Everything was planned...

ok... I'm supposed to be studying for the coming exams next week... But I'm slacking at home the whole day... Shit man!

I can only study at night... late at night i meant... When everybody is sleeping... I'll be mugging to the wee hours... I always like that... :)

I'm not too sure about how I feel recently... But I'm freaking sure that I'm looking forward to ITP... I simply can't wait...

I feel that everything is planned... Definitely by God! He had everything planned for me... I was praying hard that I won't go to egg farm... ok I didn't get in... *pHeW*

Then I was praying hard that I won't go somewhere far like Bedok or Tampines or Jurong... And he gave me a place whereby it's only a 15 mins bus ride to the company... *pHeW*

Nvm that it's not the bank opposite my house... At least it's a 15 mins bus ride... Good enough already! Just hope there I will learn something... And not go there to rot...

But well when the time comes... I think I'll be hoping for more breaks... Coz I'll be freaking busy... Mon to Fri I've to work... And I have 2 major concerts in between... Which means more practices per week... and tuition too...

It's ok! Coz I know where my strength would come from when the time comes...

wanted to blog a song here but I forgot which song... Nvm will blog it when I remember...

Mission failed!!

Yup mission failed! Totally! Went out to study with Kenneth, weibin and sufen just now... Couldn't concentrate at all!! Well one thing is beause I didn't manage to get my beauty sleep after the stupid UCCD paper...

And my logic is that after every paper should rest!! Not study! Didn't even get to rest then went to study...

Was having headache and my heart was totally not there... Was thinking of so many things... My itp, what to do after exams... etc...

Ok am tired... Not gonna study... Just gonna slack my night away... Tml is another day... Gotta study!

Hope the saying is not true...

"What goes around, comes around." Is this saying true? I'm hope not... I really hope not... I don't wanna see the worse happening... I really pray hard...

I just took my UCCD test... Overall it's ok... But when I start doing the questions at the back... I'm already very tired... Then my answers are surface answers only...

Well the hint was right... Only topic 1 to 4 came out... Lucky I just read thru topic 6 and 7...

Slept at 2 last night... was still at topic 2 at abt 10+... And before 2am I finished almost everything except for topic 5... coz I decided to forgo that topic... Hmm... Think I should study on my bed more often... When I'm lying on my bed I can actually study faster... But my friends said that they would all fall asleep... Well I guess it's all in the mind...

I'm so sleepy now... Gonna catch some sleep before meeting ken n wb to study... and sufen too...

Haven taken my breakfast and lunch... waiting for my mum to call... oh yeah talking about food... OMG! I can't take it anymore! Everybody is watching over me... Making sure that I eat... Not a single moment I can runaway from it...

But well again it shows that my friends care for me... Appreciate it guys! Will try to eat k!

Just woke up from my nap... Oh I feel so refreshed! But got to study for UCCD tml... it totally sucks man! The test is in the morning... But I'm beginning to not feel exams tension... Coz I know God is there to help me! If not I wouldn't have passed MA... Though it's not flying colours I'm glad I did passed...

Told cia yesterday that if i passed with flying colours I would take the econs elective.... But do you know that the moment I had my ass on the seat and started taking the paper... I'm like! Hell no am I going to take that elective! Why would I wanna take something that I know I would freaking hell don't understand, and memorise and just manage to scrap through next year... Probably I will go look at other interesting elective first... Cia give me time to consider! It's my future you know! I don't wan my future to be ruined in the hands of econs anymore!! I'm so glad that my MA life ENDED OFFICALLY TODAY!! Let me enjoy first!

Am eating instant noodles at the same time... well haven had my breakfast and lunch... And soon it's gonna be dinner time! Yuck! Food! totally sucks! Just eating for the sake of eating...

ok off to study uccd... there are 7 topics... Topics 1 to 4 --> MAIN FOCUS!! Topic 5 they seldom come out with any qns... 6 and 7 they say read through... So am I to take the risk of just studying 1 to 4 and ignore the 3 behind... 1 to 4 is already enough to kill! It's already more than half the book! There only 4 questions... one question ont topic... sianz...

Happy Easter day!

Happy Easter day peeps!! A happy day indeed to be celebrated!

Well, a tiring day for me... I'm super tired and I'm glad that I've figured out MA... OK sort of! hopefully... But thanx to cia... If she haven't help me with it, I guess I'll be struggling now...

After church headed to Mount Vernon to visit my grandma's grave... hmm... it's been 3 years... But it seems like just yesterday! I still remember every single thing clearly... The moment that we spent together! The day that she went back to home with God... the place where she belongs...

Oh yeah talking about that! Stupid Andy bought flowers that have not blossom! Wat the hell!! It should be nice flowers k! Flowers that blossom! But anyway thanx!

I miss her... and probably when Mount Vernon is gone... My uncle's decision is to throw her ashes into the sea... I'm kind of sad I don't know why... Having her in my heart would be good... I just don't know why, there was a sudden sour feeling when Nei told me... there was a pinch! *oUcH*

Well the decision lies with my uncle (my mum's eldest brother)... A sudden saddness fills me...

Headed to Novena to meet cia, prisca and zhenyi to study MA... Cia helped me, explain... then after that we started crapping and we were on the topic of "ghost"... Creepy... anyways let's get out of it now...

Ok I'm sick of eating! Very sick of eating! I hate food when I see food!!

I've been eating the whole day yesterday... Ok I had my regular meals... Had mee pok in the morning then burger king salad and bubble tea...

Dinner was so full man!! Meiying, meichan, Mailina and I went to Lau Pa Sat... OK let me tell you what we ordered...

Popiah, carrot cake, guo tie, tom yam soup, sambal kangkong, stringray, bbq chicken wing with french fries and we had 3 bowls of rice... yup 4 girls... we spend about 50 bucks just on food... Luckily we were able to catch the last bus... So we saved on cab! :)

OK I'm off to study MA then sleep!

I'm so tired and sleepy...

Went to church in the morning today... Super early... Reached there about 9+ to practice the songs... Well suppose to be at 9 but Andy woke up late... But all thanx to him! That I could have breakfast with my parents!!

Was prepared to go out already then andy called me... So I slack at home then my mum came in to ask me if I wanna go breakfast with them... Being the me that rarely get to see them! Immediately said yes! Of coz I won't want to miss this chance... Just me and my parents... My sisters were still sleeping!

It maybe just a simple breakfast but to me it was a breakfast filled with LOVE! I felt so loved by them!! I had my noodles already but when their food came they would give me their bowl of food... They gave me all the vegetables...

Hiak hiak! No words could expressed how I felt! I love them!! Was on the cab when suddenly this sentence came to me... "Wah! heng jiu mei you gan dao ni le!"

well that's what my dad always says to me... It's been a long time since I see you... And everytime I could only answer him with a smile... I rarely get to see them... When I'm out they are not at home, when I'm home they are sleeping... Somehow I drag hearing this... But it's true...

Hope more of such holidays come... then I can have lots of breakfast filled with LOVE!


After church, had lunch then headed to buigs with meiying... Bought a new top and 3 new earrings and a new necklace... ;)

Okie! I'm sleepy! Nitez peeps!

Friends...

Ok before I start on today's issue... Let's take a peep into my life today...

Just finished taking my bath! Oh I smell good! haha... I feel good too... feeling so comfortable under my new pyjames... >.<

YEAH! TQM is over! Finished!! haha... Finally! I feel so relief... Another one is down! Can pass but it's the problem if I can pass with flying colours or not...

But this paper is hell crap!! I regretted studying so hard! I was really stressed up! Ok well i don't exactly regret... I'm glad that i've put in effort to study or else I won't be able to say this... I had enough time to study and go through it again... One of the few papers whereby stress isn't taking over...

It's a 50 min paper... 20 mcqs... and 20 marks worth of short questions! I really meant SHORT ANSWER QUESTIONS! Thinking back of the questions asked... Well better don't comment... haha...

After the paper walk around Tiong to kill time before giving tuition... I've got my pay! When the money landed on my hand, I'm already thinking of how to spend it! haha... But I do not have something in mind now...

Well it's good friday tml... Got church in the morning... after that... hmm... No plans at the moment.. ok well actually I do have... Shall see my mood tml...

Had a long talk with fendi just now... Told him about everything that happen recently... He's kind of shocked... But I'm on with my life...

Tonight's a break before I start studying for my test next week... uccd and MA...Lots to study... Got to start early before stress start taking over... Hate the feeling...

OK back to tonight's issue... Friends...

I won't say that I'm a good friend or a friend worth having... Well after all it's for people around me to judge... I'm in no right to say anything...

Each of us need friends... you... me... even the world's greatest asshole need friends... even my hamster need a another of it's half to be there... so what's more about we, humans?

I cherish friendship alot... Coz I feel that friends are gift from God! And that's what makes each of them so special to me...

But I dare to shout aloud that I've received the greatest gift from God! I've got a wonderful group of friends...

I've neglect some friends... straight away I thought of someone... Swee wah...Someone whom I feel sorry towards... Always trying his luck to ask me out and always suffer in the hands of my "Sorry, I'm not free", "Sorry,I can't make it", "Sorry, I've got something on the last minute". Despite that, he never fails to ask me out the next time even though he knows the answer before asking...

I've lost some friends, made new ones and those I'm close with? We are getting closer each day...

yes, sadly I've lost some friends... Friends which I never thought I would lose... I've done my part in trying to salvage the friendship but sadly I failed...

So who is to blame when the friendship is gone? me? you? Or God?

Probably we will blame God... Asking why did He let this people enter your life and later screw up yr life... But I don't blame God! In fact I thank Him! Thank Him for showing me the truth... Nevertheless, I've Thank Him that I know them...

But I rather that it ended with a reason... even that we quarrel I don't mind... At least there's a reason... But it just died off like that... till today I don't know why... And I agree with Ven that keeping quiet and leaving someone kills more painfully than telling someone off... Why did we had to go to this extent?

Well, I no longer asked for a reason any longer... Coz I know I won't get anything... It still bothers me alot and I'm still upset over it but well LIFE GOES ON!

But just as the saying goes... In times of difficulties you will know who are your real friends...

And I'm glad to say that all my friends are my real friends... They saw what I'm going through... And they were with me when I went through it... They gave me advise, held my hands when I was crying, gave me a hug and lend me a shoulder... If I will to come out with a lost of what they've done for me... Think I'll start writing a story...

In conclusion, my life is wonderful now... With a group of wonderful friends who never fail to be there for me... Thanx peeps!

You guys rock my world!

Just a 5 mins break...

Hmm... Got TQM test later... Am studying now... Not exactly studying.. refreshing my memory... If I'm still studying now, I'll be over stress!!!

I hate it when stress is overtaking me coz I will start to cry... So learnt my lesson... well it's best to have no tension... That works on me... I'm glad that I have the strength from God... He's here... Always...

Just taking a break... Too much of memorising kills!! Lots to remember...

Can't wait for the paper to be over... looking forward... Though I have tuition after that but well it's a time to relax my mind before I start studying for my test on monday and tuesday...

OK! My mind is full of TQM... Can't think of much to blog...

ok I just open microsoft word... went to the website... All ready to start doing MA report...

Thinking of how to read the whole load of shit... Started with the first word then I scroll down and see the rest...

JOC! STOP! was what cia asked me to do... She told me to stop doing coz there's no space for my part already!!

haha... you made my night man!! I can rest and slack now... SO sleepy! Now I can slack... study tml then... hehe...

Just a song to share...

Keith Urban - You'll Think of Me

I woke up early this morning around 4 a.m.
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been trying my best to get along
But that's okay there's nothing left to say but.

Chorus:
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me.

I went out driving, trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been.
So.

Chorus:
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me.

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life.

Chorus:
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don't need 'em
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me.

Chorus:
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me.

And you're gonna think of me
Oh, someday baby, someday...

well paper still ok... Crap all the way... Hopefully can pass...

After the paper, I was especially happy!! Don't know why... Just very happy! You know the kind of happiness that comes from the bottom of your heart! Yes that's the kind of smile that I had just now...

Headed to city hall with Cia after that... Wanted to go that to get somebody's number at Espirt but she's not there... So sad... Shall try my luck again some other day... hmm... Hopefully she works there again...

Headed to suntec food court for dinner with cia... Had fish bee hoon soup, cia had Nasi Lemak... besides that I ordered carrot cake and popiah... haha... :)

Well I had a few mouth carrot cake and only realise that the carrot cake was sour after cia ate it... haha... well I had flu so I can't taste anything... so we exchange for another popiah... Didn't finish my food...

After that we headed to the cafe at Citilink... Slack there for an hour or so then headed home...

I'm home now... Tired... Sleepy! I just wanna rest on my bed!!

I just turned my head!! MAN! My bed looks comfy!! I wanna sleep But gotta do MA report first... OK! COME ON! JOCELYN!! DO IT FAST! AND CAN REST ALREADY!

I am studying for the CRM test tml... Super sian...

Went to school for FMKT only... then went to Tiong Burger King to study for awhile... Well I know that if I come home early, I won't study... I've finished 4 chapters there... :)

Left about 7+... Coz I intended to come home early, bath and watch tv... and study at the same time... haha... Had my time planned properly...

My head is feeling so heavy... And it's feeling abit hot from my neck upwards...

*yawnz*

I'm feeling so sleepy... but I still have 7 more chapters... Hopefully I have enough time... Hopefully... I will still have time to read through it again... :)

Well no tension! Stress has yet to take over... But it will not!

out of the tomb...

Yup, I'm out of the tomb...

I've found my directions in life... I know what I want to do and what I'm after... I know you guys are happy for me... Saying something that you guys hope to hear me say for a long time... well I've say it already... And I meant it...

So much happen this whole week and last week... The things that are happening around me are slowly revealing things to me... I'm glad to know... Though it's disappointing but well not all things go smoothly all the time...

Went for a whole day conference today... At Downtown East... It's organise for AG churches... Reached there about 9+... We had worship first... Woah! The worship was good man! The presence of the Lord was so strong... Then we had sermon... The way the speaker spoke was really cute... James Singh... We had break then follow by a workshop... The workshop was kind of boring.. should have chose to go for the heart to heart talk with girls but anyway...

After the break we had another program "Engage in The Call"... Again the presence of Lord was there... Never felt like this before... So strong... Don't know how to describe the feeling but It just a satisfied feeling...

After that we headed to White Sands for dinner... haha... had Mac.. Yes I'm sick! Still having Mac now my throat hurts! But well I guess my diet is going to be back to normal... don't worry guys! I will eat! Sorry to make you guys worried! And end up with gastric...

Headed back to Downtown East for the concert with Planet Shakers!! WOAH!! They are really good! Super rock!! After the first half of worship had a sermon from one of them... Again! It was like something for me... I can say that it was an enlightenment for me...

And peeps! I'm here to tell you guys! I'm ok! I'm really ok! I'm back on my feet! Out from the tomb! I've found directions in my life! And it's burning in me!! A strong desire to achieve it! I've set my goals and I wanna achieve it! :)

I'm sort of gaining more confidence to do what I did not dare to do before...

A fruitful and wonderful day with God I would say... A sense of satisfaction and assurance that I have not been forsaken... ;)

Well going to sleep soon... got've church tml morning and meeting Cia to study after that!!


Nitez peeps!

I'm down with high fever! This is so so bad...

Today's MA presentation was not bad just a few blunder here and there... But it was terrible for me... Sick but yet went to school to present... Saw Brian on the way to class...

"You look awfully red" that's what he said... And I wasn't walking start that's what he said...

I'm feeling so weak and still in heels... After MA went start home to see a doctor again... When I told the doc that I had diarrhoea n vomitting for 2 weeks he just garle at me... :)

But quite a funny doc... I don't know what's my temperature but I bet it's high...

Had porridge but it taste awful!! I had only 2 small bowls... then told my medicine... But I had gastric... IT was so pain that I couldn't stand up...

Rested on my bed... Had a good sleep after 2 nights... Have not been slping well coz of my sickness... COugh, flu sore throat... GESH! Terrible!

Whole body is still aching!

Ohya... Anyway Ven!! Thanx for calling to check on me!! But sorry to shock you with the voice!! Will get well soon!! TO meet up with you guys!! :P I miss you so much!!

Went out with Mailina, meiying and Yena just now... Went to suntec! Well promised them that I would go... Though I still feel terrible but at least they are there... Thanx!! Bought lots of things! But stupid meiying bought so many tidbits!! Knowing that I can't eat still buy!! Stupid!!

OK!1 Off to sleep... Got a long day tml!!

I'm down with high fever! This is so so bad...

Today's MA presentation was not bad just a few blunder here and there... But it was terrible for me... Sick but yet went to school to present... Saw Brian on the way to class...

"You look awfully red" that's what he said... And I wasn't walking start that's what he said...

I'm feeling so weak and still in heels... After MA went start home to see a doctor again... When I told the doc that I had diarrhoea n vomitting for 2 weeks he just garle at me... :)

But quite a funny doc... I don't know what's my temperature but I bet it's high...

Had porridge but it taste awful!! I had only 2 small bowls... then told my medicine... But I had gastric... IT was so pain that I couldn't stand up...

Rested on my bed... Had a good sleep after 2 nights... Have not been slping well coz of my sickness... COugh, flu sore throat... GESH! Terrible!

Whole body is still aching!

Ohya... Anyway Ven!! Thanx for calling to check on me!! But sorry to shock you with the voice!! Will get well soon!! TO meet up with you guys!! :P I miss you so much!!

OK!1 Off to sleep... Got a long day tml!!

Sick but enlightenment came to me...

I am sick... Down with fever... sore throat... Felt so weak yesterday night.. came home after tuition was feeling hot and cold... After my bath, hid under three blankets but was still shivering... So terrible! I was in long pants too... Whole body was aching...

Woke up in the monring... My body was still aching and still having a terrible headache... I couldn't get out of my bed... I was feeling so weak! I didn't slept well the whole night too... I kept waking up with the pain in my body and my head... It's killing me...

Went to see a doctor just now... And I just found out I've got gastric... well can't blame anyone except for myself... have not been eating... not able to get back to my normal diet... swelling in my throat... totally sucky!

Went out with Cia yesterday to look for parking lot pimp cds but what a let down... we couldn't find anything... HMV doesn't have their cds... Think will go check it out at Borders... Hopefully they have... After all local bands are ain't that popular yet...

Hmm... I'm beginning to know what I want in my life... What I wanna do and my directions... After all our interest is why we are here!! haha... well it's important to know what you want in life if not don't live!

Got MA presentation tml... kind of worried... well it's always the only presentation that all of us will feel so tense up! Coz it's Ambrose! haha...

MAN!! LOCAL BAND ROCKS!!! TO THE EXTREME!!!! If you were at the "Mosiac Festival" yesterday at Esplande... Then good for you!! If not too bad!!!

"Parking Lot Pimp"!!!! ROCKS MAN!!! There is only one word to describe this band! FANTASTIC!!! They totally liven up the spirit there!! WOAH!!

Cia and I was simply HIGH!! yup that's the word I would use... They were simply good...

Wanted to go watch a movie myself... But cia called and she say she wanted to go Esplande... That's y we are there... But there was better things there then the windy weather and the river...

The both of us intend to go HMV later to search for their CD... Hopefully they have it...

haha.... Life is thinking about you... Now guys! Read it twice word by word!! It doesn't meant Life is thinking about you... It doesn't mean that life is thinking about that person... it's life itself is thinking of you... you don't wanna think about life, but life just keeps thinking about you... Interesting huh... It told me the second time before I realise it... :)

Simple Plan - "Perfect"

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time
Doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm all right
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Just a questions to ask...

Just a question to ponder...

What do you guys do when you are feeling blue?

Probably I can consider what some of you do... Coz I will go shopping alone... And worse now I'm enjoying every moment alone... Mailina said it's not good...

I feel like vomitting again... and i'm still having diarrhoea... gesh! when is it gonna stop... I basically can't eat anything... nvm...

Anyway I'm slowly gaining that confidence to do something that I didn't dare to... good.... It's all in the mind I guess...

Am now at home.... Got TQM presentation later.... Yet to iron my blouse and bath... So I guess I'll be on the cab again... Sigh...

Ok today is the last day to take cab! For th next few days! I must take bus!!! No matter how early!!

Anyway I wanna thank "Yr Fren" for being so direct... It hurts... it really does hurt! It's as if a nail pierced through my heart yesterday night when I read my tagboard... I wanted to cry but it didn't came out... But I was crying in my heart...

This is so sian! There will be no sectionals until exams are over!! WHY?!! My only get away... haiz... sian...

I feel like vomitting again... and i'm still having diarrhoea... gesh! when is it gonna stop... I basically can't eat anything... nvm...

Anyway I'm slowly gaining that confidence to do something that I didn't dare to... good.... It's all in the mind I guess...

Am now at home.... Got TQM presentation later.... Yet to iron my blouse and bath... So I guess I'll be on the cab again... Sigh...

Ok today is the last day to take cab! For th next few days! I must take bus!!! No matter how early!!

You are White Chocolate You have a strong feminine side with a good bit of innocence thrown in. Whether your girlish ways are an act or not, men like to take care of you. You are an understated beauty, and your power is often underestimated! What Kind of Chocolate Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Walking aimlessly...

My legs are tired but my mind ain't tired thought I can't stop thinking... It's there every single minute... The past and the present... solutions... I don't know...

Walking down Orchard aimlessly... with lots of thoughts running through my mind... Walked from Far East Plaza to Bugis.. YES! WALKING... I didn't sit down... except for dinner with mei n jeslyn... then I've been walking in heels... Didn't stop at all...

well Bought a number of things... Bought a blouse... a lip gloss... earrings... oh boy! you won't wanna know how many I bought...

SHIT! Wild Imaginations are coming back to me... I just can't get it off my mind...

I'm beginning to enjoy spending quality time alone... My loneliness ain't killing me... Wanted to go Esplande alone but well Mailina and my sisters asked me to join them at Holland V... Well promised them so went...

But it was super nosiy there... Can't talk much... Sian...

It's a sat tml... yes once again... the call will come back to me... everyday means something...

Finished packing moi stuff for tml... and have already prepare moi speech for tml's uccd... :)

Stomach is still aching... But who cares!

Finally it's a friday!! So stressed up at the start of the week... Glad that it's over... Tml is the last presentation for tml... YEAH!!

Already have plans for myself tml... :P

spend quality time...

gotta go prepare a proposal for our next percussion concert!

Am feeling bad.... Having Diarrhoea... can't stop vomitting... Vomitted last night, this morning and just now when I came home... Went to see a doc already... Give me some medicine for diarrhoea and for vomitting... Can't eat anything... Just ate a bun but feel like vomitting... It's coming out soon...

I'm tired, feel like sleeping... But have to get ready for tml's uccd presentation first...

This is terrible... Not just that... I'm feeling so so terrible... I found out something from someone which left me feeling so heavy hearted... Just manage to feel better this week...Don't know how... probably I'm too tired already... leaving it would be a better choice... though I feel like crying now...

Change what you cannot accept... Accept what you cannot change...

Am doing my UCCD presentation powerpoint slide... Just came home from giving tuition...

My student didn't really do well for her CA... It's all basically careless mistakes... Mistakes that are avoidable... She's taking PSLE this year... Only left with a few months to work...

well took my TA test today... I don't want to comment much coz I'm scared... I just hope I won't fail...

Went to look for Ms Hope today... Let her see the memo... DAMN! I have to change again... I printed a hell lot of time... Now I've got to change... Need to be done by tonight and alan can't send it... so I have to send it... I have the feeling that it won't work out... Alan has to sign it... I guess... Pray hard Ms Hope will take it!! Hope we can get the $760 back!!! Taking about this I'm really pissed! Really hate it when she says that it's impossible to get it back! She was the one that told us to do that, now she's saying another story...

typing the memo again! then gotta do FF tutorial... Sian am not feeling well at the moment... vomitted in the bathroom... OH! GROSS!! All the fruits and abit of my dinner... there goes my dinner... anywat I took abit only so make no diff... let it be...

Trying hard to study for TA but I'm so sleepy... I'm really worried... I failed the first test and I'm so afraid now... And there's lots to study... I'm not sure if I can cope or not...

well CRM presentation is over... If I were to grade myself... I think I did badly... Worse than the previous presentation... really bad... anyway it's over... TA comes first for now... I can't wait for tml to be over... Test the usual stress that takes over me...

Got back all my individual reports already... Not too bad for last minute work I guess... I've got 70% for UCCD... 76% for CRM --> am shocked! Coz didn't really put in much effort to do that project.... ok now this is the one that gave me a big surprise and made my day last friday! I've got 73% for MA! I don't know how... But Thank God! Thanx for blessing me with all this marks... Thanx cia for helping me! Countless time i thank you... :)

But for tests I didn't really do well... I failed my FF as expected... Coz I really didn't know how to do... Only got 52% for FMKT... So it's sort of pulling my confidence down for tml's TA test... esp. after the previous test...

Ok TA time...

Nervous

I'm feeling nervous... I don't know why.. is it because of the presentation later... Nervousness is taking over me right now... I can't breathe properly... Just finished preparing my speech for the CRM presentation...

I get nervous each time before the presentation... But when I'm up there it's gone... Not because I'm confident... But because prayer works... Each time before I do my presentation, I would pray... And confidence would just fill me, when I start talking...

I guess I'll be ok later... Off to prepare... lesson's at 1... and it's 12:14pm now...

Don't know why for some reason... I hope ITP starts quickly... Don't know why for some reason I wanna end my poly life... All these came together just today... I didn't feel like going to school... The moment I step out of home I wanted so much to go back! I didn't know why... I wanted to hide at home...

Opening up my organiser and flipping to this week schedule... I feel like crying... I could see alot of words... Projects, tests... so on... Hoping for the week to end was what I want... But it's only the start of the week... I feel so heavy...

Many thoughts are running through my mind... Problems that add on to my worries... I wanted so much to call my aunt but every time when I feel stress... Hearing her voice, I would cry out... I can't control it... I really hope she is here... Coz I know she's the one that can really help me through this tough time... I have to put on a brave front every week I see her. But I know that she can see through me, I know she knows sometime is wrong! "I'm just tired"... was my excuse everytime! I want to cry in her arms... I need her hug! I need it badly... My grandma is gone... my aunt has moved out... I can only hug on to my care bear and blanket to cry at night... I miss them!! I missed it! I want it back... I can't take it any longer! LET ME DIE!!

OK... I was kidding... I still have lots of things that I wanna do... My problems are ain't that serious till it makes me feel like dying... Coz I have no guts to jump off a building, slit my wrist, swallow pills or whatever shit... Though I did have the thought of not waking up to see the beautiful sun the next day... that's if I sleep to die... I'm fearful of that too... But well if it's time... Then God has the right to take it...

Felt like breaking down just now while having tuition... My heart felt so heavy... Projects, tests, presentation... my student's CA... I really feel like crying at that moment... She's practically making mistakes for every questions and she don't seems to be able to focus... I know it's 3 hour already! She's tired... I'm tired too... Probably it's me... I don't know... I really think it's me!

It's making me losing my appetite... I can't seem to eat... A few small bits of biscuits could stop my hunger and I can't don't eat... I've not eaten since morning... Stomach is calling but small bits of biscuits and I'm full... I don't know when I will faint but I ain't feeling good for a few days already... I just feel so giddy... But still I ain't eating... eating disorder...

God really knows my issues... When I was feeling that way, fendi send a message asking how am i...

I know you people are walking through this tough time with me and I appreciate it alot... But it's me... the question goes back to me again...

I don't know how to pull through this month... exams are coming... just hope I can concentrate.... Band is always the one that help me pull through this few weeks... music heals the mind... coz in music there's an order and a timing to follow... but now band has stop coz of exam break... and sectionals is only once a week... and there's no sectionals this week!! it means no get away from problems... I just have to look for the way myself... well I know what to do...

After this I have to prepare for crm speech tml... I'm worried as well as for the TA test on wednesday... I can't fail!! Again studies is another issue for me... After speaking to my uncle last week about the money issue for further studies after poly.... I wanna go Uni and I have to... my results are probably only average... or worse off... ARGH!! It just keeps coming back...

Wanting to take a further step to achieve my dream coz I'm slowly building up the guts... But I don't know how. I don't have the time to be spared... Too many commitments... too many personal issues that need to be considered!! I have supportive friends and 2 sisters... But I hope I have supportive family members too...

How contradicitng huh... my dreams and my studies... I can choose both can't I? probably I can... but again it's up to me...

yes yes... everything goes back to me once again!! ME, MYSELF AND I!!

Change a new blog skin... Peeps, don't freak out, pls! I know it looks scary... It's not me kind of blog... Even when I see it, it gives me a creep... But the more I see itI feel that it's ok... I don't know... I just wanted something gothic... and these is gothic enough!! Ok or rather too much...

Just had my hot and well deserved bath... after a long tiring day... finished my crm project... Nat I'm sorry if it's not good enough...

Penny of thoughts while I was bathing...

My real feelings for the week.... I'm sorry to those who I lied to... I had my reasons... I'm sick?! Bullshit! it's all crap...

it's my issues... it's ok if you don't know... Coz I know someone knows... and He has not forsaken me... today's worship was like an answer to me... the week that I've gone through... God knew after all... He revealed through the mouth of others...

it was tough for me... till now I'm still not ok... I know you guys don't want to hear that... but I'm seriously not ok... mind games are tough... my imagination are running wild every moment... the week was filled with tears... it was a terrible week... I didn't feel like going to school on monday... so I skipped I thought it would be ok the next day... but never did I thought it was otherwise... I went to school but I wasn't in any class!! I cried before TA starts I couldn't enter the classroom... So cia and mei spend the time with me at the FC, I cried till I was so sleepy and I slept... CRM was starting but I broke down again... this time worse... I hid at one corner outside the class... lecturers walking past saw it and asked...

At that moment I just wanted to stay at that corner... i felt so lost... so lonely... I couldn't control the tears that came rolling down... spend the whole of another 2 hours sitting outside the bench... Thinking, crying and in a daze... wanted to be alone but I had band... walking zombie could be found in the band room... I couldn't do anything, didn't feel like eating... I didn't eat the whole day... Band prac started everybody was warming up and I was sitted at the back at the percussion area... Dreaming... Muru came to asked and once again I couldn't control it again... came home, saw my sister squat beside her bed... and the tears came again... it was a teary tuesday... my eyes were all tired after the whole day of crying... fell asleep on the bed while crying...

I didn't eat from tuesday morning til wednesday night... I couldn't eat anything... it sounds crazy...

I lost the number of times I cried this week... wednesday went shopping... but it was only a short moment of happiness... thursday went walking around alone... cityhall, suntec, cineleisure, heeren, ps... I was basically walking the whole day...

Friday... broke down during UCCD break... called Ven to talk to her... Thanx Ven for coming down to check on me... Thanx for the diasy... it made my day...

Saturday was a great day... lots of flowers... but once again everything went back to square again...

tiring myself is the only option now... which I am now... really tired... Not been sleeping well for the past few nights... I'm suffering from insomia and eating disorder...

But thanx Jerm, Cia, mei, Ivan, Ven, Raf, Joanne... my sisters... you guys have beeen great...

A successful performance it would be... Though we didn't manage to get the 100 bucks but it's ok... coz we have achieve our main motive... that's to promote our next upcoming concert...

Ohya... and we had two groups approaching us to perform for 2 more events!! haha... GOOD!! Well more public performance outside school is what we are looking for... More experience and exposure...

For me it was really a good experience... Really performing public... outside school... I realise that I do not have stage fright anymore... I was cool and calm... It's as if I belong to the stage... I'm part of the stage... haha... Well after all the event is called "The stage is yours"....

Guess I'm already slowly overcoming my stage fright problem... GOODY!!

But it's a tiring day for me... Woke up early to iron the guys clothes... pracitce in school for awhile then headed to TBP... Some of us took the train and some took the cab... lack of manpower and some stuffs are too heavy to carry when taking the train...

Alan, I'm sorry for the outstanding outfit you have... haha... it was on purpose! Anyway Happy Birthday!! That look on your face was really a classic moment man! Should have taken the expression on your face!

I guess we all did enjoyed ourself on stage! Did we?

Thanx for those who came to support!! Thank you so much! Thanx for the flowers!! really... I have diasies, sunflower, rose and lily on my table now... Gotta get a vase before they all die... or rather vases! haha...

After the whole performance carried the instruments back to school then headed to Bugis for dinner... Ok people I'm eating... don't worry... I'll try to eat k! Though I didn't finished it... But I had chocolate cake... Sara Lee chocolate cake! Man!! Heaven!! Super good!! Chocolate!! Made my day.... haha....

It was Alan's birthday cake... really big candle... haha... can reuse it to I think 60 years old??!! haha...

Raf what can I say about you?! You know what I'm thinking of... And you always hit the bull eye... AH!!! But thanx for being there sweetie... Appreciate it...

lots of projects to do... And I have yet to start on my CRM... been really busy... start tml....

ok my vision is getting bad... It's so blur... it seems to have a layer of watever making me impossible to see properly... probably it's time that I stop... Or else I'll be blind...

well I'm so tired... This week has been tiring... projects, band and rehearsal for tml's performance... and 3 days of retail theraphy... it's killing me... but at least it helps...

ohya... Ven thanx for the flower... it made my day! Really! thanx! Love ya... I owe u a hug!!

off to pack my clothes then bed time!

OK! FOR ONCE!! MA MADE MY DAY!!! SERIOUS!! haha... I'm so happy!! I feel as if I'm flying... haha...

We've got 72.42 for our group presentation!! Which is almost like impossible!! We always get C or D... haha... well! All this goes to Cia!!! Thanx cia!!! Without you! We won't get our B... though it's a low "B"... but who cares! It's still a B!

well for my individual report!! haha.. needless to say... that's the one that made my day!! I've got 73!!! haha.. how can that be... Well again got to thank Cia, Jerm and meimei... Thanx for helping me with my MA report... especially cia! I owe u one and I'm serious!

Am typing the script for sat's performance now... and also typing a memo to the Finance department to get back our money for our previous concert... well shit happens sometimes...

Ms Hope told us that we could get back our money but we have to bank in all our money first then we can endorse... BUT! After banking in with the Finance department, Went to see Ms Hope... She said it's gonna be difficult to get back our money and it's impossible! Man!! The moment she told me that I feel like see-ing my five finger prints on her face! Bloody hell!! 760 BUCKS!!! You know how much is that and she tells us we can't get it back!! DARN YOU! So now we have to try to type a memo to the Director of Finance... HEY!! We said in our proposal that we will divide the money among ourself once the concert is over!! AND HELLO! YOU READ IT! AND APPROVE IT!! NOW I HAVE TO GO THROUGH SO MUCH TROUBLE!! YOU! MORON! SWINE! ARGH!! WHATEVER!!!

Just came back from rehearsal for the sat's performance... man! Tired! Well lots of gimmicks! Tiring... Not bad good exercise! SWEAT IT OUT!! Haha... But hope you guess enjoy! But I assure you guys that you are gonna enjoy!! Wahaha...

guess you guys can see that my previous entries are just some article and some stuff which I like to share... Am not blogging about what happen in my life this week... I don't have to say much, guess you guys know... so shall not waste my energy... pretty tired...

have been spending money as if there's no tml at all... Ytd i bought a new watch! Yes a new one... a bag... 2 skirts and t-shirts for the sat's performance... for the section...

Today lesson ended at 1... went shopping alone... went to cityhall and suntec... then took a train to somerset... Walked from cineleisure, heeren then PS... headed to Chinatown to meet Nei before going back to school for rehearsal... not bad! worked out today! Been walking the whole day.. even under the rain... feels good...

Blogging is something I would think twice now... probably writing a diary would be better... well I do... but if I happen to not see the sun tml... pls take it out and read it... anyway I'm dead so what am I afraid of?!

Was bathing just now... And this came to me... "What are my priority in my life?" well it goes to you too... Was thinking about it... hmm... my priorities... I have lots of commitments... I know my first priority which is God! But I'm not too sure what comes next... there's studies, family, friends, band, tuition...

There's only 7 days in a week... and 24 hours a day... How much time I spend with my family... i don't know... I think I spend more time with the mallets stick than I spend with my family and friends...

Feel a slight pain in my tummy... guess it's because I've not been eating... ok skip that part...

I'm tired... Gonna sleep... Take care peeps! Don't forget to come and watch us perform!! haha...

FREE PERFORMANCE!

SPBAND Percussion Section
Venue: Tiong Bahru Plaza, Open Concourse
Date: 5th March 2005
Time: 5:30pm to 7:00pm

It's free! So do come support!! THANX!!! It's also to promote for our next "De Avanganda Percussians"!! 3rd of June!