I totally screwed up my paper today. and I doubt I can passed. But I pray for the best.

My strength is not strong enough to support my will. I have slowly drift away from Him. My quiet times with Him had seem to disappear. What's the most important thing in my life and yet my faith is not built upon it.

I've been depending on my helpless strength. But why not depend on the One who have unlimited strength.

I need my REAL life back!

Time now is 7:39pm.

And we're supposed to be on our way to weiloong's 21st birthday. But I just managed to finish. Sorry boy... work has to come first.

Anyways morning was a real busy time for me... Boss was sick. She went to see a doc and came in late. Leaving me to be superwoman, handling both SG and HK. But anyhow it all went well! Talking about falling sick. The weather is pretty bad nowadays. It's hot and dry. Everybody is suffering from sore throat,flu and headaches. Just hope the germs dont start to spread! Take care my friends!

I rec'd a call from mum just now. I would be happy if she didn't call. And it probably won't end up in such an upset situation. She called to ask if I was free to help my dad sign a contract to get him a phone from starhub. I told her that am having exams next week and I need the time to study. Sure it takes a short while but it's Sat tml. Starhub is ALWAYS flooded with people. A short while could be 2hours. I could achieve lots in 2 hours rather than sitting at a place with so many deseparate people waiting for their turn. So my dad not having a phone to use is more impt than my exams. How good can she improve the already so bad situation.

I don't know how...

Anyways it's time to leave! Auds waiting at Vivo! Sry girl!

I don't know why but as I get older I seem to hate... probably the word "hate" is too much, dislike might be a better word, my family.

Probably like the old saying... 长大了, 翅膀长硬, 会飞了.

Growing up has allow independence to be part of my life even more. And having an income has made me wanna break free even more. From this family. A home. More like a place I wanna get away from so much. And I'm counting down to the day. I'm waiting for that day to come.

Having being introduced into another family, I realised the meaning of being a real family. Maybe it's because of this family that fillls the part that's is missing in my life all these while. Strangely, it makes me wanna cherish this family more than my own. Everyone in this family plays a part and not saying "those are not mine, it doesn't bothers me." Everyone in this family helps each other to keep the house neat and tidy. Relatives that communicates with each other with not much restrictions and talks about anything. And not feeling like a stranger and have no topic to talk about.

Not relatives that says things without thinking or say things that might even hurt. Not relatives that gives a strong urge to show them that without their help financially, I'll still stand on strong. Even if it takes to stop school.

And my family. I'm starting to close my doors towards them.

This chinese new year's spring cleaning has taught me not to do too much. Just stick around with your own stuff. I find time and spend time to do but it wasn't appreciate. All I get back is "only hardworking today" from my mum when my aunt came. That's all I got. Not a single thank you or anything. Packing to the wee mornings after work and non-stop from sat afternoon to 6am sunday morning, no appointments, no sleeping despite of headache. Just to try to keep the house clean and presentable. And all I got back is a bucket of cold water right on me.

And my youngest sisters who did nothing and 2nd sister who helped abit and went straight to bed after saying having headache didn't even got a single nag or scolding from my mum.

I had a huge quarrel with her few days after the cny eve. A quarrel that changed everything since then. Home is no longer the place I took refuge in. I've not talk to my sisters much since then. Not share with them what happen at work. I've become someone of few words at home now. I won't say that it's totally her fault but I would say only 20% is my fault. But 80% will be my fault 'cause I was disrespectful. But I had enough.

Life in my family will be different. You may say I could have choose the other way. But I'm telling you now, i'm choosing this way. I'll let things be the way it is, so as to minimize the quarrels at home.

Family is no longer that important to me, but in times of trouble I won't run away.

My OWN family will be the important one to me in future. A family I built up with love and warmth. With lots of laughter and sharing. With happy memories that make me smile and not fill it with tears.

Don't say anything 'cause I'm not changing my mind. Mum hasn't wash a single of my clothes since then. 'Cause I've been doing it. And i'll con't on.

Call me stubborn, stupid or heartless. It will be the way it shall be.