this is so sian... My one week break is coming to an end in just abt less than an hour... DARN!! I never had enough rest at all!!! All the sleep I've lost... Damn... I'm feeling so lazy and slack...

I've got TA test on tues and I've yet to start... Think I'm gonna fail it again coz I don't understand a single shit!!

I'm kind of stressed out!!! With all the outdoor performance... There's just too many to say... Shan't mention it here..

I'm off to study... Hopefully

OH MY!!!! OH MAN!!! OH MY GOD!!! It's such a fruitful and wonderful day for me!!! You can't believe this!!! You can't believe who I met!!! You are not!!! And NEVER GONNA BELIEVE ME!!! I'm so happy!!! Ok probably not so...

I met DAVID TAO!!! YES!! HIM!!! Face to face... in private not in some stupid event... I met him in the studio!!! I heard him sing... Heard his conversation... EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM!!! Man!!! HE's Damn good!!! He's so cool!!! Nobody knows!!! ONly me!!! and of coz those producers... Wasn't really excited when I see him... He's just some normal human... I don't wanna over-react and freak him out...

i'm not gonna say how I end up at that studio coz it's gonna be a long long story... I'm just happy I'm expose to another side of the world... :D And I'm looking forward to it... :)

OH YUCK!! I'm so sticky.... and tired... Went to school for the graduation performance... Not bad... We had a full band and the percussion section only....

We did "Outdoor Samba", "Marching Season" and "Jam"... well the first 2 piece wasn't well done... But "Jam" was good... We had fun!!!

After performance... Slept in the band room while waiting for Joanne to keep the scores... And some of the percussionists were playing the piano... Headed to Hollan V Swenses with the whole section except fot Fit... And we had unlimited scoops of ice-cream!! haha.. I had 5 cups!! Talk alot... Crap alot...

Slowly getting to know them better... Percussionists are just a hell crap bunch of people.. But we rock!!! haha...

I'm lack of sleep... After the camp plus today... I'm having a terrible headache... Gonna bath and take a rest... Oh!! And I'm having a stomache after 5 cups of ice-cream with breaded chicken!!

Finally back from my 4D3N band camp... Camp was not bad... had lots of sectionals especially on "Marching Season" coz there was section competition...

Percussion got 3rd... Not too bad... But what matters most is not the ranking... I'm proud of my year 1s!!! "Marching Season" is a very difficult piece which took us months to practice for the previous concert... But this group of people took 2 weeks plus.... I'm proud of them... And of coz my yr 2s and 3s!!!

As a section leader, I've achieve more than just the 3rd place... Got to know the yr 1s better through this camp... And hmm... looking forward towards more fun with these people...

Well that's all for now... I'm really tired and I've got to freaking wake up at 6.45am tml... coz I need to report to school at 8 to go through the performance for the graduation with them...

I still remember the courage that day... I admire that courage of mine... I never thought that it would ever come into my mind... Especially the mind of mine... With a mindset that freaks everybody out...

Reluctant as I am, I said that little prayer to God... I didn't know where that courage came from and the willpower to stay firm... That little war in my heart of doing or not doing it...

I'm glad I did it... the moment I finished saying that prayer and open my eyes... I didn't regret and in fact I felt better... Doing well and sticking to that little prayer... No regrets!

Just another tiring day for me... School started at 9... Oh ya talkin about that... started at 9, I woke up at 9... End up was late for my trading lesson... Didn't wanna go in the first place but didn't wanna go for make-up... So I decided to spend the money... Just a penalty of 15 points...

Ok... School ended at 5... and it ended with the most BORING LESSON!!! BD!! Headed for tuition at Lucky plaza then opposite my house... By the time I'm home, it's already 10+... *yAwNz*

Tired... having a headache... But I'm up packing my clothes coz they are piling up... And soon I'll be in my dreamland again...

school starts at 9 again tml... I hope I won't be late... But that's not gonna help much...

Time now is 1.35pm... And Mr Low is still not back... Missions failed!! The class is awaiting for his return...

It's TA lesson now... And the class is dead silence... More quiet than usual... Coz Mr Low left the classroom... Coz he has already lose half of us... Not just for this lesson but for almost all his lesson, we are basically not concentrating... So he left the lab but before that he talk to us nicely... He didn't shout or yell at us... Now this is the guilty part... So nice yet not appreciated by us... some of my classmates have gone to apologise... wonder what's the conversation like?

I'm having my TA notes in front of me... Reading it through coz I know NUTS about this topic... And after reading... I conclude..... I KNOW NUTS EITHER!!! I'm freaking tired, my eyes are heavy and nothing gets into my brain... I have to read it like several times before I know what is it about...

EA test was ok can pass but think it's gonna be border line only...

Went to see DR Eu just now... And just like tat 175 bucks is gone... YES JUST LIKE TAT!! And I'm still on the bloody medication which I really drag taking... Just hope this would be the last month...

Was on the train home and Denis said something... At that moment I didn't know how to answer him... I looked away when I answer him and I could feel that tears was filling my eyes... How am I suppose to answer something that I, myself, don't even know what's going on... It brought be back once again...

The clock is ticking and each day past like that... I don't know how I manage to survive but I did... Those feeling initially I could remember so clearly... When I was in the state of depression, the next moment wasn't important at all... Death was nothing at all coz you feel that you don't belong here at all... All you wanted to do was to hide and be isolated... I still remember those thoughts I have in mind... *geessshhhh* It's scary man... I'm glad those thoughts are gone for GOOD!

Though I'm not happy now... With all those unnecessary stress from tuition, band and school... And wanting to be left alone but I'm glad life is back to normal... Though not as interesting, but at least it's back to the way it is before...

Won't exactly say that I'm back to the normal me... Coz I know deep inside how I have change... My thinking and my directions... But I guess I've mature alot...

I'm having EA test tml... And I'm at my last chapter, left with a few more pages... But I'm still not confident enough... yet to go thru my tutorials and I need to go thru them again...

Took the day off from school today... Ok I skipped school... Stayed at home with the intention to study... but hmm... I think I watch TV more than I study... Just hope tml won't be a killer paper... Lecturers that are super slack but in actual fact they are smart ass!! What's with these people??!!!

I manage to smoke thru my FIA... But I doubt I can pass for CF... Quite sure about it...

Just had a talk with Jerm... I'm glad I called her... Feeling much better now... And glad to clear things up... Though it's not much of a big matter but small matters accumulate to become big... So I'm glad I clean up that black spot...

And anyway in the first place it was because of me that that small little arguement arose... It was my mood...

Been in a rather bad mood recent.. And for those we had suffer under me for the past few weeks... I'm really sorry...

OK off to study for EA...

In conclusion... It's been a bad day... I don't wanna talk about it... The next few days would be as sucky too...

I'm not in the mood to do things with others... Except myself...

I need to get away... I need a place to hide and be alone... I wanna turn off my phone and just leave everything untouch for a little moment... But each time when I wanna do so, the situation doesn't allows me too...

I can't off my phone coz of tuition... I have to teach almost like everyday... I can't off it coz I need to msg the section about band prac and sectionals...

I just wanna put this responsibility down for a moment.. Leave it... Be irresponsible... Heck care... And totally not give a shit about it...

Who am I?

Impatient, short-tempered, awfully disgusting, selfish, uncaring, inconsiderate... blah blah blah... All the bad words that can be used... applies to me...

What has become of me? I don't know... I've been like that... I think I'm really an awful person... I feel so low...

I don't know what happen to my 2 tests too... My mind at that moment... seriously went blank but I seem relax about it...

I just wanna be left alone seriously... I need to do some time for self-reflection... And I need to quiet down to sort out somethings myself...

I wanna be alone!! So pls allow me to!!

Watch your thoughts, it becomes words.
Watch your words, it becomes actions.
Watch your actions, it becomes habit.

Finally!!

I finally packed my room!! I packed my table, cupboard and my bags... I took some of my new clothes to wash already... *pHeW*... it's so much neaty now...  But there's still somemore that needs to be wash and I wonder when would be the next time... ;) Below are the clothes which I bought recently... Some of them I bought months again but have not wash it! :)



Bought the four pair of earrings ytd... :)

Bought this skirt today at $16... It's so me!! That's what they said!

Oh man!! I simply love this pants!! I love the green... Oh ya! I've got a sudden craze into green nowadays... I wore it for my mum to see and she said it's so indian! YEAH! That's the style I like!!

This t-shirt cost 10 bucks only!!!

bought this 2 tops from Giordano... Don't know why...

Baleno top which I bought like in Feb and just wash it today... oh no... I have not wash it yet coz there's no more space to hang it... :)

Bought this from "ebase".. $12.50....

Ok the next few tops are from "Mango"!! Which left me so upset when I didn't get it and went crazy while waiting to go get it!!

This is $13... The one top which I left "Mango" feeling so upset... Just for this top they gave me a freaking big bag which I could fold it and carry like a purse?

A retro tube top... Will only wear it if I get my half black cardigain... :D

Jeans from "Mango"

OK!! This is the top that I LOVE!!! I really went crazy over it! And could help thinking abt it!!!

Another top from "Mango"

This top is from "Four skin"... Bought it for $9.90... "Sex cures headaches just comes three a day"... That's the reason for buying it!! OK!! Don't think otherwise!

Bought this at bugis for $15 i think...



my favourite moomoo top from Giordano Junior!

A formal top... Won't wear this unless it's a presentation day...

From Ebase - $19

I simply love shopping!! And there's Mango sales today!! AH!! And I didn't go... But it's ok... Not really in the mood to shop... The weather is so bloody hot today!! I could just melt even standing under the shade while waiting for the traffic!!

And anyways I'm quite satisfied... Coz I've been spending money like there's no TML!! GOSH!! I need to stop!! CONTROL is the word!! Ok gotta pack accessories!!

I need more hangers!! No... I need a new wardrobe! A room to myself would be the best!!! MY freaking cupboard has no space anymore!! And I have not wash my clothes! My room is in a mess now... I don't know where to start to pack...

Wanted to spend my time to pack today but sadly I failed!

Tml is a long long day... I have CF tutorial in the morning, then follow by EA and then a make-up FO practical! Hopefully it ends at abt 3+ .... Coz at 5pm the percussion section has an audition so we need to rehearse!!!

The audition is for performance in Bintan in October... It's some random rich man who initially wanted the Jazz band to perform at his hotel but Ms Hope open up to the percussion section... CHEERS!! If we get in to the audition THEN our trip to Bintan in October would be sponsored!! Everything... the stay the food... hmm... think we would be paid too... I think so... can't really remember...

Oh yeah... The percussion section has got lots of cool offers!!! The "milkrun" was just over... And now!! We have more offers!!

16 July - People's Association's "Rthymn of Youths"
Between 6-14 Aug - National Day Celebrations At Marina South Carnival
27 Aug - Orchard Rd Busking Event

Totally cool!! Never thought that we would go this far...

But... Some of them are tired already... *sigh*

Don't know what to say... Don't wanna stress them... Will just keep it to myself then...

Signing off!

HAHA!!! I'm so happy!! Am Satisfied!! I've gotten my tops at mango!! I bought 3 tops and a pair of jeans from "Mango"!!! And a t-shirt from four skin!!

Man!! I feel so good now!! Spent about 100+ for these five items... :)

Oh my god!! I feel so good! haha... Ok I'm really crazy... I still remember this morning when I waited for tiime to pass... Am really going crazy!! The moment I step into the Shop and got hold of my tops!!! I felt SAFE!!! *pHeW*

Don't know what's gotten over me! These is the second time that I find myself SO CRAZY over something...

Now I have 4 bags of new clothes to wash.. 2 big ones... Hmm... Think I shld wash them tml... Since school starts at 3... Just hope that I don't slp too much!! ;)

I'm so sad!! So heart-broken!!! I can't believe that happen!! I can't believe that I actually did that!! I can't believe that I came out of Mango with only 1 top!!! When I wanted to buy 3 tops!!! Coz I've not enough bucks!!!! ARGH!!! SOB!!!! I had enough money to buy 2!! But I don't know why?! And I didn't buy my fav one!!! ARGH!!!!

I just pray hard it's there tml!! I've asked my sis to go down tml morning to get it for me!! Just hope it's still there!!! Don't you people take it away from me!!!

I'm tired? Woke up early today to rehearse for the sunday performance... somehow it's ok already... Hopefully...

Am stoning at home now... There's band bbq later... Hope it would be good!

Oh ya!! Christopher Cheong, my FO lecturer, called me this morning!! When I was still sleeping! Imagine the way I speak to him man!! Is he nuts or what?! 7 in the morning?! Crazy... Ok anyways that's not the issue! He called and asked for the reason why I didn't turn up for the first FO lesson... I told him that I was excused from class that day and I have already submitted the excuse letter!! I mean didn't they change the whole system?!! And he said he don't care, no matter what I do i must show him EVIDENCE!! When I can produce NO SHIT!! Thank God! I didn't delete the confirmation from the SAS... And I have already attended my 3rd lesson, and until now then he asked me to go for a make-up for the first lesson!! HELLO!! EFFICIENCY!!! It's like way long already!!! Whatever!! I'll just go for that damn lesson....

That was one of the thing that spoilt my mood even before I'm fully awake from my sleep... The second thing was that... Till today I wasn't able to get full attendance and the performance is on sunday... And that really pisses me off! Didn't I state it clearly that everybody must come? If there's a need for me to be more strict and be a bitch in everybody's eyes! Then i'll be one!!!

Everything is just shit now... I'm not in a good state recently... Little things pisses me off.. i'm losing my patience with people... And if things ain't going my way, i'll be pulling a long face...

Whatever it is... I just hope this period of time would go past faster... And for the time being... I really need to be alone...

Finally we are done with the composition for the sunday's performance at Zouk... Was a tiring day for everybody yesterday... But nevertheless... We came out with it... Hope it's gd!

Can't really rmb what I want to blog... But just one word... I'm emotionally not stable recently... I get agitated easily....