sorry peeps... com is still down... now using my cousin's gf laptop... so sweet of her to lend it to us... wanted to do my project but lazy no mood... anyway got to give the thumb drive to meiying coz tml ganesh got to use it urgently tml.. so will only get it back... well i'm forgetful so better to let meiying keep first... well haha... also to use it as an excuse! :p

let's see... let's see... what have I done the past few days...

29/1 (Sat)
Today was the riverraft camp... so camp in school... coz band performing on sunday... well practice was kind of slack coz it's not something important... but kyle was angry with the band... oh well kyle is the president of SPBand... suppose to have spring cleaning but only 5-6 people came to help... so he's kind of angry and disappointed... and he started scolding the band... he said "What the fuck is this?!" I'm so disappointed... tat's all i can't remember coz the previous sentence leaves a deep impression....

after the prac was abt 8 plus... so we had our sectionals... work on maching season.... haha... not bad improve abit... from nothing to something... but well was kind of disapointed too.... coz my section told me they are staying... whole section staying tat's why when they persuaded me I agreed to stay... end up last min... some cannot stay... feel so cheated... but well... haiz... thanx alan for staying!! and thanx for your laptop... if not I won't have started on my project!!

ohya.. talking about that... I was feeling heavy hearted when I went for camp... coz i thought the submission for CRM porject was monday... but lucky I msg cia and ask her.... found out that the submission date was friday... Phew... load off the shoulder...

30/1 (Sun)
Didn't sleep since the previous night... but know what... I'm super energetic lor... all my friends who slept... was super tired.. but I was so awake... don't know why... but i guess it's because I had a good sleep on friday night... thats's why... well the river raft was kind of sian... the weather was super hot.. and we had to play under the sun!! and i feel like bathing so much!!

Darnz!! you know how it feels when you are all sweaty... and sticky... and you can't freaking hell bath... MAN!!! that totally sucks! but it was kind of fun watching people's raft sinking into the water... haha... ohya!! they had this new event called "walking on water"...totally cool man!! totally!!! those people just use styrofoam board and then walk on the water... haha... and guess what!! the first person who won this event was a GIRL!! haha... GIRL RULES!! ;)

reach school about 12 plus.. then got to pack the percussion area... gotta put back to where it is... Thanx to all who help in carrying the percussion instruments!! thanx peeps!!

By the time we finished it was 1 plus... still very awake... haha... don't know why... then headed to tiong bahru to eat with siti. jerm and weilun... didn't manage to eat much coz don't feel like eating...

Reached home... unpack abit... then BATH!!! YES!! FINALLY BATH!!! haha... took about half an hour to bath... wonderful hot bath.... mmmMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......

But when i came out of the bathroom I was fraking tired already... lie on the bed to watch tv but realised that can't take it anymore... slept till about 9 plus.... took my dinner... then slept at 12 plus again...

31/1
Didn't had a good sleep last night... have been waking up after every one hour... sianz man!! hate it!! But well... woke up at 8.20... coz meeting hanyong to watch movie... watched "Hotel Rwanda"... not a bad show... touching... but didn't really like the part where the Hutu killed the Tutsi... pity those people who actually got to witness this... fighting hard just to live... and when you live, u gotta live with the nightmare forever... well, i actually cried... haha... tears were in my eyes but... manage to push it back... haha... keep making fun of hanyong... coz he lost his whole bag... dumb right?! :x

Missed CRM lecture... actually intended to go to Farrer park to get his fingerboard but well it only opens at 5... so headed to school for TQM tutorial... boring lesson.... but stay there and crap with meimei...

FMKT was kind of tough... coz i didn't understand what he say... haiz...

After school headed to bandroom... finally lodge the police report for the missing percussion booklet... gave it to SAA... then when it's done can bank in to finance building... ahha... then can get back money already.... better be quick... kind of troubled today... with somethings... and was talking to Jerm about it... thanx Jerm!! Feel like crying since FMKT... Thanx for lighting the fire!! And Thanx for talking to me... I know what to do... and anyway I intend to do it...

Band prac was boring today... only got Jerm, Raf, Joanne, Qiao ling and me... sian... haiz... side read one piece... can't remember what is it called... But was bothered with something else...

haiz... I think I'm really stupid... Let my chance slipped off again... I think I really think too much... Probably the problem lies with me... if I can see things in a more simpler manner... probably today it the day... hha... ok I'm crapping... just remember what Jerm has say... Today might be the day... ahah...

school starts at 1 tml... and I'm still not tired... but slping soon I guess... Don't wanna slp late... Or else those pimples are coming out again... t's getting better now...

Sorry guys have not been blogging recently coz my com is down and i'm busying with my individual project... Finally finished it... need to submit today... And I feel so satisfied!! haha... Finslly done!! But I wanna thank a few people!!

Thanx Mei!! For helping me out... helping me to print... and allowing me to go to your house to complete everything... If not I think I won't be able to finish it in the evening... thanx!!

Thanx Jerm!! For letting me go to your house till 3 in the morning to do my project!! And staying up so late with me... Thanx!!! ohya thanx for the cup noodles! the delicious chin-chow drink and your craps!! haha...

Thanx Effendi!!! Well, must really thanx this dude here... Thanx for helping me to take the photos!! It was really more than enough!! Important pictures taken.. very useful for the project... and thanx for the pictures you have found from the internet and putting it in your thumb drive... Saving my time to look for it online... make my job easier!! :) thanx!! thanx!!

Well, things have been rather bad for me... And I've been coming to school feeling heavy- hearted and sad... Except for today... Well thanx for those who have been encouraging me...

But well though bad, but I guess God still has his good plans for me.. or else I won't be able to finish my uccd....

yeah!!! FMKT presentation is over!!! And i found my necklace yesterday night!!! Was watching tv... then saw the person wearing the necklace... the more I can't stop thinking of my necklace!!!! was preparing to sleep already but in the end still wake up to search for it... :P

Couldn't sleep last night... didn't manage to have a good rest...

Well supposed to have class photo taking today end up don't have... Go to school early for nothing... haiz...

FMKT presentation went well for me... I was very confident... Not nervous at all... When meimei was half way thru her speech I was already thinking about other stuff.. Then after that Shun Li... I was already so sian of waiting already... But well everything went well...

BUT MY LEGS ARE SO TIRED!!!! so so tired... the heels are so freaking high... ANd I had to wear till 10+... coz I had band... can't stand it... Now my legs feel sore...

Band was ok today... for first half we did the pieces for the coming river raft performance... Then second half we did "Elisabeth"... NICE PIECE!!!

my mum cooked curry chicken!! haha... yummy... just finish eating abit... :P no matter how full still must eat!! Coz my mum cook!! haha...

Going to watch "Elektra" tml morning... then go for TA... got sectionals after school... haiz... long day... but nvm!! Can play "Marching Season" can liaoz!!! YEAH!!

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!!!!! AHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so bothered!!! Can't find it... I misplaced my necklace!!!! MY PRECIOUS NECKLACE!!! haiz... So vex... can't find it on my table!! DAMN! Should have kept it that day!!! Hope it's not lost... Hope it will be out in a few days... haiz...

I'm so tired and sleepy!!! There's FMKT presentation tml... Prepared already... Wanna start on UCCD... But need to ask Zai somethings first... before I can proceed on...

So sian... Had some chocolates!! Feeling much better already... :) well, leave my necklace for awhile.. shall put on another one tml... anyway I guess I have more than enough necklace... definitely one will match... :P

Tml Alan will be starting his ITP... All the best Alan!! Enjoy k!! Anyway kind of worried that I can't handle... But well will do my best!!

OK PEEPS~! ALL THE BEST FOR TML'S TQM DEBATE AND FMKT PRESENTATION!!!

Feeling rather lousy just now... Couldn't get the rythmns right... Almost cried out... It's all written on my face... I know it can be seen... Andy and Nei could see it right through me...

I'm so sorry... Sorry Andy for keeping quiet the whole bus trip... I just didn't feel like talking... Though I told you the reason but still didn't feel like talking... Anyway thanx for the concern! Thanx for the advise... ;) will remember what you... Pressure should come from others not myself... But well... it's my expectations for myself.. But well will look into it...

Feeling much better now... after talking to Nei... Looking at the positive side... Need to prepare for the presentation on Monday... Kind of nervous... Don't know why...

On the train to KL 


Stupid face?! 


outside swenses at the airport... 




thumbs up!! 


my mum, meichan, Jess, Mailina, and Me! 


Jess and I 


Meiying and Jess 


my mum and the four little rascals... haha... 


Meichan and Jess 


OooOOooo... that totally feel so good! 


say cheezz!! 


My mum & Jess! 


OH MY GOD~!! haha... Miss ya girl!!  


Muackzz.... Love ya! 


A CLOSER TAKE PLS!! 


last group photo before you go girl!! ;( 

It's time... a new blogskin... new song!!! a very nice song... it's something like every girls' dream... or probably I would say every girl that are in love or secretly in love with people... :)

Anyway there's a reason where I change my blogskin... Firstly, whenever I read my blog it would remind me to smile always... And it is also to remind you guys who are reading to smile always... no matter what!! SO SMILE!!!

Never be replaced by First Lady

Baby i love you (i love you) and I'll never let you go(let you go),
But if I have to, boi I think that you should know(think that u should know),
All the love we made (love we made)can never be erased(erased)
And I promise you that you will never be replaced

Baby i love you (i love you) and I'll never let you go(let you go),
But if I have to, boi I think that you should know(you should know),
the love we made (love we made)can never be erased(erased)
And I promise you that you will never be replaced

I love you,
yes I do(yes I do)
I'll be with you
as long as you want me to
until(until)the end (the end) of time (of time)

From the day I met you
I knew we'd be together
And now I know I wanna be with you forever
I wanna marry you
and I wanna have your kids(have ur kids)
Things could never compare to the feeling of your kisses,
I can say I'm truly happy to this day
You make me thank god that I live my life everyday
There's never been a doubt
in my mind
That I regret ever having you by my side
But if the day comes that I have to let you go
I think there's something I should probably let you know
Enjoyed everyday that I spent with you
and I will miss you cuz I'm happy that I had you at all

Baby i love you (i love you) and I'll never let you go(let you go),
But if I have to, boi I think that you should know(think that u should know),
All the love we made (love we made)can never be erased(erased)
And I promise you that you will never be replaced

Baby i love you (i love you) and I'll never let you go(let you go),
But if I have to, boi I think that you should know(you should know),
the love we made (love we made)can never be erased(erased)
And I promise you that you will never be replaced

I love you,
yes I do
I'll be with you
as long as you want me to
until (until)the end (the end) of time (of time)

a little crazy and implusive...

probably not a little... I think I'm very crazy!! REALLY!! I went shopping with meimei just now... Ok my mum gave me $150 now I'm left with $0!!

Ok these are the things I bought... A formal top, a skirt, a pair of pointed heels, a watch and 3 BOTTLES OF PERFUME!!! YES!!! 3!!! No typo error!!! :)

Bought them from body shop... all different tyoe of fragance... Like 3 and yes I just took them off the shelves and into the bag... and the money goes to the cash box... haiz...

And I was thinking about it the whole day when I was shopping.. I regretted!! But well not anymore... Coz i got a free gym bag where I can put my shampoo and stuff quite big... And a free make-up remover!!! haha.... Didn't realise it was inside until when I reached home... Hope it can last me for the whole year!!!

Meimei bought a halter neck, a skirt, cardigian, same pair of pointed heels as me, same watch and a bath foam from bodyshop... just realise that her taste and my taste are about the same!! :P Should go shopping more often with her... we are going again next week?!! Are we?! But no more perfumes!! tat's all... NEW YEAR CLOTHES!!!

Ok tat's all... I'm kind of sleepy...

just another day...

Yup... it's just another day for me... the sun continues to shine, and I'm able to wake up to see the light... water continue to flow... time continues to pass slowly probably even without our notice... Somethings are still the wat it is as before... No different answer or different story... Not much of a diff... Just that I'm able too see my parents when I wake up this morning... Rarely get to see them or talk to them for the past few days... :) Ohya... and able to have breakfast! hehe... And me starting on my UCCD... But my computer is giving lots of problems! Spoiling my mood!! haiz... only manage to start a few lines...

Have not blog for five days already... sorry guys... Too lazy... Ok just some updates...

Sunday 16/1
Not much... As usual went to church... then headed home I think... Can't remember liaoz...

Monday 17/1
Well, monday.... the first day of school for the week... school started at 12... Not too bad... Got band after that... Did the same old pieces... then headed home... Studied for TA for the test on Wednesday... And finished it without realising it...

Tuesday 18/1
School started at 1... ok! didn't self declare or anything... it really start at one... super slack right... Was kind of not feeling well... had fever on and off... body aches... Had sectionals in the evening... there were only Charlton, Alan, Raf, Joanne, Jermaine and me... We did "Marching season", "Above and Beyond", "Matrix" and "Russian Dance".... yup that's all... then Jerm and I stayed there till abt 9+ to self prac... :)

headed home to revise TA... Kind of worried... Couldn't sleep... TA just keep coming into my mind...

Wednesday 19/1
Took TA paper... well... what can I say... I don't know... There were 15 true and false qns... only manage to confirm 6 answers... the rest just by luck... and the charts... haiz... Just hope I can pass... *praying hard*

School ended at 1... Then headed to K-ster with Shunli and meimei... haha... thinking back... they have been asking me to go KTV since friday... and they never fail to give up!! ESP ShUNLI!!! The moment she sees me she will say... "Go la"... Till i got so scared! haha... end up promise them that I'll go...

After that headed back to school for band... And I'm sick!! Down with a flu!! headaches... just feel so terrible... First half of band we did some pieces for the the river raft event... next sunday... Finally some different pieces!!! At least we can take out 2 classic pieces... been playing it since year 1... then second half... did teathre music.. wah sian!!! So asked Raf to play for me... and stayed outside the band room to rest... Coz was feeling sick... Sorry Raf! thanx alot!!

Thursday 20/1
school started at 9... and the first lesson was Fundamentals of Finance... yeah! boring... her lessons are forever boring! We got back our results for FF... I've got 72%... was super shocked! Tot I will fail...or probably get 50+... But thank God! Then for the rest of the lesson was basically stoning and copying answers... was too sian to go for lecture... so meimei, shunli and I skipped FMKT and UCCD lectures... Took our lunch then headed to SAA to see Ms Hope... Finally submitted the percussion thing to SAA to approve... haha!! After that can bring in to finance building...

Supposed to take class photo... But because almost half of the class is not here so we shift it to Monday... then headed to town with Meimei to go window shopping... to see what clothes or shoes we wanna buy... bought a bracelet... and a small tube of perfume... :)

Headed home rest took my shower and took a 15 mins nap.. then went for tuition... MAN! was terrible... 2-hr tuition as today is a public holiday... had a difficult time teaching... nose block... terrible flu... talk for abt 1 and 1/2 hr... was losing my voice the last 1/2 hr...

YEAH!!! I'm going shopping later!! with meimei!! haha... Was so worried! Coz I have no bucks!!! But my mum gave me $150 just now!!! haha... And I'm already thinking what I should buy!! haha... First of all!! Formal top first for presentation on monday!!! Then skirt, accessories, shoes! and MORE SHOES AND ACCESSORIES!!! haha... YEAH!! Can't wait!!! haha.... Meeting her at 3.30... :)

and i'm still eating my food since i started blogging yup... it's 12.49pm now... haha...

I miss you...

Yes! I miss someone... not that someone... I miss my grandma... Though she has left us for about 2 years... I still miss her as much... I miss her hug! Her presence... Her kisses when she give a peck on my cheek... Her smell... Everything about her... The small little actions that looks so silly yet keeping me smile...

Sometimes I regret... Thinking back of my actions...

The time when she was admitted to the hospital for the last time and never return... The time when I keep telling myself... It's ok, she will be discharge just like the previous times... When what is happening seems impossible... But I never fail to tell myself that everyday... everyday when I go to the hospital to see her... Her condition are not stable... sometimes it's fine... sometimes it's bad... When the doctor says she's fine... I hope for her discharge soon... But when I knew that her condition is bad... my heart just fills with fear... Coz I know that my bubbles of hope are getting lesser and lesser... smaller and smaller...

From being conscious to poor memory... and having blur vision... and have to depend on her sense of listening to recognise people... when my uncles and aunties told me that she could only remember me... every moment she's calling my name... whoever came she would just call my name... thinking back my heart aches... tears fills my eyes... thinking of her calling my name... she's bed-ridden... I know how much she wants to be discharge... But one day, she didn't wake up in the morning... no matter how anyone call her she didn't open her eyes... She fall into coma... I lost the chance of hearing her voice... talking to her... listening to her calling out my name... Going there after school everyday, hoping that she would open her eyes to talk to me... but no... she never... To see her being able to breathe was the only hope ever since... she only grasp her last breathe when my cousin told her that they were take care of me and themselves... and told her not to worry... And just like that she left us...

Sometimes when I get to sleep at night... I would think about her... Tears will just come rolling down my cheeks... Flashes of memories just come into my mind... When I long for a hug, I long for hers... But she's not here to give me a hug... And there's no one to give me that hug I really long for... I miss her dearly...

But I'm glad that she accepted Christ... And she's at somewhere very peaceful... smiling everyday... And Life still goes on for me...

just another day...

Just came out from the bathroom... Feeling so clean but sleepy... I'm so tired... Have not been sleeping well ths week... and having break outs!!! AH!!! Losing the radiance... Bought this week's issue of CLEO... somehow the contents inside are talking to me... Reminding me to take care! Like too much sweet stuffs are bad for skin... and ya this week I have don't know how many bottles of sweet drinks... almost everyday I'm having sweet drinks... Little plain water... too much sweets and chocolates... And today I feel like a diabetic patient... haha...

Having insufficient sleep would coz the face to lose it's radiance... It can be really shown on the face... yes... And I'm not having enough sleep... feeling tired everyday.. as if I hve work all night but in actual fact no I didn't... and ya so tat's happening to me.. and having pimples popping up!! ah... So I must sleep early tonight... Ok enough of crap...

Went to give tuition this morning... Well so far so good... First lesson with Nini... Her sister has grown so much but at least now she don't cry that much... Phew... Or else I'll suffer coz as usual she's taking care of her sister... Still as adorable...

Feeling so tired after mugging for FF yesterday... Trying hard to concentrate since Sunday... And I've been so restless... And there was band yesterday and when I'm home I was too tired to study but still manage to study...

Woke up in the morning to finish off what i'm left with... Manage to finish... phew... And was late for school!! Took a cab! haiz... there goes my money again!! I'm rather broke recently... but who cares!

Thw whole day I was feeling so empty! Prepared... feel that I've nothing to study anymore when I keep looking back at tutorial... But I'm just so scared!!! Scared that my mind will go blank... Skipped CRM... wanted to study but ended up slacking...

But when I took the paper, it was as if i was doing my homework... manage to do can write but not sure if my answer are right or not... but well what's done is done.. there's nothing I can do... Just wait for results...

After the paper, went to the band room for sectionals... And just heard that we might need to perform for school on Friday... Alan has yet to confirm with Ms Hope... if we can play we will...

Did "stomp" might be for the friday performance... But I reckon we play "Kabe"... Anyway we did 3 pieces today... "One O'clock Samba", "Above and Beyond" and "Marching Season"... It's our first sectional!! FIRST!! And I broke down already!! I felt so inferior!! Everybody could play except me... for marching season... I could only play the first note for the 7/8 bar... and I stood there for the rest of the bars... and I still hear the others playing!! haiz... I know it's the first practice can't rush... But I have to put in the double the effort than the rest... Coz they can't possibly wait for me only... So I muz work hard!

Was tired when I came home... But didn't feel like sleeping... And worse feel like studying... But end up only manage to copy FF tutorial...

Uncertainity fills my heart and mind...

I'm feeling uncertain now... "How do I feel?" It has been a question in my mind recently.... Or am I just too tired that's why I feel uncertain... I know what I want... But I don't know what to do... Or how to do it... advises from friends helps... but I still got to make a decision... Probably wait and see... I don't know... Probably just let go quietly? But I can't bear to... I jolly well know that in my heart... it's a no... But why still that answer in my heart? It's so contradicting... JOCELYN WHAT THE HELL DO U WANT TO DO?! IT'S EITHER DO IT OR DON"T THINK SO MUCH!

Missing you already...

Jess!! I missed you!! Though you just left this morning at 1+ am... Sorry that I couldn't really spend much time with you... Separation was kind of hard! Though I have hugged you so many times, but I still miss the hugs and kisses!! How I wish you cnould just stay here but you had to go back... But it's ok... When I have the money and time this year... I'll go look for you k! And I have keep my promise by taking neoprint with you... which I have promise 2 years ago... But I wanna take more with you!! Girl! Take care k!! Gonna missed you! And do soften down on your language sometimes k! Cheers!!

Will try to upload the pictures on my blog k! but not now... :P

6th of January 2005... YUP! It's the sixth day of 2005... A new year a new beginning...

Well, 2004 was a memorable year for me... many things happen... Good and bad... It's over.... Coz "Instead of living in the shadow of yesterday, walk in the light of today and the hope of tomorrow!"

The good times I will locked it up in my heart... Keeping it... The bad times... I'll learn for it... Looking back... Lots of things take place in 2004...

We had our FIRST PERCUSSION ENSEMBLE CONCERT!! "DE AVANGANDA PERCUSSIANS"!! Though it was not that good but it was an experience for each and every one of us in the section... Though the process of preparing the concert was tough... i remember dropping tears lots of times... Trying hard to fight back the tears which I can't each time... Feeling helpless... But Thanx to my section!! Thanx for the concern and encouragement!! We are in the new year... and preparing for our next concert in June this year... Let's all work hard and have a better concert!!

2004 has been filled with anger, laughter and tears... And not forgetting STRESS! WE had 3 concerts... First was the MD in April, then Our percussion concert then IBM, both in September... I've learn alot... Thanx for all my section members who helped me to get the rythmns!

Jermaine!!! Thanx alot!!! Thanx for lending a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on!! Thanx for the advise you have given to me... Though there are times when we are unhappy with each other but i'm glad that we know how to lay things out to say and get it solve immediately! And I wanna shout it out loud!! JERMAINE! You are my FIRST LOVE!! Though I said it many times!! But what are first love for right?! Hope that in 2005 we were contiune to bring our friendship into a next level!

Effendi!! My Charlie!!! haha... Thanx for all the gifts that you spend...really appreciate it!! Thanx for the advise you give me... you know who... I know the decision still lies within me... Don't worry! I'll try hard to fight back those tears! taking things easy! Now that you are in NS... I missed you so much!!! But nvm time flies fast!! And I haven got to see yr new hairstyle!! haha...

Alicia, meimei, Shunli and Nat!! Thanx alot!!! Thanx for being so understanding when I'm so busy with band and couldn't contribute much to the projects!! I think I can't find anybody who can relly accept this! And I wanna Thank God that He gave me you guys!! Always there for me.... I guess all of you know what... Thanx thanx!! Let's all strive hard during this new sem! Looking forward!