But as the truth are uncovered before my eyes. I realise I was wrong. The world is not made up of only the good ones. Balance is the word. The bad ones balance it.
Everyone of us,when born into this world, we brought nothing with us. We don't even know what lying is. And if the world wasn't that complicated and if humans was not that vulnerable, till today we won't know what lie is. People lie to get what they want. People lie so that they can run away from responsibilities.
That incident. Has taught me the greatest lesson in my life. Don't trust men.
Each time I look back , I feel so ashame of myself. For not being able to be strong and breakdowning in front of so many people. And this kind of feeling makes me feel pathetic of myself. Pride and dignity. I've lost it that time. And I vow that I won't breakdown in front of anyone else! Not for anything. Especially for some stupid issue.
You may think I'm silly and stupid. You may feel that I'm just a pathetic girl trying too hard. But that's the only way I can protect myself from having another wound which would heal but leave a scar forever.
I have to be tough and strong. Even if i'm not. I have to act tough. To not get hurt.
The world is changing. In fact too fast. People are having different concepts now. So different that sometimes I wonder am I too outdated and conservative or people are just too open-minded.
Sometimes the relationship between some girls and guys are just so complicated. Some could bring themselves to toy with people's feelings. Not anyone in specifically.
Question. How could they ever bear to do it?
I did ever thought of not being serious,have some flings and play with people's feelings. But I realise I can't. I can't bring myself to be so cruel to people. The thought of vulnerable ones going through that process.
Don't we all belong to the same species? How could one wonderful creation be so cruel to another. Leaving ugly scars on their hearts, that no matter how much he/she trys to conceal. You could see it in her eyes when she's deep in thoughts.
It's the state I'm in now. Scars that gives me the fear of trusting anyone,not even my closest one.
I remember Aud once said that I'm too independent. Independent? I never thought this word would be used on me. Never ever did I think I was.
This was what she replied.
"Sometimes I still wanna depend on my mother on some things."
I think otherwise. I didn't wanna depend on my mum ever since I came out to work. Though she still gives me pocket money. If i'm accepted for Uni. I'm gonna support myself through the years of uni. Working full-time and studying part-time is not gonna be easy. But I'll do it. I would rather suffer for a few years than to depend on my parents or my relatives. That is. Another stage to go through to be even stronger,since i'm the eldest in the family.
However tough it is, I will not give up. I'm not gonna let anyone see the weak me.
Enough said till here. Too much to digest.
Anyways caught 2 movies recently.
Watched "The number 23" last night. Pretty ok show. Abit of twist and turns. But!!
"Freedom writers" is highly recommended. =)
This scence was really touching. What this kids had gone through are things that were not happen when it was 1992 in Singapore. And also the part that they realise some adult is listening to them like they never before.
The debate session. Totally no idea what they were arguing about. Probably the battle between the 2 sexes.
Respect.
Lastly! Ain't he Charming!!
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