I miss you...

Yes! I miss someone... not that someone... I miss my grandma... Though she has left us for about 2 years... I still miss her as much... I miss her hug! Her presence... Her kisses when she give a peck on my cheek... Her smell... Everything about her... The small little actions that looks so silly yet keeping me smile...

Sometimes I regret... Thinking back of my actions...

The time when she was admitted to the hospital for the last time and never return... The time when I keep telling myself... It's ok, she will be discharge just like the previous times... When what is happening seems impossible... But I never fail to tell myself that everyday... everyday when I go to the hospital to see her... Her condition are not stable... sometimes it's fine... sometimes it's bad... When the doctor says she's fine... I hope for her discharge soon... But when I knew that her condition is bad... my heart just fills with fear... Coz I know that my bubbles of hope are getting lesser and lesser... smaller and smaller...

From being conscious to poor memory... and having blur vision... and have to depend on her sense of listening to recognise people... when my uncles and aunties told me that she could only remember me... every moment she's calling my name... whoever came she would just call my name... thinking back my heart aches... tears fills my eyes... thinking of her calling my name... she's bed-ridden... I know how much she wants to be discharge... But one day, she didn't wake up in the morning... no matter how anyone call her she didn't open her eyes... She fall into coma... I lost the chance of hearing her voice... talking to her... listening to her calling out my name... Going there after school everyday, hoping that she would open her eyes to talk to me... but no... she never... To see her being able to breathe was the only hope ever since... she only grasp her last breathe when my cousin told her that they were take care of me and themselves... and told her not to worry... And just like that she left us...

Sometimes when I get to sleep at night... I would think about her... Tears will just come rolling down my cheeks... Flashes of memories just come into my mind... When I long for a hug, I long for hers... But she's not here to give me a hug... And there's no one to give me that hug I really long for... I miss her dearly...

But I'm glad that she accepted Christ... And she's at somewhere very peaceful... smiling everyday... And Life still goes on for me...