Short weekend

Weekend is coming to an end once again. It's the draggy monday soon. It's been a rather rough week for me. I'm experiencing roller-coaster emotions which I have not had in a long long time. Like I say. I just wanna hide for a while.

"Maybe we should not meet tonight. Let's see each other tml instead?"

Those were the words that I sms the bf on friday and I regretted it 'cause last min he had to stay in camp. We only got hold of each other for an hr when he came back for a little while to check on me. On Sat we only manage to saw each other from evening onwards. Had a mini mid-autumn celebration in church. Headed out for midnight movies with Andy and my sister, Meichan when the bf went home to pick up the car.

Choice of movie: Surrogates

"People are living their lives remotely from the safety of their own homes via robotic surrogates -- sexy, physically perfect mechanical representations of themselves. It's an ideal world where crime, pain, fear and consequences don't exist. When the first murder in years jolts this utopia, FBI agent Greer (Willis) discovers a vast conspiracy behind the surrogate phenomenon and must abandon his own surrogate, risking his life to unravel the mystery. Written by Touchstone Pictures"

Quite a good show. But somehow as I was watching it I just felt that technology might just get a little way too scary. People operating their surrogates from home and they can even choose how they look like. Which means the surrogates looked different from the real human and since this is possible, a man can have a sexy female surrogate. In the world of surrogacy, it's perfect. Man has the perfect wife, no one ages. But isn't it scary? How about the human touch? It's gone. People lose their identity, laziness sets in, the world is seen from the eyes of the surrogates. The real human love is gone.

I hope technology has not gone that far to make this happen. God's beautiful nature will be neglected.

Anyhow after the movie, spent the night at his place. It turned out to be a long night. The eyes got tired and we just slept holding hands. Without saying a word. I felt like crap when I woke up this morning. I was sleepy. But the night passed too fast. I was still thinking about what I said last night, I wished time could just go back.

Well on a happy note, my aunt brought my niece, Jemmima, to church today. She's such a dear. Seeing her just makes everybody smile. I wanted to hug and cuddle her so tightly when she ran all the way to me and said these words. "I love you!"

"Awwwww..." That was just so sweet. A very sincere "I love you". Tell me. How many times do you mean it when you say it?? I gave her a big hug and a "I love you too."

Through out the whole week, this afternoon was the only time that I really smile and forgot about the burden. The innocence of kids. Their world is just so simple. She made my day by giving me one last hug and goodbye kiss before we parted.

Less than 24 hours, I spent with the bf this weekend. Dinner was fast and he had to head back to camp already. It's hard to even say "see you" and "take care". The words just choked on me. Especially at this point of time. 26 more days to his P.O.P.

It'll passed fast enough.

I guess I've lost focus on where my strength should come from. I've been drifting apart. It's time to search back and look at the main focus.

Hebrews 12:1-3

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.