Blessed are the meek

I don't even know how to start... I've not open my mouth since i put down the phone... Was doing my FA tutorial just now... But sub-consciously I'm thinking of another thing... Why does my life goes up and down so fast... When I'm happy, I'm really happy... But just when I'm happy, bad things take the happiness away from me... Things that screwed up my relationship with people...

Just when we are getting closer, just like the past... Things happen today... And there it goes again... back to square one... And I just kept silence... I didn't explain coz I couldn't find the reason... No matter how I did, reasons that I thought of are just a piece of shit... I'm still at fault... I know it too well...

Just this matter alone, make my happiness, that I have since afternoon, gone... Gone... I don't know how and what I have to do to make things go back again...

Probably I should be left alone... With my forgetfulness, I think I shouldn't be given any responsibility... I'm irresponsible... No matter how responsible others think about me, but in your eyes I'm forever irresponsible... you affect my life so much... But I doubt you know it... Coz I never know how to tell you... the barrier is there...

Probably you won't even believe me... coz you have a different thinking... And you always manage to even make me believe or agree with you that I'm in the wrong... That's why I couldn't think of reasons to explain...

I'm in a lost now... I don't know how to face you... I'm filled with guiltiness...

I think I should just buried myself under my blanket and do some soul-searching?