What a waste of my time I would say.

I could be spending my time on more meaningful things.

Am back in the office for sytem testing. And the system is not responding. Here I am sitting here doing nothing. Just surfing net. I could do that back at home in the comfort of my bed. Not here. And I have to be back with the worst colleague ever. No one to talk to.

Bf's and his mum purchased tics for "New moon". Bought mine as well. Now they are watching it. Show started at 3.50. It's 4:41pm now. I think the tic is gonna go wasted. Damn it.

Anyways it's Dec. Finally! Can't wait for X'mas to be here! Simply heart X'mas. But hate the part whereby I have to crack my mind thinking what pressie to get for friends. But I just love the joy. 2009 is ending 26 more days. Gotta come up with a list to Thank God for the year. It may not have been smooth sailing but He gave strength.

Just like this job. Since Oct, it's been crazy. Everything at work was piling up. Everything went wrong with the separation and new a/cs set up. And it definitely had a direct impact on my team. Many of the discrepancy in recon was the "wonderful" work of ours. Working till 1-2am, no matter if I start work at 9am or 1pm.

It could be avoided. But it wasn't well planned. Having bad management was bad enough. A lousy direct boss makes it worse. And sometimes co-workers in HK have to drag you down into hell. I'm running out of energy and maybe passion to make things work out well. I no longer wanna give a 100% for this job anymore. I make dislike my job in the past but I'll give my all and put it all the effort even if it takes to stay a little later. I can only conclude. ENOUGH is ENOUGH!

Waiting for the end of year review first. See how it goes. I think I need a break from work for the time being. Have gotta start saving from now on.

BUT! Am so in the mood for the best therapy in the world! Shopping!

De-stress is the word.

Hope this crap end really soon. Don't wanna be stuck here anymore.

I black out again.

But this time round it's different. I feared. I was afraid. I actually cried when i regain consciousness.

Just glad am fine.

Am on 4 days sick leave. Gonna have ample rest before heading back to work next week.

Are these worthwhile at all?

It's the question that pop in my head when I was taking my shower after 16hours of work. And previous day I spent 17hours in the office as well. But all my efforts worthwhile. Depsite trying my best and making sure things flow well. Despite that things are not within my control, it's still my fault.

Being blame for not sending out the payment. Not urging.

Did you see me making many calls? Did u hear me urging them? But there's nothing I could do. It's not my control.

And words are put into my mouth.

I'm wondering. I've tried my best and I'm satisfied. But why ask so much?

I just feel like swearing. I miss the bf. Wanna talk to him. Tell him all the problems I had for the day. He's sleeping at home now. Tml is his P.O.P. Finally after 3 months, I can talk and msg him anytime. And his comforting hug.

It's getting late. Time to sleep. Thank God am on 1/2 day tml.

17 hours

Just got back fro work not long ago. yea am not kidding. Left at 2am.

It's been a rough day. Super pissed with my colleague. Seriously so what it's her last day. I've never seen such irreponsible people. To think she's older than me. She still have the cheek to msg me to say she's sorry. Come on if it wasn't for her dilly-dally-ness. I won't have to leave so late and miss out my tuition session with my student for her Emaths O's tml.

Anyways she has left. No more working with her. I shld be glad.

Wanted to head to bed. But I'm so hungry and I definitely can't head to bed with a hungry stomach. It'll be tossing on the bed. Thank God mum cooked if not i'll be stuck with bread again. Breakfast-bread. Lunch-Sandwich. I'm gonna be so afraid of bread soon. It's not just today.

Gonna play some game before I head to bed. Gotta reach work early tml.

Work was like a nightmare this week! And I can only say... Thank God weekends are here! Was on dubai shift from 1pm till 10pm but without fail for the past 5 days I have been knocking off after 12 not to clear dubai stuff but HK stuff.

All the changes are affecting our work somehow or another. And for the past few days, I've become a help desk, query desk and hotline services. Many screw ups at work. Unexplainable and ridiculous shit happens. If I was the customer, I would have been pissed and lodge a complaint.

It's just scary how time just ticks away without my knowing. And before I know there's not much soul at Raffles place anymore. Just cabbies forming queues in hope for a customer to hop on.

It's tiring and draining. And I think I'm pretty stressed up. Or probably my brain had worked too much. There was 1 night I msg my boss to tell her that there's a mistake and she has to help me amend it in the morning. Msg was sent at 3am in the morning. It just came to me when I was about to fall asleep. Overload by work.

O's are coming soon. I'm worried. Have not been able to spend time with my student to clear their doubts. 6 years of tutor-student relationship or maybe I would prefer to call it friendship is gonna end soon. It was nice teaching this sweet little kids since I was 16. They have grown. I did as well. Physically and mindset.

It's 4:37am. Time to sleep. Gonna be a long day tml. Gotta collect my regalia and tickets for Convo. And I hope for a little shopping spree over the weekends! With the bf! =)

Coming back to work on a sunday is definitely not so pleasant.

When everybody else is getting ready to head off for shopping and enjoy the last bit of weekends before monday comes. I was preparing to come to work right after church.

Everything is just messy. Volume is low but there's so much problem to deal with esp. the system.

It's driving me crazy till I realise that I asked a stupid qns!

Gosh... it's another 1 hr more till knock off.

My sunday just went wasted like that.

I can't sleep tonight.

There's an unexplain excitement within me. The cause of it, I don't know.

Anyways we have started supporting dubai and it's been busy. Have to cover 2 persons job in the morning. Just so many things to do. And I wanna head to the gym. Have a good workout routine. Tone up more! Thought of signing up for PT.

My mind has suddenly gone blank. Heading to bed.

Night!

Just a few days ago i was pent up with immense frustation and bitterness. Everything just seem bad. I was not happy at all. Just felt like crying my heart out. Matter of fact. I hate it. I don't like to be crying cause it makes me feel weak. Esp. when I'm crying for no reason at all. Crying feels good though.

But these few days things got a little better. I'm happier. Even when I'm feeling tired and sleepy, I was happy. It was overwhelming. It's flooding within me. I guess things do really change when you see it from another point of view. When you start the day by leaving to the big Guy up there. He makes things more colourful though shit happens at work sometimes.

I'm sure God has his plans for me. And the things I have will be sufficient in my life.

Another colleague left ytd.

He came to bid goodbye last night. He took that leap of faith cause he's not happy here and some other factors. Quit without a job 'cause he believe God will provide a way.

But I heard otherwise this morning. Not sure what's the truth but if he's happier leaving then go ahead. I'm always happy when people leave this place. =)

He must be enjoying at home now. Especially with such a weather, lazing is the best.

Anyways when he bid goodbye ytd, he made a such comment while we were talking.

"Hi, i'm here to say goodbye, it's my last day. Though you look very stern most of the time but you're actually very nice. "

Do I?

I'm back I'm back!!

Changing my focus has brought happiness in my life.

I hate the me that cried so much the last few days. Feel so useless and vulnerable.

After that incident, crying was so tough until the bf came into my life. Though I still don't cry much, but i'll only allow tears to drop in front of him and no one else.

But anyhow spending time with God makes a big difference. I need to give more time to God. I'm losing that part out soon. So preoccupied with the things in my life, the busy work life, that I almost forgot my strength provider.

Verse of the day:

"Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near."
Isa 55:6

Short weekend

Weekend is coming to an end once again. It's the draggy monday soon. It's been a rather rough week for me. I'm experiencing roller-coaster emotions which I have not had in a long long time. Like I say. I just wanna hide for a while.

"Maybe we should not meet tonight. Let's see each other tml instead?"

Those were the words that I sms the bf on friday and I regretted it 'cause last min he had to stay in camp. We only got hold of each other for an hr when he came back for a little while to check on me. On Sat we only manage to saw each other from evening onwards. Had a mini mid-autumn celebration in church. Headed out for midnight movies with Andy and my sister, Meichan when the bf went home to pick up the car.

Choice of movie: Surrogates

"People are living their lives remotely from the safety of their own homes via robotic surrogates -- sexy, physically perfect mechanical representations of themselves. It's an ideal world where crime, pain, fear and consequences don't exist. When the first murder in years jolts this utopia, FBI agent Greer (Willis) discovers a vast conspiracy behind the surrogate phenomenon and must abandon his own surrogate, risking his life to unravel the mystery. Written by Touchstone Pictures"

Quite a good show. But somehow as I was watching it I just felt that technology might just get a little way too scary. People operating their surrogates from home and they can even choose how they look like. Which means the surrogates looked different from the real human and since this is possible, a man can have a sexy female surrogate. In the world of surrogacy, it's perfect. Man has the perfect wife, no one ages. But isn't it scary? How about the human touch? It's gone. People lose their identity, laziness sets in, the world is seen from the eyes of the surrogates. The real human love is gone.

I hope technology has not gone that far to make this happen. God's beautiful nature will be neglected.

Anyhow after the movie, spent the night at his place. It turned out to be a long night. The eyes got tired and we just slept holding hands. Without saying a word. I felt like crap when I woke up this morning. I was sleepy. But the night passed too fast. I was still thinking about what I said last night, I wished time could just go back.

Well on a happy note, my aunt brought my niece, Jemmima, to church today. She's such a dear. Seeing her just makes everybody smile. I wanted to hug and cuddle her so tightly when she ran all the way to me and said these words. "I love you!"

"Awwwww..." That was just so sweet. A very sincere "I love you". Tell me. How many times do you mean it when you say it?? I gave her a big hug and a "I love you too."

Through out the whole week, this afternoon was the only time that I really smile and forgot about the burden. The innocence of kids. Their world is just so simple. She made my day by giving me one last hug and goodbye kiss before we parted.

Less than 24 hours, I spent with the bf this weekend. Dinner was fast and he had to head back to camp already. It's hard to even say "see you" and "take care". The words just choked on me. Especially at this point of time. 26 more days to his P.O.P.

It'll passed fast enough.

I guess I've lost focus on where my strength should come from. I've been drifting apart. It's time to search back and look at the main focus.

Hebrews 12:1-3

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Nothing much.

Sick. Having gastric flu.

Period. Gonna rest.

The floodgates

Have I reached the limit?

Seriously I don't know. It's been tough going by each day this week. Since monday I was feeling down. Ain't I supposed to be happy after birthday celebration. But what's wrong? What's bringing me down. Down to the bottom of the valley. Suddenly I seemed to have dropped into a cave. So dark with no exit or a ray of light.

I just need to let it out but there's no way out. My job has become more than a burden to me.

Finally today I couldn't help it, the floodgates open. Everything is just not right from the time I woke up to shower. Work was not good. Made a mistake. AGAIN. That's it. I wanted so much to break down at that moment. Go to the toilet to cry. Pick up the phone to give the bf a ring. But I couldn't 'cause he was in camp. And I didn't allow myself to get off my seat to hide in the toilet to cry. 'Cause that's not the person I wanna be. I sat there and controlled the tears that was about to roll down. I fought it. To the end of the day.

now i'm feeling so restless. Am on leave tml. Need it. I need some time alone. Just wanna be all alone. Not sure of the plans tml. Either head out shopping alone or just hide under the blankie.

Tired. Ciaoz peeps!

I wonder if it's the sadness after the happiness. I was feeling shitty today. Woke up and realise it's one of those days that work is such a bitch. But you'll have to drag yourself to FACE it. I just wanted to hide myself, kept to myself. Don't wanna talk or say anything much to anyone if necessary. Even calls rec'd from HK was answered with not much enthusiasm. A voiceless day I would call it.

Wanted to be alone for lunch as well. Decided that instead of sitting in the pantry, I shall just head out for some fresh air and open a UOB a/c. So second half of the day was better, after a cup of hot choc and 1/2 size sandwich. Felt so much better.

Anyways weekends were great! Friday was a pampering day for myself. Finally no more OTs on birthdays after 3 years in this Co. Headed to gym and spa after that. Gathering with the SP percussionist was FAB! But the dinner was awful. We'll supposed to head to Astons for dinner but it was too packed and so settled for New York, New York. Had to make it up with a carrot cake and green tea frapp. @ starbucks. Got my capitaland vouchers from them! and jazz cd from LJ and Doreen.

And Saturday I was with the bf from day to night. Lovely. Miss those time. Woke up for breakfast with his mum and it was just slacking at home with the TV and lappy. Headed to Tanah Merah country club for my niece 3 years old birthday from 2-6pm. Boy! you bet there were lots of children. Kids kingdom eh. Re-lived your childhood once again. Photo of my cousins with the little birthday girl.


And of 'cause after her celebration it was my time to celebrate with the bf! We headed to ION Orchard so that I can use my vouchers. Saw a couple of things the other day but it didn't end up being mine. Figured that I might find nicer stuff around. Anyways it was not a two-some outing that day. Called Jerm along as well! It's been a long time since I last shopped with her. Though not much time was spent on shopping. We had dinner at 'The Imperial Kitchen' and spent a whole load of time chatting away and enjoying our food! I think I need to start learning how to speak Cantonese. Not sure how long we spent inside the restaurant but everywhere was almost closing when we finished. Did some last minute shopping before heading to No. 5 at Emerald hill. 1 for 1 martini. It was chatting time once again. We had so much to talk about but Jerm forgot to bring my camera and there was NO photos of that outing. damnit!

But anyhow thanks for the watch Jerm!

Bf got me a Braun Buffel key pouch. I know he wanted to give me a surprise by giving me something else. Thank you for putting in the effort to head to Haji lane to look for something nice though you couldn't find any. I remember Ligen saying. Luckily he bought you the key pouch, what if he had gotten something that doesn't suit you. My answer to him was.... "My bf always gets the right thing for me, he knows what suits me best and always have an eye for the best things given to me." =)

But weekends have to go by so quickly and it's only tuesday tml. Stepping into October soon. And shift work is starting soon. Work always makes things worse!

Bought another book by Tess Gerritsen, "The Mephisto Club". It's reading time.

Ciaoz!

Twenty-three

I'm turning 23 in another 27mins time. Hmmm... how does it feel??

Twenty-three. 11 alphabets, 3 syllabus. Few letters, short and sweet. But it's 23 years of bittersweet. What an interesting journey through out my 22. Wonder how's the 23 journey gonna be like.

Oh well not much feeling to it. Just 1 year wiser. The more pleasant way to say it. To be more frank and blant, it's just 1 year older. Maybe when the number in front turn "3", I'll probably see it differently.

Nothing special. Not much wishes. Just want a quiet and peaceful birthday. And NO MORE OTs! Am on 1/2 day tml. Gonna head to the gym after work, spa and then dinner with the percussionists. What a relaxing day huh. Enjoy life? I need that.

Must be wondering where does the bf fit in?

We will be heading to Amber Hill on Sat night. Will update more.

Time to sleep! Ciaoz! =)

Pissed

I really feel like screaming!! Someone is getting on my nerves! I'm settling this freaking not-a-problem issue tml! Jocelyn is not gonna be Ms Nice TML!!

First of all, Selemat Hari Raya to my malay friends. Though I don't have that many but still it's still ya day.

So how did you spend the long precious weekend? Hope it was good and fulfilling. Sleeping till the late afternoon and just simply do nothing but laze around. Hmm... remind me of someone. Tian Ligen. Hell of a slacker!

Probably when you were still sleeping soundly and in lala land, I was preparing to head back to work. yea... that's how I spent my monday. At work. HK wasn't having holiday so I had to go back. If not I would really love to spend some time with the bf. Just cuddly and snuggling together. Lazing around at his place. He is such a dear. Despite sleeping so late last night and being tired, he would rather give up his morning sleep to drive me to work. Picking up breakfast from the 24-hr drive thru Mac at Cecil St. All so that I could just sleep that extra 30mins. I allow him to do so in exchange that he promise he'll sleep once he got back. But instead he went for breakfast with his parents. There goes his sleep. BUT! I can feel your EXTRA TLC! =)

At work I couldn't help but keep thinking about the things I could have done with him, if I wasn't at work authorising payments. At the same time, I was praying hard that we will not end late, in order to have dinner with him before he book in to camp. Thank God I was done at 6.30 and 7 bucks cab was all worthwhile. Just to catch hold of some time tgt and a tight hug before we leave the house and couldn't even hold his finger when he's with his uniform on.

I'm glad we spent the whole sunday afternoon together. From lunch to window shopping at Suntec and ION then to burger king for dinner and finally "The ugly truth". I enjoyed every single moment together. It has been a long time since we spent time like that together. I'm just too busy all the time that I've neglected him but he just understands though he always say "please". And I would give him a stare that disappoints him. So I guess and I'm sure, he love the time spent yesterday.

You know it's just so comforting to know that someone understand you so much that before you take a breathe to speak he already know what you want. Someone who can take your busy schedule. Gives small little surprises that you would have already guess his intention even before it happen. haha...

I'm tired but am smiling just by the thought of it. Making me a 1/4 awake despite my tired mind. And that silly boy bought my birthday present 'cause he's afraid that I might get the key pouch to pamper myself on my birthday.

I finish at around 9 again. Gosh i'm feeling so tired. Need some time to relax.

Planning for sat's outing. Hope the turn up is good!

Can't think of what to blog. Just plain tired.

ciaoz!

Basically weekend was... nothing much. To be exact. Wasted.

Didn't mange to spend much time with the bf for his weekend book out. Probably less than 12 hours for the 2 days.

But we manage to make it for breakfast on saturday morning. Mac's breakfast. It's been a long time since we woke up early and catch the morning sun. The smell of the fresh air and freedom. It's different as the ones on weekdays. You know what I mean. Anyways we headed to Daiso to get some stuff and it was time to head home to change. I had to go back to office. yea... Had to do some system testing for the Dubai market.

Totally wasted. I was there from 2-8pm. I could have done lots of things with 6 hours. Anyhow I rushed for the bf's friend's grandma's birthday celebration right after that. Nothing interesting happen. Headed over to his place with his parents while he had his night out with Clintson. Men's talk. They need it sometimes.

Resting day it's what I would call Sunday. Was lazing at his house after church and waited for dinner to come before sending him back to camp. Again. The part I always hated. And he's ever so sweet. Your sweets help to survive me through a stressful day at work. Thank you!

Nothing much. Work just felt like that today. Seriously!

Sleepy. Turning in soon. Ciaoz.

What's going on?

I got a little too emotional just now.

Don't know why. Anger was overtaking my senses. And then I started crying to let it all out. I raised my voice at him but he was still talking to me in the most gentle voice. I felt bad but am glad that I manage to control it there.

We had a good talk, though it was just 15mins or so. But it's just so precious. I miss the bf. When I need a hug from him so badly and I know he wants to give me that hug too. It's comforting enough. Weekdays are hard to go by, friday is what I'm looking forward to every week.

And work is missing the satisfaction part. I don't know where I'm heading to. After much thought, I've given myself a dateline. It's still long but I have yet to settle some things. Now it's not the right time.

I was talking to Wan Chien this afternoon. I was telling her, we're the minorities that bear with the unhappiness of our job for our age. People our age would have just quit and not think so much. Only those in their 40s will think twice. We are complaining and grumbling everyday. We talk abt taking that leap of faith. BUT! We are still where we are!

Zonked

Beautiful and joyous friday is here to say hello!!

What a week it has been for me. Working till almost 10 everyday and came in 30mins earlier to try and do some stuff. But couldn't manage to. Crazy week with lots of problems. My overlook to a certain payment has cause some disagreement. Should have been more careful while checking inputter's work. But my confidence for her got the better of me. And trouble is here knocking on the door. Make phone calls from melbourne to Wellington to HK, it's insane due to the time difference trying to catch hold of the people there before they knock off.

Anyways it's over. A mistake done is a lesson learn for life! Move on. Life goes on. The earth is still moving.

Totally zonked out. Each day pass and I'm just so tired. But everything is cleared. A better week will come!

The sleeping bug seems to be in the office today. I thought I was the only one but turn out few of my other colleagues felt the same too. I guess it's the weather. Rainy days... and mondays always gets me down. Sorry can't help it. Carpenters. Lovely!

So it's 8pm and am still in the office. Well waiting for the bf to call so that we can head out for a sinful meal together! Mac! and "G-force" with Alex and Vony!

Peeps! Have a great evening ahead! Mind is gonna blank out soon! Ciaoz!

Chilling weather. Rainy season. Making me lazy and sleepy.

It makes working tougher. Especially when there's just so much to do and lots of patience and tolerance to some colleagues while working. Worked till 10 last night and headed to office early this morning.

Made a mistake at work, trying to get the case solve. It feels kind of crappy. Helpless. Somehow it's solved but it's not. It's weighing on me.

There's something I've been thinking the past few days. Since I've finish my degree, I should feel like a burden off the shoulder. But somehow I still feel like a stone on me. The feeling that I had when I was struggling to go through every assignment and paper. Is it time for a break?

It's been a long day at work. Totally consumed. Feeling crossed at the same time.

I felt my head busting with what seem to be many enquiries but the fact that there's only one burdensome and demanding case. Lots of phone call from HK asking me this and that. I felt the pressure. I felt like an octopus. But a handicapped one. And I allow myself for a slice of chocolate for the day. Usuall it happens 2-3 days for a slice of chocolate. But I had more than that which didn't really help. Probably I was too stressed and pissed off.

Strangely at one point of time, when chocolate has lost it's effect, sub-consciously I was craving for something else and it kept playing in my head. A fag.

yea a fag. It just came to me. Sounds funny coming from me? I think so too. 'Cause I can't stop wondering why. I start to think of those guys which I see in the every morning or lunchtime or even after work, standing downstairs the office building chatting and smoking away. SO! That's when the smoking habit starts to kick in for most smokers. The first time you probably accompany them for the after lunch "dessert" and that time you still wonder why they smoke. De-stress they would say. The second time you thought of what they say and try it out for fun. Your first puff and you start coughing away. Third time you got the hang of it and might as well be a social smoker. Before you even know it, it has become a habit. An excuse to de-stress the unhealthy way.

With that thought, I laugh it away and thought of heading to the gym for a 1-hr sweat it all out cardio session. But I didn't have the proper footwear and ended late.

Now I'm lying comfortable on the bed, waiting to call it a day. Need some good rest. Waiting for the bf to book out and welcome him back to the life for the next days before booking into camp again.

Ciaoz peeps! Gd night!

Damn! am still in the office at this hour.

This whole legal separation thing is driving me nuts. There are so many things that can't be done and yet have to be done. Once the special request is granted and we're able to access it again. It's hell 'cause I've stuff that are not cleared in the system since last friday. Goodness I don't even dare to think about it.

It's friday tml. Hope it's a better day!

Cheers!

Long lost friends!

Haaa... it's a disaster in the office now. Coz of the migration of system. The legal separation between 2 banks that used to be under the same family.

But I've found my long lost friends! Thanks to the separation! Ailing and I are ecstatic!

It was the first thing Ailing tried accessing ytd when we came back for the testing since it was last banned! Immediately she msg me the good news! Finally! Contact to the outside world through MSN! =D

movie night

Just got back from movie with the bf. Watched G.I.Joe. It's been a long time since I went for movies. And after so long, it was a show worthwhile! If you have not catch it, you should!

If you're looking for...

action packed,you have it.
a little humor,you have it.
hot babes? I only saw 2 ladies in the show.
hot and sizzling bodies?! oh yea! there's a few in there. though not as many compared to "300".

It's sure a movie of the good triumph over the evil. I would give a 3.5 out of 5. hmmm... maybe 4. It can't be that perfect. Just that I felt it's worth my $10.50.

Anyhow it's bedtime! Hope I'll be able to wake up for some work-out after those cheesy nachos! =)

Night peeps! ciaoz!

crappy goodbye msg

I was clearing my office mail in preparation for the migration from lotus notes to microsoft outlook and I came across this mail which one of my ex-colleague, Hannah sent back in 07. Here it goes...

IF YOU CANT SEE,YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO RIGHT?iF YOU DON'T,DONT ASK ME
Hey gal & gay,
Thank you so much for lunch & card!!!!!!!!!!i'm so touched!Almost into tears & knee...erm.... I mean tears...almost wet my ......also

Kinda of worried about Joc...AliSia,pls take care of her..& guys pls...be patient LIKE me,who always extend LOVE & PATIENT to people,ESPECIALLY to the NEEDY..Although at times s,O I mean ALL the times she is late but I know she don't really mean it.Right Joc?

Ligen,too bad I just get to know that you are a gay.You know I have so much "trick" to give you.Hence,we can always talk about it.I can't sms to you bcos you never give me you HP no!Even though I did asked,Weisan can be the witness.

Weisan,PLS,even thougth take it as I am begging you.DON"T FAINT ANYHOW.Why choose when people wants to chill out?Only chill out what...not that they are going for ROM.Remember,if you ever want to do it again,my hp is always OFF.yes,you did read correctly -OFF

Carlene,I don't know what to say about you bcos the look at you,always make one SPITLESS.
AliSia,continue to burning,I can see something coming out.....keep it out.

LiangDe,I always want to tell you this but I don't have the guts to do it...but after today,I realize you are a nice lady...so...UR NAME HOR..SOUND LIKE MAN's name.

ok ok .I don't want to say goodbye,we will still meet & MAKE SURE WE WILL!!!!!!! I really hate to leave here but I have no choice!

cheers!

Can't help but laugh. The meaniest goodbye msg from a ever irritating person. But always the person I can look for if every situation. Talking about that... I haven met her for a long long time.
Guess it's time since am already done with my studies!

Anyways! TGIF!

Nightmare

Think I had too much of Tess Gerritsen's books.

I had a nightmare last night. Dreamt that I was almost killed by someone.

More of like... gonna be be gruesomely killed. And woke up in a shock.

Thank God I woke up, if it continues... think I might just scream and wake his sister up. maybe the whole family.

Just finished work. Heading to gym! =)

Say goodbye to bluey tuesday!

It's 10.50pm now. But it feels later. Feels like a sunday though. A long weekend but I didn't really enjoy much. Time just past like that.

Friday: prayer meeting after work. And dinner was settled with crispy noodle.
Sat: Church,tuition and steamboat at night.
Sun: Church, his uncle's place for dinner and Daiso at IMM. Just love Daiso so much. It has practically everything. I never let my trip go wasted each time I'm there.

As for today, did nothing much. I was quite upset about that. We had a quarrel. It always happen before he book in and regrets would always fill me.His effort to humor me will always be reciprocate with my coldness. Feeling bad, I'll try to be the understanding gf again and not let the temporary separation leaving both of us feeling upset.

Anyways we bid goodbye unwillingly. As our gaze met, I just knew what we wanted but you were in your uniform. And each time it's replaced with a tap on my shoulder. For a hug.

Suddenly it seems like a long week for myself and once again the feeling of dragging myself to work is back.

I was dreaming again just now... it was a beautiful scene played in my head and I could feel the happiness.

1hr and 18mins ago, Singapore just celebrated it's 44th birthday. A nation wide celebration. Celebration for her success. Her recognition over the world.

44 years may not seem that long. But for a small country like us, a little dot on the world map, it didn't came easy and it was the hard work of the pioneer leaders that we are leaving in comfort today.

From little to many.
From seas and grass to land filled with many skyscrapers.
A once dirty river and land which has now turn to a clean country and amazingly acknowledged worldwide.
A place for the youth olympic games.
From nothing to something and even being one of the top centres of finance.
And what's more? With the integrated resort coming up what would Singapore turn to become.

It's been 44 blessed years for Singapore. Blessed with good leaders and their foresight. Blessed with harmony among races. And the riches and prosperity it was given.

Now the time has past and life is once again resume after the joyous celebration. And now we'll all have work towards a better 45 years.

12:34pm is arriving. And if you guys have already rec'd sms or email from friends, you would know what i'm talking abt. if not...

Do u know?

At 12hr 34 minutes 56 seconds on 7th august this year, the time and date will be

12:34:56 07/08/09

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 this will never happen in your life again!

Amaze your friends, be the first to tell them!

Anyways I would email some of my friends at work everyday. Just in case work gets abit crazy.

oh when I was typing this I rec'd another email. The chinese version from my friend in hk.

今天12点34分56秒是一个神奇的时刻, 它显示为12:34:56 07/08/09. 123456789在我们的有生之年再也不会出现 , 祝您一切顺利,身体健康 ,工作愉快^^

Back to sending emails during working hours.. and yea... Ligen happens to be one of them.

and here goes our conversation. we were talking about how busy I am and we were deciding for a date to head down wala.

Me:
hahha... tat's y my friends are always scolding me.
need to pre-book in advance... how abt make it on the 22/08. 15/08 i can't...

LG:
yah, maybe i should start scolding you as well. haha.
and you know whats the most irritating thing.
there was this once when we confirm the venue and date for wala, and when i ask you about it.
you said "HUH? whats happening on sat?" wah thats the ultimate man seriously.haha

Me:
oh shit man!!
serious! i can't rmb that... seeshh... u must have really been not that impt in my life... =)

LG:
oh well,
hey wala is not just you and me alright, it includes dean ws wm too.
oh well, at least i know i am significant to u, thats what matters!
wahahahahahahaha~

Me:
you meant insignificant? hahahah...

LG:
you know i'm significant.
stop deceiving yourself. you arent doing any justice to yourself you know. ;)

Me:
wonder who's the one that is deceiving himself...

LG:
who who who? where what when whom which? ;)

Me:
see u're doing it again... haiz...

As usual he went...

LG:
ohh shuddup~ haha!

Me: =)

See the reason why email is so impt now... Coz our co.... well not exactly our co., ban us from MSN. It's the only way to communicate with the outside world while working.

A little interest or laughter when work just sucks...

Blessed thurday!

A blessed thursday. A joyful day. Bless by the the big guy up there.

I passed my supp. paper! I was ecstatic when I saw the email. I just wanted to dance, shout and sing! The feelings were just filling within me. Overwhelming. But I can't do so in the office. So I was just dancing on my seat and within me. And letting joy to carry me away with the wind in my beautiful garden. Of cause in my imagination.

This verse best describe how I feel now. From the time when studying for exams just turn so tough all of a sudden. Worries that filled me when I was preparing for my supp. paper.

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

Psalm 30:11-12

It was a battle won after 1.5 years. Indeed it calls for a celebration.

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

Once again weekends just passed without a sound. Without a blast.

Time spent with him was short. And we did nothing much for the weekend except for having lots of fried food. I can hear the machines calling me in the gym. I drag going gym on mondays 'cause it's always fill with people due to the overeating during the weekends. But other days are occupied.

He's back in camp and probably sound asleep.

Picking a fight with him was so much easier in the past but now I'll have to think twice. Just the other day we had a little quarrel and it sort of worries me. Isn't that the time when relationship starts to change during enlistment? But a simple sorry makes everything loving again.

It's kind of a bitter-sweet day. It's our 2yr anniversary but he's back in camp. But none of us really mention anything about it or rather it slip our mind. Just like how we always did. The exact number of days doesn't really matter I guess.

Currently reading "The Sinner" by Tess Gerritsen. If you like thriller, this is a must read. I started reading the book on friday and am halfway through the book already. And I guess it's gonna be another late night with the book. =)

At the bf's house now.

Came over to wash Butsie's cage if not his sister will have to wash 3 cages.

Was the supp. paper today. I don't know what to say. Feel more at ease but hope that I can pass this paper. It's the last one already. Hope I don't have to re-module again. I'll need to pay 1.9k. It's insane.

Staying for dinner at his place. It's finally tues. Can't wait for friday to come. His booking out day. Miss him terribly the past couple of days. Didn't know that I would miss someone so much. Or even need someone so much before. It's just weird to not have him around me. But I'll slowly get used to it. oh well we'll have to.

But I don't really look forward to work tml, after taking a break for 16days. The thought of work just sucks but money... need me to say any further... Need to get the engine running again.

Gonna laze in his room before dinner... then it'll be time to head home and get ready for work tml... =(

Certainly hope I can wake up.

He left this morning at 8am to CMPB and they sent him to camp. Didn't slept well the whole night 'cause he was still not feeling well. Having diarrhea and chest pain which got me really worried. He was still having diarrhea when he reported to cmpb this morning.

I wonder how is he now. Resting or going through crazy trainings. Hope he's doing fine. Will keep him in prayer. Anyways some photo from KL & BKK.

"Garden" in KL.

Photos with his nephew.

The super long tissue prata at a super cheap price.

BKK.

Not much photo taken in BKK. 'Cause most of the time it was spent on shopping and walking! I'm so glad to have a bf that loves shopping!

There were some small arguments during the BKK trip which I really regret 'cause I was the unreasonable one. But it made me cherish him even more knowing that he's putting effort to be patient with me and trying to learn more about God.

I remember on monday night when little pudding die, I was crying like nobody's business and washing up her cage. which I rarely do it. Most of the time he'll do it though it's our pet. But he never ever complain that he's doing everything even for our guinea pig, Butsie. I thought he wasn't that upset after all. I kind of doubt it 'cause even the slightest abnormality of our pet drives him really crazy and worried, and the next sentence that comes out from his mouth would be "shall we take her to the vet?".

After praying for him to be ready for enlistment the next day, I saw tears coming down his cheek. Finally.... who wouldn't have miss the cute little pudding. With all her stupid and funny actions.

R.I.P pudding.

Got back from some crazy shopping in Bangkok with the bf on friday.

And we sure did paid a high price for this trip. Fall sick and still recovering.

My poor bf was down with fever the day before he was supposed to be enlist into police academy and was sent back home instead. Time just tick away and his 2 day mc is up tml. He's gotta report tml. Gonna miss him for 10days.

well... after some crazy shopping it's time to prepare for my supp. paper next tuesday. How sad. My block leave is gonna end in 4 more days. Isn't it a tragic!! Getting back to work after 10days of leave. It's like trying to get the engine started once again. Going back to the fast pace life.

Having your alarm waking you up from your beauty sleep, like it's screaming "it's time to work".

oohhh... that feeling. What a drag. oh well I'll just make good use of the last few days and enjoy it.

met up with mei,wan chien, ivan and james today...

Dinner at fish and co.

Dessert at Canele.

And we called it a day. Upload the photos soon mei!

It's the bf's driving test day.

I certainly hope he'll pass... 'cause it'll benefit me alot! =)

I'm already planning for late night outs without paying for cabs anymore!

SO it' the last sem. exams... I woke up at abt 10am and it's 3:44pm and I have read less than a 100 words related to my paper on monday.

I've been lazing on the bed since breakfast, doing everything except study. And now I'm blogging. The weather outside is killing and I wished to just stay in the cooling air-con room and do NOTHING. 12 chapters to finish for my retail paper and let's see how much time am left with....

Not too sure given the amount of time I'm lazing around. And still... I've plans to go Bishan. And I so wanna collect my clothes I bought online from Lyn! Talking about clothes. I've cut down my shopping expenses by more than 50%! Oh well... I'm surviving quite well for the moment.

BUT! Not gonna last long. In 3 weeks time, I'll be taking my block leave, taking a break from work for 10days. I wished it could longer or forever. Work is just getting shitty nowadays. It's not the work scope but rather it's the people. The head. Nothing can be worse off than being under a terrible leader. Anyhow back to my well deserved break.

Will be heading to KL and bangkok for holiday with the boyfriend. He has to visit his relatives in KL first 'cause once he's back he'll be going to NS. Old solider! He hates it whenever I call him that. =)

As for Bangkok, I don't have to say anything more.

I simply can't wait. I've been wanting to head to BKK since last year. And each attempt to go failed since I plan to go. But this time nothing's gonna stop me. Unless the H1N1 flu gets really bad. If not! It's time to go crazy and let loose!

Alright enough said. it's time to hit the books again....

Ciaoz!

Excited? ecstatic? happy?

I can't describe how I feel now... But one thing for sure. My shoulder feels lighter now. One by one, each burden is off. Portfolio and retail test is over. Portfolio assignment has already been submitted. For the past few weeks, it's been hard to breathe. The race went on week after week. Each week there was something to prepare for or to submit. Even the simulation group game, is left with the last round this week. It's the last 2 weeks before this sem. ends and it's time for exams.

Just checked my PM results... 77. It was such a relief. 'Cause this module has the highest failure rate. Looking back in April, getting this sem. started was something that I thought I couldn't do anymore despite the 4 sem. I went through. I was demoralised and discouraged. I didn't know how to survive through this period but eventually I did. And it's ending soon. I owe it to some of the people around. Their care, concern, encouragement and faith in me got me through.

Now it's left with one reflection paper report and final presentation for biz cap. Am still dilly dallying... =)

Another thing I can't believe is getting close with Lyn. Someone which I thought I couldn't click with since the very first sem. But damn... I was wrong. We're planning to go on a self declared graduation trip. I'm just glad that I knew her. =)

Alright... it's time for reflection paper. Gotta get it done before dinner!!

Ciaoz!

am supposed to be studying for my retail test tml. But I've been sitting in front of the com. doing everything else except for studying. So much for a long weekend... I have to worry for my test tml.

10 chapters... I'm not even done with chapter 1! I would need some good luck and good memory now.

Anyways I scored pretty ok for my individual simulation game. It was such a relief. I've got so many burdens on me, now slowly it's taken off one by one... exactly 1 more month lessons will end and my final exam will be here.... The smell of freedom is near! Though there's another supp. paper.

I was just reading through some email. And time really flies. It's been 4 years since that incident happen. I look back and i'm glad Jocelyn is standing strong. A much more stronger person today. =)

You know I've so much plans in my head for holidays and I can't wait. But once again BKK is gonna be out of the question. People stop rioting!! There are shoppers dying to go there! Anyhow if BKK is out of the question, it shall be HK. Again.

But what I really wanna do is to go back to Sabah again. To climb Mt KK. I need buddies! Still in the search of people who are interested.

Alright... time to study!

Have a long and nice weekend peeps!

Insanity

It's been hell of a week for me.

And my emotions sets in to make things worse and on top of that work has to join in the fun. I find it quite hard to deal with my emotions nowadays especially with him around me. And he always has to face with my different emotions. And it's anger and impatience most of the time. He tried hard to cheer me up. I appreciate it.

Just finished a test on tues and it was the week of our individual simulation game. It's terror seriously. Am so tired running my last lap and I'm giving every last bit of my strength for this sem. Retail test is next sat. It's no time for resting. The run has to continue on. And after that it continues on with presentation and project submission. 2 more months... the race will end.

The study race is ending soon but when will work race end? When will my race in this place end, I'm thinking. 21 july would be my 3rd year here. I look back and wonder... how many times did I thought of leaving this place so badly? Countless... And now it's back again... Quite determine this time round. Even more determine to realise my dream. But I need money.

But I can't wait and I hate it here! I drag everyday again. What can I do?

Quite after studies? I need to think it through.

But I need to breathe....

Have you ever notice yourself scratching when you feel stressed up? And probably just feel better after it?

Well I was in the lift this morning up to the office on the 26 floor. In our building, every lift has a mini tv that broadcast news from Reuters. And I happen to chance upon this depsite having so many heads in front of me, I thought it was rather interesting and true to a certain extent. Here it goes.

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Oh, it brings such blessed relief and now scientists can tell you why -- scratching an itch temporarily shuts off areas in the brain linked with unpleasant feelings and memories.

I recalled the times when I did scratch my head when there isn't an actual itch. The chances of it is... 8 out of 10. so the next time round... scratch! :0)

My colleague forward an email about Zodiac sign yesterday and I went to checked it out. And it's pretty accurate about libra woman.

LIBRA WOMAN
Libra woman mostly has an egg oval facial shape. She has a nice smooth skin and a good figure. She will spent so much efforts to keep her skin clean and pretty. She can be easily allergy to cosmetic and make up, but taken care of her face and avoid wrinkle is her hobby. She is good at it and tend to look younger than her age.

She can be very naughty like a little boy, but yet fully 100% woman. She looks nice in either Jean or night gown. She thinks woman is equal to man. Sometimes she can think faster than you, but she will not leave you far behind. She will try not to make you feel like you are competed or defeated in any games she plays with you even she is winning.

She is a little flirt even she has no idea what she wants. She can not decide what to do, and what not to do, so she can not set her schedule very well in all cases. She is gifted with how to dress, and how to match her dress. She likes to dress in black and wear perfume. She likes a mild flowery scent.

In any argument, she can really argue. She can argue for hours, and mostly win the argument. If it is not a serious argument, she could argue and once a while give you a smile also. She will make a good politician, because she can tell which party will win the election.

She always has a good reasons ,even she likes to contradict herself. She can not decide what is right and wrong for her, because everything has a good side and a bad side. Woman in other Zodiac might not care what other people think, but Libra woman care what other people ,or what you feel as much as her own feeling.

She can adjust to her environment very well, so at work she will be at the ladder up. She likes team work in doing things. If you ask her for help or advice, she will help you except if she does not like your guts. She can change you and make you think you change by yourself without her influence.

Good side of being with Libra woman are she never interfere with your privacy. She will not make you loose face in front of your friends. Even she cares about how much money she has left his her bank account, she will never forget to let you know how much she cares for you.

She think taken care of the house is a woman job and she can do it well. But if you expect a Libra woman to fear you, then you are wrong. She is a strong woman even she looks at you with that sweet innocent pairs of baby's looks and may loose you (let you win) in a few poker games.

If she is the one you are after, then go step by step. The best way is using her friends introducing you to her. Do not make her feel or treat her like a bubble head. You have to move forward toward her with confident and secure. Show her that you are a kind , polite and a real gentleman. Be a slow hand or else you might get smack!

Free day

It's a free day. I would said it is 'cause I had time for myself. I've been so caught with all the busyness in my life that I've already forgotten that I need time for myself. To stop and reflect. Sundays would be tuition. The little time that I can squeeze out is occupied as well.

But it's different today. After spending some time in church, preparing for good friday, I headed to orchard. I was still early and buying time. I walked from city hall to PS. A short walk but probably enjoyable. And i realized I've missed out so much. Letting the things around me just passed? How the traffic lights are being placed for pedestrians to cross. It sounds lame and not necessary to mention that, but I really never take notice how the traffic lights were despite walking past that area so many times when my school was still there.

With my cup of green tea frappucino, I chilled out alone @ PS starbucks waiting for time to pass. Was there to catch Arvin's gig with SMU. I would said it's 1 hour well spent, least I got some notes into my head for portfolio mgmt. An hour plus of waiting for just a 10mins gig. But oh well it's not too bad.

And right after his performace, we decided to give weiloong a 'visit'. More like surpirse. T'was the changing of guard parade at Istana. It's rather interesting. Hmm... maybe it's fun. I remember how I always drag it when I see them parade, 'cause their nothing but hazards on the road causing traffic jams. Delaying my time home. But today I finally understand why. It's fun to just walk down with the soldiers marching and the band. And watch a mini show outside the Istana. Many people were just walking down with them, taking photos and videos of them.

Anyways good job weiloong! :0)

Joined him @ Clementi for dinner with his family and relatives. I just love being with them. It's so much fun. And easy to communicate. oh yea... It's really sweet of his aunt to get me a ring on her holiday trip. Lovely ring. Love it. Gonna wear it tml.

That's it for today. Doesn't seem much but I felt that I had time for myself. It's 1.37am. Weekends always pass so fast. Luckily it's a 4 day work week.

Alright! Bed is calling!

Ciaoz!

it has been madness since I came back from Sabah. Everything didn't seem to work well at all.

Results was out on the day when I flew to Sabah. And I checked it at the airport free internet services provided. Didn't do well and I had to take a supp. paper for corporate finance. So guess how much I enjoyed my trip. It's probably just that little bit.

Things were just horrible when I came back. I had allergy spots on my feet and hands. Apparently I was bitten by some sea organisms and allergic to it. And then 2 days later I was down with urine infection.

And the best part of everything, he left for Ipoh with his family and I was left alone at his place to look after 3 guinea pigs, 2 hamsters,fishes and plants. Since when I became a gardener or farmer. It was really bad. Practically devasted. Crying was my only way of releasing out my stressed up mood. And I didn't understand why he could just leave me here alone.

I just wanted to quit school. It's really draining. Work and study. But it's my last sem. I can't just give up.

And I thought that I would feel so much better after he's back. I did feel slightly better but I didn't exactly feel better. I still had many issues to deal with. The problem lies with me. I realised that I had to let it go. I had to look at things positively. Feelings goes with thoughts. That's true.

If I didn't had to take supp. paper this time round, I don't think I'll be that motivated this sem. It's really a wake up call. I screwed up one sem. Not this last sem anymore.

Things are getting better. And I'm standing strong again.

Nothing is gonna beat me down!

It's freezing cold in the office. My fingers are numb. And damn.. I brought my jacket back home.

I'm leaving for Sabah at 5pm. Finally a short getaway to the nature. After so much of shopping holiday trips, I think it's time that I learn to appreciate the beautiful nature that God has created. Something that I've missed. Until Ivy's trip here. And I didn't realise Singapore has such nice places. So near my house but also only caught my attention when the bus passes by.

Leaving for Sabah... but it's pretty shitty. I had stomach cramps since sunday and stomach upset since sunday. Everything goes in, comes out watery. And I had seafood for dinner last night. Now I have rashes on my feet! Damn!!

I really hope I enjoy this trip!

I totally screwed up my paper today. and I doubt I can passed. But I pray for the best.

My strength is not strong enough to support my will. I have slowly drift away from Him. My quiet times with Him had seem to disappear. What's the most important thing in my life and yet my faith is not built upon it.

I've been depending on my helpless strength. But why not depend on the One who have unlimited strength.

I need my REAL life back!

Time now is 7:39pm.

And we're supposed to be on our way to weiloong's 21st birthday. But I just managed to finish. Sorry boy... work has to come first.

Anyways morning was a real busy time for me... Boss was sick. She went to see a doc and came in late. Leaving me to be superwoman, handling both SG and HK. But anyhow it all went well! Talking about falling sick. The weather is pretty bad nowadays. It's hot and dry. Everybody is suffering from sore throat,flu and headaches. Just hope the germs dont start to spread! Take care my friends!

I rec'd a call from mum just now. I would be happy if she didn't call. And it probably won't end up in such an upset situation. She called to ask if I was free to help my dad sign a contract to get him a phone from starhub. I told her that am having exams next week and I need the time to study. Sure it takes a short while but it's Sat tml. Starhub is ALWAYS flooded with people. A short while could be 2hours. I could achieve lots in 2 hours rather than sitting at a place with so many deseparate people waiting for their turn. So my dad not having a phone to use is more impt than my exams. How good can she improve the already so bad situation.

I don't know how...

Anyways it's time to leave! Auds waiting at Vivo! Sry girl!

I don't know why but as I get older I seem to hate... probably the word "hate" is too much, dislike might be a better word, my family.

Probably like the old saying... 长大了, 翅膀长硬, 会飞了.

Growing up has allow independence to be part of my life even more. And having an income has made me wanna break free even more. From this family. A home. More like a place I wanna get away from so much. And I'm counting down to the day. I'm waiting for that day to come.

Having being introduced into another family, I realised the meaning of being a real family. Maybe it's because of this family that fillls the part that's is missing in my life all these while. Strangely, it makes me wanna cherish this family more than my own. Everyone in this family plays a part and not saying "those are not mine, it doesn't bothers me." Everyone in this family helps each other to keep the house neat and tidy. Relatives that communicates with each other with not much restrictions and talks about anything. And not feeling like a stranger and have no topic to talk about.

Not relatives that says things without thinking or say things that might even hurt. Not relatives that gives a strong urge to show them that without their help financially, I'll still stand on strong. Even if it takes to stop school.

And my family. I'm starting to close my doors towards them.

This chinese new year's spring cleaning has taught me not to do too much. Just stick around with your own stuff. I find time and spend time to do but it wasn't appreciate. All I get back is "only hardworking today" from my mum when my aunt came. That's all I got. Not a single thank you or anything. Packing to the wee mornings after work and non-stop from sat afternoon to 6am sunday morning, no appointments, no sleeping despite of headache. Just to try to keep the house clean and presentable. And all I got back is a bucket of cold water right on me.

And my youngest sisters who did nothing and 2nd sister who helped abit and went straight to bed after saying having headache didn't even got a single nag or scolding from my mum.

I had a huge quarrel with her few days after the cny eve. A quarrel that changed everything since then. Home is no longer the place I took refuge in. I've not talk to my sisters much since then. Not share with them what happen at work. I've become someone of few words at home now. I won't say that it's totally her fault but I would say only 20% is my fault. But 80% will be my fault 'cause I was disrespectful. But I had enough.

Life in my family will be different. You may say I could have choose the other way. But I'm telling you now, i'm choosing this way. I'll let things be the way it is, so as to minimize the quarrels at home.

Family is no longer that important to me, but in times of trouble I won't run away.

My OWN family will be the important one to me in future. A family I built up with love and warmth. With lots of laughter and sharing. With happy memories that make me smile and not fill it with tears.

Don't say anything 'cause I'm not changing my mind. Mum hasn't wash a single of my clothes since then. 'Cause I've been doing it. And i'll con't on.

Call me stubborn, stupid or heartless. It will be the way it shall be.

It's been madness at work these 2 days.

The word "madness" seems to be always used to describe my work. Frankly speaking it is. It comes and goes like nobody's business. It can be calm this moment and stormy the next. Sometimes I think it's too much. 'cause every single payment is urgent. But there's only me. One Jocelyn.

Yesterday's work left me seeing red. And really realise the reason why many hate these, in this case I would like to refer to them as "zi you shen". Learnt this when I was in HK. They are really horrible. Calling china is always the greatest challenge for me. And I was being transferred here and there. Details I shall save it. Manage to get it settled after 2 days. And I'm "impressed" with their working attitude. How could their main branch sent our amendment to the wrong branch?! We're talking about payments here. Late payments=lost of interest or causing a OD in client's account. I take my hats off them. They're nothing but "superb".

This case was already driving me crazy and this morning I've so many payments that are urgently waiting to be authorised. I wonder how I manage to cope, but I just did.

So much about work. Let's gossip abit.

I've a stalker sitting next to me and he's slowly getting on my nerves and a pain in the arse. He did something that probably NO ONE will ever do. Didn't they say men think from one box to another. But he's thinking OUT of the box. It was a stupid thing to do.

He's been bugging me and my colleague for weeks as to why I'm not speaking to him. Somethings are just best left unspoken. I was already slowly talking to him but he screwed it up yesterday.

We have templates at work to used when crediting the client's a/c. Once the entry is keyed, it would be reflected in client's a/c, pending for my approval. This smart alec actually type "Ms lee, can u pls tell me why are you not talking to me leh. I really dont know why leh." So you know why it's stupid.

Luckily I found out in time, reprimanded him a little and ran away from the qns. It stepped on my tail again.

What can I say. He's just too imaginative. Smart.

I've been through lots of emotions yesterday, good thing was it ended on a happy note. I bought a pair of boots for 50 bucks. Cheap!

My mind is wandering off soon... Getting slpy.

Gotta sleep early and prepare for a power pac morning!! Body combat here I come!!

Ciaoz everyone!

Till then! Take care!

Gastric is giving me problems again.

Was on mc for the past 2 days. down with gastric flu. I slept the whole of yesterday and I just feel like sleeping more. Headed back to work today. But felt worst.

I was having terrible headache. Had a nap on the bus and woke up feeling giddy and nausea. And my vision was blur. I was afraid to stand up when I reach office. Coz I fear that I will collapsed again. I had something sweet and felt better. But my vision was still blur. I was trying hard to keep my eyes open. To make sure that the numbers I saw and figures were correct. Fearing that I might just sent the wrong amt out.

Lunch was terrible. I could barely eat anything in. I didn't ever had half the salmon or 1/4 of rice. I lost all the appetite.

Sudden change in body temperature was frustrating. This minute i felt chill, next I'll be in cold sweat. I felt like going home badly but there was no one to cover me. Sg side already had enough problems.

Manage to get off work early due to low volume. Headed to Tiong Bahru for a better doc. The same doc which I went back 3 times and got a 5 days mc. He's good just that i'm a lousy patient with a stubborn gastric. Well medicine is stronger i guess this time round.

But if I don't recover by this weekend. It's straight to the specialist this time.

So pray hard Jocelyn! U have a mighty healer! Have faith!

2008 has been a year of great blessings and trials.

It was a year hard to get by. Trying to balance life between work and school.

And work gives me nothing but sadness. It took me awhile to finally realize and figured out how I could look at my job the positive way.

Besides work and school, manage to meet up with some of my poly classmates and sec. school mates. And of course, the percussionists! The people I truly and always adore! It's fun having their company. And I've owe them a gathering since a long time ago.

But sadly, there are a group of people. I don't wanna use friends here 'cause they are the people I would like to forget as I leave.

Friends were wonderful. But there is someone else that played a bigger part in my life and he still is. That is the boyfriend.

I recall the many times when we quarreled but without fail you always give in though it's my fault. I'm always the one who's all out to pick a fight with you and just walk out of the problem with my tiredness. But you taught me how to be patient. How to not give a verdict without hearing you out. And sad to say I'm still learning and trying...

You always gives me the best and keep the lousy ones for yourself. I don't understand how and why but you seem to have endless patience with me. My roller coaster mood swings must have gave you many tough times. Something which I might have took for granted sub-consciously. This part I'm trying very hard...

You get upset and ask me why I always refer you as "my friend" when speaking to others. It's just like we never or seldom call each other "baby,honey,dear or my darling etc....". But bitch,slut and arsehole. And our contact name in the phone are still our name. I like it this way 'cause what's important is just us. There better not be a 3rd party!! That's for me! haa... =x

I treasure this relationship, treasure you and all the effort you've put in. Especially helping to take care of Butsie. She would have been dead if she was living under the same roof as me.

Thank you for being my best friend,confider and arsehole! And never to forget my best bitchy shopping partner since a long time ago! You love to see me buy clothes that suits me and so do I! That's why we always over spend!

It's a brand new year with several "missions" to accomplish.

2009's resolution:
1) Building a closer relationship to God
2) more Devotional time
3) Re-discover my keyboard skills in worshipping and leading worship.
4) His salvation.
5) Get done and over with my Degree
6) A new job with better boss and career opportunity.
7) To spend less. (Quite impossible but trying.)
8) Travel more. (How to spend less????)

The lists goes on but these would be top priorities.

It's 1am. Time for bed but I need to start on my assignment due on wednesday.

Gosh feeling lazy and it's suppose to be a brand new year!

So long peeps! Till then! Take care!