Ok I'm so glad that Jermaine messeage me... Lucky I saw her msg before I cook my food...

Just a chance to chilli out for a moment before starting on BLAW and ECM... And to talk to her...

Well, at least I have someone to talk face-to-face now... Going off to "Hans" at Bukit merah...

Just woke up... But I'm not feeling better today... My head still hurts... Yesterday's problem is still in my head...

Didn't start on ECM coz I couldn't... But well I still have to get started...

SIGH... SIGh... SIgh... Sigh...sigh...

I need a shoulder... I really need a shoulder to lean on... Was talking to Cia and I cried...

Cia and Ivan gave me different comments... when they knew about it...

Cia told me to find the right 'remedy' and to 'rectify' the situation... she told me not to give up... She told me to work double hard to help her... Teach her... I know it's hard to been the eldest... getting blame for not setting a good example... It's the sisterly bond that keeps everything going...

Ivan told me.... That they just have to learn their lesson... God has a plan for them...

I've cried for them too many times... Too many... I scolded and yelled at them before... I even cried before them and begged them but they don't appreciate... After awhile they are back to the same old self again... They pretend that nothing happen... Why!

I guess when I decided to gave up on them this year... I didn't really meant give up... I still care but I had to pretend that I don't... Not exactly pretend... I had to control... Nei was right... Not to put all my heart and soul... but if I'm going to step in again... The same old thing will happen again...

I felt so much better not putting in so much... But now?

Haiz.... face all this after my exams... just got to concentrate on my last 2 papers...

I have to be strong to face the pressure coming from everywhere... But I'm not sure if I'm strong enough...

I'm so sad... so helpless...

I'm really very sad... I don't know how to react to the news... I'm so disappointed...

I'm supposed to be happy... BFI is over! It's finally over! When I went in to take the paper... I started laughing when I saw the paper... And I've got my ECM tips... It's making my studying so much...

BUT I'm not the least happy... I'm NOT!!

The night just sucks!!

My sister, Meiying got back her report book already... She drop to normal... I really don't know how to react... I just know that I feel so numb... She cried! But tears just can't come out from my eyes... But I'm tearing inside me... I feel so helpless and useless... As a sister... I felt that I didn't fulfil what I'm ought to do...

If I haven't tried to let go that time... And be stricter to them... These wouldn't happen? I don't know what to do... My head is bursting soon... I can't think or do anything now... I thought she was joking but when I open the report book... I closed it...

Why?! I told you since the start of year... But why?! you feel sorry towards me... you feel that you let me down... But I feel the same way too... I feel that I shouldn't have let go... I'm feeling regretful... Why am I always doing things that I regret... Never once that I didn't regret!

I don't know how to face my aunties and uncles... how... Am I to blame?! They are so going to scold her... I can't even bring myself to think about the scenario... tears and scolding flying everywhere...

I need someone... I need someone to talk to me... need someone to give me a hug...

Can someone help me?

Can't take it anymore!

After 7 solid hours of studying yesterday night... I can't take it anymore... I'm so sleepy now... My head is aching... I can't absorb anymore!!!

Met Edwin and Hanyong just now... Manage to finish the last topic dragfully... Took a long time... Got some tips from Ivan that SGX and CPF will confirm come out... for essay questions...

Haiz... OK! I went to watch "Cellular"! My exams are tml and I went to watch movie!!! WTH!! I didn't have a choice!!! Edwin and Hanyong went to see movie listing and they just came back with 3 tickets....

They just bought the tickets... Without asking me!

*pHeW*

BUT WELL!! It's fantastic!! 2 TUMBS UP!! IF I HAVE ENOUGH TIME I WILL GIVE 5 TUMBS UP!! GOOD SHOW!! Should watch!

My instinct was so right... I had the feeling that today we won't be able to study much.. true enough... Lucky I finished most of them yesterday night... Or else I'll still be mugging like hell now... and on the verge of crying...

Now the problem is that I can't absorb anymore... Should I sleep first then wake up and study later? Just study first, see how it goes....

The time now is 4.50 am... Yup! And I'm still awake! Not because I want to... It's because of BFI... My exam is on friday... So no choice last minute work...

And I was so stressed up 5 hours ago... Wondering how am I going to finished up 12 topics within 2 days... Planned to finish 8 topics tonight... BUT!! I finished 10 topics!! I'm so proud of myself! I never thought I could do that...

10 topics within few hours.... Not bad!

I'm thinking whether I should go on or not... Cause my body is asking me to take a rest, which I don't want to... I want to finish up the last 2 topics... Insurance and Singapore Exchange...

Meeting up with Edwin and Hanyong later to study... I have this feeling it will be difficult study... hmm.... And I want to leave tml for tutorial and past year paper...

Well, shall study on my bed... Since I'm only left with 2 topics... Think I should relax abit and not get too uptight... I'm so drained now... The words are just by-passing me...

I'M SO STRESSED UP~!

I'm really stressed up!! I can't take it anymore... Might breakdown anytime!

I couldn't concentrate just now while giving tuition! My whole mind is BFI! Then my student's maths questions!! HEADACHE!

But well! I'm not going to let those tears come out so easily anymore!

Had a good hot bath just now and ate a bowl of hot noodles!! Hmm.... Feeling better! Thanx Meiying! Your call came so right!!

Finished 2 topics of BFI... Still got 10 more to go...

I'm aiming to finished up 6 topics today... Just hope I can make it... NO TV!!
Just my winamp!!

OK! I'm ready for BFI!

Try this out!

http://media.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/1986/youarewhatyoueat.swf

What do guys/girls want?

It's a wonder why...........we only appreciate things/persons only when they are no longer with us.

WHAT DO GIRLS WANT ???

When I was a fresh-woman, all I wanted was a guy with big muscles.
So I dated a muscular guy. He was as strong as Arnold Schwarzenegger 2, but
he beat up any other guy who would stare at me. I was afraid he would hit me too. So I dumped him when he was in jail.

So I decided to date a romantic guy. He was so sweet : he sent me flowers every Fri to my office just to ask me out; one time he packed himself into a box as my birthday gift..... But he was also romantic to other girls....... until I found out in a florist that he ordered 5 dozens roses each Fri...it was too late...... he already dumped me.

So I decided to date a stable guy. He was a good man. He had a Ph.D from MIT, and he was a Christian. But all he talked with me was Networking. I had to dump him because when one day I said I was going to Banana Republic, he said you don't need to go to Manhattan to buy bananas.
There's a Mama shop across the street.

So I decided to date an interesting guy. He was so funny. He was like Jack Neo in TV. He made me laugh all time. But later, I couldn't laugh anymore. He didn't have a job, nor did he plan to find one. All he did was playing Mahjong and Sony playstation, I dumped him.

WHAT DO GUYS WANT ???

When I was in Secondary School, all I wanted was a girl with big boobs. In poly, I dated a girl with big boobs, but there was no passion.

So I decided I needed a passionate girl. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time.

So I decided I needed a girl with some stability. I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything.

So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement. I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless.

So I decided to find a girl with some ambition. After University, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.

So what do you want?

At many times, people just go after what they want their ideal partner to be. And they neglect what that person has. Chasing after what u want is never ending and may not come to a good end.

So cherish what u have and appreciate what they are!!!

30 real feelings of girls...

Hey guys these are some tips for you! It's quite true... It may not apply to all girls but most girls...

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's crying in her heart.

2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her sometime to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.

3. A girl can't find anything to hate about theguy she loves (which is why it is so hard forher to 'get over him' after the relationship'sover.)

4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be onher mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.

5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will melt.

6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually is not sure how to react to them.

7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stare ok?

8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, breakit to her gently.

9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you stilltreat her as a friend, talk to her.

10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel.Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).

11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.

12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.

13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act uninterested duringthe call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy andimmediately start telephoning her friends to spread the news.

14. A smile means a lot to a girl.

15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you.

16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, leave.

17. But if she still calls you or expect a call fromyou, stay.

18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.

19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a greatreassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.

20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'llwonder why she never noticed him before.

21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl,read romance stories.

22. When class pictures come out, a girl wouldfirst check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.

23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.

24. Girls love having fun!

25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.

26. A girl's best friends usually know best whatshe is feeling and going through.

27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.

28. Love means devotion, caring and happinessto a girl, in that order.

29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care for them.

30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

Haiz... Have not started with my BFI... Wanted to start last night... Read for awhile then went to sleep... Coz I was not feeling well.... tight throat.... Headache... stomache... felt like vomitting... WTH!

Are these suppose to come together?

Well, just came back from a jog! Feeling so much better now...

Well, I don't know why I fail so down and terrible after the FA paper... Actually I can do the paper... But I don't know why... Probably everybody is talking about it...

Haiz... I'm seriously worried... After the paper went to boat quay with meimei! THANX MEIMEI!! THANX FOR ACCOMPANYING ME THERE! THANX FOR CRAPPING WITH ME!! THANX!

I'm feeling better after that... But better now after the jog!

THANX EDWIN FOR THAT MESSAGE!! THANX FOR THE CONCERN!

I won't do anything silly k! Don't worry!

Ok after the bath going to mug on BFI! I only have 3 days to study 12 FREAKING TOPICS!! COME ON! JOCELYN U CAN DO IT!

OK! I'm going off to take my FA paper soon!! Wish me all the best! ;)

HEY GUYS!! I know you can't see this but!! All the best too!!!!

My wishes were reach you guys!

FA STARTING SOON!

2.30pm... That's the time on the clock now...

FA paper is just 3 and 1/2 hr away.... And as time near, I'm getting more scared...

I'm spending my last few hours mugging... Recap on things that I'm not sure with...

Woke up at 1... But I've woken up lots of time in between... Coz I kept receiving message... From Zai, Nat and Andy... There's a few more but can't remember...

It's all connected to exams... Zai asked when my exams are over, Nat said that she will lend me her calculator and Andy, the sweetest of all!! haha... Gave me a morning greeting and wish me all the best for my exams! This is what it says... Morning! all the best for your exams! Keeping me in prayer! And get your A's! Something like that coz I read it when I'm half awake! But anyway! Thanx!!

Off to mug again... Can't wait for FA to be over! In fact all the exams!!! I want to shop and relax!!

FINALLY FINISH MY LAST FA PAST YEAR PAPER!!

My paper is at 6 in the evening tml... Still kind of worried... My mind seems to be quite messy probably because I'm scared... Not confident enough! But well, I'm going to pray and I know God is there to help me!

Going to read up the theory part of analysis of financial statement... memorise the statement! Coz that's definitely coming out!!!

Haiz... Went to watch movie with Edwin and Hanyong just now... "Manuchurian Candidate"! I paid $6.50 to go in and sleep!! Boring show... ok probably I don't like it...

I know! I know! FA is on tuesday and I'm outside watching movie on monday... But well, I'm quite prepared so just went out for some breathe-taking...

Met up with Sufen today for awhile only!! And stupid Edwin played a trick on me!! He called me and asked me if I bought the tickets for the show yet?! I said yes and he said they can't come cause James met with an accident! WTH! What were be your first reaction if you heard that one of your classmates met with a mishap! Worried right!

Come on guys! I was super worried and scared lor! Why take such things and joke around?! I don't think it's the least funny lor!! It's such a serious matter! I was really pissed off! Why do you guys always make me look like a fool!

haiz....

Ok! one more thing!! STOP ASKING ME TO SEE A DOCTOR~~! My mum is asking me to see a doctor! My sisters! my friends!! Ok I've been having diarrhoea for the past few weeks... I've been running to the toilet everyday... Everything that comes out is watery... Whether I've eaten or not... my stomache still hurts! *oUcH*

And it's affecting my appetite! It's getting worse! I can take one meal! And it's not a proper meal! This moment I'm hungry the next moment when the food comes... eat a few mouth and I'm full! It can go on the whole day!

Probably because of the stomache... I'm afraid of eating...

Probably it's stress.... But I don't feel the stress at all! Even before the study week I was already like that! And I was super slack during that period of time!

OK DON'T ASK ME TO SEE A DOCTOR!! COZ I WON'T!!! Unless one person tells me too.......

And that's my aunt!

Off to lay on my cosy bed! not to sleep but to study for my FA theory!!

Can't wait for exams to be over....

Ok! Just remembered this... Kind of worried for Edwin... Coz he doesn't know much of his FA... Quite worried for him!! haiz... EDWIN PLS STUDY!! OR ELSE I GOT NO PONTANG KAKI NEXT SEM!!!

Just woke up from my beauty sleep... Slept at about 5+ this morning... Coz of doing FA... Manage to finish another set of past year paper!! haha.... *satisfied*

Just realise that my dark circles is getting darker!!! AH~! Haiz... Late night sleeps...

Slacking for awhile before I get started with my FA again... Sian-sation...

Listening to "You needed me" by Olivia Newton John.... A nice song to hear in the morning... Very soothing and kind of romantic.... haha... Never knew I had this song in my winamp...

Off to mug for FA!

Finally able to settle down to slack for awhile.... Had a long and tiring day...

Went to church in the morning....After that met edwin and Hanyong to study... Manage to do one of the past year paper...

Had the urge to watch movie... But well ended up at Esplande slcaking for while... Both of them left at about 10+... But I stayed there to slack for awhile... Talk to Sufen on the phone... And so I realise it was already 11.15pm... intended to take a cab!

WTH! I waited for like 1/2 hr... No cab in sight! So I walked all the way to city hall to try my luck! Sufen asked me to call cab... But didn't want to... Waste money!

haha.... I was so LUCKY! Reached there then saw 195... So end up took the bus! Save my cab fare!! hehe...

Reached home at about 12.10 am.... Bought dinner to eat... Didn't manage to finished my food... didn't have the appetite to eat... almost vomitted....

I feel that my health is getting worse... I've been having stomache for the past few weeks... Didn't take any food... I will still need to run to the toilet... So kind of scare of eating... Coz I'm afraid of running to the toilet... :P

Well, got to mug tonight and tml morning... coz the guys have plans to go watch movie! after a stressful night and morning! haha... let's hope so!

WOMEN NOW!

Came across this 2 ad while reading through the magazine...

Who says women can't handle money?

Our sisters in Britian show that, not only are we good at money matters, we do it much better than men. According to an investment website digitalLook.com, British women have outdone the men as share investors.

The average woman's portfolio grew by more than 10 per cent in the last 12 months, next to 6 per cent for men.

Women's investments caused a 7 per cent rise in the value of UK shares as a whole, compared to a 6 per cent rise in the average value of men's portfolio.

There are about as many women as men who are members of investments clubs.


What we want in a man

6 out of 10 want their partners to be as smart or even smarter then them.

4 in 10 prefer their partner to have a stable job. Only 2 in 10 want him to share the same interest.

THE BIGGEST COMPLAINT women have about men - they're too bad tempered.

7 in 10 feel Singapore guys are not romantic.

Half feel Singapore men are good fathers but lousy lovers.

7 in 10 feel that a woman can live without a man but a man can't live without a woman!

At the end of the magazine it put such a sentence....

We say, leave the magazine open on this page and see if he makes a mad rush for the flower shop.

Well! No offence! It's just a magazine! But not all guys are like that!

HAHA!! Got my pay!! 200 bucks!!! Thinking of how to spend it... But I think I don't have to coz it will be gone before I realize it! :p

Went to give tuition just now... Quite pissed off with Nini! Coz she's not putting any effort for her studies! And it's really irritating me!! Did scold her abit... Haiz... Her exams are coming! Hope she can co-operate with me... *pRaYiNg HaRd*

Head down to church for song prac... Took about 2 hours to get things done... Coz of figuring out the rythmns for keyboard... Andy was there to help too! Idiot!

After that headed home... Ok! I was taking the bus! And I realize that people are looking at me in a weird manner! Why sia?! Do I not look a human?! Someone from outer space?! hmm....

Well, who cares! After all it's their own business...

Finally washed my hamsters' cage!! It really stinks man!! Didn't have time to wash last week... It really stinks the whole hall so gotta wash!! Now they are clean!! haha... Ok! Stop yucking first! I'm the only one in the family washing the cage lor! My sisters exmas are over! And for god sake! They will never help me!!

Went to the coffee shop downstairs to have dinner wth my mum... had a good dinner! Except for my mum! She said the fishball noodles sucks!! haha... Suddenly missed my mum's wanton noodles!! Have not eaten... erm... seems to be a long time... can't remember...

Let's see what's my plan for the rest of the time tonight... Ohya... study FA first... left with only 3 days.... and I have not touch the past year paper... Going study with Edwin and hanyong tml... Have this feeling nothing would be done so better do now! Sorry Edwin! Don't mean anything! But I guess you can see it yourself right?! After a few session of studying!

OHYA!! BTW!! Can u stop being so LAME!! Messaging me in the middle of the night... When i'm about to fall asleep! Just to look for people to distrub!! Why not use the time to study for FA!!

Remember!! Learn how to resist temptation and concentrate! Remember what you said last night! The most sensible thing you've ever said! After knowing you for 2-3 months! :P You are a person that keep your promise rite!

Does looks really matter?

Kindness begets kindness... So long as you are kind, looks doesn't matter? Is that true?

I DOUBT SO! COME ON! We are living in a realistic world!! Out of 10 people 11 people go for looks...

See what I mean... you are kind-hearted, helpful, cheerful but fat and ugly... that's it...

haiz...

I'm staring at the screen now... With my winamp playing the song "love of my life"... Have been hearing it it since i boarded the bus at Orchard... It's been repeated so many times.... I've got things to blog but I don't know how to start... Well, now I remember...

Woke up at 11.40... Headed to school to study with Hanyong... well, didn't study much coz I was so tired and slack... Or probably I'm abit confident with my FA but just didn't dare to say out... Coz whenever I say out... The opposite would happen... So I'll just say it once and let it be over... I've faith in GOD!

Left at 5, coz I needed to give tuiton... Well, met Bernard(Watchi) on the way... He was heading to Orchard so went together... Kind of weird man! He talks to me in chinese and I answer in English.... Throughout the whole conversation it was like that... And when I told him I do teach chinese! He was shocked! Coz it's me...

Reached there... Was not feeling very well... Waited for Nini to come down to Mac but she took a long time... End up she told me, she's going to bring her baby sister down and have tuition together... WTH! I'm so like... haiz... so end up told her tml at her house...

Headed home... Slept in the bus... Coz I didn't want to think of anything... Just feel like resting...

Well, slacking now before going for my next tuition...

2 shows in a day!

Met up with Edwin, Hanyong, Mei and Cia to study today... Well didn't manage to study much! Coz we were all super slack... But suddenly at about 5+ got the feeling to study... So managed to finish up my analysis of financial statement! hehe...

Ok... I watched 2 shows in a day!!! With Edwin and Hanyong...

Watched "Yesterday Once more" by Andy lau and Sammi... Well! Don't ask me how the show was! Coz I didn't really get what it meant! Probably will watch it another time again... To understand the show...

Then didn't want to go home... So went to watch "Ouija Board" start after that! Horror show... Ok don't ask me how's the show again... Coz 3/4 of the show I had my jacket over my eyes!! I'm scare! That's typical me! But hey! I know the storyline k! Better than Edwin!! haha... :P But not going to say...

After that went to Lau Pa Sat to eat... Coz I was hungry... And they tried to scare me on our way there... And I freaking hell scream k!! I did! I was scare lor! I immediately squat down! And there's tears in my eyes!! Hey guys! Stop playing about such things pls!

After that head for home... Haha... Edwin wants to study on Sunday... So decided to cancel tuition and helo him to get started for his FA!! EDWIN YOU OWE IS ONE AR!!

Bought supper for meiying and meichan coz i'm scare!! So I need them to accompany me!

Wanted to study till morning but i'm so tired!! Think I'm going to sleep... Coz going back to school to study tml!!

So take a rest first then study!! Coz I'm quite prepared for Fa already!!

Can't wait for exams to be over!!! I want to enjoy!!

Ohya!! I'm going to be rich again!! It's pay day tml! And when I came home just now! I saw 50 bucks on my table!! haha... My mum gave it to me...

OK! off to sleep!

I'm a liar!

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE CALL ME A NATURAL LIAR!!! I HATE IT!! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE LISTED LIKE THAT!

I DON'T CARE IF THEY ARE JOKING OR NOT!! I JUST DON'T LIKE IT!!

Here I am trying hard to refrain myself from lying about anything... And I have people calling me a LIAR!

WTH! It's making me so guilty and pissed... LOSER AND LIAR DOESN'T SOUNDS NICE AT ALL!

It's making me ahh... and upset?

Alright fine! Whatever!

BABIES ARE GIFT FROM GOD! THEY ARE SO ADORABLE! BABIES! BABIES!!

Ok I was playing game with Edwin just now... And all of a sudden I felt like studying! I know it sounds weird! But it just came suddenly...

So i'm grabbing my chance now before the feeling goes away... Or else I will slack! But I have a problem!

I got to wake up at 8.45 tml... Coz I've got to teach at 10... But I don't know how am I going to wake up! Coz once I start! I can't stop! Unless I'm force to! Well! let's see how it goes...

Will be studying with cia, edwin n hanyong they all tml... Better work out well! Hope we really study instead of slack!

Ohya... Went to Nini's house for tuition!! My god! her sister is so adorable! So cute! The pair of small eyes, ears hands, feet n eyebrows... small little mouth and nose! Just got me so excited! I carried her while she was sleeping! OH MY GOD!! I'm so in love with her! At that moment I felt the warmth and love in me!! Burning so strongly! She's so adorable!!!

I can't wait to get married and have a child of my own! Ok I know it sounds crazy! But really can't help it!! Babies are gifts from God! Everytime I see pregnant ladies! I'll be so oh!!!

Haiz...

"Forever" by Damage

CHORUS
I'll be loving you forever
Deep inside my heart you'll leave me never
Even if you took my heart and tore it apart
I would love you still forever

You are the sun, you are my light
And you're the last thing on my mind
Before I go to sleep at night
You're always 'round when I'm in need
When trouble's on my mind
You put my soul at ease

There is no one in this world
Who can love me like you do
So many reasons that I
Want to spend forever with you
(chorus)

We've had our fun, and we've made mistakes
But who'd have guessed along that road
We'd learn to give and take
It's so much more than I could have dreamed
You make loving you
So easy for me

There is no one in this world
Who can love me like you do
That is the reason that I
Want to share forever with you

CHORUS
(And girl I pray you leave me never)

BRIDGE:
Coz this is a world
Where lovers often go astray
But if we love each other
We won't go, won't go that way
So put your doubts aside
Do what it takes to make it right
Coz I'll love you forever
No one can tear us apart

I'll be loving you forever
Deep inside my heart you'll leave me never
Even if you took my heart and tore it apart
I would love you still forever

I just want you to know that I can't eat, I can't sleep
I can't breathe, whenever i'm without you
When we walk, I stand tall
When I talk, I only talk about you girl

CHORUS (TILL FADE)

Got up from my comfortable bed at about 1+... Had not have a good sleep for a long time... Had enough today..

The first thing was to switch on the com and blog... hehe... Don't know why... Just wanted to...

Have not started studying for FA yet, will try later...

Let's see my schedule for the day... Actually there's nothing at all... Going to teach at 5... Then after that home...

Hm... Have this sudden feeling to watch movie... haiz... Muz be edwin's influence!! haha... Thinking back... I've been going out the whole of last week... watching movie 3 consecutive days!! Totally broke my record!

Well he actually suggested studying yesterday... But forget it! With him there's only play!! Well, it has my blog so can't talk bad about him!! nah... just jokin pal~! U ain't that bad! At least you help us to unwind!! Thanx~!

Giving recognition to two people...

YUP!! I'm blogging this entry to give recognition to 2 people... That is Alicia and Ivan... One is my auntie agony and the other is uncle agony...

Hey guys!! Thanx for the past few days and weeks... Helping me to see things from different angle and analysising it for me... Knocking some sense into me...

Thanx alot!! If not for you guys, think I'll still be rather down... I'm happier today... I'm saying the truth coz I can feel that I'm feeling more relax and lighter...

I'M happy....

I took my MA test!! I've got 11.3 upon 35... haha... yes i failed! But I don't know why I'm feeling so happy!

Probably I expect it but of coz I'm feeling abit disappointed too... Coz I don't know how am I going to pass this module... Trying hard not to brood over it... So that I won't think too much... Main focus now is to concentrate on other modules...

Well, the class didn't do well too... But as compare to other classes our lowest was 7... one of the class actually have someone who got 2... And the average for the whole level is 14.38 only... imagine how tough is it... It's not even a pass rate...

After MA,meimei, cia, edwin, hanyong and me went out together... Went to Bugis to collect meimei's air ticket then had lunch at Mos Burger...

After that happen to met Val, chien and xiaohui... So ended going to cineleisure to watch "cool guy"... Not a bad show... Just that in between I closed my eyes coz I was too tired...

We went for coffee bean again... Haiz... Been there for like so many times... almost the whole of last week...

After that went around orchard to slack before heading off to give tuition... I was super drain...very tired...

played a trick on my parents... I bluff them that I picked up a $100 note but actually it belongs to hanyong... haha... My parents were super happy... Didn't intend to tell them the truth until those 4D results are out... Or else they will kill me!!

Talking about 100 bucks... haiz... hanyong use your brain! Who will use a $100 note to pay for a $1.65 bar of snickers... when you can't even pay for your ankle support with that... End up money still comes back to me... haiz...

Change a new skin... the last one was too pink... Yup it's my favourite colour! But I just felt that something was missing... so chose this... It's still pink but with a bit of brown...

And I'm having problems looking for the songs I want to put in my blog so end up chose this song...

Well, kind of sleepy going to have my beauty sleep...

oh ya... got back my FA results... Got 77... Well not that bad... Can do better!

UpDaTeZzZz....

Hmm.... didn't have the mood to blog the past few days... but this few days has been rather down for me... Thought of lots of things but lucky my friends were there for me to advse me... Thanx guys!!

Friday

Had RWPS presentation... Was super nervous before that... But when I went up I felt ok... Came the confidence... haha... Don't know why... She said I was confident!! haha... Except for one thing... Don't know why when Edwin went up to present everybody started laughing... haha... Don't know why suddenly everybody just had this laughinb bug entering our body...

Think it's becoz we could see that he's nervous... haha... EDWIN! COME ON!! Don't be afraid! You still have abt 1 and 1/2 year to go lor!!

After RWPS edwin, Alicia, Meimei and me went out... Kind of lazy to recall where we go... But remembered we played true and dare! And for ONCE! I see edwin so scare!! haha... EDWIN! I TOLD YOU! BELIEVE IN RETIBUTION! IT EXISTS! :P

After tat head for home...

Saturday

Hm.. let me recall first... ohya... Went to Paya Lebar to study with Edwin, Hanyong, Meimei and Alicia... Don't talk about it! All of us didn't have the mood to study! So slack...

Left there at around 6+... Then Edwin brought us to eat chicken rice!! PLS EDWIN!! I ate better ones before lor!! WTH! forget it...

Then after that went to parkway parade to slack... Was kind of walking like a zombie coz I was too tired...

Took a cab home...

Sunday

went to church... then did some rehearsal and meeting for the christmas event... Then Andy and I were super playful... Kept disturbing the rest... Coz we were "Mary" and "Joseph"... haha... Well done! Andy! haha...

After church... Head down to Nini's house for tuition... MAN! It was a tough one! She was looking after her baby sister and expect me to teach at the same time! WTH!! I can't! So tuition lasted about 45mins then I left...

Went for the next tuition opposite my house... When I reached there was so happy to receive a good news... Suppose to have tuition for 2 hours but her mum told me 1 hour enough! That means I can meet Jermaine earlier!! haha...

Met up with Jermaine at about 9... Went to Tiong Bahru coz I need to take my dinner... Then had a long talk with her downstair our house... Told her everything and she analysis things for...

THANX PAL!! I'M SO PROUD TO HAVE YOU AS MY BEST FRIEND! IT'S HARD TO COME BY!! THANX FOR THE GIFT!! LOVE IT!

ohya... my birthday has been over for like 2 weeks and I'm still receiving present!! haha... Will post the pics up... Too lazy to take now...

Well besides that think nothing much...

I have no mood to blog now... Coz my hand is in pain... Very pain! Let's see what I did the past few days...

Wednesday

Skipped school... Went to Farrer Park... For rock climbing!! Surprise?! My new interest! haha... no la joking... Went there with Edwin and Hanyong... Actually wanna rock climb but injured my hand so too bad...

So end up Hanyong and Edwin climb... But Edwin climbed for awhile only then study for his FA...

Edwin left about 3+... Left Hanyong and me... By that time we were slacking already... So gave him a route to climb...

All thanx to my big mouth, he tried to help me overcome my phobia of heights... By forcing me to go onto a platform... it's 2 storey high and below is nth except for the floor... DAMN! I was freaking scared lor... He helped me up there and I just stood there I couldn't move...

But well, super nice place... the place had a kampong feeling.... Good place to relax... We had a talk there and did some maths questions... But was super drain to do anything... Left about 4.30pm...

Went to PS to watch "The Exorcist"! Stupid show! Covered my face for like thousands of time... Before the show went to slack around Orchard... Coz we were too early for the show...

But when we bought the tickets then I realize that I would be late for my tuiton which I did... For about 20mins...

Thursday...

Went to school for Blaw presentation... Well it was overall ok...

After that went to Plaza hotel with Mei and Cia to collect meimei's air ticket...

Was super tired... Probably it's becoz of the medicine that I took the night before... Have not subside... Well I call it sleeping pills but the doc say it's not just some medicine to relax...

Took a cab home then bath and slept!! not a bad sleep!
Then Edwin called to ask if I wanna go for dinner... The plan at first was that since I'm sleeping then forget it...

Then he suddenly call again... Then end up Hanyong, Edwin and me went to "LAKESIDE"! What the heck rite... go till so far...They lived at enuos and Aljunied lor... went to look for mei and cia coz they were studying there... didn't know that the decision lies with me... If not I'll choose to stay at Tiong Bahru since they were there to wait for me...

After dinner, came home... prepare for my presentation...

Going off to sleep already...

My mind is in a whirl!

I'm confused! I'm scared! I'm afraid!

I hope for this days to come true but when it came true... I'm now afraid!

All I can say is I don't know!

I'm so afraid!

Difficult time to bath!

I had a difficult time bathing!!!

I only can use my left hand to bath... My right hand can't be wet coz of the oilment! So difficult to bath! I took like 1/2 hr or more to bath!

Suddenly remember Charlton's advice! He would sometimes eat with his left hand, even though he's a right-handed....

This is his reason... "Muz train what! What if one day my right hand can't be used"?!

My god! Now I really understand this sentence! Muz really learn from him and train my left hand too...

Haiz... Now I realize the importance of my left hand... Actaully I knew it when I was in Percussion already! But now it's more important!


*sOb*... My hand is bandaged! 

I'm so happy!

I'm super duper happy!! haha... i'm over the moon!! So over the moon!

First it's the MA presentation! We passed! That's a wonderful good news! We were all so happy...

The whole class presentation lasted only for like 45 mins... the shortest presentation I ever had! But well! One is over! haha... Yeah!

Guess what! After that our next lecture is at 1pm... didn't know where to go...

So decided to go out for lunch... Went to Cineleisure with Alicia, Meimei, Nat, Edwin, Anthony, James and Hanyong... Had pasta Mania! Well the pasta there is horrible! The worst pasta i ever eaten!

All of us were so slack! Then didn't feel like going back to school... So intended to skip the whole day! haha... Briliant idea! :P

Only Anthony, James and Nat went back to school... So only meet Meimei, Alicia, Edwin, Hanyong and me went to watch movie... Went to watch "Wimbledon"... Not a bad show... Not very good too...

Then after that head down to Boat Quay! Well I can say that it's a wonderful day!

Even though for a few bad things... First of one matter... Another is becoz I strain my nerves! And I went to the sinseh... And I had to be in bandage for 3 freaking days! That means I got to do my presentation with the bandage! So weird right!

But besides this... Everything was ok!

System shut down!

I'm feeling so tired and I can't think of what to blog...

But Will update tomorrow... My brain is not working... System shut down!

Slept at 5+ again... PLayed games with Hanyong... And I'm super sleepy...

THis song has been in my mind since like Saturday... "Reflection" Seems to be describing my feelings now...

Look at me,
You may think you see who I really am
but you'll never know me
everyday, its as if i play a part

Now i see, if I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

chorus:
Who is that girl I see,
Staring straight back at me.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside.

verse 2:
I am now,
in a world where I have to hide my heart,
and what I believe in.
But somehow I will show the world,
whats inside my heart,
and be loved for who I am.

chorus:
Who is that girl I see,
staring straight back at me.
Why is my reflection someone I dont know,
must I pretend that i'm,
someone else for all time,
when will my reflection show who I am inside.

bridge:
There's a heart that must be free to fly,
That burns with the need to know the reason why.

verse3:
Why must we all conceal,
what we think,
how we feel.
Must there be a secret me i'm forced to hide.
I won't pretend that i'm,
someone else for all time.
When will my reflection show,
Who I am inside.
When will my reflection show,
Who I am inside.

*yAwNz*

outing was FANTASTIC!!

haha... Super good outing...

There were Muru, Effendi, Raf, Venassa, Joanne, Jermaine and me!! haha... What a wonderful night!!

When i reached there I was super exhausted! Super tired and laid back...

They decided to look for a place to chill out... And we went into N.Y.D.C.... Wonderful place man!

God knows for what reason I started going high! Probably it's the chocolates!!

I had potato salad, oreo obession and lemon shiver! Oh GUYS! You should try out the oreo obession man! When Venassa and guys saw the plate of oreo cheese cake and ice-cream!! They were all eyeing for it!! And they started snatching for it!! haha...

Then after that I went high! And I meant really high!! We laugh our hearts out... Dance with the music while sitting!! And had so much fun with the handwriting analysis thingy~ Ohya Raf analysis Joanne's, Effendi's and Jermaine's handwriting...

Haha.. guess what's our first question that we wanted Raf to say after he finished analysising... It's their SEX DRIVE!! haha...

Coz of MURU!! So far Muru's the top on the list for highest sex drive!! haha... No one can beat him man!!!

Ohya Joanne and him is of the same level but the difference is that Joanne knows how to control!! haha...

Ok sorry guys!! too high!! But it was really fun!!

Wonderful night!!

Oreo obession + potato salad + lemon shiver + analysising of handwriting + more than words = high!!

I don't need alcohol!! I'm already high enough!! Just chocolates!! haha...

Ohya...
TO raf! No worries k! cheer up!

I'm dead beat!

I am so tired... So so tired...

It's been a long day... really long day...

Went to church in the morning... Stayed there till 5+... Had a meeting for the events of Christmas... Then went for lunch... After that had to figure out the rythmn of the songs... So that I can play the keyboard... Haiz... ALmost cried! But well, did it in the end... I'm so proud of myself...

Start after church went to give to Nini's house for tuition... I can practically stone there man!! So did somethings which was super slack... Taught her how to write a compo...

After Nini went for another tution!! Hey man!! Isn't Sunday supposed to be a sabbath! And II'm waorking my heads off... haiz...

OK I was freak out!! Seriousle freak out! I guess you guys knew about the recent case of a 4 year old girl being thrown out of the window right! OK it's at my area it's one of those blocks opposite my house! But you know what!! IT happens to be my student's block!!

What the hell lor! And just now when I went to take the lift I saw some people burning papers! SHit man!! And I knew it was that spot! I freak out man!!

I was really terrified!!

Was praying hard in the lift!! But well.. The fear is there but just pray hard!

OK off to meet Jermaine they all at Holland V for dinner...

I'M SO TIRED OF EXPLAINING!

"Zai said I'm the stupidest woman she ever met coz I kept letting chances slipped off"

This was my msn nick... And know what! Most of my frens agreed to it! And they all started to flood me and asked me why...

I had to explain to all of them one by one and i'm so tired... haiz...

Finally done with explaining... Well I have friends that agree and disagree... But well I guess I'll take things easy...

And I'm glad that I have supportive friends...

And Alicia left me this message:

Dearest pal,

Hahahha here's something for u....

CHEER UP!! Don’t be upset/ heartbroken/ unhappy k? I’ll be with u every step of the way. Remember to follow ur heart!! Next time, think thrice before deciding whether or not u want to do something k? don’t live a life full of regrets.. I’m sure u don’t want to regret any further right? Hahaha! It’s a good thing to be in love with someone. Everything will be fine! We have a lot of time ya.. till year 3. have confidence in urself!! =) hope to see a smiley Jocelyn every day! And...... sleep early!! Hahaha

from: 'ur les partner' hahahhah!

haha... ohya... she's my les partner... Coz i intend to convert!! haha...

But well at least I know I have a group of friends who are very concern about me... THANX PEOPLE!

I'm the stupidest woman in the world!

Just woke up from a nap!! Had a terrble nightmare!! Can't remember exactly what is it about but I know it's something ghostly... Must be too many ghost stories...

Met Zai just now... Came to my house to get the chicken then went to tiong bahru for lunch... Update her about my life...

And she scolded me...

"Jocelyn! You are the stupidest woman I ever met"!
"Why do you always let chances slepped off"?

Told her about clarence that matter and she said...

"See"! You ruined the chance yourself!

And she asked me a questions... Which really got me thinking... And it made me cry...

"Jocelyn, Do you want to regret"?!

"you have already let go of a big fish before that, now"?

I know I did gave up a big fish before that and I feel so ah.....!!!!!!!

I was totally shut by her... I didn't know what to say... I'm not the kind that know how to express myself... I only know how to wait and cry after that...

haiz...... Off to bath and give tuition!

I woke up late today! Slept at 5am last night... Coz of doing my student's maths questoins... Took awhile to solve the questions and there were 7 stacks of paper to do... And I'm like only done with 2!!

WTH! haiz... nvm... Manage to come to school at 1 just to hand in my report... Then after that going home again... got to skip Blaw lecture to help Zai... She's coming to my house to take her marinated chicken and stringray... Crazy right! She lived at Jurong and I lived at Telok blangah... After collecting she's going back to west coast to have bbq~!

I'm so bored! My stomach is aching!! ah... Feel like puking! But well I'm ok! Guess I'm lacking of some sleep...

Didn't had the mood to blog just now... Well, tutorial was totally slack... It was a free and easy tutorial... Coz we were to do our Blaw project...

But our group has already finished so slack lor... Talked to Venassa during the lesson lunch break... Told her alomst everything coz I was too sad... Ya i agree sometimes shit happens... Tried to get over it... Was ok... Got over it...

Wanted to go home after the lunch break but started to say ghost story among our group... But god knows for what reason... The whole class diverted their concentration to ghost stories... Coz of one word that my group said "camp"!

Got my tutor so involved... And she even said it's more exciting then Blaw... Indeed it is... So the lesson ended with ghost story... By the time I heard enough of the stories... I was so afaird that I couldn't move or whatever... I just know that I'm not me...

My tutor saw me and laughed at me...

"haha... look at jocelyn! She's so terrified that she looks as if she's going to faint"! haha...

But well it's true...

Well this what i have to say today...

And here's a sentence for me today... And to everybody!

LIFE has its ups and downs. Sometimes the sun shines, sometimes the rain pours. BUT don't forget, it takes both sun and rain to make a RAINBOW!!

Bad mood!

I'm in a bad mood today... I'm so sad and devasted! I received the most devasting news first thing in the morning... I totally couldn't accept it...

There was tears in my eyes, and my heart seems to stab several times... the pain was there in my heart... I couldn't take it anymore... GOD HELP ME!!

I couldn't manage to do anything for the rest of the day... I felt so sick...

I bought 2 pairs of shoes! Yes 2 pair at one go!! haha... Alicia can't believe it!! And I'm the first among all her friends to do so many things...

Like buying 2 shoes at one go... erm... eat more than she does...

I ate one bowl of beef noodles quite big bowl... A char siew pie, 2 chwee kueh, one cup of chin chow, one cup of lemon-lime from Mac and a large fresh fries shared with Alicia! hehe... A lot right!

But I'm not in a good mood... So it's not something good! haha...

Ohya... I think things are rather weird nowadays... I'm only beginning to know things that happen like 2-3 years ago!! WTH! OK Victor told me someone had a crush on me during sec 4, but didn't have the courage to tell me. But he never and is not going to tell me who. But well, anyway it's the past...

Just hope that people surrounding me can be truthful with me now... Whatever that is good or bad... Just clarify! Don't assume if you have any doubts! I hate assumption! Instead of waiting like few years later!!

Well finished touching up my rwps... off to do maths questions...

I FINISHED MY REPORT!

YEAH!! I finished my individual report already!! haha... All thanx to Alicia... Or else I'll still be mugging!! haha...

I'm done! Tomorrow can go slack!! haha...

But exams are coming still have not study and I'm so behind my classmates... Have to start studying now... haiz...

ECM 2(a) is over!!

YEAH! Presentation is over!!! Finally! I was super fast with my part! Coz of Daniel! For his own part, he has 23 slides!! what the hell! And we only had 15 mins to present! All thanx to him! I missed out one big part!!! But lucky we didn't exceed 15 mins... Phew!

Ok presentation is over! But my stomach still feels weird... I went to the toilet for like 5 times.... TO VOMIT! And all that comes out is nothing... only the saliva and worse the acid! Ya I vomitted acid! My friends are begging me to go see a doctor but i don't want... Probably wait til it gets worse! It's bad to vomit acid that's what Shun Li says....

Probably I have stomach cancer! Who knows right?!

I mean you never know when you are going to die! Who knows?! Only God! Yesterday night I just had a thought that I'm not able to see the sunlight today... I was so afraid coz there are so many things I want to do... I don't want to die... And I prayed so hard to ask God to take away the thought away from me! Well the thought was gone and I slept quite well...

And I saw the sunlight again today! hehe... Even thought I had difficulty waking up but not when I was awaken by messages! I got myself out of bed and bath! haha... but i took a cab...

Had to come for BFI coz i promised Alicia to... So here I am...

I make a fool out of myself today... I board the cab and I told the driver... "Uncle, Telok blangah Crescent". WTH!

I'm asking the uncle to go to my place when I boarded the cab at my place... haiz...

Tiring day... And I don't feel good...

Haiz... I feel like vomitting now and my stomach feels weird... Feel like shitting but cannot come out, feel like vomitting but cannot come out... Sian...

Today went for MA practical then skipped the whole day of lecture... Supposed to go Suntec NYDC with meimei and Alicia... Meimei suggested to call the guys to go... So we called them and they were at the library doing their EPI when it's due yesterday...

Meimei, Alicia and I helped Hanyong do his part... Coz he was super slow... He really owe us one man...

After that head down to Heeren's Sakae... Had a fun time... Then walk around got children's day present for my students...

Then wanted to go home when we were at Taka... but saw coffee bean!! then I remember Cheese cake... SO all of us went inside to chat... haha... took the guys money to pay... Took all their money...

Had lots of fun there... playing games and saying lame jokes... Especially Edwin... Can't stand his jokes! Super lame...

And I couldn't stop laughing man! As if there is laughing gas in me... Before they can say the funny part i'm already laughing like mad!

And they keep teasing me and Hanyong!! WTH!!! I wasn't blushing and they say I was blushing!! haiz...

But they are really a nice batch of guys to mixed with... very funny...

Doing my rwps report now... Don't know what happen to the stupid com... Can't acess to anything just now... Then auto-restart itself... Then everything is back to normal! lucky...

Tml got presentation... Sian-sation...haiz...

I'm "drunk"!

haha... Not really drunk... It's because I'm so sleepy and tired today that my friends didn't know what I was talkng... Guess they were sort of freak out by me... They didn't understand what I say and kept listening to the words wrongly... I couldn't make out what they say... Geez! It's just the normal monday's blue...

I slept at 2+ last night and I woke up at 10.25... My lesson starts at 11... Ya so i guess you guys know how I got to school... And know what... It's only when we reached school that I saw the uncle forgot to on the meter... haha... I was shocked... But I was honest enough to tell him that it would usually cost 5+... I even gave him extra... I gave him $6 and didn't asked for change!! hehe... Call me stupid but I don't feel the least stupid... don't know why...

Went for RWPS... TO SLACK!! This week was more of a consultation week... waste my cab fare... But nvm I'm glad I went to school... :P

FA tutorial was only 1 hour coz the tutorial was easy... hehe... good! But I was really tired and regrettful... Shan't talk about it!

After FA head down to Cityhall's BK to do project... BLAW project... And we finished already!!! haha... The project was given to us on Friday! We just need to type out and TA-DA! It's done... I'm so proud of my group!! Guess we are the first group in the class to finish it... hehe... *pRoUd* ;)

Finished at about 4+... Then we went shopping for awhile... Bought a couple of things... Then head for home... Almost missed my bus-stop... But managed to wake up and alight at the bus-stop after that...

Ohya! I have a new name!!! Jocelyn Fatimah Bte Lee!! haha... Coz i convert to Muslim!! haha... nah.. just joking...

Hmm... Let's see what I'm doing later... After blogging this entry... I'm going to shit! Then bath, have my dinner and do my report for RWPS and introduction for ECM... Watched my show at 10 then go to bed early... Or else I'll me going to school by cab again! haiz...

It's pay day tml!! haha...

Some pics...


A new bookmark for myself... 


"Jesus loves me"! 


Watch which i bought today! 


It's $10 only! 


These are for my hamsters...  


$14.90!! 


$5.90! 

Everything has come to light now!!

Ok no words can describe how I feel now... Seriously! I'm so happy! It's like a burden off my shoulder.. I'm so glad that we talk things out... After 3 years... I wanna say a big thank you to this person!

If it wasn't for you... Think i will still be thinking of you... how gulity I feel towards you and how sorry I am... I'm glad that you approach me to asked me for the reason...

Coz recently I've been thinking of you... And I wanted to talk to you but didn't know how to... I'm glad you read my blog and it gave you the push to asked me.. But well I got the answer that I wanted to know...

Thanx for all the love you gave me before and leaving sweet memories with me... That I'll never forget... And I can tell you now that I never regretted starting the relationship with you...

And now that we have start a new relationship... Which is friendship! I'm happy to see that you are happy... And finding the person you loves truly and who truly loves you...

Thanx Collin! This entry is to you and I wished you all the best! Take care!

I'm done!

I'm finally done with my EPI! Finally! took quite a while...

Went to bath then contiune to blog... The feeling that I finished my report makes me feel so accomplished!! I did it all by myself!! haha... Enjoyed my bath!

Relationship are such a nuisance!
Friendship are forever...

I'm so tired... Took my FA test... Well what can I say?! I'll definitely passed!! HAHA... NO!! If I can passed I'll be more than happy!!! Serious! If i can pass... My confidence level was so low... I've only manage to start doing my tutorial last night... Just pray hard I can passed!

Went for lunch at PS with some of my ex-classmates... Then left for church... Had song practice with Nei and Vivian... Played the keyboard... Well... I guess I need to release myself about more... I'm just so afraid when there are people around me listening... I dare not to open up... I guess in every of the piece I will have to put "I'm the best keyboard player in the world!" Just like what Mr tan said...

Guess I have to have more confidence in me!! Argh!! It's not the first that my confidence level made me failed what I want to do!! Haiz...

Haiz... Got ot do my EPI report! But I'm feeling so slack! Just took my paper today and I don't fail like starting on work... But I can't tomorrow going to do project... BLAW project! It's due next week! And we got it like yesterday!!

Woke up at about 1+... And immediately buried myself into FA... Trying to figure out Cash Flow by doing my tutorial... Well, not bad...

Having my lunch cum breakfast now~! Then back to work again!!

Ohya... Alicia told me that attendance was bad today... only 9 turn up for school...

Guess FA test shouldn't be at this period of time... Projects and tests just shouldn't come together!!

I'm spinning!

Shit! My head is spinning! I need to sleep!! But I'm trying to force myself to do my work! Damn!!!