what I'm trying to say is so contradicting....

Many people come in and out of our life but how many actually stay for long or probably a lifetime... Or rather I should say how many of us would make an effort to make these people stay.... Each time we know someone of the opposite sex, each of us would be in the stage of infatuation... And what comes next would be the path of friendship or lovers... It's the choice that we make...

Many times we thought that we have found the right one... "OH! He's the guy that I'll be walking down the church aisle for at the end of my singlehood life... The one that you will spend your whole life with and share all the happiness and sadness with... BUT! Think about it... In all the relationship that we are in, we feel that for almost each of it right? And too often things turns out otherwise... And we often end up being hurt or hurting someone...

Each time we got into a relationship, we have already made a decision to hand the dagger to your other partner... And now the decision lies with him/her whether she/he will use it to protect you or stab you in the heart... But because when you hand the dagger to him/her, you have also put your trust in him/her... Believing that it would be used to protect you...

If you think that you have been stab, think twice probably you have actually use it to stab someone before... Probably I had, that's why I'm going through this now...

Everything was so perfect... Or rather seems so perfect... I thought I met the right one and put in all I could... I was about to take the dagger out to hand it over to the person... But before I could, he took a step faster by grabbing the dagger and stab me in my heart... *oUcH*

I've pulled the dagger out but it still hurts... What's left is a wound to recover on it's own...

I always have cinderella story before things offically happen... And each time the wound just get deepper... Probably everybody has the right to love except me... I know it's because I have not meet the right one... But why is it so cruel?

I'm a girl who cries easily and gets happy over small issues... And definitely someone who falls in love easily... and a girl who have cinederella story again and again... Even cinderalla has a happy ending...

Would I be the same girl again? The one that falls in love easily? I've lose the trust and once again walk back into my own world... But this time with a new mission and lesson... A place where I learn how to guard my heart... And not wanting anyone to step into my world yet... coz I've lose faith in relationship... I dare not hand the dagger to anyone... Coz I've lost the trust and become more protective over myself...

I'm guarding my heart... coz it hurts to hurt someone and it hurts to be hurt... I'm still healing a wounded soul and I really appreciate that anyone would try to stay away from me...

But one thing for sure... I'm still the same old girl that thinks alot of every issue in life...

At this stage of my life, I feel that relationship is a want not a need... Sometimes I do feel that it might be a blessing in disguise... Therefore I'll stick to going back to my own world and guard my heart well...

Like I say what I'm trying to say is so contradicting...

I'm losing my faith in relationship, guarding my heart but at the same time feeling that relationship is a want not a need...

Though I'm enjoying every single moment of singlehood but... I'm still at lost... The memories that is inside can never be erased... At times I still wanna curl up like a baby in someone's arm... But I'm still afraid...

The fear in my heart cannot be described... Unless you experience it...

But sub-consciously I know the answer right inside me... I'm still not sure if I wanna make that decision or not... Coz I'm not daring enough to make that decision...