Still meeting up with Sufen and Marilyn later.... For dinner and KTV!
I'm just gonna drop tonight! I seriously think so!
Anyways the game was good just now! Pair up with Raf against Audrey and Jerm! I guess we won! And there was this little "agruement" that goes on when someone miss the shuttlecock or refuse to run! It was hell lotsa fun! And After every score or every ball I miss I scream~! And I really mean every single one! But still it was fun! Hope to have another one soon! And I'm so not gonna play badminton in school! I'll just start screaming and shouting in the sports hall! So... I'll think I'll just give it a miss! =D
Ok I wanted to blog about this and since I remember what I wanna say I'll just blog it before I forget.... After I pee...
Ok instead I shitted! Boy that feels good! Pardon me peeps! I'm trying to buy time so that I won't fall asleep and miss my appointment with my dear ones! you see I have not slept since yesterday night! So I could just fall asleep anytime! So I'm making my mind work! Even when I'm shitting! Don't you do that too? ;)
I don't think I'm weird...
Okies back on track...
I do admit that sometimes I get envious of my surrounding friends, of my age, who are getting attached one by one. And I'm the only one with nothing but only bullshit and shit holes in my life! I don't understand why when I think back. I want my poly life to end so badly! My lowest peak of life? You name it... I might have it in my 3 years of poly life...
However seeing my friends going through the relationship period, I find that I'm not ready yet! So not ready! I don't know when do you say "you're ready" but somehow I just know it.
The trust and belief I have lose it and I hate guys but I don't like girls (though I had that lesbian dream). So what am I left with?
A girl that doesn't believe that there's someone special or the right one that's out there, even though she always tell people about "the right one will come". A girl that give her friends encouragement about holding on and believing in the wonderful thing "love", while she herself so doesn't believe it. Someone who is guarding her heart against all people that comes near her and still trying hard! Someone who has lose all her confidence in the way she is. She thinks she's ugly in character and definitely physically! Beginning to think why am I living?
Ok this is getting abit too depressing... Damn! I'm hungry!!!
Sometimes I question the big guy up there but sometimes I thank him for the blessing in disguise. See I don't even know what I want.
I don't understand how do people get on from one relationship to another in a short time. I never know how they could do that. and of cause I would never know how it feels like. And whether is love sweet or bitter?
It can be so sweet in the first place, but what change it? why did one couple that look so happy yesterday would end up breaking up the next day. We can't communicate, too possessive, blah blah... but what's the real reason?
Am I? Or are you? in the place to define "love".
Is the person that you are thinking of or with right now is that special person that you would grow old with?
Someone that SEEMS so right at that moment, might not be the right one. Don't follow your heart, cause sometimes our heart lie too.
So what can you do right? Know what you want! clearly. And this is not following your heart, it's a different part of your body that you are using...
think carefully...
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