TIRED!!

Was a stressful and hectic day at work. And ever since I started doing HK box. I've been setting the records for the most number of TTs done per day! And once again without fail I set the highest number of outgoing payment today! 110! All by myself! It's a record!

Ok fine I'm proud of myself! But it's kind of stress.

Trying to rush for cut-off time but eventually we couldn't meet the cut-off time at 6.30pm cause there were just too much to do. And something you should know, hongkongers go back on the DOT over at HK! Not even a minute later! So many payments hit visa... oh well... why am I sharing this with you guys when you guys know nuts!

But just know it's a record. and I didn't leave office till 10+. I mean since I have work till 9+ might as well stay awhile more to claim taxi! Wanted to book the london cab cause it's 8 bucks for booking fee! Am I crazy?

NO! Why bother to help the company to save money??!!! But eventually there wasn't any london cab... sad... got me excited for awhile.

And finally I was home... Bath and had my dinner.

Oh! Ever since I started work at ABN, milo,biscuits and cakes had became my best friends. I had milo,biscuits and cakes for the past 3-4 nights?

Is it enough? oh well.... Just enough to stop me from feeling hungry since the appetite is not there.

hmm.... Life made simple by milo,cakes and biscuits.

How does it sound?

Not pathetic... but seriously simple.

But I need a god damn fun life!! Crazy one!!!

Working at Abn has change my life. Not exactly life, it's my perspective towards life. I wanted to get married at the age of 22. Yes it's not a typo error, it's true. There's a reason for it. I wanted to draw the gap between my children and me closer. give birth early. But now?

Finish my degree,get a job I like. Be a career woman and work my way up within the shortest period showing full potential! Earn good money,buy a car of my own and buy a house. But! I can't get a house myself until the age of 35!! oh my god single at the age of 35?! What a old hag!
So maybe i'll just rent a place... Just move out of this place! A place without my sisters is the best thing in the whole wide world!

But imagine... me... Single career woman. Strong and living alone?!

Can you imagine that?

Pls think harder.

hoo... I just realise how long I have not been blogging. it's seems like forever. Tiredness and laziness would be the excuse.

And finally I have the slightest time to do so today.

Oh! Before I forgot. Happy Christmas peeps!

And well heard of the song "Let it snow",it's "Let it rain" now.

A nice and quiet Christmas. Everybody has gone out except for my folks. And I'm glad they don't come bothering me. Leaving me to enjoy this very precious day that was hard to come by. I woke up at 12+! Oh man. I can't even remember when was the last time I woke up at this time and had a good rest. With the rain outside, it makes me feels like going back to sleep and probably have a good dream of some good-looking hunk! Which I don't know who it might be since I never get to see the face of the people i never knew in my dreams.

Anyways life have been the same, besides work! I have been shopping, that now I've gotta ground myself from going out. Mango sales,zara sales. Seriously, I didn't even try to squeeze myself in, except for the first day of mango sales,which I bought a jacket.

I won't wanna miss such a good day spending at home. With just music,book or more pathetically still making my christmas presents. Yes,making.

Talking about presents, I have spend a bomb on gifts this year. But I did receive mine too. So it ain't that bad. And it always happen every year, people don't know what to get for me. Since I have everything. For a matter of fact, I like surprises. I mean that's the purpose of gift right. Giving it to someone,whereby the person would receive it unexpectedly.

And I have a couple of books in mind at the moment and I don't know which one to get. I just feel like getting every one of them.

But for now, I've gotta finish the book i'm reading and the pressie I've gotta give tml!!

Things were supposed to get better,especially when I'm on leave today. But reality seems to be playing a trick on me.

As usual I reached office at 9.15am yesterday morning. But I didn't start work till 11.30am. My pc was down. I couldn't log in to my intranet, my shared files are gone, my daily processing system was impossible to access too. Basically over the weekend, my pc network was gone, for some reason.

And unwilling I called up the "helpless" desk. And thanks to ABN fantastic idea of outsourcing. They called but no one came to help. So I could only ask for help from the IT outside the room. And oh well, though it took long. He did after all save half of my day back for me.

Work was piling up and up. And nothing was done. And I had to skip lunch. So all I had ytd was pancake,chicken sandwich,one small chocolate muffin heavenly made by auntie jenny and a hot cup of chocolate.

I didn't stop working from 1130 to 830pm. Boy. That was work for ytd. Every thing just gotta turn out bad.

Anyways I met up with swee wah ytd and we watched "Step up".

Seriously, in my opinion, on a range of 1-5 stars if I could give 6 I will. It has this power of telling you to. "Hey! Get up from your seat and start moving peeps!"

But well that's my opinion.

Okies I've gotta bath. It's Thailand in a couple hours of time!

I hope I'll be able to come back in a piece despite some political unrest there!!!

Ciaoz peeps!!

14/11/06

I have lots to blog, lots to share but here I am now sitted in front of my laptop. Not knowing what to say or type. The last time I blog was probably 3 weeks ago.

And wow it's seems like a long week. Work has totally drain every single of my energy. What's left of the little energy is used for tuition and meeting up with friends during the weekends.

Work has seem to turn to the better side nowadays. I'm back to going home at 8+. And leaving time for tuition during the weekends instead of squeezing it all in the weekends.

It just seems that my life has become so routine.

Oh well not exactly. A whole set of meal always end with a nice and sweet,delicious dessert. Making it interesting and colourful. Though it might cause some weight-gaining situation but we all deserve to indulge in sinful treats. ",)

Looking at the cheese cake in the fridge is good enough. Tasting it might turn out otherwise.

Anyways being in Abn for almost 4 months, I've seen almost like 7-8 people leaving. It gives low morale to the people. And just when things ain't getting anywhere better, Payments & Receipts and Treasury merged. My nice lady supervisor was swapped over to Treasury and I'm gonna have the most not gentleman supervisor. But so far I've not gotta report to him so life's good till date.

That's not the point. I saw lydia and teck seng talking to Jack and another girl in the meeting room today. I reckon that both of them wanted to quit since Jack ever mention to me that he wanted to tender but was told to thought it over just last week. So I guess everybody is up to their neck already.

When I tell them,anyone, that I ever tender and withdraw after that. All of them would give me one kind of look. The "why" look.

But the funny thing is that I never knew how resolve or take away the "why" from them. I could not give an answer. It's something that I can't express out myself. I just knew that I felt un-safe when I made that decision. If you ever have such feeling, you'll understand what I mean. Though I'm tired and working late, but somehow I'm happy.

And I've learn something. People may come and go due to the work stress, the working time. But that doesn't means you'll have to follow. It's how versatile you are. How adaptive you are and how you look at every single situation.

Friends asked me why don't you get another job. It's too tiring. But where am I gonna find a job is willing to pay 1.7k diploma holder with grades that sucks but a merit in cca?

It's not gonna be long term cause no matter how. Stuides come first. Degree come first. I'll complete it before I really step into the next stage of my life.

But the first most important lesson for me to learn is to stop spending like there's no tml!

I'm going thailand next week! =.="

Oh man! It was the most embarrassing moment of my life today! I've never blush like that before! Rmb there was this cute guy I mention like few mths back at SB night?

Yes I've got his number,his msn and friendster. Crap man! I can't believe this is happening. Went to watch their band perform, it was fab. Just that the others can't stop teasing us! And shit! I was trying so hard to deny that I was blushing! And the worse thing was he was sitting opp me while having dinner at mac.

Ok it doesn't mean anything. Though I do find that he's cute.

But well I'm still happy. Happy to know a new friend. or rather friends!

It's KTV session tml!!!

Oh anyways I've been very happy recently cause two of my students did well for exams. Nini was promoted from NA to Express! Imagine as a tutor the sense of satisfaction! My efforts of teaching till 12 mid-night paid off. Qiao Ting maths improved from a C to A1!

What more can I ask for? Oh maybe I can't . For Yolanda to improve more, to get more than border line pass.

23/10/06

Hello folks! It's time for some updates. But we'll just skip mon to thurs. And jump to every weekend. I can't really rmb what I've done for the past few weekends. Oh well, one thing I can rmb is spending almost 100 over bucks every weekends.

And from mon to thurs I get stuck in that stupid place! Ever since we've moved to the new place. I've been staying later and later. The whole of last week I finish work at 9+... What's new. Like today I left at 10plus.

Somethings need to be done. Oh well! Karen! Heard that. She just can't be bothered.

Anyways let's skip work! What's so nice about it.

But I do love my weekends! Meeting up with friends. Shopping like some rich tai-tai. How I wish I was.

Met up with ruben and halim one of the weekends. Went for dinner and mustafa. I don't know everytime we meet, we would go there. We just simply enjoy it I guess. But t'was nice. Bitching, laughing... haha...

And last friday I met up with jo,audrey, weiloong and afiq... We went to makansutra. Oh the food was fab! Or maybe probably cause I needed some console after a hard day's work. The meeting was fantastic and nice. Updated them on my small little office "romance"! haha... And audrey just can't stop asking me to get the courier guy's number! HEY! I want to k!! But how!!! He's like gone. And it's gonna be the silmmest chance ever to bump into him again! I just know he's at Great Eastern!

Right. Now i'm thinking about him and those short little walks "together". This sounds so silly. And they just kept pushing me, pscycho-ing me. Disturbing. And Miss andrey said that she thinks it's right. That's why she's asking me to do so.

OKIES! If I have the chance I will!!

And sunday was waking up day! I bought a puma bag for 99 bucks! A top and a bottom that added up to 159.90 bucks! Yes shits! So dead!! I'm gonna control! And I'm dead serious!! Control! Control!!!

I guess that's all. Probably more. But I'm slpy!

Well, it's a public holiday tml!! not sure how you guys gonna spend it! But listen to my good plan!

I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK!!

My fellow ladies and gentlemen! It gives me great honour to annouce to you that I'm officially an auntie!

My cousin gave birth to a baby girl yesterday at 5.36a.m! She's so adorable! So small! And she just slept quietly and peacefully when I was carrying her!

Babies are the most precious gift from God!

Her name is Jemmima. Probably I would upload a photo soon. e\Everybody in the family is so happy about her birth! But sadly I didn't get to see her open her eyes. She kept sleeping throughout the time I was there.

Well that's the only good news I could share now. Besides that, nothing good to share.

Finally secondary school exams are over soon. It would mean that I'm gonna take a break for 2 months! Not rushing here and there. Could you imagine that I actually taught to 12 midnight last week. Boy! I was so tired.

And Ive yet to get enough sleep from all that I've lost.

But shopping was never better! I spent like shit every week man! 100+ every week! Seriously is too much! But I need to vent it out somewhere!

Okies! Self-control!

Now that I've got more time... Hopefully! If work doesn't requires much from me! Which is almost impossible!

Okies that's all for updates!

Ciaoz peeps!

Rest

Finally I'm home resting. Had to cause I was too sick to go to work.

Was sick since monday night, but still went to work ytd. And boy it was horrible man! The headache was killing me and I had so much pressure on me as I was doing the HK side.

The pressure really made it worse and I had to work OT till 9+. Tell me about not wanting to go and rest.

Anyways not much of a rest today, I'll still have to give tuition. So get well soon jocelyn.

Finding myself trapped in an enclosed office,
Your sunshine smile suddenly surfaced.
The room seemed warmer ever since.
Of all the world's 12 billion folks,
We saw, we smiled and we finally spoke.
The moment we shared may be minimal
but we ended in a perfectly happy note.

Written by Mr WRM.

29/09/2006

Life is just a short stay on the planet known as earth. A temporary hotel or motel that we check-in for almost 60 years. Less or more. Depends. But still a whole 60 years is gonna flash across your eyes just like that.

But what is beautiful is the moments spent with the people you meet in life. Along this journey that will end someday, we meet many different kinds of people. Black,white, yellow. Short,tall, fat and thin. Name it out. I guess we're all gonna be so amazed.

The only big difference would be the period of time they accompany you on this life journey. There are people who comes and go. And there are some who would stay forever till you're one leg into your own grave.

But they are some whereby you would just wanna keep that little excitement trying to be able to coincidently bump into each other.

And yes. This part is about me. And I'm already thinking back of the moments. It may sound stupid but it's a little colours added to my boring working life.

I think back and I don't regret staying at ABN Amro. Oh well at least for this part. My job scope requires me to up and down the floors almost every hour, that was at the old building. On a particular day at 12.05pm, that was the first time I saw him. The day his existence was made known. First impression. Cute. Seems nice. Hmm.. sounds like a description for food. But anyways that was the first time. And from then on each time I go to the 2nd floor or 11th floor I see him all the time. And that was when the crush begins.

And yes. My crush was the TNT guy or rather the courier guy in the building. We see each other so often. That I begun to think that it's so funny. I can't help grinning to myself each time I see him. And I often wonder if he knew my existence in this small 15 storey building. And once I couldn't hold the happiness in me, I gave him a smile. I couldn't help it cause we bump into each other too many times.

Of cause, there are times I don't get to see him. Like I didn't get to see him a couple of days and I was sad. Cause see-ing always made my day. I remember see-ing him at 5+ whereby I was totally dead. But I was recharged! Okies.. it sounds weird but oh well.... the power of crushes.

I still remember trying to bump into him a couple of times but failed. It should not be planned . It should be coincidence. I still remember the kind of feeling when I couldn't see him on the last day at the old building. But in fact the new building was better.

Going thru and forth from the old and new building in the morning was the most pleasant moments I had. We would walk back together as in front and back. Oh well! We didn't know each other! What do you expect!

And finally I saw him grinning to himself the other day when we saw each other. And it was so dumb when he didn't enter the lift the other day. Oh I can't imagine.

But well. We saw each other. We smiled. And I always wondered if he knew my existence. And I've got my answer!

We spoke for the first time yesterday! Yes I was over the moon!

The lift that cause the upsetness was the one that broke the silence and smiles that we often exchange. And I can't imagine how can someone be so blur to forget pressing the floor that he was supposed to go. But that was nice. haha...

"Do you often walk around. cause I always see you."

My existence is known to him. I'm satisfied.

We spoke again today. In the lift again. and while waiting for the lift. And once again, he went to the wrong floor. At this point of time, even he can't help but laugh at his stupidity.

But it would be the last time we spoke. Cause it's his last day today.

The whole smiling at each other and see-ing each other. And realising each other existence. Ended on a happy note. That is what I would say. I like it this way. Though it may sounds like a some little girl's feeling but I think I like it this way.

The simple and sweet acquitance relationship. The whole excitement was trying hard to bump into him. For a look and a smile.

Now that it has ended. Lydia has made special arrangement for TNT to deliver the documents to me. Called it coincident or what. It doesn't matters anymore since he's not working at ABN anymore.

But who knows I might just bump into him since he got a new job at Great Eastern. ",)

Now this was a short journey in my life.

Not too sure why I feel happy and satisfied. Probably I guess 'cause this is much more simple. Need not know too much and feel too deep.

if you think your birthday is getting any worse. Then listen to mine.

It's my birthday today and you know what I was working OT till 9pm in the office. So how good can it get?

No celebrations but I still have gifts. Oh well I did had a mini celebration with my family. Sweet of them to buy a cake for me.

Sweets~

Okies not much to share. Just tired.

Ciaoz

20/09/2006

It's simple. I have a crush! Oh gosh! A crush was like sometheing that can happen like centuries ago! And mind you it's a crush! yes. C.R.U.S.H. CRUSH!

See. Told ya it was simple.

17/9/2006

T'was a fun,exciting and tiring day. And not forgetting a happy day.

Cause I bought 3 pairs of heels in less than an hour and a bag. Yes I did. I was just like some happy little girl, walking around with two big bags and people staring at me. But who cares. I'm happy! It's "Once in awhile" anyways.

Bought a bangle and a ring too. Oh I bought a pair of sandals ytd. So in all it's 4.

I'm so tired now. That I could just fall asleep right at this instance, if not for my wet hair.

I just came back from Nini's place. Now here's the interesting part. Too excited already! Now I'm seriously hesitating having babies. Cause of cleaning the shit part! I totally had a bad experience just now. But no doubt she's a smart girl. She knew she shitted and asked me to change her diaper. But you know me. So inexperience.

The worst part comes now! She started digging her hands into her diapers! Knowing that we were scared, she started chasing us around the house! And this little bitch was so happy! Can you imagine Nini and I screaming and laughing in the house and this little rascal is chasing after us. Imagine it and you might now be having cramps because of laughing.

We called for "SOS" but her father was no where to be seen. Decided to change her diapers! Don't ask me how? We just had to! And so we started to do it! And Thank God! The dad came back just in time! To save me from not having dinner!

Oh God! I'm having second thoughts. Maybe next time when I have my baby I'll leave it to my husband. At most, I'll use gloves! I'm dead serious!

Don't ever try picturing me doing it with my bare hands! NO WAY!

It's work again tml... Nitex peeps!

9/9/2006

If I ever start blogging it's gonna be about work. You know like how NS guys talked about NS?! That's how I'm gonna talk about work.

Ya. You said it! "Get a life! Jocelyn!"

And yes. That's what I'm gonna do. It's not gonna be about work.

The used-to-be busy and exciting Jocelyn's life has now revolve around work and tuition! I seriously need to get a life! It's ugh disgusting and unbearable! Even I can't stand it.

Anyways I have not been blogging for almost a week but I guess you guys won't wanna read about it cause it's just work so I'll shall be kind enough to save all of your eyes and emotional state.

Well I save you by not blogging. But I save myself by shopping! I bought 2 bags, a pair of shoes and I don't know what else did I buy. I just can't stop buying. I seriously need a shopping therapy as in a real one. Not that kind of shopping therapy.

I'm stuck. I'm stuck about what to blog. I can't believe this. Gosh. It's just goes showing how boring my life has become.

Suddenly I just wanna sit by the river with the strong wind blowing against my face, almost disfigured, and read a book. Totally laid back kind of life, with no one around, just people walking through and forth. Sitting alone with no conversation engage. Just me and my book. That's what I call life for now.

You think it's boring? Well It's my life. And it goes with my mood. I don't have to go with the crowd right. The way I dress, the things I get and things I do. If not, Jocelyn's kind of life would not exist.

I'm gonna live the lif that way I want!

31/8

Dead dead dead... I'm dead beat.

It's the last day of the month. Work has taken the toil out of me. Mentally and physically. That I can't do anything now.

All I want now is to sleep and rest. It's 1st sep tml and it means I can apply for NIE already. But you know what, I'm not so enthu into it yet. Cause I really don't know what I want.

Anyways it's been raining so heavily for the two days but too bad. I can't sleep! Work always gotta spoil everything! Well work load was rather heavy today or should I say for the past few days. OT everyday but well there's OT pay so who cares.

27/8/06

First of all, not too sure if it's good or bad news. I've withdraw my resignation from ABN Amro. Don't ask why cause I don't know. And for a matter, yes I'm staying. So maybe just be happy for me?

I don't know what lies ahead of me. For now it's confusion and uncertainty.... erm... and more uncertainty? The next step is crucial cause it's gonna decide my future.

I really wonder why did I ever wish growing up faster when I was a kid. Growing up means more responsibility. And more decisions to make. But well, that's life. It's never forever 16.

I'm just slowly getting used to whatever I'm doing at ABN, while doing that I'll just wait upon the Lord.

I've gotten my first pay! And it's pay-day this week! Pay from ABN, pay from tuition. Shit! Now I'm thinking of how to spend it. When will this bad habit be gone. well it's already habit.

And ohya. To anonymous and anonymous, it's just a teeny-weeny issue. Pls don't start. Help me to keep it a happy blog. Would appreciate it.

P.S. try looking back a few entries.

To my esteem ladies and gentlemen!

I hereby announced that I,Jocelyn Lee, has verbally tender my resignation to ABN Amro Bank at 8.05pm! Yes I was still in the office!

Wat else work?! I totally can't stop smiling! Can you believe this! I finally said it out! I couldn't stop grinning to myself. =)

But I had to control! But I'm still glad!

Anyways I have an interview tml! Job that I like but the pay is definitely not as good! But well. Shall leave it to God! Let His will be done!

Nitez...

It's offcially my 3rd week at ABN Amro. Just in case, you think that I'm waiting for my first pay. You're so wrong! I'm just thinking of when would be the right time to tender.

Anyways I've been working OT since Monday! Except for yesterday. I've been knocking off at 8plus. It's only the 3rd week and it's already like that. imagine if I stay there longer.

I really hate telling myself everyday to hang in there and just do it. I'm sick of it. I totally hate the job but I can't bring myself to tender. Well we'll see how the other interview goes first. It's really not about the pay. It's my interest and about me being happy while working.

Oh well, I'm once again stuck in a situation of not knowing what to do again.

Just see how it goes.

Oh btw! I didn't know a typewriter in this era could actually "delete" away the wrong words you type! Ok right! Call me a hillbilly for all you want! I bet some of us really didn't know about it cause we NEVER EVER use a typewriter in our lives! Not even in the school!

And here I am like a fool trying to figure how to use the typewriter to type the wordings on a draft. And you bet it sure took me a long time. Probably the school should teach those taking my course to use a typewriter. Serious there's alot of things that you still have to do manually. After all, technology ain't that helpful.

Why do I sound as if I'm so happy there?

Crap.

And now I miss staying at sengkang! I've been staying there more often than my home. And I went shopping at compass point with my aunt. I was only given 3 hours to shop! And I sure did make full use of it! I spent like $103 at Metro. Please don't go "Eeee... Metro! Auntie clothes!"

If you did, I'm gonna smack your head! I can basically shop at anywhere! Even Chinatown! That's what I call real shopping! Anyways I bough a pair of super cute slip-in with a donkey print on it! "Aww... Cute!"

Okies sorry!

2 tops and a shorts! I think that's all... I could not buy more cause I wasn't allowed to! =D

But well i'm glad there's someone to stop me!

Holiday is over and it's back to... Oh I hate the word! Save it!

And it's a drag to even say "good night".

So it's gonna be...

That's all folks!

well let's see... it's my second week at ABN Amro. how is it like?

Totally sucks! There's never one day I would live without saying the sentence " I wanna quit!"

I have already gotten ready my resignation letter, it's just a matter of time when I will be tendering. It just makes me feel so guilty that Lydia(my head) is trying to rush the IT side to configure my PC with all those olympics and lotus notes! Totally so useless! And troublesome.

And talking about work there! The people there are so damn rude! Not those from my department! But those bloody private bankers! Trust them to call themselves PB! They know nuts man! Useless people! And Patricia Sng! You bloody idiotic PIG! Oh she's one of the PB! The super rude lady which I don't know why my ex-colleague could actually just let her push her around! Just so sry I was in a bloody bad mood cause i'm stuck doing this job! And just in time for me to vent it on this bloody pig!

My colleague, KC, was like so happy when he heard how I answer her man! She's so bloody unreasonable man!

Let's not talk about work. There's only one word! yucks!

Anyways been rather busy. Very busy in fact. And I need a change of job. I need a job that will make me happy.

Okies people! Listen up! I would so totally appreciate if you guys could STOP asking me how's work after this entry!

Work is just one word! Disgusting! And it's just gonna be the same till the day I quit!There's never one day I went for work feeling happy, only when I step out of the building.

So quit asking the question!

Seriously I can't care more about earning 1.7k a month to slog my life away for something I don't even like a tiny weeny bit. Going for work is horrendous. Each time I walk near Abn Amro, the feeling is never nice.

Before I was thinking of trying out if I really don't want a office job. Probably I might love it. I have proved myself right the very first day!

I'm totally so tired and exhausted. And I've only been to work for 7 days. And my officer, Lydia, already knew that I don't like my job and I wanna quit. She called me into the room. Well as you know, it's never a good sign to be called to the room by the officer.

Ya but it turned out well.

Suddenly I feel that I don't have any friends! haha... Nah cause at this moment I feel like going to shop! cause it's the last day of GSS but I guess it won't exactly be the last day... But I'm just too tired to go out.. Think I'll just save the money and forget abt it... Shopping is never enough...

ok crap!

Anyways I'm totally exhausted from work. Office job is killing me so much but i'm still trying hard to hang in there.

I went to nini's house.... only one word! Finally! Have not seen her for weeks and it's just way terrible... her work! Gosh! I have like touch on algebra and related topics for like more than 2 mths or so... It's still like that. But I got to see her sister! Gosh man! Is it because I'm getting old or she's just way too energetic! She's like never tired, I got so tired running and playing with her. But she's just adorable! And I love it when she baby talks! And with the expression of "Woooo" .

Adorable is just the word!

My student asked if I was attached. I said no and she said how was it possible. Cause she said I look too happy to be single! Since when being single is SAD!! Gosh! What kind of logic is that! Being single is like the best thing that you can ever enjoy! While you can!

It's finally the first day of work. And you notice I didn't use "!" cause it wasn't that bad BUT it ain't that FANTASTIC too! If you ask how's first day of work?

Here's my answer... It's just a NORMAL office work! I'm working in the operations department doing payments and receipts, just like when I was at DBS vickers for attachment! Just that this time round, it's no longer itp! It's a perm job! should I sigh? okies... *sigh*

9-630 just pass like that. And I'm already worried about working OT though it's just the first day of work. Cause it will affect my tuition. well will see how it goes first.

And how's the peeps there?

Hello! It's the first day of work! So everybody is NICE! Let time reveal them all! =D

After passing by this restaurant for so many times during itp, I finally tried the paper pot! but it was quite ok. Not too bad!

I'm freaking tired now, yes it's first day of work but for the past few days I have not been resting well.

I'm not sure is it because that I started working, once again I feel so assured that I wanna teach! Instead of working in the office. It's so not for me. When I was waiting to apply for NIE, I though to myself do I really wanna teach? Now... Hate waiting man! Once september comes! I'm just gonna sign up!!

*yawn*

So sleepy!

I'm so freaking tired to the MAX man!! I was out since morning! Woke up at 7+! Met mei for breakfast and headed back to SP to collect my cert! Finally got my Diploma in Banking & Financial trading with grade A with Merit for cca! =)

That's like more than possible! Cause I put in 150% for band!

It took less than 5 mins to collect the cert! Rather than going for the 3 hour graduation just to get it!

And it was shopping time!! It's shopping spree day man!! I spent like 200 bucks man!! Cool! Anyways it's gonna be the last 2 days for me to enjoy to the max before I start work on thursday!

Remember my craze for "Mango" sales last year?! This time round it's ZARA!! Bought a top, a skirt and a jacket for 70 bucks! It's ZARA so what do you expect?! While Mei bought another jacket! And we headed to "Picnic foodcourt" for the famous and delicious beef noodles!

Headed to heeren to get "Havaianas" sandals! Orange in colour! Probably I'll upload photos of it another day!

We parted at 2pm cause she met her friend and i had to go for tuition! Well everything went well, so nice of the mother to compromise with my schedule! So now I have to give up my late sat's sleep! Sad.

After tuition, I had to head down to ABN Amro to sign contract with them and darn! i have to go for a body check-up tml!!! Holy shit!!

Anyways after signing the contract, it was a start of another shopping spree! Met up with Swee Wah! This time round I bought a pair of shoes, a coat from Zara again and a t-shirt from Esprit! So now you know why it all cost about 200 bucks! =D

But once in awhile! It's ok right! AGREE!

After all the walking and buying, we had our dinner at "Changing Appetittes".

And it was time to go home!

That's all for today and maybe it would be the last time I'm gonna blog. Cause it might be a long time before I have time to blog again!

Okies I'm super sleepy now! Ciaoz peeps!

I'm so vex now. So many things yet so little time. Because of my new job, I have to re-schedule everything. I just got a new student and I have not even start. Now I can't make it. Feeling so apologetic towards the agent. Well that's life.

I'm starting work this thursday and I have lots of arrangement to do. On top of that, with endless apologetic feeling. With the feeling of regrets ranking first for the most scary kind of feeling, apologetic is next.

But if I have to give up I just have to. Cause I believe God will bless me with other things. Better the next time.

my schedule is tight. It's not just tight, it's very tight. Even if i have to use my saturdays, I just have to use them.

This morning i received a call from Queenstown primary for relief teaching. And I rejected it. Something that I've always had the passion for, yet I said no. Just to help my mum. I'm not sure if it's the right thing.

I'm tired and in a mild state of confusion.

I'm beginning to think if I'm doing the right.

"Oh God! I need reassurance!"

ok it's bathing time....

Here I am still unbath-ed.
Waiting for the clock to struck 12 to meet Jerm for supper?
And I realise trying hard to keep my eyes open is a tough thing.
It's 11.36am and it's time for bed.

Feeling a little emo, I just want a good sleep with the sweetest dreams ever.
And I thought of my dream 2 days back.
the weirdest dream but it reflects how true I'm feeling.
How afraid I am.

Jazz music just makes me so laid back and double the emo.
Ballads makes me feel so lonely, abandon and confused.
Rock just isn't right at this moment.
Noise from the tv is breaking the silence.

current mood would be super high and happy.

Cause I went shopping! since when it's not a happy thing. I bought a pair of jeans for 10 bucks, a t-shirt for 10 bucks, a sleeveless top for 15 bucks, a dress for 15 bucks, a sort of cadigian and my Esprit SHORTS for 25 bucks!! Long awaiting discount! Finally... Never had a good shop for a long time man!

Well I have to enjoy for as long as I can this few days before I start work! yes I found a job! And no! it's not working for my mum. It's a serious office job. Well went for my interview on friday and they confirm me on friday evening start away. (SO Ivan it better be more than touching that bald head of yours for FREE!)

It took me about 2 days to think about it cause I really dislike office job. But for long-term, tuition and working at my mum's place is not gonna help. So after much thinking and talking to my aunt, I finally decided. The pay is not bad but working hours... Hopefully there's not much OT. Cause tuition would be a problem.

We'll see how it goes. Overall I owe a big thank you to the BIG Guy up there! For His blessings and assurance.

But I'm not sure if I could start work late on thurday. well still waiting for agent to call back.

As I went to my blog and read others' blog, I realise I have start to neglect my blog. Cause I'm really tired and sick of internets!

Anyways just to update on my life.

I've finally found a job. It's my 3rd day of work, though tired but quie good. Good pay and I can be late for work and take off as and when I like. I can scold the boss too and eat and drink for FREE! It's FAB!! And the best thing! Short working hours! And quite slack. Hehe... What can be better than helping your own mother in her shop! ",)

Though it's quite tiring cause everyday after work I have to give tuition but I'm enjoying cause I'm sleeping early and really waking up early. It makes me feel healthy! And healthy is nice!

But I've got an interview tml at ABN AMRO. Well will do my best for the interview though i'm not really keen cause I really hate office job. If I can't get this job it wld be that's it! I'm not going for any office job! if I get it... erm.. we'll see if I really get it.

And I have started on my first keyboard lesson! Super happy!

Okies that's all for today, pretty tired after a long long day!

Yesterday was a splendid day. Cause it's officially out of SP. Though I didn't go for the ceremony which I certainly think is the wiset decision to make!

met up with Cia-darling and gang for dinner at NYDC . Waited for about 3 hours for them? So i buy time by going for hair treatment... ",)

seriously it's not that I have too much many to spend, wanted to do it long ago. Effect? Fantastic.

Once again it's friday! The day of the week which I always look forward to! =)

This is no longer the place that I would call home sweet home. I dislike this place. And I drag coming back here.

How I wish I didn't come back.

Back here it's just anger and arguements. I just don't wanna be under the same roof as them!

And my mum is pulling me back.

I know how much she doesn't want me to move and how it is gonna affect my relationship with my dad. But seriously, I would do anything just for a nod from them so that I'll be away from them.

Probably you may think that I'm selfish and being stupid knowing that it would affect my relationship with my parents. But I never said that I would not see them in my whole entire life.

Man I'm having a terrible stomache that I'm breaking into cold sweat. Thank God there's only one tuition today and I'm out of this damn place to somewhere more peaceful and the temporary non-existence of my sisters.

Seriously, if i could live under the same roof as my sisters for another minute it's a total miracle. Yes i'm still living with them but it's unbearable. When I say it's a miracle, it means to be able to bear with them and having no problems with them. I wish I could leave this place and I'm dead serious. But I don't know what's the problem. My mum just doesn't allows me to.

If you say I don't love them! That's absolutely! Nothing can be more true than that.

I just dislike their presence. I could go on holiday for like a week and not miss them, I've tried before so don't say wait till I try then I'll know, and I don't know why people would say they miss their noise! Holy shit! That's like.... NOT EVEN THE LAST THING ON EARTH I WOULD EVER DO.

Never proud of having them as sisters.

It's just a day that's a little usual than the others. Cause besides tuition I met up with sufen to do something that I never thought I would. Till now I still can't believe it. And I went shopping after that! Damn man! I just love shopping!

Bought 2 shades for 3 BUCKS EACH!!! Yes 3 bucks! one aviator shades, the other is a simple shade. A ring and pair of earrings!

Overall I just can't stop shopping! I spent like 80+ while I was on cruise.

And I've learn a lesson today. Never speak of anyone behind their back cause you never know you might just walk straight into them.

Totally a close shave! ",)

Finally school have started for most of the people surrounding me and everything seems to be back to normal. Holidays are over and so are all the relaxing moments. It's back to fighting and struggling hard for each new day.

And though for me, there's no struggling through to keep awake during lectures or trying hard to wake up for a day's work but work has just start to begin too. School has start which means I as a tutor must work double hard and start worrying for my students. And how to give the best to them.

The 3D2N cruise trip to Redang was good. It was definitely a time to rejuvenate before coming back for more obstacles with my students. It was a total getaway from the urban life and learning to appreciate the beauty of nature, that we have long forgotten about, once again. How vast is the sky? How the wind can give such a tranquil feeling? Leaving the uptight life that we have for just a little while was more than worthwhile. And the cute crews we met on board make it better than anything else! Even better than the food!

And definitely! The company has gotta be good! Good company = fun bitches! Singing, eating talking and simply enjoying! Was the whole point! The purpose on the cruise was probably forgotten by us.

But sadly we couldn't snorkeling due to unpredictable sea tides. And so we headed back on board for sleep and food.

And I will never forget how much audrey find it a drag to end this trip and the complains about starting school. Yes, all of the 3 bitches in my cabin has all return back to school. It wasn't a feeling of missing school or returning back to study. It was a thought of my future. What exactly do I want. Is this something that I really want? Or was it something else?

Is just as simple isn't it? Like a relationship between a guy and a girl. It's either you are friends or lovers. So what's with the status "It's complicated" in friendster? Each time I see "It's complicated", I just think it's funny. If you are single, it just means you are not attached even if there's some guy in your life. And vice-versa. You are attached means you are in a relationship. What's so difficult?Sometimes I really don't understand. Why make something that's so simple to be complicated.

Marriage that was supposed to be a lifetime matter has now become a matter that could last for as short as days? weeks? months? Something that was so sacredAs I see the people around, I wonder has the world become too open oram I still just too conservative.

Finally I'm settled down for some serious blogging. Entries has begun to decrease as days passed and laziness has taken over. Not much of anything to say. Even if I did, blogging would be a chore using my computer and it's troublesome to alternate between my laptop and the computer.

Life has been great, especially with so many people that adores me beside me. Suddenly I miss my aunt so much! Staying over at her house during the weekends has help to build a stronger bond! Spending more time with her to make up for the times that we have lost. And my mind seemed wholly taken up with reminiscences of the past. My rebel stage.

Almost every teenager of age 15-16 goes through a rebel stage, I'm not an exception. Forbidden fruit is always hard to resist. The stricter she is, the more I go against her. And it drew us quite far, well not sure for her. But to me, I feel that it was difficult to communicate and interact with her. Growing up in an environment that makes it diffcult to treat adults as friend when I'm really in need. Not even my mother. Even when that incident happen, I could hardly go to any of my family members for help. Except for my sisters. She knew I was sad and hurt, but I was to proud to admit that I was devasted.

But the stay overs has make me realise that, she's more than just an auntie. She's someone I can really communicate with, like a friend who's always there. I remember when I got rejected by ntu, I felt so lost. I called her and I just couldn't stop those tears.

What made me cried wasn't about the rejection, it was the voice coming out from the phone and the comforting words that I never thought she would say. And I realise how much disappointment I've brought to her and those years that I've wasted by just hoping that it would be like before.

I'm still pampered by her. The things that she gave me. I seriously thank God that He has sent someone like her beside me. And definitely happy with the reason why I move there. At this moment, I miss her and spending time with her. And she's sleeping alone at home now.

Talking about sleeping, I seriously have not seen someone who sleeps so fast at anywhere and anytime like her! But totally understand why.

Anyways it shall be more updates on my weekends.

Last friday I went back to SP to submit my passport and money. It feels abit weird to go but it's nice seeing the section again! And the new band room is darn cool! Stayed there till 730 ant I left for sengkang! Sorry peeps! I had to rush off to catch my last episode of the show! =)

But still it was nice seeing you guys! And we're gonna spend a few days together soon! Totally looking forward to it!

And I went shopping today and yesterday. But I only bought a top yesterday. And that's 20 bucks for you! And it's 401 bucks for you today! =)

I bought a mp3 and 2 pairs of shoes cause I really couldn't decide on which to buy since I like both. The 2 pairs of shoes cost $62.80! So it's definitely the mp3! So it's no shopping for this week and next week! It's saving week!

It's gonna be a success since I can't go anywhere on weekdays! And I'm glad that there's church during weekends.

Well basically it's just like that.

It's a lovely thursday afternoon. And finally it's just a day with only one tuition. I've done my morning work-out and feeling fantastic.

After this it would be breakfast-cum-lunch and then washing of my new clothes and old but new clothes. Well it's clothes that i've bought probably a year ago and left it there to collect dust. it's a habit already.

hmm... I wonder what I should have for lunch? should I have a wrap or should I cook my own udon? Everything seems nice cause I'm super hungry now.

Anyways life has been wonderful recently. I've stop sending resume anymore, cause I totally give up and I really hate office job. Besides my tuition schedules are already taking up almost all the time already. Except for monday, all my weekdays are kind of packed. And for me weekends are a no-no for any work!

I've been staying over at my aunt's place every weekend and I'm loving it. Though there isn't scv there but it's quiet and I can concentrate more reading my book, and besides there's vcd for me to survive on. I wish I could move over! But my mum would not allow that man! How am I gonna convince her. I shall use the keyboard as an excuse! =)

And who cares if there's no internet connection! Cause I simply don't need it anymore! Having a choice between peacefulness and internet and scv, I think it would be peace!

And shopping in Singapore is getting way too boring. I simply can't get anything and there's not much of a GREAT SINGAPORE SALES though it's the season. Probably it's the mood and I've not been going out. Good choice though.

Okies it's time for lunch!

Till then peeps!

Ok i did this test? How true? haha...

What's Your Shopping Style?

Jocelyn, you're an Annie!

Ka-ching, Ka-ching! We'd be willing to bet the cash register that you're a true shopping aficionado — an enthusiastic, almost-fanatical Addicted Annie. For you shopping isn't just fun, it's an obsession. You haunt the stores every weekend, always searching for the next "must have" for your closet or home. (Admit it — an awful lot of things fall into that "must have" category, don't they?) Not that there's anything wrong with that. Of all the vices out there, a shopping habit is a pretty harmless one, as long as you're not head-over-heels in debt because of it. A quick tip: Try to think of shopping as an activity, not a life mission, and you might even enjoy it a little more. Of course, as long as you're having fun and not busting the bank, we think you're in pretty good shape. Happy shopping!

Jocelyn, you're a Pro Shopper

Buyer beware. Maybe you've learned from experience or perhaps that's just the way you are, but it's clear that you're a savvy shopper who isn't afraid to shop around. Impulse purchases? Not your style.

From a pair of sneakers to a flat-screen TV to a jacket, you do your research before you buy. Knowing where to go to get what you want at a good price takes work. Whether you go around to different stores, test out the merchandise, compare prices, research on the Internet, or ask other people's opinions, you do what it takes to find the best buy. And that's why you're such a pro. Congrats!

Currently my mind is blank. Oh well not exactly blank. But within me there's this overwhelming joy and happiness that I can't describe. I'm just so happy.

Anyways I just finish watching singapore idol. Seriously to be able to get to the top 100 is already very good. And the courage they took really won my admiration. I mean I won't have the guts to do that and might even end up losing the chance of going further.

But sometimes I think you have the chance grab the chance and not screw it up. As a singaporean watching it, sometimes I feel ashamed. Why do people just get so lax after getting through the first stage and not try to work as a team. There's only one chance but took it as a joke.

I think it's something many of us need to learn, including myself. Anyways that's full-stop for Singapore Idol.

Well for the past few weekends I have been staying over at sengkang, my aunt's place. I like it there. Peace and quiet! Something I long for but can never get it at home. Seriously If I could move there I will! At least I get a room to myself. I can keep it neat and tidy! But my mum won't understand. Besides that I feel that my home is way too comfortable that it draws me away from God.

Ok I'm off!!

it's another fun day at school.

I think I have never enjoy as much as I did doing other work. Well I have not heard from aviva yet, so I guess it's out. What went wrong I really don't know. Most of the office job that I applied for and the interviews I went, they didn't get back to me. Probably God has better plans for me and waiting patiently and faithfully. Which is what I'm doing.

I have taken a nap but now I'm still so tired.

Okies that's all for today cause now I can't think of anything now.

Time now. 11.39pm! And I've gotta wake up at 6am tml!! ? Geez! When was the last time I woke up at that time. And I'm waking up at that time 'cause of my sister. I have to attend her school parents-teachers meeting! And it's all the way at clementi!

Well, that's life.

Let's see what went on today.

I went for relief teaching this morning. It's always like going for a battle each time they call me. Cause the greater challenge is to wake up at 7 and reach at 745am. But well I took the pri 5 class again. And I did the best thing ever today! Something that all students would dislike a relief teacher after doing it.

Ok I send 2 students to the discipline master. =D
But well I wasn't wrong. They were wrong to fight in class. Both of them were running around in class and disturbing each other. And right in front of my eyes the fellow took a METAL RULER to smack the the other fellow on his right side of the head, right at the ear! "PAK!"

That's it! I was angry and shocked. Not exactly angry. I just had to show some authority you see. The class got so quiet after that cause I really brought them down.

That was the sort of unhappy thing. But the best and happiest thing today was when I finished a class with 1A and walked pass 1B. Those kids just started crowding around me calling me "miss lee". Oh my so adorable! I can't wait to have my own kids! =D

You should really see them. Oh I miss them so much. I can't describe the kind of feeling to you. Unless you love kids and experience it. You will understand! The power of love! Just clean pure love! Naive! Innocent! Energetic!

One of them even show me her bruise on her forehead! Man! It hurts k! Poor her!

Okies I've better stop! Or else I'll just continue on!

Regret. That's the word for today!

I gave up something that I like for something I don't like! I gave up 65 bucks for an interview. Yes. I had an interview in the morning at 930am and at 7am the school called me for relief teaching. You know how much I wanted to say yes I want!!! But it was "I'm sorry, I can't make it."

I had never been so enthu. Sleeping at 3+, 4 and waking up at 7 and not the least feeling tired. And it's totally not a drag.

The interview went quite well but they say they will call me back. But well I'll just leave it to God and see His plans!

Finally after so long, I met up with shunli and mei! We had lunch and talk. I miss those times man.

After lunch they went back to their office. And me? haha... Of cause! Home to bath and sleep!

Well! It's photo blogging now!!!

I went over to my aunt's place last week, no I would go there every weekend. Anyways I discover something! Astonishing! And I couldn't stop laughing after seeing it! Cause it's just weird!! My aunt kept french loaf in her freezer. Here's a photo.

Oh and I found this really cute and super small chair at her house!

The other day I was watching tv and my mum was hanging the clothes to dry. And all of a sudden she called me to the kitchen urgely. I though it was something important. In the end she said, "Joy, joy! Lai gan! you yao guai!"

That's her "yao guai"! But honestly! It's her dressing and the colour of her hair.

My cousins!

The new band room which I think I will never have the privilege to use it since sweden trip is cancelled!


Applause for a handsome dude!! haha... My dad with my sister's aviator shades!! cool!

After slacking at home for so long and lazing my way through. I finally pack my cupboard! Man! you bet it was tiring. I realise I had so many clothes that I have never wore before.

My skirts, pants and jackets.

All my tops.

Hmm... Not that much after all. But I shall control! But Great Singapore Sales is coming soon!!

And finally Miss Audrey trying to act cute while I was sleeping causing I was so sleepy and We spend the whole day filming! Oh watch "Uncut" on Channel U! There's me!! And some of my dear percussionists!

That's for today! So long people! Till then! Take care!

Ok now the band is not going to sweden. Cause of inflation. So the whole price will go up to 2.7k!

yes it's sad... Very sad. This always happen but well money is always the factor. At least now I don't have to worry so much abt saving money for that trip. I can save for other purpose AND GREAT SINGAPORE SALES!!

Ok so I went for my second relief teaching at queenstown primary after Mrs Chan calling me at 7am in the morning and expecting me to reach at 7.45am.

Finally!! After so long! I manage to take a primary one class!! I've always wanted to take lower primary cause they are just too adorable!

But the only problem is this...

"Teacher, just now he go and beat."
"Teacher, just now he go and pinch her."
"Teacher, he took her bag."
"Teacher, just now he did this."

And it goes on and on... From my first lesson with them to the last lesson it was all the way like that.

And they even called me "MRS LEE"!!!

And I even have Mother's day present from two of them. Gosh.

But overall! I love what I'm doing!

I know it's funny but I love them to the bits! And I feel love by them. The closeness with them, kids that you have never seen before. I'm not sure if you can ever feel it. But you should.

First of all! Happy Mother's Day MUM!!! And to all the mothers!!!

Well the plan today was to bring my mum out for dinner at "xiang gang jie", but meiying had to work till 9. So eventually it was cancelled because of her! Damn. So we had to postpone it to tml and I hope I don't have to cancel tuition cause it wld means that I would take my pay later! Call me money face or what but i bloody hell need money now!

Anyways my mum is a happy lady now! You should see the look on her face when she open the present we gave her. Though it was not LV or Gucci but we can only afford Bonia now. But I'm just glad she love it! She's smiling from grin to grin! So long as she's happy, the price doesn't matters.

Cause if we were to calculate I think the amount of things and money that we, children, owe our parents are way more than all the gifts we buy for them. We can never finish re-paying them.

It was a nice weekend after all. Still looking for job cause of sweden trip. And ya it suddenly slipped my mind on what I wanted to say, cause I'm feeling sleepy and tired. And it's headache!

Oh yes! Mei! I miss you man!! Haven meet up with you after the exams?! Woah! Seesh! It's time for m to do some self-reflection! Maybe can arrange one day with you guys! =)

And singapore sales is coming!!!

Peace! ;)

For those who are schooling or working, today would be a wonderful day.

But for a wonderful jobless bitch like me, today is just useless in every way. I quite like my life now, but too bad. I'm living in this world. So I need a job. And I'm still searching for it. But when I went for my second interview yesterday, the interviewer asked me a question that set me thinking. Why am I applying for something that I don't like to do. I'm not interested in this.

And after my first relief teaching on wednesday, I just realise it that I'm actually really interested in pursuing my career in teaching. I lose my patience easily at home and sometimes to friends. But when I was in the class that day, I shouted many times at them to keep quiet but it didn't pissed me off till the max that I really feel like strangling them.

Though it was quite tired cause I slept at 2+ anf they called at 6.52am to ask me to reach queenstown primary at 7.45am! That's like almost impossible for a person like me.

But overall I did enjoyed! So I guess I know what I really really want. I guess it was a good experience for me and it's quite good money too. I've got 65 bucks just for 5.5hours. Though not anywhere better than tutoring. But at least I had the experience. I hope there's still more to come.

Well just got informed that due to the world cup this year, our ticket price for the flight increased by 300-400 bucks. Cause there is no space in the economic class so we had to take the business class. I'm still going cause 5 percussionist for Noah's ark is already crazy! So if I'm to back-out. I think everybody will just go crazy. And besides I'm a woman of my word. =)

Okies. Talking about woman. I have got something to say!

My fellow bitches and ladies!!! Stand up for yourself!! Be a woman!! Don't be TOO submissive to your boyfriend!! I mean he's not even your husband! I really can't stand woman who's so submissive to their boyfriends. Ok probably I have not met someone that I really really love or like! that I'll do anything!! But even if I did! If that guy is to accuse me of anything and still ask me to do something! Wake up your senses BOYS!! Hell no, I'm gonna do that! Dream on! And probably not even gonna happen in your whole entire damn life!

Ok getting a little too agitated! But I just feel that ladies you should stand up for yourself for whatever that is right! And not quietly do it!! Woman has pride as much as a man does. Submissive. yes. But to your husband but only for the right things and to a certain extent.

The weather outside is getting cloudy and dark. Seems like its gonna rain. And I've got tuition at 4.30pm and am not even bath! =D

The same old me who doesn't change.

Okies it's off to bath!

Lastly!! Ladies!! Be a bitch!!!

Some other random pics

It's totally driving me nuts now.

I have this feeling that I won't get the job at Harbourfront. But it's quite obvious isn't it? It's already going 3pm now. It just goes showing that I didn't get the job. I like the location. Maybe I was just too truthful during the interview.

This is total shit man! When u need money like freaking nobody's business, you just get stuck there. Maybe I should have just gone for interview for the finance assistant.

It's always my stupidity. Or perharps office job is not my kind of thing.

Just got my EPT resutls, I passed.

Well my next step is to appeal for NTU. But it only starts on 16 may. So i'll still have to wait!

Wait and wait! It's getting tiring and irritating!

I had mac for dinner, I walked home from Lengkok Bahru and I met a friend asking if I was feeling sad. But I didn't know I was troubled till I reached home. And in fact very troubled and very upset.

I can't explain it here cause no one might understand. I know " I won't understand if you don't say so." But if I did, the more you won't understand.

It's not pink, it's blue. Yes, blue it shall be.

No one knows how it's gonna go, only God.

I'm feeling rather tired and dizzy. Totally gonna knock off.

I'm still waiting for the job. They say they will call me tml, and I hope they will.

It's not gonna be easy.

Face it! The world is realistic!

The election has finally come to an end. 4 hours of waiting in front of the tv for results. Seeing some of them win by a big margin or a close shave and spoilt votes(people who doesn't have a mind of their own). It was PAP's sweet victory. But a victory with a feeling of threat and relief. And warning to be a better leader for the next 5 years.

And now I'm talking about politics?! what the hell.

Good night.

Ok I don't know where the hell I got this from, but I just found this from one of my draft.

"Friendship is never an accident. It is always the result of high intentions, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution. It represents the wise choice of many alternatives. "

Finally after sending so many resumes, I've got an interview tml.

yup sort of a "yeah".

But the contradicting thing is the position I applied for. It's accounts assistant.

You know I never had a thing for accounts and now I'm applying for that position. But well nice location. Habourfront.

Tml's interview is at 2pm. Let's see how it goes. Hopefully I get the job, money is the important factor now.

Sometimes I really hate this realistic world. You need money basically for everything!

Oh btw! Didn't manage to do so the past few days cause I was tired! Anyways Congrats aud!! You finally got to see sun yanzi! And not just that!! You shook her hand! I can so totally understand how you feel! You just want that moment to stop at that time!

Okies I've gotta go shit!

I have been sending resume since last week and I'm still sending.

I should have just took that job when they called me the other time. See this always happen.

And now? It's just sending and more sending. Seesh.

And there are not much jobs available today.

I'm seriously going insane!

Flu and headache! I just wanna bloody hell sleep now!

Oh man I'm feeling terrible. My body is aching. Having a bad flu. And something is churning in my stomach.

Overall I'm feeling terrible. worst than terrible. And I can't sleep.

It's labour day!!

But well not much of a diff for me cause I'm just rotting my days away. So this public holiday has no significance for me.

But well I met up with Jerm at Mr Bean. Food was not bad. And Jerm's bro gave us a treat! Thanx a million.

We chatted. We laughed our arse off. I like it. =)

Cause I can't laugh my hearts out at home.

Well anyways I parted with them and walked to Bugis from Paradiz centre. And suddenly it just rain so heavily. I got drenched despite having my umbrella. Got the bag changed and it was home.

I just wanted to go home and rest.

Well I met up with two crapster, Lj and Muru, yesterday. Man I missed them! Their actions are like one in a million in the section now.

We headed t o 85. Good food there but I didn't had much.

And gosh. Mount faber have changed so much over the years! It's such a bloody sweet place. Nice.

In the beginning when God created the world, He created man for woman and woman for man.

It was never man for man nor woman for woman. It's wrong. And it's even worst if he/she is a christian. You know it, yet you fall into it.

And the worse thing is that someone knows that it is wrong yet didn't even say or stand up for the truth.

I'm not discriminating homosexuals.

It's my point of view.

So even if any passerby drop by and tag. Go ahead. In any case, there isn't a single sentece that say I discriminate them.

I basically going bogus after mass sending so many resumes!! My eyes are tired and I'm beginning to be not so sure about what I'm looking for.

This is crazy man!

My eyes are so damn tired and I feel like sleeping again. shyts!

I need a break!

Suddenly I thought to myself.

What's life?

To work or to study?

Am I blessed or not? I question.

I don't know if it's acting up again or it is that way.

Somehow insomia is back to haunt me!

I just can't get to sleep. I'm tired but I had to force.

Anyways I'm feelin g all so bloated now. I wanna shit but I can't! And it's only burps and FARTS!! POOOOOO!!!!!!!

Ok after a whole day of not eating well and trying hard to control my sinful craving. I ate half a bar of crunchie!

argh! shyts!

So it's more skipping, sit-ups and work outs!!!

It's time for a serious diet! Real one! Gosh.

Why can't human just dump those stupid cravings?! Especially when you're in a super duper bad mood!

I'm almost driving myself crazy by forcing myself to go on a diet! And trying to persuade myself that mircales would just happen after a day of work-outs!

Yes I'm the kind who wants results almost immdiately! And I don't wanna spend money on diet pills or slimming programmes. Cause you just have to keep going back for almost the rest of your life~!

So unless I'm rich! Just drop the whole damn idea!

Ok I think I ever mention how much I hated office jobs after my itp at vickers! How disgusting it is? And boring to the max! I would rather get retain in SP for 10 over years! okies I'm joking.

But the funny thing is that I just send out a couple of resume this afternoon~

What to do? Staying home just makes you feel useless.

Man. I really wanna go on a holiday! I long for a holiday with my bitches! But in the eyes of parents you are always still a kid! but maybe next year! Cause I'm going sweden in like 8 weeks time and at the end of the year I might be going to Thailand!

Will plan for trips next year too!

But now it's plans for my future first. I've yet to submit my application for the dip in education. Cause MOE application matter just sucks. I'll just try again with the cca part tml.

I'm not really sure with my decision yet. But I'll just leave it to God. Submit it first, if I'm accepted then it's for me. If not, I'll just look for other things.

Where next?

Left,right or front? any way but not back.

I'm at the crossroad now. I don't know where to head yet.

I'm confused. Lost.

I asked many for advice and talked to Nei about this. I guess I have to really think carefully and where is my interest.

For now it's bedtime I hope.

Looking at my plate of fruits(kiwi,papaya and dragonfruit), I feel guilty and sad.

Guilty cause the plate of fruits was specially cut for me by my mum. I was bathing and when I came out I saw the plate of fruits nicely placed on the plate. I just hated myself. I think back about the way I treat her. I realise that no matter how heated the argument is between she and me, I can't bring myself to hate her.

I think it's her way of showing concern cause I just told her about the rejection letter I got from NTU. yes I got rejected. Ok I wouldn't deny that I'm upset when I finally confirm things and I did cried a little. Just tears in my eyes.

As usual I called my aunt to tell her about it. I cried like mad! It wasn't about the rejection letter. But it's about telling her the news. When I got my O's results, I cried too when I called her. Anything regarding academic, I would always cry whenever I tell her.

But anyways life still has to go on. I'm looking for other alternatives now. Diploma in education. I'm starting to think if this is what I really wanna do. Or rather what does God wants me to do.

On sat, before I receive the letter I actually went to this website. it's the hillsong international leadership college.

I'm not exactly very sure. But what I know is that I need to look for a job quickly. I can't continue staying home like that. It's either I go help my mum and I've got to look for schools.

6.33am, where frustration and sadness were just one thin fine line
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9.38pm, where the peace starts to set in but the lost sheep is just filled with despair.

outing with my "bitches"

Okies won't call them my bitches or maybe I shouldn't! My brothers then.
Yup I met up with ruben,halim and kar heng on sunday cause they wanted to get some stuffs from mustafa. The initial plan was BMW (bus, mrt and walk) but thank God it rain so ruben drove. =D

Met up with halim at Bugis and after an hour of shopping we headed to Little India.

I was craving for indian food the night before. And It was so coincidently that halim was craving for it too!

And so dinner was settled at a indian restaurant called Anjappar something! I had my FIRST traditional indian food~!

Took some photos while waiting.

This self-to-claim handsome guy is ruben! Besides andrew, he's the second person who does that.

Halim! Who got molested at mustafa centre by a bulgarla! He felt super depressed! And the rest of us? Just couldn't stop laughing! Now I know what kind of person he attract!
I should have just took a photo of his expression at that moment! When he came running to me. "JOCELYN!! Wo bei mo le!!"
And it's just hahahaha...

I don't know why that thing on his hand but that's kar heng!

And the usual me who doesn't like to take photo when ruben tries to.

In the end I decided to just let him take a side view of me!

Ok this was what I ordered! Anjappar popular non-veg something. It was fab man! The curry was woah! Hot and spicy! just the kind I like. And I didn't know there was actually a way to eat the whole thing! There were 4 kinds of curry and I had to follow the tradition!

And like I say! Since we are having traditional indian food! We should just all go tradition! I decided to eat with my fingers! Since the girl is already using her hands! the guys can't lose out! They dumped their forks and spoons!

Look at that man! I bet it was totally obscene! But who cares! I enjoyed! you should try! And I mean the traditional way! oh btw! Kar heng and I were the only chinese there!

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This is a test post from Photobucket.com

Got back home like an hour ago... Finally I'm done with shower and everything. Just came back home from mustafa centre.

Shall update tml cause I'm pretty tired after the whole day of outing and laughing with the "bitches"!

=D

so in the end the cycling session was cancelled cause there were dark clouds and it was almost gonna rain.

End up from going to sentosa we ended up at town! =)

but it didn't rain in the end! We should have just went on with the plan! Cause ruben msg me to say I could take sky tower for free!! ugh. So sad! but after hearing what my sis has said! I think I can just jolly well give up the idea of sitting!

My legs would even give way when I'm at the 3rd storey of PS?! I can never walk near the glass panel! It has gotta be the inside path! So I might as well just forget it! Or maybe I would just go sit for the fun of having fun?!

I'm never gonna overcome my phobia of heights! Never in the past, not now and probably not even in future! Oh probably I did overcome it the other time. But it was taken away. So the old fears are back together with new fears.

Anyways we went to town, and I sort of didn't shop? why sort of? cause I bought 2 pairs of black ball earrings!

oh! I saw 2 bags from CK tangs! And I don't care! I'm getting it! That's it!

And I had a sinful indulgence today! I had fried mars bar! But it was a total fab! And we went to "spize" for dinner. we had prata, I had nasi padprik, a plate of baby kailian, basket of fries and tom yam soup!

So concluded! I'm gonna put on weight! But I'm just glad that there's such a thing call skipping! So it's gonna be extra sit-ups and skipping!

once again I'm eating like a stupid darn pig! I've been eating lots and lots...

I just finished a pack of mee pok dry, oh well with a little leftovers, and now i'm eating a pack of pumpkin cake! =D

And I have not poo yet since ytd cause it's not coming out! And I feel so oh-so-bloated now.

Oh wait! My poo-poo seems to have heard me, I think I'll have to let poo-poo out soon.

Done with pumpkin! It's my recent crave! I can simply have another one. But there needs to be some control there.

Oops excuse me! I just burped! ;)

okies well anyways it was good friday yesterday, went to church in the morning. Wanted to go visit my grandma's grave but it was raining cats and dogs! So we had no choice but to postpone it to sunday. And I left my stalk of daisy at church cause I was too lazy to bring it with me cause I was going out.

So my aunt, pastor, sisters and I headed to crystal jade for lunch... Woah we had lots of food and I had my bowl of wanton noodles! haha... we had dimsum... can't remember all their names but there were altogether 7 items and 3 on each plate... so imagine 5 pple and we each had a main course.

But I ate the most but I wasn't filling full! haha... But well I had to stop cause I hate the feeling of reaching the brink!

Seems like the weather is kind of good today, just hope it doesn't rain! Cause i'm going cycling.

I went jogging the other night! It was totally taking my life! I hate jogging to the max!! Totally to the max! I can't motivate myself to run! But I can motivate myself to swim more laps and skip like 1000 times or more a day!

we jogged from our house to ikea, not too far, but I'm glad we made it! The feeling was fab!

But still jogging is definitely not an exercise that I would stick to! Skipping is better!

I took a little break cause poo-poo has to come out.

Now I'm feeling abit sleepy.

Oh ok I think my shopping habits are coming back soon. I was being forced to go out by my cousin's gf and sister the other day. And I bought a skirt, a jacket, a ring and 2 tops! But one of them was for my aunt! see I'm such a nice biatch.

And yesterday I bought a pair of black sneakers! Finally! From converse $30! It was cheap cause the converse at bugis is closing down so it's having a sales! Better go grab it before it closes k! My sneaker cost $60 initially. So it's a good grab.

See the reason why I try to coop myself at home all these while. I just had to cause I can't shop! And I DEFINITELY CAN'T window shop!! So staying home is the best decision! Considering the fact that I already have lots of stocks at home.

As I always thought, I just feel my sisters are incompetent. It's not that I looked down on them. After all I'm not that perfect. But the things they do always prove that they are the way I thought they were.

And it's up to the point whereby I really look down on them and I don't feel proud having sisters like them.

I can't seem to find anything good to talk about them or tell others about them. All I can ever say is the bad things they do. I could even use them for my oral questions the other day! My sister is like that and I'm gonna be a teacher!

Goodness gracious me! Kill me man!

I think it's high time that maybe they should start thinking with their ass,the most!

Finally I'm photo blogging again! I have not done it for ages!! Cause I'm simply too lazy!! And these were taken during the chalet! And it was time for revenge after waiting for about 2 years!! And it's specially plan for you my dear jermaine!

Prepartion for the big time!! The thing below the blanket is a big box! It's her present! We are sort of decorating it!

A big baby?

I think more like a big crook! =D

Look at her!

Look what we did to Jerm? And I look retarded here!

You look gorgeous! haha...

In the end we were drenched and flouredtoo! But not as bad as her!

And look at her expression! Told ya she will love it!

Photos are always deceiving!

And I was defending myself!! I don't lie! Though I look evil here...

We had the fun and laughter. We stil had to clear it... Look at Mar n Jerm and you see how clean I am!

Hiding from us?!

Finally clean! It took us quite awhile to get clean! We had to wash hair for each other!

Signing off with wibowo's butt! Which I promise to make famous! =)

I didn't take the photo! ruiming send it to me from his cam!

Finally the sleepy me had just enough rest after the chalet and my pimples are "going away" soon! That's the thing which I like best! Turned in rather early yesterday cause I'm simply too tired... Fell asleep while watching tv.

And I had a good sleep till morning and the best thing is that it was raining heavily outside.

chalet was rather ok... Good to catch up with some of them... Though I was quite unhappy with somethings but still I guess I had more fun.

07/04
It was check-in day. I woke up at about 10+ to pack my bag, then buy stuffs like charcoal, thongs and etc. and then had to marinate the chicken and stingray. Then it was packing and packing. Waited for marilyn and kenneth to help out. Was shocked that kenneth actually came to offer help. But still it was good to have him around to help cause there were too many things for us to carry.

Well, I had worse experience before! So it's nothing far worse than the other time.

We were suppose to check in before 2.30pm but we were late... Finally got the keys but the work didn't end there! Had to unpack, make ice and preapare water bombs!! haha...

And you know what, from 3+ to 7+ there were only ken, mar and me at the chalet! How terrible is that man! So pathetic! And we were like 3 hungry cats waiting for people and thinking of food. And we had to keep checking with Jerm what time she were be reaching!! Finally we walked out to downtown east to get dinner!!

oh ya!! Jerm you know how difficult it was to plan this celebration for you! Plan so nicely then last min she said her talk is cancelled!!I freaked out man! Now everything has to change. buy cake and delay her from coming too early! Woah... It was so exciting! haha...

And when the time came! We got all so wet and dirty!! Flour everywhere and we were like some fools running around with everybody from other chalets looking at us. And there was this little boy there! He and his sister kept making so much noise that we really couldn't stand him but he was so cute!

But after the fun, we had to clean up the place! It took us a long time to clear up the place. We finally washed up and it was time to cut the cake and give Jerm her present!

Hope you like it!! Though it's quite stupid! But it's practical!

And we slept after that! Can u imagine! We slept!! We didn't even go for night cycling! Everybody was tired!

08/04
Just BBQ night, had a little fun but also a little complain from myself. But since it's over, don't wanna mention about it. Some of us went for a little walk at Pasir ris park, and ya the same old me is the timid me. And jerm,halim,karheng and I slept at the lobby... While ruben and weichiang did some man talking!! haha...

09/04
we left super duper early like 7+ cause we simply couldn't take it... we were all so sleepy! So I left the checking-out responsibility to ken! oh right! they just can't stop saying booking-out! is that pre-army signs?!

It's CHECKING-OUT!! NOT BOOKING-OUT!! FOR GOD SAKE!

I came home and sleep, didn't even go to church cause I was tired and not feeling well. Sleep, woke up and eat then sleep. Then wake up, bath, eat then sleep again! It's just basically this few things!!

10/04
And here comes the important day! It was my english proficiency test!! Reached there at 9.15am.... And waited to like 12 then I finally took my oral! I didn't know I had the patience man! so some of them fell asleep while waiting at the auditorium! Thank God I brought a book! Oral was easy, the question was "compare when you were in school, are children less discipline now?"

Then at 2 it was the written paper. Quite manageable... Now I have to wait for one month for the results! Long wait but well I hope everything goes on well.

Oh ruben recommended a job to me! at sentosa... But I'm not sure if I wanna do it or not... but I guess I can't do it... The pay is $5.40 per hour! oh man! goodness gracious! It's worse than me giving tuition!

But I need the money badly!! For sweden!!! haiz... money matters! Forever a headache!

and I have not pack my bag since I got back from chalet! But i've already taken out all my dirty clothes to wash when I came back on sunday!! I'm not that dirty k!!!!!

okies man... That's all to blog!

That's it for a day... 24 hours is soon gonna passed just like that. It's gonna be friday again tml. And what did I do the whole day??

I woke up had my breakfast and then started to rot till like late noon... Headed to NTUC to buy the bbq food. And it was freaking hell raining! Bought lots of food for them. Thank God there was mailina who offer to help me or else I would not have manage it alone. It was like darn heavy la!

Well I spent like a total of almost 300 bucks for this chalet!! it's gonna be over that amount after tml... cause there are still other things to buy!! Haiz... so many things to do man!

I still have to wake up super early to buy the stuff and marinate the chicken... ugh! I just don't wanna hear any complains... I hope not man... I'm not in the mood for such things.

The chalet is tml already and I'm not looking forward to it for some reasons...

I really wonder sometimes how do old people know that their time are gonna be up soon. And I recall one incident about my grandma. There was this once when Jess's mum stay over at my house when she came back from perth. There was this afternoon she went out and came back shortly after that. And on that very night, something happen to my grandma. Her blood pressure was too low and she couldn't react. After awhile she recovered and she said she knew something would happen when my aunt went out and came home after that.

That was the period of time when she went in and out of hosipital...

It's just so sad to know that you are gonna leave your loved ones soon. I know she will be home but sometimes I still miss her lots...

Ok I forgot to blog about this incident which I saw yesterday when I accompanied jerm to see a doc. And it makes me realise that I can't be a nurse and definitely not a doctor.

We were chatting happily on the bench and then we saw a lady's knee and leg bleeding... now that's not the point. The point is that she fell down and she's PREGNANT! 9 MONTHS PREGNANT!! Ok I overheard the conversation between her and the clinlic nurse!!

We stood up and offer our seats to her and after awhile I realise my legs turned wobbly! It wasn't the blood... It was the thought of a pregnant lady faling down... I couldn't take a 3rd look again. I just had to look away.

Pregnant ladies please do take care of yourself!!

For some reasons i'm feeling stressed up... I'm having a headache despite the more than sufficient... I've so many things running through my mind.

For whatever reasons, don't guess... That would be it.

Anyways I accompanied my dear jermaine to a doctor just now... she got involved in a minor Car accident... No blood all over the face or body, just some bruises.

WARNING! Even if the driver is a safe driver, always have your seat belts on!! Caue you never know what's gonna happen! Just put the damn seat belts on won't kill right! Or used up too much of your energy!

Thank God it's just a really small and minor accident. I won't want to lose a listening ear, a pillar of strength and a friend of a lifetime! =D

Chalets is in like 2 days time but i'm not sure about me being in the right condition to be present for it. But I have to be there no matter how. I've got to keep those reluctance into my pockets and sew it up for the time being.

I know I'm gonna miss lots of fun if i don't go... But I really am not in the mood to be with crowds, to socialise around. I just wanna be alone.

Sometimes I wonder, does people really think i'm capable of doing the job or it's because it's a shitty job. That's why they throw it to me.

And I don't really understand why does everybody says that everybody listens to me. Marilyn says so... anton and ruiming said so... Am I that fierce?

Oh no... anton say they respect me. ruiming says I'm respectable.

Well it's not too bad to be respectable but it sounds abit old. but................ I think it's not that bad.

hmm... respectable. Do i hold such a position in people's eyes?

I often thought to myself and look back to my life. I never felt that I did something fulfilling in my whole damn life. Or at least things that I'm proud of.

oh well if taking the courage to take part in bandedge and sing in front of so many people is one... then it would be one.