Penny of thoughts while I was bathing...
My real feelings for the week.... I'm sorry to those who I lied to... I had my reasons... I'm sick?! Bullshit! it's all crap...
it's my issues... it's ok if you don't know... Coz I know someone knows... and He has not forsaken me... today's worship was like an answer to me... the week that I've gone through... God knew after all... He revealed through the mouth of others...
it was tough for me... till now I'm still not ok... I know you guys don't want to hear that... but I'm seriously not ok... mind games are tough... my imagination are running wild every moment... the week was filled with tears... it was a terrible week... I didn't feel like going to school on monday... so I skipped I thought it would be ok the next day... but never did I thought it was otherwise... I went to school but I wasn't in any class!! I cried before TA starts I couldn't enter the classroom... So cia and mei spend the time with me at the FC, I cried till I was so sleepy and I slept... CRM was starting but I broke down again... this time worse... I hid at one corner outside the class... lecturers walking past saw it and asked...
At that moment I just wanted to stay at that corner... i felt so lost... so lonely... I couldn't control the tears that came rolling down... spend the whole of another 2 hours sitting outside the bench... Thinking, crying and in a daze... wanted to be alone but I had band... walking zombie could be found in the band room... I couldn't do anything, didn't feel like eating... I didn't eat the whole day... Band prac started everybody was warming up and I was sitted at the back at the percussion area... Dreaming... Muru came to asked and once again I couldn't control it again... came home, saw my sister squat beside her bed... and the tears came again... it was a teary tuesday... my eyes were all tired after the whole day of crying... fell asleep on the bed while crying...
I didn't eat from tuesday morning til wednesday night... I couldn't eat anything... it sounds crazy...
I lost the number of times I cried this week... wednesday went shopping... but it was only a short moment of happiness... thursday went walking around alone... cityhall, suntec, cineleisure, heeren, ps... I was basically walking the whole day...
Friday... broke down during UCCD break... called Ven to talk to her... Thanx Ven for coming down to check on me... Thanx for the diasy... it made my day...
Saturday was a great day... lots of flowers... but once again everything went back to square again...
tiring myself is the only option now... which I am now... really tired... Not been sleeping well for the past few nights... I'm suffering from insomia and eating disorder...
But thanx Jerm, Cia, mei, Ivan, Ven, Raf, Joanne... my sisters... you guys have beeen great...
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