitude... She's just asking for it therefore she should be responsible for her own action...

Whether if she find that she's in the wrong, is whether she realised her own mistake or not... There's no one able to help her except herself....

I didn't say it on an impulse... just saying what I have put in my heart for a long time...

If you want help I'm here... But if my help is not appreciated, then it's ok... I've more people appreciating my help...

this is so sian... My one week break is coming to an end in just abt less than an hour... DARN!! I never had enough rest at all!!! All the sleep I've lost... Damn... I'm feeling so lazy and slack...

I've got TA test on tues and I've yet to start... Think I'm gonna fail it again coz I don't understand a single shit!!

I'm kind of stressed out!!! With all the outdoor performance... There's just too many to say... Shan't mention it here..

I'm off to study... Hopefully

OH MY!!!! OH MAN!!! OH MY GOD!!! It's such a fruitful and wonderful day for me!!! You can't believe this!!! You can't believe who I met!!! You are not!!! And NEVER GONNA BELIEVE ME!!! I'm so happy!!! Ok probably not so...

I met DAVID TAO!!! YES!! HIM!!! Face to face... in private not in some stupid event... I met him in the studio!!! I heard him sing... Heard his conversation... EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM!!! Man!!! HE's Damn good!!! He's so cool!!! Nobody knows!!! ONly me!!! and of coz those producers... Wasn't really excited when I see him... He's just some normal human... I don't wanna over-react and freak him out...

i'm not gonna say how I end up at that studio coz it's gonna be a long long story... I'm just happy I'm expose to another side of the world... :D And I'm looking forward to it... :)

OH YUCK!! I'm so sticky.... and tired... Went to school for the graduation performance... Not bad... We had a full band and the percussion section only....

We did "Outdoor Samba", "Marching Season" and "Jam"... well the first 2 piece wasn't well done... But "Jam" was good... We had fun!!!

After performance... Slept in the band room while waiting for Joanne to keep the scores... And some of the percussionists were playing the piano... Headed to Hollan V Swenses with the whole section except fot Fit... And we had unlimited scoops of ice-cream!! haha.. I had 5 cups!! Talk alot... Crap alot...

Slowly getting to know them better... Percussionists are just a hell crap bunch of people.. But we rock!!! haha...

I'm lack of sleep... After the camp plus today... I'm having a terrible headache... Gonna bath and take a rest... Oh!! And I'm having a stomache after 5 cups of ice-cream with breaded chicken!!

Finally back from my 4D3N band camp... Camp was not bad... had lots of sectionals especially on "Marching Season" coz there was section competition...

Percussion got 3rd... Not too bad... But what matters most is not the ranking... I'm proud of my year 1s!!! "Marching Season" is a very difficult piece which took us months to practice for the previous concert... But this group of people took 2 weeks plus.... I'm proud of them... And of coz my yr 2s and 3s!!!

As a section leader, I've achieve more than just the 3rd place... Got to know the yr 1s better through this camp... And hmm... looking forward towards more fun with these people...

Well that's all for now... I'm really tired and I've got to freaking wake up at 6.45am tml... coz I need to report to school at 8 to go through the performance for the graduation with them...

I still remember the courage that day... I admire that courage of mine... I never thought that it would ever come into my mind... Especially the mind of mine... With a mindset that freaks everybody out...

Reluctant as I am, I said that little prayer to God... I didn't know where that courage came from and the willpower to stay firm... That little war in my heart of doing or not doing it...

I'm glad I did it... the moment I finished saying that prayer and open my eyes... I didn't regret and in fact I felt better... Doing well and sticking to that little prayer... No regrets!

Just another tiring day for me... School started at 9... Oh ya talkin about that... started at 9, I woke up at 9... End up was late for my trading lesson... Didn't wanna go in the first place but didn't wanna go for make-up... So I decided to spend the money... Just a penalty of 15 points...

Ok... School ended at 5... and it ended with the most BORING LESSON!!! BD!! Headed for tuition at Lucky plaza then opposite my house... By the time I'm home, it's already 10+... *yAwNz*

Tired... having a headache... But I'm up packing my clothes coz they are piling up... And soon I'll be in my dreamland again...

school starts at 9 again tml... I hope I won't be late... But that's not gonna help much...

Time now is 1.35pm... And Mr Low is still not back... Missions failed!! The class is awaiting for his return...

It's TA lesson now... And the class is dead silence... More quiet than usual... Coz Mr Low left the classroom... Coz he has already lose half of us... Not just for this lesson but for almost all his lesson, we are basically not concentrating... So he left the lab but before that he talk to us nicely... He didn't shout or yell at us... Now this is the guilty part... So nice yet not appreciated by us... some of my classmates have gone to apologise... wonder what's the conversation like?

I'm having my TA notes in front of me... Reading it through coz I know NUTS about this topic... And after reading... I conclude..... I KNOW NUTS EITHER!!! I'm freaking tired, my eyes are heavy and nothing gets into my brain... I have to read it like several times before I know what is it about...

EA test was ok can pass but think it's gonna be border line only...

Went to see DR Eu just now... And just like tat 175 bucks is gone... YES JUST LIKE TAT!! And I'm still on the bloody medication which I really drag taking... Just hope this would be the last month...

Was on the train home and Denis said something... At that moment I didn't know how to answer him... I looked away when I answer him and I could feel that tears was filling my eyes... How am I suppose to answer something that I, myself, don't even know what's going on... It brought be back once again...

The clock is ticking and each day past like that... I don't know how I manage to survive but I did... Those feeling initially I could remember so clearly... When I was in the state of depression, the next moment wasn't important at all... Death was nothing at all coz you feel that you don't belong here at all... All you wanted to do was to hide and be isolated... I still remember those thoughts I have in mind... *geessshhhh* It's scary man... I'm glad those thoughts are gone for GOOD!

Though I'm not happy now... With all those unnecessary stress from tuition, band and school... And wanting to be left alone but I'm glad life is back to normal... Though not as interesting, but at least it's back to the way it is before...

Won't exactly say that I'm back to the normal me... Coz I know deep inside how I have change... My thinking and my directions... But I guess I've mature alot...

I'm having EA test tml... And I'm at my last chapter, left with a few more pages... But I'm still not confident enough... yet to go thru my tutorials and I need to go thru them again...

Took the day off from school today... Ok I skipped school... Stayed at home with the intention to study... but hmm... I think I watch TV more than I study... Just hope tml won't be a killer paper... Lecturers that are super slack but in actual fact they are smart ass!! What's with these people??!!!

I manage to smoke thru my FIA... But I doubt I can pass for CF... Quite sure about it...

Just had a talk with Jerm... I'm glad I called her... Feeling much better now... And glad to clear things up... Though it's not much of a big matter but small matters accumulate to become big... So I'm glad I clean up that black spot...

And anyway in the first place it was because of me that that small little arguement arose... It was my mood...

Been in a rather bad mood recent.. And for those we had suffer under me for the past few weeks... I'm really sorry...

OK off to study for EA...