April... the fool's month.

phew what a close shave, I would say.

Am finally able to eat chilli after 2 weeks.

Last week was terrible.

Seriously speaking I was really afraid of scoping that I prayed hard and cried that it will recover.

As always. God answers prayers. Everything is all well.

Recovering from that painful experience was the best thing that happen in the month of April.

April was a really bad month. Not just for me. But everyone else beside me.

I screwed up my Finance Managerial MST. And I walked out happily facing the fact that am going to fail this paper. I just know it.

Finished up my MR individual proj., not gonna do well. I just know again.

Left with FM & MR grp project.

I have not been studying and doing my revision. Too much slacking. Am just so tired and exhausted everyday.

And with promotion to authoriser, am finishing work at almost 7+,8 everyday. There's too much things to do. More to come. I know that. Again.

I barely even have time for gym nowadays. What's more abt losing weight and sweating it all out.

And interest. well... it was supposed to be an interest,doing what you enjoy. Absolutely stress free. But now it's more of a burden. No not the right word. Stress. yea... that's the word. It's making me a little upset and helpless. And definitely guilty.

Seriously speaking. Stress level is hitting it's peak soon. And I'm talking about taking 3 modules for my next sem,with work and tuition.

Mentally: am zonked.

Physically: Not sure when it's going to give way.

Probaly stress was the reason to the gastric pain. Maybe it was sub-conscious initially. But when it became conscious, it was too late.

I start to doubt myself. My ability. My tolerance level.

How far can I go in this journey?

Something undesirable.

Am struggling hard to finish up my Marketing Research project.

2 questions.1000 words each. Seems easy,sounds easy. But it's hell of a time to so research for just this 2000 words. Am already done with question 1.

There's still left with one more to go... probably another 3-4 more hours. I hope I get it done fast. There's still finance to study. I've cutting too much slack for myself this term. Gotta get the ball rolling again.

It's a tuesday afternoon and here I am at home doing my project. Not on leave but medical leave. 2 days of MC ytd and today. Talking about that I was on MC for 3 days last week too.

Guess gastric has really knock me down this time. Been to the doc for 3 times. Med from the first doc didn't help much. Immediately the next day I went to another clinic. The pain relieve for a couple of days. But on sunday the pain was back and I vomited at night. Feeling more nauseous than before.

Headed back to the doctor again ytd. I was given stronger med and a referral letter to a specialist. 'Cause if the med doesn't helps,he's afraid that ulcers have already start developing. And if it burst... that's it. That is how simple it can be.

I know how serious the situation is now. And I'm really afraid. I don't wanna do scoping or whatever they call it. Insert a tube right through my mouth and start scanning. Gesh...

God please bless me.

And thanks I have not touch chilli for 1 week. I'll do anything now man... Even if it takes to eat porridge everyday. Anything. So long as it recovers and am able to take chilli again! Anything!

Maybe it's stomach cancer?

Maybe

I wanna talk.

I wanna study my finance.

I wanna fo my mkting research proj.

I wanna shop online.I wanna read a book.

Maybe... Maybe I wanna do either one of those above.

But I don't know.

I just feel weird.

Yea that's how I feel.

The "maybe" mood.

Nitez.

It's been a bad week since monday.

And friday has to be bad too...

I left home w/o my hp and only realise it at the bus stop. Overslept and missed my bus. Reached office the system was down... Seesh!!

It's not even black friday to talk about.

Hope things get better over the weekend. Think nth much gonna with intensive lecture taking up almost half a day for sat and sun.

Was so angry this morning.. But the thought of Butsie, is all it takes to see a smile on my face.

I'm upset.

Worried.

Tears are flowing down my cheeks.

My heart aches. And it's hurting even more.

How I wish I can leave right now to see you. And just sit beside you to watch you sleep.

Give you all my TLC and be there when you need me.

I miss your noise. I miss your liveliness. I miss you running and hoping around.

Get well soon. Butsie.