Oh man I'm feeling terrible. My body is aching. Having a bad flu. And something is churning in my stomach.

Overall I'm feeling terrible. worst than terrible. And I can't sleep.

It's labour day!!

But well not much of a diff for me cause I'm just rotting my days away. So this public holiday has no significance for me.

But well I met up with Jerm at Mr Bean. Food was not bad. And Jerm's bro gave us a treat! Thanx a million.

We chatted. We laughed our arse off. I like it. =)

Cause I can't laugh my hearts out at home.

Well anyways I parted with them and walked to Bugis from Paradiz centre. And suddenly it just rain so heavily. I got drenched despite having my umbrella. Got the bag changed and it was home.

I just wanted to go home and rest.

Well I met up with two crapster, Lj and Muru, yesterday. Man I missed them! Their actions are like one in a million in the section now.

We headed t o 85. Good food there but I didn't had much.

And gosh. Mount faber have changed so much over the years! It's such a bloody sweet place. Nice.

In the beginning when God created the world, He created man for woman and woman for man.

It was never man for man nor woman for woman. It's wrong. And it's even worst if he/she is a christian. You know it, yet you fall into it.

And the worse thing is that someone knows that it is wrong yet didn't even say or stand up for the truth.

I'm not discriminating homosexuals.

It's my point of view.

So even if any passerby drop by and tag. Go ahead. In any case, there isn't a single sentece that say I discriminate them.

I basically going bogus after mass sending so many resumes!! My eyes are tired and I'm beginning to be not so sure about what I'm looking for.

This is crazy man!

My eyes are so damn tired and I feel like sleeping again. shyts!

I need a break!

Suddenly I thought to myself.

What's life?

To work or to study?

Am I blessed or not? I question.

I don't know if it's acting up again or it is that way.

Somehow insomia is back to haunt me!

I just can't get to sleep. I'm tired but I had to force.

Anyways I'm feelin g all so bloated now. I wanna shit but I can't! And it's only burps and FARTS!! POOOOOO!!!!!!!

Ok after a whole day of not eating well and trying hard to control my sinful craving. I ate half a bar of crunchie!

argh! shyts!

So it's more skipping, sit-ups and work outs!!!

It's time for a serious diet! Real one! Gosh.

Why can't human just dump those stupid cravings?! Especially when you're in a super duper bad mood!

I'm almost driving myself crazy by forcing myself to go on a diet! And trying to persuade myself that mircales would just happen after a day of work-outs!

Yes I'm the kind who wants results almost immdiately! And I don't wanna spend money on diet pills or slimming programmes. Cause you just have to keep going back for almost the rest of your life~!

So unless I'm rich! Just drop the whole damn idea!

Ok I think I ever mention how much I hated office jobs after my itp at vickers! How disgusting it is? And boring to the max! I would rather get retain in SP for 10 over years! okies I'm joking.

But the funny thing is that I just send out a couple of resume this afternoon~

What to do? Staying home just makes you feel useless.

Man. I really wanna go on a holiday! I long for a holiday with my bitches! But in the eyes of parents you are always still a kid! but maybe next year! Cause I'm going sweden in like 8 weeks time and at the end of the year I might be going to Thailand!

Will plan for trips next year too!

But now it's plans for my future first. I've yet to submit my application for the dip in education. Cause MOE application matter just sucks. I'll just try again with the cca part tml.

I'm not really sure with my decision yet. But I'll just leave it to God. Submit it first, if I'm accepted then it's for me. If not, I'll just look for other things.

Where next?

Left,right or front? any way but not back.

I'm at the crossroad now. I don't know where to head yet.

I'm confused. Lost.

I asked many for advice and talked to Nei about this. I guess I have to really think carefully and where is my interest.

For now it's bedtime I hope.

Looking at my plate of fruits(kiwi,papaya and dragonfruit), I feel guilty and sad.

Guilty cause the plate of fruits was specially cut for me by my mum. I was bathing and when I came out I saw the plate of fruits nicely placed on the plate. I just hated myself. I think back about the way I treat her. I realise that no matter how heated the argument is between she and me, I can't bring myself to hate her.

I think it's her way of showing concern cause I just told her about the rejection letter I got from NTU. yes I got rejected. Ok I wouldn't deny that I'm upset when I finally confirm things and I did cried a little. Just tears in my eyes.

As usual I called my aunt to tell her about it. I cried like mad! It wasn't about the rejection letter. But it's about telling her the news. When I got my O's results, I cried too when I called her. Anything regarding academic, I would always cry whenever I tell her.

But anyways life still has to go on. I'm looking for other alternatives now. Diploma in education. I'm starting to think if this is what I really wanna do. Or rather what does God wants me to do.

On sat, before I receive the letter I actually went to this website. it's the hillsong international leadership college.

I'm not exactly very sure. But what I know is that I need to look for a job quickly. I can't continue staying home like that. It's either I go help my mum and I've got to look for schools.

6.33am, where frustration and sadness were just one thin fine line
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9.38pm, where the peace starts to set in but the lost sheep is just filled with despair.

outing with my "bitches"

Okies won't call them my bitches or maybe I shouldn't! My brothers then.
Yup I met up with ruben,halim and kar heng on sunday cause they wanted to get some stuffs from mustafa. The initial plan was BMW (bus, mrt and walk) but thank God it rain so ruben drove. =D

Met up with halim at Bugis and after an hour of shopping we headed to Little India.

I was craving for indian food the night before. And It was so coincidently that halim was craving for it too!

And so dinner was settled at a indian restaurant called Anjappar something! I had my FIRST traditional indian food~!

Took some photos while waiting.

This self-to-claim handsome guy is ruben! Besides andrew, he's the second person who does that.

Halim! Who got molested at mustafa centre by a bulgarla! He felt super depressed! And the rest of us? Just couldn't stop laughing! Now I know what kind of person he attract!
I should have just took a photo of his expression at that moment! When he came running to me. "JOCELYN!! Wo bei mo le!!"
And it's just hahahaha...

I don't know why that thing on his hand but that's kar heng!

And the usual me who doesn't like to take photo when ruben tries to.

In the end I decided to just let him take a side view of me!

Ok this was what I ordered! Anjappar popular non-veg something. It was fab man! The curry was woah! Hot and spicy! just the kind I like. And I didn't know there was actually a way to eat the whole thing! There were 4 kinds of curry and I had to follow the tradition!

And like I say! Since we are having traditional indian food! We should just all go tradition! I decided to eat with my fingers! Since the girl is already using her hands! the guys can't lose out! They dumped their forks and spoons!

Look at that man! I bet it was totally obscene! But who cares! I enjoyed! you should try! And I mean the traditional way! oh btw! Kar heng and I were the only chinese there!

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This is a test post from Photobucket.com

Got back home like an hour ago... Finally I'm done with shower and everything. Just came back home from mustafa centre.

Shall update tml cause I'm pretty tired after the whole day of outing and laughing with the "bitches"!

=D

so in the end the cycling session was cancelled cause there were dark clouds and it was almost gonna rain.

End up from going to sentosa we ended up at town! =)

but it didn't rain in the end! We should have just went on with the plan! Cause ruben msg me to say I could take sky tower for free!! ugh. So sad! but after hearing what my sis has said! I think I can just jolly well give up the idea of sitting!

My legs would even give way when I'm at the 3rd storey of PS?! I can never walk near the glass panel! It has gotta be the inside path! So I might as well just forget it! Or maybe I would just go sit for the fun of having fun?!

I'm never gonna overcome my phobia of heights! Never in the past, not now and probably not even in future! Oh probably I did overcome it the other time. But it was taken away. So the old fears are back together with new fears.

Anyways we went to town, and I sort of didn't shop? why sort of? cause I bought 2 pairs of black ball earrings!

oh! I saw 2 bags from CK tangs! And I don't care! I'm getting it! That's it!

And I had a sinful indulgence today! I had fried mars bar! But it was a total fab! And we went to "spize" for dinner. we had prata, I had nasi padprik, a plate of baby kailian, basket of fries and tom yam soup!

So concluded! I'm gonna put on weight! But I'm just glad that there's such a thing call skipping! So it's gonna be extra sit-ups and skipping!

once again I'm eating like a stupid darn pig! I've been eating lots and lots...

I just finished a pack of mee pok dry, oh well with a little leftovers, and now i'm eating a pack of pumpkin cake! =D

And I have not poo yet since ytd cause it's not coming out! And I feel so oh-so-bloated now.

Oh wait! My poo-poo seems to have heard me, I think I'll have to let poo-poo out soon.

Done with pumpkin! It's my recent crave! I can simply have another one. But there needs to be some control there.

Oops excuse me! I just burped! ;)

okies well anyways it was good friday yesterday, went to church in the morning. Wanted to go visit my grandma's grave but it was raining cats and dogs! So we had no choice but to postpone it to sunday. And I left my stalk of daisy at church cause I was too lazy to bring it with me cause I was going out.

So my aunt, pastor, sisters and I headed to crystal jade for lunch... Woah we had lots of food and I had my bowl of wanton noodles! haha... we had dimsum... can't remember all their names but there were altogether 7 items and 3 on each plate... so imagine 5 pple and we each had a main course.

But I ate the most but I wasn't filling full! haha... But well I had to stop cause I hate the feeling of reaching the brink!

Seems like the weather is kind of good today, just hope it doesn't rain! Cause i'm going cycling.

I went jogging the other night! It was totally taking my life! I hate jogging to the max!! Totally to the max! I can't motivate myself to run! But I can motivate myself to swim more laps and skip like 1000 times or more a day!

we jogged from our house to ikea, not too far, but I'm glad we made it! The feeling was fab!

But still jogging is definitely not an exercise that I would stick to! Skipping is better!

I took a little break cause poo-poo has to come out.

Now I'm feeling abit sleepy.

Oh ok I think my shopping habits are coming back soon. I was being forced to go out by my cousin's gf and sister the other day. And I bought a skirt, a jacket, a ring and 2 tops! But one of them was for my aunt! see I'm such a nice biatch.

And yesterday I bought a pair of black sneakers! Finally! From converse $30! It was cheap cause the converse at bugis is closing down so it's having a sales! Better go grab it before it closes k! My sneaker cost $60 initially. So it's a good grab.

See the reason why I try to coop myself at home all these while. I just had to cause I can't shop! And I DEFINITELY CAN'T window shop!! So staying home is the best decision! Considering the fact that I already have lots of stocks at home.

As I always thought, I just feel my sisters are incompetent. It's not that I looked down on them. After all I'm not that perfect. But the things they do always prove that they are the way I thought they were.

And it's up to the point whereby I really look down on them and I don't feel proud having sisters like them.

I can't seem to find anything good to talk about them or tell others about them. All I can ever say is the bad things they do. I could even use them for my oral questions the other day! My sister is like that and I'm gonna be a teacher!

Goodness gracious me! Kill me man!

I think it's high time that maybe they should start thinking with their ass,the most!

Finally I'm photo blogging again! I have not done it for ages!! Cause I'm simply too lazy!! And these were taken during the chalet! And it was time for revenge after waiting for about 2 years!! And it's specially plan for you my dear jermaine!

Prepartion for the big time!! The thing below the blanket is a big box! It's her present! We are sort of decorating it!

A big baby?

I think more like a big crook! =D

Look at her!

Look what we did to Jerm? And I look retarded here!

You look gorgeous! haha...

In the end we were drenched and flouredtoo! But not as bad as her!

And look at her expression! Told ya she will love it!

Photos are always deceiving!

And I was defending myself!! I don't lie! Though I look evil here...

We had the fun and laughter. We stil had to clear it... Look at Mar n Jerm and you see how clean I am!

Hiding from us?!

Finally clean! It took us quite awhile to get clean! We had to wash hair for each other!

Signing off with wibowo's butt! Which I promise to make famous! =)

I didn't take the photo! ruiming send it to me from his cam!

Finally the sleepy me had just enough rest after the chalet and my pimples are "going away" soon! That's the thing which I like best! Turned in rather early yesterday cause I'm simply too tired... Fell asleep while watching tv.

And I had a good sleep till morning and the best thing is that it was raining heavily outside.

chalet was rather ok... Good to catch up with some of them... Though I was quite unhappy with somethings but still I guess I had more fun.

07/04
It was check-in day. I woke up at about 10+ to pack my bag, then buy stuffs like charcoal, thongs and etc. and then had to marinate the chicken and stingray. Then it was packing and packing. Waited for marilyn and kenneth to help out. Was shocked that kenneth actually came to offer help. But still it was good to have him around to help cause there were too many things for us to carry.

Well, I had worse experience before! So it's nothing far worse than the other time.

We were suppose to check in before 2.30pm but we were late... Finally got the keys but the work didn't end there! Had to unpack, make ice and preapare water bombs!! haha...

And you know what, from 3+ to 7+ there were only ken, mar and me at the chalet! How terrible is that man! So pathetic! And we were like 3 hungry cats waiting for people and thinking of food. And we had to keep checking with Jerm what time she were be reaching!! Finally we walked out to downtown east to get dinner!!

oh ya!! Jerm you know how difficult it was to plan this celebration for you! Plan so nicely then last min she said her talk is cancelled!!I freaked out man! Now everything has to change. buy cake and delay her from coming too early! Woah... It was so exciting! haha...

And when the time came! We got all so wet and dirty!! Flour everywhere and we were like some fools running around with everybody from other chalets looking at us. And there was this little boy there! He and his sister kept making so much noise that we really couldn't stand him but he was so cute!

But after the fun, we had to clean up the place! It took us a long time to clear up the place. We finally washed up and it was time to cut the cake and give Jerm her present!

Hope you like it!! Though it's quite stupid! But it's practical!

And we slept after that! Can u imagine! We slept!! We didn't even go for night cycling! Everybody was tired!

08/04
Just BBQ night, had a little fun but also a little complain from myself. But since it's over, don't wanna mention about it. Some of us went for a little walk at Pasir ris park, and ya the same old me is the timid me. And jerm,halim,karheng and I slept at the lobby... While ruben and weichiang did some man talking!! haha...

09/04
we left super duper early like 7+ cause we simply couldn't take it... we were all so sleepy! So I left the checking-out responsibility to ken! oh right! they just can't stop saying booking-out! is that pre-army signs?!

It's CHECKING-OUT!! NOT BOOKING-OUT!! FOR GOD SAKE!

I came home and sleep, didn't even go to church cause I was tired and not feeling well. Sleep, woke up and eat then sleep. Then wake up, bath, eat then sleep again! It's just basically this few things!!

10/04
And here comes the important day! It was my english proficiency test!! Reached there at 9.15am.... And waited to like 12 then I finally took my oral! I didn't know I had the patience man! so some of them fell asleep while waiting at the auditorium! Thank God I brought a book! Oral was easy, the question was "compare when you were in school, are children less discipline now?"

Then at 2 it was the written paper. Quite manageable... Now I have to wait for one month for the results! Long wait but well I hope everything goes on well.

Oh ruben recommended a job to me! at sentosa... But I'm not sure if I wanna do it or not... but I guess I can't do it... The pay is $5.40 per hour! oh man! goodness gracious! It's worse than me giving tuition!

But I need the money badly!! For sweden!!! haiz... money matters! Forever a headache!

and I have not pack my bag since I got back from chalet! But i've already taken out all my dirty clothes to wash when I came back on sunday!! I'm not that dirty k!!!!!

okies man... That's all to blog!

That's it for a day... 24 hours is soon gonna passed just like that. It's gonna be friday again tml. And what did I do the whole day??

I woke up had my breakfast and then started to rot till like late noon... Headed to NTUC to buy the bbq food. And it was freaking hell raining! Bought lots of food for them. Thank God there was mailina who offer to help me or else I would not have manage it alone. It was like darn heavy la!

Well I spent like a total of almost 300 bucks for this chalet!! it's gonna be over that amount after tml... cause there are still other things to buy!! Haiz... so many things to do man!

I still have to wake up super early to buy the stuff and marinate the chicken... ugh! I just don't wanna hear any complains... I hope not man... I'm not in the mood for such things.

The chalet is tml already and I'm not looking forward to it for some reasons...

I really wonder sometimes how do old people know that their time are gonna be up soon. And I recall one incident about my grandma. There was this once when Jess's mum stay over at my house when she came back from perth. There was this afternoon she went out and came back shortly after that. And on that very night, something happen to my grandma. Her blood pressure was too low and she couldn't react. After awhile she recovered and she said she knew something would happen when my aunt went out and came home after that.

That was the period of time when she went in and out of hosipital...

It's just so sad to know that you are gonna leave your loved ones soon. I know she will be home but sometimes I still miss her lots...

Ok I forgot to blog about this incident which I saw yesterday when I accompanied jerm to see a doc. And it makes me realise that I can't be a nurse and definitely not a doctor.

We were chatting happily on the bench and then we saw a lady's knee and leg bleeding... now that's not the point. The point is that she fell down and she's PREGNANT! 9 MONTHS PREGNANT!! Ok I overheard the conversation between her and the clinlic nurse!!

We stood up and offer our seats to her and after awhile I realise my legs turned wobbly! It wasn't the blood... It was the thought of a pregnant lady faling down... I couldn't take a 3rd look again. I just had to look away.

Pregnant ladies please do take care of yourself!!

For some reasons i'm feeling stressed up... I'm having a headache despite the more than sufficient... I've so many things running through my mind.

For whatever reasons, don't guess... That would be it.

Anyways I accompanied my dear jermaine to a doctor just now... she got involved in a minor Car accident... No blood all over the face or body, just some bruises.

WARNING! Even if the driver is a safe driver, always have your seat belts on!! Caue you never know what's gonna happen! Just put the damn seat belts on won't kill right! Or used up too much of your energy!

Thank God it's just a really small and minor accident. I won't want to lose a listening ear, a pillar of strength and a friend of a lifetime! =D

Chalets is in like 2 days time but i'm not sure about me being in the right condition to be present for it. But I have to be there no matter how. I've got to keep those reluctance into my pockets and sew it up for the time being.

I know I'm gonna miss lots of fun if i don't go... But I really am not in the mood to be with crowds, to socialise around. I just wanna be alone.

Sometimes I wonder, does people really think i'm capable of doing the job or it's because it's a shitty job. That's why they throw it to me.

And I don't really understand why does everybody says that everybody listens to me. Marilyn says so... anton and ruiming said so... Am I that fierce?

Oh no... anton say they respect me. ruiming says I'm respectable.

Well it's not too bad to be respectable but it sounds abit old. but................ I think it's not that bad.

hmm... respectable. Do i hold such a position in people's eyes?

I often thought to myself and look back to my life. I never felt that I did something fulfilling in my whole damn life. Or at least things that I'm proud of.

oh well if taking the courage to take part in bandedge and sing in front of so many people is one... then it would be one.