Someone asked me... It's not the first time that I'm being asked this question... And each time when I'm being asked, I never fail to give the same answer... "I don't know"... would be it...
Cause I seriously don't know... I can't give an answer coz I don't even have the answer myself... And sometimes I would start to question myself... And I realise how unwilling I am to let go coz I'm still hoping for miracle... It's the memories that I can't forget...
Today it's the first time that I open myself up in front of them and letting them know what has been happening for the past few months... I guess they knew about it but just waiting for me to say it out...
Tears have been my food day and night for the past few months... And I started to question God when things happen... Why did He bring this person into my life and take it away suddenly? Why did He forsake me? Where were You when I needed someone so badly? Why ain't You answering my prayer? I felt so lonely and helpless at that time... And death came across my mind several times... Scary huh?! Or rather dumb I should say... It was seriously the darkest time of my life... I lost all my directions and what's ahead of me was just uncertainity...
But it never took Him too long... Or rather He was always there, just waiting for me to confess out how I really feel... It was only when I started to confess my real feelings to Him that He answered me... I begin to realise that He makes me go through this for a reason... I could see the purpose of it all from God's standpoint and I praise Him! People who have been broken become better and more effective Christains... My daily bread guides me through alot during that preiod of time and I'm closer to Him now... I may not be leading a Godly life but am trying hard to do so...
If you want an answer to that question, the answer is no... not yet... I just realise it today... Coz I was sharing with them and it was in my mind on the way home... I couldn't stop thinking and I realise I have yet to let go... Coz everything seems to just happen yesterday... It can't be erase...
I've lost the old me... Probably stronger... But I know that He will see me through all things... I've put my trust in Him and the day when I found the old me back would be the day that He handed the key to the person to unlock my heart and once again believe in love and curl up like a baby in that person's arms whom I rightfully belong to... I'm not sure how long it would take, I'll just wait patiently...
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