31/8

Dead dead dead... I'm dead beat.

It's the last day of the month. Work has taken the toil out of me. Mentally and physically. That I can't do anything now.

All I want now is to sleep and rest. It's 1st sep tml and it means I can apply for NIE already. But you know what, I'm not so enthu into it yet. Cause I really don't know what I want.

Anyways it's been raining so heavily for the two days but too bad. I can't sleep! Work always gotta spoil everything! Well work load was rather heavy today or should I say for the past few days. OT everyday but well there's OT pay so who cares.

27/8/06

First of all, not too sure if it's good or bad news. I've withdraw my resignation from ABN Amro. Don't ask why cause I don't know. And for a matter, yes I'm staying. So maybe just be happy for me?

I don't know what lies ahead of me. For now it's confusion and uncertainty.... erm... and more uncertainty? The next step is crucial cause it's gonna decide my future.

I really wonder why did I ever wish growing up faster when I was a kid. Growing up means more responsibility. And more decisions to make. But well, that's life. It's never forever 16.

I'm just slowly getting used to whatever I'm doing at ABN, while doing that I'll just wait upon the Lord.

I've gotten my first pay! And it's pay-day this week! Pay from ABN, pay from tuition. Shit! Now I'm thinking of how to spend it. When will this bad habit be gone. well it's already habit.

And ohya. To anonymous and anonymous, it's just a teeny-weeny issue. Pls don't start. Help me to keep it a happy blog. Would appreciate it.

P.S. try looking back a few entries.

To my esteem ladies and gentlemen!

I hereby announced that I,Jocelyn Lee, has verbally tender my resignation to ABN Amro Bank at 8.05pm! Yes I was still in the office!

Wat else work?! I totally can't stop smiling! Can you believe this! I finally said it out! I couldn't stop grinning to myself. =)

But I had to control! But I'm still glad!

Anyways I have an interview tml! Job that I like but the pay is definitely not as good! But well. Shall leave it to God! Let His will be done!

Nitez...

It's offcially my 3rd week at ABN Amro. Just in case, you think that I'm waiting for my first pay. You're so wrong! I'm just thinking of when would be the right time to tender.

Anyways I've been working OT since Monday! Except for yesterday. I've been knocking off at 8plus. It's only the 3rd week and it's already like that. imagine if I stay there longer.

I really hate telling myself everyday to hang in there and just do it. I'm sick of it. I totally hate the job but I can't bring myself to tender. Well we'll see how the other interview goes first. It's really not about the pay. It's my interest and about me being happy while working.

Oh well, I'm once again stuck in a situation of not knowing what to do again.

Just see how it goes.

Oh btw! I didn't know a typewriter in this era could actually "delete" away the wrong words you type! Ok right! Call me a hillbilly for all you want! I bet some of us really didn't know about it cause we NEVER EVER use a typewriter in our lives! Not even in the school!

And here I am like a fool trying to figure how to use the typewriter to type the wordings on a draft. And you bet it sure took me a long time. Probably the school should teach those taking my course to use a typewriter. Serious there's alot of things that you still have to do manually. After all, technology ain't that helpful.

Why do I sound as if I'm so happy there?

Crap.

And now I miss staying at sengkang! I've been staying there more often than my home. And I went shopping at compass point with my aunt. I was only given 3 hours to shop! And I sure did make full use of it! I spent like $103 at Metro. Please don't go "Eeee... Metro! Auntie clothes!"

If you did, I'm gonna smack your head! I can basically shop at anywhere! Even Chinatown! That's what I call real shopping! Anyways I bough a pair of super cute slip-in with a donkey print on it! "Aww... Cute!"

Okies sorry!

2 tops and a shorts! I think that's all... I could not buy more cause I wasn't allowed to! =D

But well i'm glad there's someone to stop me!

Holiday is over and it's back to... Oh I hate the word! Save it!

And it's a drag to even say "good night".

So it's gonna be...

That's all folks!

well let's see... it's my second week at ABN Amro. how is it like?

Totally sucks! There's never one day I would live without saying the sentence " I wanna quit!"

I have already gotten ready my resignation letter, it's just a matter of time when I will be tendering. It just makes me feel so guilty that Lydia(my head) is trying to rush the IT side to configure my PC with all those olympics and lotus notes! Totally so useless! And troublesome.

And talking about work there! The people there are so damn rude! Not those from my department! But those bloody private bankers! Trust them to call themselves PB! They know nuts man! Useless people! And Patricia Sng! You bloody idiotic PIG! Oh she's one of the PB! The super rude lady which I don't know why my ex-colleague could actually just let her push her around! Just so sry I was in a bloody bad mood cause i'm stuck doing this job! And just in time for me to vent it on this bloody pig!

My colleague, KC, was like so happy when he heard how I answer her man! She's so bloody unreasonable man!

Let's not talk about work. There's only one word! yucks!

Anyways been rather busy. Very busy in fact. And I need a change of job. I need a job that will make me happy.

Okies people! Listen up! I would so totally appreciate if you guys could STOP asking me how's work after this entry!

Work is just one word! Disgusting! And it's just gonna be the same till the day I quit!There's never one day I went for work feeling happy, only when I step out of the building.

So quit asking the question!

Seriously I can't care more about earning 1.7k a month to slog my life away for something I don't even like a tiny weeny bit. Going for work is horrendous. Each time I walk near Abn Amro, the feeling is never nice.

Before I was thinking of trying out if I really don't want a office job. Probably I might love it. I have proved myself right the very first day!

I'm totally so tired and exhausted. And I've only been to work for 7 days. And my officer, Lydia, already knew that I don't like my job and I wanna quit. She called me into the room. Well as you know, it's never a good sign to be called to the room by the officer.

Ya but it turned out well.

Suddenly I feel that I don't have any friends! haha... Nah cause at this moment I feel like going to shop! cause it's the last day of GSS but I guess it won't exactly be the last day... But I'm just too tired to go out.. Think I'll just save the money and forget abt it... Shopping is never enough...

ok crap!

Anyways I'm totally exhausted from work. Office job is killing me so much but i'm still trying hard to hang in there.

I went to nini's house.... only one word! Finally! Have not seen her for weeks and it's just way terrible... her work! Gosh! I have like touch on algebra and related topics for like more than 2 mths or so... It's still like that. But I got to see her sister! Gosh man! Is it because I'm getting old or she's just way too energetic! She's like never tired, I got so tired running and playing with her. But she's just adorable! And I love it when she baby talks! And with the expression of "Woooo" .

Adorable is just the word!

My student asked if I was attached. I said no and she said how was it possible. Cause she said I look too happy to be single! Since when being single is SAD!! Gosh! What kind of logic is that! Being single is like the best thing that you can ever enjoy! While you can!

It's finally the first day of work. And you notice I didn't use "!" cause it wasn't that bad BUT it ain't that FANTASTIC too! If you ask how's first day of work?

Here's my answer... It's just a NORMAL office work! I'm working in the operations department doing payments and receipts, just like when I was at DBS vickers for attachment! Just that this time round, it's no longer itp! It's a perm job! should I sigh? okies... *sigh*

9-630 just pass like that. And I'm already worried about working OT though it's just the first day of work. Cause it will affect my tuition. well will see how it goes first.

And how's the peeps there?

Hello! It's the first day of work! So everybody is NICE! Let time reveal them all! =D

After passing by this restaurant for so many times during itp, I finally tried the paper pot! but it was quite ok. Not too bad!

I'm freaking tired now, yes it's first day of work but for the past few days I have not been resting well.

I'm not sure is it because that I started working, once again I feel so assured that I wanna teach! Instead of working in the office. It's so not for me. When I was waiting to apply for NIE, I though to myself do I really wanna teach? Now... Hate waiting man! Once september comes! I'm just gonna sign up!!

*yawn*

So sleepy!

I'm so freaking tired to the MAX man!! I was out since morning! Woke up at 7+! Met mei for breakfast and headed back to SP to collect my cert! Finally got my Diploma in Banking & Financial trading with grade A with Merit for cca! =)

That's like more than possible! Cause I put in 150% for band!

It took less than 5 mins to collect the cert! Rather than going for the 3 hour graduation just to get it!

And it was shopping time!! It's shopping spree day man!! I spent like 200 bucks man!! Cool! Anyways it's gonna be the last 2 days for me to enjoy to the max before I start work on thursday!

Remember my craze for "Mango" sales last year?! This time round it's ZARA!! Bought a top, a skirt and a jacket for 70 bucks! It's ZARA so what do you expect?! While Mei bought another jacket! And we headed to "Picnic foodcourt" for the famous and delicious beef noodles!

Headed to heeren to get "Havaianas" sandals! Orange in colour! Probably I'll upload photos of it another day!

We parted at 2pm cause she met her friend and i had to go for tuition! Well everything went well, so nice of the mother to compromise with my schedule! So now I have to give up my late sat's sleep! Sad.

After tuition, I had to head down to ABN Amro to sign contract with them and darn! i have to go for a body check-up tml!!! Holy shit!!

Anyways after signing the contract, it was a start of another shopping spree! Met up with Swee Wah! This time round I bought a pair of shoes, a coat from Zara again and a t-shirt from Esprit! So now you know why it all cost about 200 bucks! =D

But once in awhile! It's ok right! AGREE!

After all the walking and buying, we had our dinner at "Changing Appetittes".

And it was time to go home!

That's all for today and maybe it would be the last time I'm gonna blog. Cause it might be a long time before I have time to blog again!

Okies I'm super sleepy now! Ciaoz peeps!

I'm so vex now. So many things yet so little time. Because of my new job, I have to re-schedule everything. I just got a new student and I have not even start. Now I can't make it. Feeling so apologetic towards the agent. Well that's life.

I'm starting work this thursday and I have lots of arrangement to do. On top of that, with endless apologetic feeling. With the feeling of regrets ranking first for the most scary kind of feeling, apologetic is next.

But if I have to give up I just have to. Cause I believe God will bless me with other things. Better the next time.

my schedule is tight. It's not just tight, it's very tight. Even if i have to use my saturdays, I just have to use them.

This morning i received a call from Queenstown primary for relief teaching. And I rejected it. Something that I've always had the passion for, yet I said no. Just to help my mum. I'm not sure if it's the right thing.

I'm tired and in a mild state of confusion.

I'm beginning to think if I'm doing the right.

"Oh God! I need reassurance!"

ok it's bathing time....

Here I am still unbath-ed.
Waiting for the clock to struck 12 to meet Jerm for supper?
And I realise trying hard to keep my eyes open is a tough thing.
It's 11.36am and it's time for bed.

Feeling a little emo, I just want a good sleep with the sweetest dreams ever.
And I thought of my dream 2 days back.
the weirdest dream but it reflects how true I'm feeling.
How afraid I am.

Jazz music just makes me so laid back and double the emo.
Ballads makes me feel so lonely, abandon and confused.
Rock just isn't right at this moment.
Noise from the tv is breaking the silence.

current mood would be super high and happy.

Cause I went shopping! since when it's not a happy thing. I bought a pair of jeans for 10 bucks, a t-shirt for 10 bucks, a sleeveless top for 15 bucks, a dress for 15 bucks, a sort of cadigian and my Esprit SHORTS for 25 bucks!! Long awaiting discount! Finally... Never had a good shop for a long time man!

Well I have to enjoy for as long as I can this few days before I start work! yes I found a job! And no! it's not working for my mum. It's a serious office job. Well went for my interview on friday and they confirm me on friday evening start away. (SO Ivan it better be more than touching that bald head of yours for FREE!)

It took me about 2 days to think about it cause I really dislike office job. But for long-term, tuition and working at my mum's place is not gonna help. So after much thinking and talking to my aunt, I finally decided. The pay is not bad but working hours... Hopefully there's not much OT. Cause tuition would be a problem.

We'll see how it goes. Overall I owe a big thank you to the BIG Guy up there! For His blessings and assurance.

But I'm not sure if I could start work late on thurday. well still waiting for agent to call back.

As I went to my blog and read others' blog, I realise I have start to neglect my blog. Cause I'm really tired and sick of internets!

Anyways just to update on my life.

I've finally found a job. It's my 3rd day of work, though tired but quie good. Good pay and I can be late for work and take off as and when I like. I can scold the boss too and eat and drink for FREE! It's FAB!! And the best thing! Short working hours! And quite slack. Hehe... What can be better than helping your own mother in her shop! ",)

Though it's quite tiring cause everyday after work I have to give tuition but I'm enjoying cause I'm sleeping early and really waking up early. It makes me feel healthy! And healthy is nice!

But I've got an interview tml at ABN AMRO. Well will do my best for the interview though i'm not really keen cause I really hate office job. If I can't get this job it wld be that's it! I'm not going for any office job! if I get it... erm.. we'll see if I really get it.

And I have started on my first keyboard lesson! Super happy!

Okies that's all for today, pretty tired after a long long day!

Yesterday was a splendid day. Cause it's officially out of SP. Though I didn't go for the ceremony which I certainly think is the wiset decision to make!

met up with Cia-darling and gang for dinner at NYDC . Waited for about 3 hours for them? So i buy time by going for hair treatment... ",)

seriously it's not that I have too much many to spend, wanted to do it long ago. Effect? Fantastic.

Once again it's friday! The day of the week which I always look forward to! =)

This is no longer the place that I would call home sweet home. I dislike this place. And I drag coming back here.

How I wish I didn't come back.

Back here it's just anger and arguements. I just don't wanna be under the same roof as them!

And my mum is pulling me back.

I know how much she doesn't want me to move and how it is gonna affect my relationship with my dad. But seriously, I would do anything just for a nod from them so that I'll be away from them.

Probably you may think that I'm selfish and being stupid knowing that it would affect my relationship with my parents. But I never said that I would not see them in my whole entire life.

Man I'm having a terrible stomache that I'm breaking into cold sweat. Thank God there's only one tuition today and I'm out of this damn place to somewhere more peaceful and the temporary non-existence of my sisters.

Seriously, if i could live under the same roof as my sisters for another minute it's a total miracle. Yes i'm still living with them but it's unbearable. When I say it's a miracle, it means to be able to bear with them and having no problems with them. I wish I could leave this place and I'm dead serious. But I don't know what's the problem. My mum just doesn't allows me to.

If you say I don't love them! That's absolutely! Nothing can be more true than that.

I just dislike their presence. I could go on holiday for like a week and not miss them, I've tried before so don't say wait till I try then I'll know, and I don't know why people would say they miss their noise! Holy shit! That's like.... NOT EVEN THE LAST THING ON EARTH I WOULD EVER DO.

Never proud of having them as sisters.

It's just a day that's a little usual than the others. Cause besides tuition I met up with sufen to do something that I never thought I would. Till now I still can't believe it. And I went shopping after that! Damn man! I just love shopping!

Bought 2 shades for 3 BUCKS EACH!!! Yes 3 bucks! one aviator shades, the other is a simple shade. A ring and pair of earrings!

Overall I just can't stop shopping! I spent like 80+ while I was on cruise.

And I've learn a lesson today. Never speak of anyone behind their back cause you never know you might just walk straight into them.

Totally a close shave! ",)

Finally school have started for most of the people surrounding me and everything seems to be back to normal. Holidays are over and so are all the relaxing moments. It's back to fighting and struggling hard for each new day.

And though for me, there's no struggling through to keep awake during lectures or trying hard to wake up for a day's work but work has just start to begin too. School has start which means I as a tutor must work double hard and start worrying for my students. And how to give the best to them.

The 3D2N cruise trip to Redang was good. It was definitely a time to rejuvenate before coming back for more obstacles with my students. It was a total getaway from the urban life and learning to appreciate the beauty of nature, that we have long forgotten about, once again. How vast is the sky? How the wind can give such a tranquil feeling? Leaving the uptight life that we have for just a little while was more than worthwhile. And the cute crews we met on board make it better than anything else! Even better than the food!

And definitely! The company has gotta be good! Good company = fun bitches! Singing, eating talking and simply enjoying! Was the whole point! The purpose on the cruise was probably forgotten by us.

But sadly we couldn't snorkeling due to unpredictable sea tides. And so we headed back on board for sleep and food.

And I will never forget how much audrey find it a drag to end this trip and the complains about starting school. Yes, all of the 3 bitches in my cabin has all return back to school. It wasn't a feeling of missing school or returning back to study. It was a thought of my future. What exactly do I want. Is this something that I really want? Or was it something else?

Is just as simple isn't it? Like a relationship between a guy and a girl. It's either you are friends or lovers. So what's with the status "It's complicated" in friendster? Each time I see "It's complicated", I just think it's funny. If you are single, it just means you are not attached even if there's some guy in your life. And vice-versa. You are attached means you are in a relationship. What's so difficult?Sometimes I really don't understand. Why make something that's so simple to be complicated.

Marriage that was supposed to be a lifetime matter has now become a matter that could last for as short as days? weeks? months? Something that was so sacredAs I see the people around, I wonder has the world become too open oram I still just too conservative.

Finally I'm settled down for some serious blogging. Entries has begun to decrease as days passed and laziness has taken over. Not much of anything to say. Even if I did, blogging would be a chore using my computer and it's troublesome to alternate between my laptop and the computer.

Life has been great, especially with so many people that adores me beside me. Suddenly I miss my aunt so much! Staying over at her house during the weekends has help to build a stronger bond! Spending more time with her to make up for the times that we have lost. And my mind seemed wholly taken up with reminiscences of the past. My rebel stage.

Almost every teenager of age 15-16 goes through a rebel stage, I'm not an exception. Forbidden fruit is always hard to resist. The stricter she is, the more I go against her. And it drew us quite far, well not sure for her. But to me, I feel that it was difficult to communicate and interact with her. Growing up in an environment that makes it diffcult to treat adults as friend when I'm really in need. Not even my mother. Even when that incident happen, I could hardly go to any of my family members for help. Except for my sisters. She knew I was sad and hurt, but I was to proud to admit that I was devasted.

But the stay overs has make me realise that, she's more than just an auntie. She's someone I can really communicate with, like a friend who's always there. I remember when I got rejected by ntu, I felt so lost. I called her and I just couldn't stop those tears.

What made me cried wasn't about the rejection, it was the voice coming out from the phone and the comforting words that I never thought she would say. And I realise how much disappointment I've brought to her and those years that I've wasted by just hoping that it would be like before.

I'm still pampered by her. The things that she gave me. I seriously thank God that He has sent someone like her beside me. And definitely happy with the reason why I move there. At this moment, I miss her and spending time with her. And she's sleeping alone at home now.

Talking about sleeping, I seriously have not seen someone who sleeps so fast at anywhere and anytime like her! But totally understand why.

Anyways it shall be more updates on my weekends.

Last friday I went back to SP to submit my passport and money. It feels abit weird to go but it's nice seeing the section again! And the new band room is darn cool! Stayed there till 730 ant I left for sengkang! Sorry peeps! I had to rush off to catch my last episode of the show! =)

But still it was nice seeing you guys! And we're gonna spend a few days together soon! Totally looking forward to it!

And I went shopping today and yesterday. But I only bought a top yesterday. And that's 20 bucks for you! And it's 401 bucks for you today! =)

I bought a mp3 and 2 pairs of shoes cause I really couldn't decide on which to buy since I like both. The 2 pairs of shoes cost $62.80! So it's definitely the mp3! So it's no shopping for this week and next week! It's saving week!

It's gonna be a success since I can't go anywhere on weekdays! And I'm glad that there's church during weekends.

Well basically it's just like that.

It's a lovely thursday afternoon. And finally it's just a day with only one tuition. I've done my morning work-out and feeling fantastic.

After this it would be breakfast-cum-lunch and then washing of my new clothes and old but new clothes. Well it's clothes that i've bought probably a year ago and left it there to collect dust. it's a habit already.

hmm... I wonder what I should have for lunch? should I have a wrap or should I cook my own udon? Everything seems nice cause I'm super hungry now.

Anyways life has been wonderful recently. I've stop sending resume anymore, cause I totally give up and I really hate office job. Besides my tuition schedules are already taking up almost all the time already. Except for monday, all my weekdays are kind of packed. And for me weekends are a no-no for any work!

I've been staying over at my aunt's place every weekend and I'm loving it. Though there isn't scv there but it's quiet and I can concentrate more reading my book, and besides there's vcd for me to survive on. I wish I could move over! But my mum would not allow that man! How am I gonna convince her. I shall use the keyboard as an excuse! =)

And who cares if there's no internet connection! Cause I simply don't need it anymore! Having a choice between peacefulness and internet and scv, I think it would be peace!

And shopping in Singapore is getting way too boring. I simply can't get anything and there's not much of a GREAT SINGAPORE SALES though it's the season. Probably it's the mood and I've not been going out. Good choice though.

Okies it's time for lunch!

Till then peeps!