Hmm... it's been a long time since I wrote an entry and once I came in Whoa~! Guess I saw something unpleasant written in my blog... But well.... It's not much of my problem after all...

Exams are here and I have taken 2 papers already... Econs and Stats... Hope I can pass... I don't want to take supp paper... Just finish my Stats exam just now... The paper was manageable, think I can pass! I pray hard!

Qutie pissed off now, don't know for what reason... PMS I guess... Think gonna take a rest before I start studying for my next paper... I don't feel like writing this blog anymore, there are many things which I can't write here especially one big part of my real feelings... feel so constraint... It's that the word?! I just feel that I'm not able to express myself well here.... yeah! that's the word!

Friendship

*yAwNz*... I'm so tired!! Had a long day... my lessons were from 9-4... Surprisingly I didn't skip lessons... I went for all... then after I went to the band room with jermaine coz she wanna practice for her coming concert on Sunday... Well. I learnt new things today... I learn how to play latin and chacha on the drumset... Have not try it on the drumset yet... But I will!! Drumset is my target!!! haha.... See myself there!!

The weather nowadays are terrible man!! So humid!! When I'm at home I always stay in the room coz it's air condition... Unlike the living hall it's like oven... Super hot!! Man~! What kind of weather is this!!!

I'm trying very hard to re-download all the songs that I used to have... So many songs! how the hack am I supposed to remember!! Don't talk about it... Let's talk about something else...

Actaully a guy and girl can definitely be closed... First you have to understand the difference between friendship and intimancy... Friendship is about something other than the two people in the relationship; intimacy is about each other. In a true friendship(I'm talking about a guy and girl), something outside the two friends brings them together. The key to friendship is a common goal or object on which both companions focus.

I feel that when a guy and girl get closer, it does not mean that it is a step to BGR... It can be a step closer to true friendship... Why not? Let say if you like someone, it is not neccessary that he/she has to become your girlfriend... if you guys break-up already and never talk to each other, isn't it a waste? A friend that was once so closed has now gone so far.... A relationship may not last forever, but at least friendship last forever... I've learnt this from someone and also from the book I learn... To see every guys I know as a brother instead of a potential partner.... I think I have alot from that person and the book... He make me see a point that I never see previously...

Besides Kinship, Friendship is the one that last forever... Even though there may be some quarrels or people backstabbing, it is sad to have such people... But learn from this lessons! It's just adding colors to your life... Everybody will meet this kind of people in their life, but how bad can it be? Life still goes on...

When I see some of my friends suffering in their relationship, I think that singlehood is the best! It can be lonely but there are friends... I've been single for about 3 years but I feel great... Life without a partner is full of freedom... But I can say that I need a partner but now is not the time... I'm not ready to give my full commitment...

Sometimes people were ask, "hey jocelyn! At what age do you want to get married?"
I would tell them 22 years old but now i think I would no longer answer that... I would say "when the time is right and that is God's timing. I believe he has everything plan for me."

Now I want to concentrate on my drumming,studies and other commitments.... Wah! It's been a long time since I write this much! Ok... Off to d/l more songs!! That's my commitment now!

Message of the day:

We picture lovers face to face, but friends side by side; their eyes look ahead.

Last day of school!!

Alright it's the last day of school! so good... I was late for lessons, took a cab but didn't really regret... Ending of schoo, term means starting of exams week... I'm left with 2 weeks to study for my 3 papers... God! My first year is ending soon!! that is so fast... It's like yesterday only... time really files...

Well I'm going for my lunch now, after that I will have 2 more lectures which official end the school term... hehe...

haha.... Finally got my com fixed! Change the whole cpu... Spend about $714... got a burner too!! so happy!

Have not been able to write my blog all because of the stupid cpu... I think computer stuff are so troublesome... Life span not very long then need to have anti-virus thingy but without it we can't live... how contradicting....

Think sometimes human are so fickle minded... can't make up our mind what to do... even the strongest person...

*yAwNz*... I'm so tired... still lessons tml! start at 9!! God! don't think I can wake up... As i hear my sister snoring, makes me even want to sleep... wanted to write more but my brain don't seems to be functioning at all... think i'll write more tml...

Hey guys! it's been a long time since I last write an entry... If I did it would be on alternate afternoon... All thanx to my "good" computer... The hard disk is spoilt and I have to get a new one... GOD!! It shut down every half an hour or so... It's so irritating!! Especially when I have to do project... And all my project have to be submitted this few days... But now I've done everything and submit already!! haha... Love my sister! Thanx to her that help me connect to the problematic internet too...

Well yesterday was a wondeful day.... ok let's talk about Sunday first! What A beautiful Sunday... It was Easter Sunday... Before that I wish everybody a post HAPPY EASTER DAY!! I know it's rather late but well... hehe... After church, I went to meet my section people, we went to esplande to listen to a jazz band... It's Thomson Big band... Wah... That was really good man!! I love Jazz!! I've fallen for it!! My next motivator... hehe... Well that was this particular song called "It is you"... A guy came out to sing... WAH... Jermaine, Venassa and me was "in love" with him... Our legs went soft... We became more energetic... We were attracted by him... He is fantanstic! Wonderful vocal!! hehe...

And before that I went shopping alone... I felt so good! I bought so many things... I bought a bag at $5 which cost $19 at first... bought 2 braclets one for jermaine, a pair of earrings and a few plastic bands... It's been a long time since I shop... I have been away from the world for so long... anyway I'm going shopping tomorrow... Alright! That's What I call LIFE!!

Can't wait... I'm feeling so uncomfortable now... Feel like vomitting... Should I go for Spss???

Microsoft Excess is so chiam!! So confusing!! I really hate this shit man! But no matter how bad this thing is, it can't spoil my mood for the day... I'm so happy... What a wonderful day it is... hehe... :)

As usual... Itab lessons are bored! I don't know how to do alot of things... coz I never really pay attention in class... boring la... Think i'll go home and do it...

Argh... I ate 1/4 tub of chocolate ice-cream yesterday!! Oh my god!! I'm going to put on alot of weight man!! Better stop!! Or else all my effort will go into the drain...

I hate Microsoft Access!!! HATE YOU!!! HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!! Can't wait for the lesson to end!! What s start of the day... :(

Suddenly I missed band... Can't adapt to the life without band yet... Coz I have been having band prac almost everyday for the past 2 weeks... Feel that life is so boring without band!!

Yesterday Halim called me... Finally after so long... thought he was "dead"... Opps... Missed him so much! We have not been contacting each other for a few months... Well yesterday we had a good talk... A heart to heart talk... We were on the phone for about 1hr... I told him lots of things... I think so far he is the only guy that I can pour out my feelings to... Telling him the biggest secret of myself, I don't feel the least awkward at all...

Okie... Lesson ending soon... Can't wait! Can't wait for the day in school to end... I'm so sleepy! Still got to give tuition tonight...

What a successful concert!

Finally the concert is over!!! It was a great concert.... It was almost full house!! WE sold about 1400 tickets... Even the principal, board of directors and Miss Hope were very happy and satisfied with our concert... they said we sounded good!

I was really nervous when I reached there... I couldn't get the grin off my face when I reached Esplande... It's really big there... It's like maze there...

Ok... Each of the section boys and girls have their own room seperately... There were a shower room inside too... Fanatistic place man!

Our room was very messy coz we were busy doing make-up lots of things to do... Coz we finish rehearsal at about 3+ near 4... And we have to be ready by 4.30... Super rushed!

I was very nervous during the concert... Well I screwed up abit... but nobody know that I had make a mistake... Hehe... Professional player!! haha...

After the concert we had to quickly pack up and leave the place... so sad... Can't get a chance to interact with my family and friends... But it's so sweet of my sisters to buy flower for me... It was a really big Sunflower!! Thanx!


After the concert we went back to school, then had a debrief... then phototaking session... We had a thank you speech for Lj coz it's his last concert... So sad... I was saying my speech half way and about to cry... All thanx to Chris, he interrupted me and all those emotional feelings becomes laughter!!

After those touching speech, we went to Thai Express at Holland V for dinner... Splendid dinner... Had lots of fun... Even though we are tired but I think we were never forget this night... Where many contribute to the success of the concert... I can say that we are one lucky batch to be the first batch to perform at Esplande...

Hope next year we can perform there again... I'm still very tired now... and my legs are still aching till now coz of the court shoes... Lesson is ending soon... I want to go home to rest!!

Just few more hours.... and my concert is starting... I'm so nervous and scared now... Thinking how I should style my hair... Can't get it.... Need to practice later....

Went to watch Gospel of John just now.... Really good show but very touching... and very very... erm... I don't know how to say... The pain the the Son of God went through, I just can't help crying.... Really long show too... My butt was hurting...

Well, I feel so stupid... I know it's irritating to keep messaging people and ask them to go for the concert.. I know some of them are irritated but... If it's your concert would you just sit down and shut up?! I'm sorry guys if you are ever irritated by me... Coz of the concert...

Ok I'm rather tempermental recently... I don't know why... I get pissed off easily... Sorry guys if I ever did show my temper to you all... Trying very hard to control... ok that's all... Off to style my hair!!!

Attitude makes it all....

Something interesting....

Dear All,
A small truth to make our Lifes 100%.......

If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is equal to 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then Hardwork= H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% only

Knowledge=K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% only
Love=L+O+V+E=12+15+22+5=54%

Luck=L+U+C+K = 12+21+3+11 = 47% (don't most of us think this is most important???)

Then what makes 100% Is it Money? ..... No!!!!!
Leadership? ...... NO!!!!

Every problem has a solution, only if we perhaps change our attitude.
To go to the top, to that 100%

what we really need to go further..... a bit more.......
Attitude=A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

It is OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes

OUR Life 100%

Don't you think so?!?!?!?!

So from today onwards live your life with a good attitude towards everything you do!!

I'm so sleepy...

I was late for school again!!! Very late!! And I'm so sleepy today can't keep my eyes open at all... Until now... I'm having acc lab lesson now... Rather fun lesson... Acc Pacc is really so troublesome... Lucky wan chien,Rey and me did the entries correctly or else... Think we've got to re-do everything...

Everybody is rushing to finish the assignment now...

Argh... My auntie book the tickets for Gospel of John without asking me if I can make it or not.... I'm leaving tommorrow afternoon for sectionals... haiz...

haha... Most of my classmates are so screwed up with the Accpacc... It's giving so many problems... Our class is so messy and noisy... Most of them are so busy... Except the few of us....

I'm early today... I didn't take a cab and I was not late for lessons!! Good job man! Way to go Jocelyn!

Got lots to write this few days... But coz of my stupid computer... giving me lots of problems!! So argh...

Concert is in 3 days time... Super nervous and scared! Tickets sales are bad for me... I only manage to sell 13 tickets when we are asked to sell 20 tickets... I'm really sad... Very sad when some of my friends don't want to go... Actually I didn't really persuade them this round coz I know they are not interested in it... But I just can't help feeling sad... Unlike my IBM concert... I just kept my mouth shut about asking them going for the concert...

I really can't think of anyone anymore... I have asked everybody... I feel that if you don't feel like going just say it straight... Don't ask so much then end up keep your mouth shut and didn't even say anything about the thing... I really hate it... Don't want means don't want...

I'm sorry if some of you read this... But this is my blog I can write how I feel here... If I don't write how I feel here... Then what's the use of the blog... I might as well write it in a book...

SICK!

I am so sick!!! I'm having a terrible flu now... Feel like cutting my nose down... It's so itchy and I have to breathe through my mouth! Do you know how dirty is that!! All the dirt just goes into your body... At least I still have nose hair in my nose to help filter those things but not my mouth!! hehe... I know is abit disgusting to talk about this... But it's true!

Having Itab lesson now... But I'm so motivated... haha... :P Had a short but wonderful bus journey...

I think I blew some mucus plus abit of blood out... just a tiny bit... no worries!!

Oh I was very happy this morning... I recieved a call that make my day... Mrs Yeo,my CRS(critical reasoning skill) lecturer, is going for my MD concert... And she's buying 2 tickets from me... The $21 one... I'm so happy!! But so far I have only sell 11 tickets... Not good!

I persuaded kenneth to go for the concert just now.... But mission failed! haiz... Now I'm waiting for Wuwu to confirm with me... He's helping me ask around... hehe... so sweet of him... but wonder will he go or not?

Bad day! Bad day!

Today is my cousin's wedding... The wedding was held at Raffles Hotel... Nice place man! We had buffett... Super nice.... I ate lots of chocolates!! We had a fun time with the groom and his brothers... They were really sabo... Poor Barrie, my cousin-in-law, had to go through four stages before he can see his bride...

The first stage: The sister gang demanded $9,999... Of coz the brother gang didn't give... The first red packet they gave was only $20... So big difference... Can't remember the second time how much they give... But he was not to be let in yet coz it's not enough... Then he was asked to sing yue liang dai biao wo de xin outside the gate on his kness... Then he gave the third red packet... tehn was let in to the house...

The second stage: The brothers was ask to each go under a stick with the support of their waist... Can't remember what's that called.... That was a easy stage i think...

The third stage: it was the staircase... He had to say something mushy to my cousin in 7 different dialects... and he can't used back the same sentence... He used English,Chinese,Malay,Cantonese,Hokkien,Teochew and German... Lucky he had a group of brothers who are willing to help him... I remember one sentence he said, it was in english... He said, "Le peng! I maybe the sky but you are the stars that brighten me up!" So sweet!!!

The last stage: He had to knee outside my cousin's room door to say something before my cousin let him in... Well, it was easy! I guess... Finally, after 4 stages of struggle, he got his lovely wife...

Rather emotional day today... During the tea ceremony... few of my aunties cried... Tears was in my eyes too... But I hold it back...

Well... Even though it's a happy day... The day didn't start well at all... In the morning, I almost fainted in the market.... totally black out... then felt better after vomitting... Then after about 1 hr later... I started to feel feverish... What a day! Totally bad man!

Think the fever is back... ate too much chocolate... gonna sleep... nite guys!

I Passed!

I re-do the quiz again... This time I passed... I've got 60/100... not too bad... The weightage is 5%....

I was late for Itab lessons as usual(Nat added this)... But it's true anyway... But I think Mrs Hor is quite pissed off with me... She used a very unfriendly tone to speak to me... Anyway... Can't really be bothered! Hehe... Did my microsoft access quiz.... I've got 35/100!!! Haha... I'm so proud! Nah... not really...

Think there's something wrong with the system, then she say i might have to redo... Then when she ask for my marks, she let me redo... Think it would not make any difference... well, just re-do...

I'm super hungry now... Gonna rush home after this lesson... To do manicure then go to the hotel...

Cooled down....

Just finished bathing... I feel so good... Totally cool down already... Not that pissed anymore... Wanted to practice but don't think I can anymore... Too tired...

I think I can have a new nick name soon... Called the cramp queen... I just keep getting cramps... I got cramp on my toes like 3,4 times... Just winthin a few hours just now... Before, we moved the instuments to the conventional hall... I got cramp and I can't moved... I think it muz the heels... Hate wearing heels man!! It always make my legs so tired and painful!! It's so bad for my legs...

But all Thanx to Bernard... he changed my heels with his shoes... We changed our shoes when we were going to Clementi... So he was wearing my shoes for about 1hr plus... And surprisingly, he can walk with my heels... He could balanced, when Venassa can't even balanced properly... Wow... he's really cool... Haha... Can't believe it... He find that it's comfortable... Crazy man!

Alright! My cousin's chinese wedding is starting about 18 hours time... So happy! But I think I'll be quite busy... Got to do lots of things... So excited!! Haha....

But gonna missed band prac tml!! Haiz... And sectinals on friday and saturday... Better put in more effort!! Concert is coming...

HAHAHA.... The performance is over!! Over for good! I pratically missed the front part coz I lsot count! Basically, all of us smoke our way through the front part... But overall it's ok la... There wasn't much audience too... The front few rows were empty....

I finished lessons at 10.45... So intended to go to the band room to self prac... Lj told the rest to come at 1pm but all of them will late... I was super pissed and Lj sort of gave me the authority to scold them including my seniors!! Haha... So shiok! And they say I'm firece... hehe... I've always been!!

After the peformance, we went for dinner at Clementi... Didn't talk much to the guys coz I'm too tired.. Well nobody talk about the performance, I guess it's becoz we didn't really bother... even though we know it's bad.... But I think all of us are good at acting... No wonder they say percussionist are good actors and actresses... That's what I learn when I join Sp band... Even though you are wrong just pretend that nothing happens... It's quite hard for me... But I always gets used to it when it comes to concert...

I'm so pissed now... K! I'm just pissed.... I don't know what to say... Better stop doing everything and go take a bath... before every bad things come out from my mouth!! It not good.... I hate those words!!

Countdown to MD:

12 days

Message of the day:

Sometimes when someone is sad or pissed... All he/she wants is just a listening ear... Advise may not be neccessary... A listening ear is what they really want...

I took a bus today!! haha.... So happy! I know I sound as if I have never take a bus before.... But it's something rare ever since school reopen... Cheers!

Ohya... I got back my spss results... Didn't really do well... I've got 78%... I think I've got some careless mistakes... haiz... Just 2 marks I'll get an A... What a missed!

What a long day!! Had lessons from 10-5, then went to band room to self prac... then band prac start at 6.30pm... Hm... talking about band pretty good today!! We had a run through of the reportoire... not too bad except for being lost half way and missing some notes.... Cowbells part not too bad... can be better...

Sorry guys... You will find me talking about band more often nowadays coz concert is coming soon... So we are having more prac... Well, tomorrow is the ICF performance but we don't seems to be ready at all... I have yet to get my parts rigth and done...

Lucky tml school ends at 11, that gives me a few hours to practice before going on stage... Hope it goes well tml...

Well left band early coz I've got to rush for tuition... I was so tired, plus my period is here... Can't be more tired... Can't really focus just now when i was teaching.... The worse thing is that she's not focus too... I had to repeat myself so many times... Quite pissed off...

I'm so sleepy now but I want to watch my show!! It's starting at 1.30am.... Quick! why the hell did the SCV people re-arrange the timing of the programme!!! I'm starting school at 9!! Hope I will not be late...

Ya! My cousin's chinese wedding dinner is thursday... That's tml!! I'm so excited!! Haha... Can't wait!!

Okie that's all today... Off to slack around!! And pack my stuff....

Countdown To MD:

12 days

Message of the day:

Tomorrow can be too late....

If you're mad with someone , and nobody's there to fix the situation... You fix it .

Maybe today, that person still wants to be your friend . And if u don't, tomorrow can be too late .



If you're in love with somebody , but that person doesn't know... tell her/him.

Maybe today, that person is also in love with you .

And if you don't say it, tomorrow can be too late .



If you really want to kiss somebody... kiss her/him.

Maybe that person wants a kiss from you, too . And if you don't kiss her/him today, tomorrow can be too late .



If you still love a person that you think has forgetten you... tell her/him.

Maybe that person have always loved you. And if you don't tell her/him today , tomorrow can be too late.



If you need a hug of a friend... ask her/him for it.

Maybe they need it more than you do. And if you don't ask for it today, tomorrow can be too late.



If you really have friends who you appreciate... tell them.

Maybe they appreciate you as well. That if you don't and they leave or go far away today , tomorrow can be too late.


If you love your parents, and never had the chance to show them... do it .

Maybe you have them there to show them how you feel. That if you don't and they leave today , then tomorrow can be too late

The real me...

Not a bad day today... Band was great but abit tired and he kept on stopping now stopping... abit pissed off!! But besides that all was well...

Well we had our rehearsal for the ICF, it was shitty!! I forgot my notes, got lost... BAD! BAD!! and the performance is on wednesday... And we produce this kind of results... haiz... Lots to do man!

Another worry is the tickets sales but well I think that is not much of a problem...

I want to have a elder brother so badly... I have one person in mind and that is Chris one of my band senior.... He is such a caring guy... A good brother in fact!! Maybe becoz we were born on the same day just that he is one year older than me... I feel very close to him... Hope I have a brother like that...

Ohya... wanted to write something here yesterday but before that... If what I am going to type here is gonna change some of you guys opinion of me... then go ahead...

Ok recently I have very serous mood swing... I feel sad... sometimes very angry... Becoz of my sisters... I controls my sisters alot... Coz I think that is the only way to discipline them... they have to ask for my permission before they go out... I know they won't like it... Coz I was once their age and my auntie did that to me... I totally know how it feels... But if both my sisters have no one to control them... I don't know what they will become... Maybe they know what they are doing.... I having been teaching how to behave when I started to live with my parents...

I have already gave up hope on Meiying( my youngest sister), I never controls her anymore... Guess what... Now when she goes out she don't even bother telling me... So fine I can't be bothered either... in the past if she do that I will be very angry... But this type round no... I don't even feel pissed at all... If that is the life she wants then I'm fine with it...

Sometimes my mother asks me where are they or ask me to scold them... I will just say it's not my business... At times, my mum is worried about what they do outside... But...

So all my concentration is on my second sister... But who would expect things to happen... she is quite disrespectful recently... maybe mood swing or whatever... I don't know... there are some other things like not coming back home on time... I hate it when I tell them to come back on time... and they do not...

So that day, I can't remember what happen... I shouted at them... Coz they did something... I said " I swear!! I will never bother about you people anymore!!" I actually said "I swear!"... Never in my whole life did I use that word!! Never once... And they make me say it...

In the past, I would just said I'm never gonna be bothered by you all anymore... But end up I still bother about them... I told jermaine about that before... she said,"aiyo... Jocelyn you always said that. but end up she still bother about them..." But how can I not?! They are my sisters, I can't don't bother about them... We are not scare of our parents... Coz they are not firece enough... But at times....

I remember there was one period, my youngest sister was really rebellious... It's recently... I was very stressed up... I didn't know what to do... I've got so many things to worry and she has to be like that at that time... I really couldn't take the stress from school, my two sisters and band... I told jermaine and she said," Jocelyn I think you don't bother about your sisters la, you like very stressed up and not happy at all."

She really say out how I feel... I was not happy at all... I didn't like it either... I feel so tired... But at that time I was relunctant to give up... But what can I do? I didn't know what to do... I was so helpless... I had shed tears so many times becoz of them... I feel so useless as a elder sister... Does being a good sister means not bothering about them? Maybe I used the wrong method...

When I swear that i can't be bothered by them on friday, I cried... i don't know why... It just comes out...
But I know this time I'm for real... I am really going to give up... I can't go on anymore... I don't wanna cry or shout becoz of them anymore... Never will I want to!! I rather have my voice to sing... It affects my vocal so much!! No matter how relunctant I am, just gonna let go... I will never shout at them or scold them anymore... If people is gonna say that as a sister you should teach them, I can't be bother... bothering about them means shedding tears....

Now I know how my auntie feels when I was rebellious that time... It's really not easy... I'm hurt becoz of them, And she's definitely hurt by me... so much so much... Coz she really dote me alot...

I realized that when we are in the wrong, we never said sorry... When my younger sister did something wrong and i didn't talk to her... She didn't talk to me either... Not even a word of apologise... HA! Am I in the wrong?? But now all this are no longer gonna exist or happen again...

But next time when I'm in the wrong I want to learn how to say sorry to my family... This is one thing that I have not learnt... But to my friends I can but not my parents... It's time to learn...

Of coz I'll still talk to my sister, but from today or now onwards it would be just craps... No more like the past...

Ok guys... If you read this I don't know how will you all think... But this is who I am... part of me...

Countdown to MD:
13 days

Message of the day:

Attitude is a small thing that makes a big difference...

To both of you:
If you all happen to read... this is how I feel... I don't want any sorry... Sick of it already... What I have been telling or teaching you all this years, seriously it's a waste of my effort... i'm sorry... I don't know how you all feel, but it's time to stop...